Even When It's Cloudy, the Sun Still Shines

Have you ever fallen into a sadness you fear you won't ever be able to shake? I have. Last Thursday. It was internship offer day. I had the day off, but I woke up early after not sleeping very much. I quickly grabbed my phone and went to doing whatever I do on my days off. I watched a movie, researched some things, made some wishlists for the apartment I was going to have while on my internship, and whatever else I could do to stay busy all while tightly gripping my phone. As time passed I got more and more anxious. No one called. No one texted. My phone didn't make a sound. A little while later I checked my emails and found out that I had not gotten the internship in Florida. The one whose interview I thought went really well. The one I was hoping for... I cried a little bit, but not much. There was still hope. I hadn't heard from Salt Lake yet. Although I felt like that interview did not go as well, there was still a chance. Time kept passing. I went to the store to drop off my charm bracelet to have the charm I got for my birthday put on. I took Vivien to Petsmart and let her shop around. I walked around the entire shopping center before getting back in my car and heading home. I watched another movie. I went with Dad to get Mom a Mother's Day gift. Radio silence. I got nothing. By the end of the day I was distraught. I had not gotten an internship. I had let myself down. I watched as all of my plans seemed to fall in slow motion to the floor and shatter as if they were made of the most delicate glass. The worst part was I was going to have to tell all of the people waiting to hear where I was going and all of the people who helped me with applications and supported me through it all that I had not gotten one. I went numb. I didn't want food or people or really anything. That night I broke. You know how when your foot falls asleep it goes numb but when you move it all of the sudden there are a million little needles poking in your foot? That's what happened. The numbness wore off, and all I could do was the I-can't-breathe-but-I-can't-stop-the-tears cry. The cry that cannot be consoled. Mom laid with me and Vivien kissed me the whole time (which only added to the not being able to breathe problem). I did not know how I was going to make it through this...

I had been praying all day, for weeks, for months that I would get an internship. Why couldn't any of my plans just work out:? Why couldn't anything just come easy? Why hadn't my prayers been answered?? I didn't know. I didn't understand. I texted my coworkers saying I didn't get an internship, but I did not want to talk about it. I spent my time at work organizing closets and avoiding people. I was in a daze, but I kept praying that something somehow would work out. On my way home from work I listened to my favorite Hank Smith CD. I don't remember what it was, but something in it made me realize that this wasn't the end of the world. I had to keep moving forward and just keep trying as I continued to believe that the Lord hears our prayers and blesses us. A little spark of hope was once again kindled within me. So, I started thinking about new jobs, reapplying for spring semesters, and changing my classes so I would graduate at a different time. I was moving forward. I prayed that everything would work out. I somehow knew it would. When I got home from work I put my phone down and left it for the first time in two days. It was liberating! I changed and spent time with Vivien. It was Friday. I was going to give myself the weekend to be sad, and then I was going to go on with my life because no one has failed until they quit trying (Gordon B. Hinckley). When it was about time for my mom to call I went to check my phone since no one had heard from her. There was a missed call from an unknown number as well as a voicemail. The message was from Salt Lake. I called back, but I had to leave a message. I knew what it meant and although I tried not to show it, I was so excited. I talked to my mom, and in the middle of our conversation I pretty much hung up on her because that same number was calling. 

I got the internship. I get to go to Primary Children's in August and be a child life intern. I get to complete my last requirement before taking my certification exam. I got to tell everyone with a smile on my face that I got an internship. I get to graduate on time. I get to celebrate. Moral of the story: just keep trying, just keep moving forward, just keep praying, just keep trusting in Heavenly Father who LOVES you and me and everyone. 

 

Interview Season

So, if you haven't heard anything from me it's because it is interview season for me. For a few weeks there, it was hard for me to get through a conversation with anyone without bursting into tears. Graduating and becoming a child life specialist is riding on whether or not I can get an internship. I only applied to eight hospitals (that is not a lot considering how competitive it is). I have only heard back from half of those eight, and I have only interviewed with two.... So, needless to say I have been a little on edge. It has been stressful, but I have also learned and grown from the entire process. I have never felt as close to my Heavenly Father or felt the guidance of the Holy Ghost as strongly as I have the past couple weeks. Before conference I prayed for guidance, patience, and peace through this time. You know what? So many talks mentioned how Christ is reaching out to you, waiting for you to reach out and take His hand. So many talks mentioned peace and remembering who you are. I learned so much. It wasn't until after conference that I really reached out for divine help, but since then I cannot describe to you the sense of peace and love I have felt. Heavenly Father answers prayers, knows each one of us, and sends angels to our side when we need them. Back to interviewing. I made up some of my own tips for making it through interview season.

1. If your interview is later in the day, do something difficult like statistics to keep your mind off of it. 
2. Wear your favorite Kate Spade earrings (this does not apply to boys). 
3. If it is a Facetime interview like mine were wear something comfortable like sweatpants on your bottom half. 
4. Have a sleeping puppy in your lap. Then you forget about how nervous you are about the interview and you become nervous that at any point she is going to wake up and the interviewers are going to see massive black ears pop up. 
5. Don't forget to smile. 
6. Reward yourself with your favorite movies, a season of Friends, and/or your favorite candy afterwards. 
7. Prepare beforehand for questions they may ask. 
8. Know your stuff as best you can. 
9. Have a background that is simple and clean but that compliments your hair and eyes. I did it in my gray bedroom and it made my green eyes and gold hair look amazing! (Tooting my own horn there *toot toot*)
10. Don't be too cocky. You don't know everything. Sometimes they want to see how you handle things you don't know. 
11. Always always always say a prayer beforehand and after. It makes all the difference. A father's blessing never hurts either and adds a sense of peace. 

So there you go! Go interview! Go make something of yourselves. If you aren't interviewing right now, count your blessings! I am doing it right now and will have to do it again after graduation in December. Cheers! 

Some of the Pics: The Rest Are Yet To Come!

A Little Everything of Bit

          Let me tell you something. Life is crazy. Not sometimes but all of the time! I finished my third semester of grad school. I have mailed in all of my internship applications. I have so many details that just need to work out. Welcome to my life. And, I have statistics next semester *enter panicked and anxious and frightened face here*.
          Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went like they were nothing. I don't know if it was because I was working full time or what, but now they simply feel like distant, happy memories. I painted, and I got to see my best friend multiple times, and I laughed until I cried at work, and old memories from freshman year of college magically popped up on my Facebook, and I helped my mom with the Children's Health Christmas parade again (and got an official jacket this time!), and Christmas!!! Then, all of the sudden it was 2016 with new stresses, new goals, new classes, new adventures, and new surprises.
          Remember how I said I needed a new single's ward to go to? I have been going to one in Dallas, and I absolutely love it! I have people to sit by and talk to and smile at and laugh with. It makes ALL the difference.
          All of my dang internship applications are in. I am not going to go in to all of the nitty gritty details, but let's just say it was a massive pain in my butt. One thing after another went wrong, but they are in. I'm just going to leave it at that. Everyone pray that I will get an internship!! But really, maybe just say a quick one right now before you continue reading.
          One more semester down. Five more to go. #MakingGradSchoolCount. How many days until graduation? Oh maybe just 285... and one hour... and thirty minutes. So yeah. School, internship, graduation. I can do anything for 9 months. Right?!
          Ryan. My little brother. The one I call wittle brudder. The one who is giant. The one who was so worried. The one who missed the priority application deadline. Yeah him. HE GOT IN TO BYU!!!! My little brother is going to be a cougar once he gets home from his mission! Guys! My little brother is a legacy! (Does that apply to siblings or only children?) I don't care! I'm so excited for him because I look back at my BYU experience with only smiles!!!
          That special little brother of mine also got to try on my grandpa's old air force uniform. Let me tell you. Grandpa is a little protective of his stuff. Okay, he may be a hoarder, but he actually got his suit out, and it fit Ryan so well. He was so handsome!
          So, all of those good and wonderful things happened, but for some reason last week I was feeling so totally worthless and like a failure and just sad. I'm not going to pretend. I think it was the combined stress of having a stats class again, filing taxes, trying to pay for school, the anxiety of waiting for someone to call me about an internship, and I don't know... everything else life throws at me. With the help of A LOT of scripture study, perfectly applicable talks and lessons at church, and the help of my mom, dad, and my little brother I feel better. Things just aren't always easy, sometimes you break down, and that is life. There is no reason to pretend everything is perfect all of the time.
          And what you have all been waiting for... Puppy update! Miss Vivien is as cute and sassy as ever, and I just wish I could hug her and squeeze her all of the time and that she would stop growing! I saw a quote the other day that said, "Yes, my dog is spoiled. I don't consider that a problem. I consider that my goal." Yay for one of my goals getting accomplished. I can check that box and keep on checking!      
          Anyways, I will add some of my favorite pictures from all of this time at some point. I promise. I would say I will try to be better about this blogging thing, but let's get real. It probably won't happen. Until next time, keep smiling everyone!

I've Got So Much To Be Thankful For

It has been longer than I would like since I posted last. Here are some updates from the past month.

My girl is one and a half! She brings so much joy and happiness to my life. I love how sassy and fun and snuggly and loving she is all of the time. I love knowing that when I am done with school on my days off she will be ready to have some fun.

My family (the whole family!) had a fair day. We didn't have any of the food, but we did all of the other essentials such as riding the ferris wheel, seeing a dog show, going to the petting zoo, and having fun spending time together. 

It never really slowed down at work this summer. We stay busy, and there is always fun to be had. For Halloween we were inside out characters. No one knew who we were, but I think we nailed it. 

Also, one day Christine and I went down to accept a donation. Guess who was donating stuff with her family? Kennedy! It was the best surprise!!

My family also got to go to the pumpkin patch. It had a very bumpy (as in driving over mountains bumpy) start, but we got some good pictures of Ryan and me! I feel like I have to take as many pictures as possible with this kid before he leaves me for two years! I am going to miss my buddy, but let's not think about that anymore until the time comes.

                        

Lately I have really missed seeing the mountains every day, so during General Conference I worked on this. I put it on my desk at work, and every time I see it I have to smile. I bought a good set of painstiks, which for those of you who don't know are like sticks of oil paint (basically finger paints for grown-ups). I want to do a big picture of the Utah arches with the mountains in the background. Then I will get the beautiful reds and blues. It will be the best of both worlds if I ever invest in some more illustration board.

I've have gotten to do a lot of really fun things lately. For instance, I went to the "midnight" premier of Mockingjay Part II with Christine. I went to Chi Omega Market with Mrs. Lisa and Momma, and I had half a day with Ashley where we went out to lunch and then saw a movie. I got this wreath at Chi Omega. I decorate my bedroom each year for Christmas. I have two Christmas trees with cute ornaments, a stocking, twinkle lights, two nativities, and probably something else that I am currently forgetting. The wreath on my door completes everything perfectly, and I just think it is gorgeous.

Along with all of the other fun things that I mentioned, I got to go to my first camp for work. I went to the TLC family camp which is the camp for kids with Spina Bifida from ages newborn to 8. I saw the smallest wheelchairs but the happiest faces. I had so much fun in the middle of nowhere with all of the snakes, bugs, and deer. I met new people, ate s'mores, and did a lot of arts and crafts with the kids! I loved every minute of it, and I am so glad I got to be a part of it.