Dwelling in Tents

I have read the Book of Mormon multiple times in my life, but every time I read it different things stick out to me. This time around, as we read it for Come Follow Me, I was struck by the short phrase "my father dwelt in a tent." Then, I noticed Nephi mentions that more than once. I went back to look at all of the times he mentions it, and every time that he does it is after a profound experience Lehi and his family had with their Heavenly Father.

1 Nephi 2:15- after Lehi left his home with his family and wandered in the wilderness, he built an alter and offered sacrifice to Heavenly Father and thanked Him for all they had been given. This was also after Lehi spoke to his murmuring sons as he was filled with the spirit until "their frames did shake before him."

1 Nephi 9:1- after the vision of the tree of life

1 Nephi 10:16- after Lehi prophesies of the Jews, the coming of the Messiah, John the Baptist, and the scattering and gathering of Israel

1 Nephi 16:6- after Lehi prophesies of the Jews receiving the gospel in the latter days from the Gentiles, Nephi learned the meaning of the tree of life vision and gained his own testimony of it and then shared with his brothers, and as Lehi continued to teach his children

This shows me that some of Lehi's greatest visions, prophecies, and teaching moments as a father and the most spiritual experiences for his family were while he dwelt in a tent. He obviously had riches as Nephi mentions the gold and silver they leave behind that they later use to try to trade for the brass plates. They left all of that to wander in the wilderness just because that is what Heavenly Father told them to do. And in the wilderness, Lehi was to dwell in a tent. A tent with no silver or gold. A tent that I am sure got hot or cold sometimes. A tent that without a doubt was not as comfortable as their home back in Jerusalem. We all have moments in which we are figuratively dwelling in tents. At the moment, we are all on "shelter in place" orders. But, after over a week of working from home now I have had wonderful spiritual experiences as well. After a week of fear over my job and a constant cover of clouds and rain, a rainbow came out that seemed like it was just for me bringing with it peace and light is just one of many.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, "The necessity of the Lord's people fleeing...and taking refuge in the wilderness seems so often repeated...that perhaps it ought to be viewed as a prophetic type. Even the Savior fled association with all others for a wilderness respite prior to the commencement of his ministry. In a symbolic sense, all who would desire to number themselves among the children of God find it necessary to leave the refinements of the world and find refuge in the simplicity of what God created--be it a mountain top or a sacred grove." I would go as far to add 'or our individual homes' to that.As we wander through this viral wilderness and dwell/find refuge in our quarantine tents, here are some things to think about.

Family dinners are once again happening in families where they have not sat around a table all together in years.

Parents are gaining a new-found respect for their children's teachers. 

There are real conversations between family and friends happening.

People are finding faith and beginning to pray for the first time in their lives or are rebuilding testimonies they have lost over the years.

We are working on building new relationships with those we minister to or those who may need our help in our wards.
People are venturing outside more to just enjoy nature and the beauty of it.

People are reaching out to neighbors whether they know them or not to see if they need anything.

We are being given time to write in our journals, study the scriptures more fully, and pray for longer without as many interruptions.

We can have intimate sacrament meetings with our families which further invites the spirit into our homes.

We can listen to our beloved prophet and feel the love of our Savior as we get ready for General Conference and have already initiated home-centered church-supported gospel study in our homes.

All of this. We are doing all of this as we are wandering through this wilderness of bad news, fear, anxiety, and worry as this pandemic spreads throughout the world. We are doing all of this as we dwell in our "tents", find new ways to connect with our Savior and each other, and hope the toilet paper shortage and virus will soon come to an end.

The Reason for the Season

Christmas is such a special time of year. It is a time of light, happiness, beautiful decorations, presents, giving, family, and love. It is my absolute favorite time of year with all that it represents and the meaning behind it.

This year I have really been reflecting on what Christmas means to me and the symbols behind the different aspects of the Christmas story.

DONKEY: Are we not all like the donkey? Does it not sometimes feel like we are carrying a heavy load? Do we not sometimes think the distance to where we are going is too far? But, when we remember our true purpose, we have to remain faithful. There is something truly wonderful coming at the end of our long, hard journey.
STAR: Are we not all like the star? If we follow the promptings of the Spirit and try to live like Him and follow His example do we not shine and lead others to Christ? So many times I have been told that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have a light about them and people are so curious about how to get it! We can shine and be an example to others and bring them to our Savior.
MARY: Are we not all like Mary? Do we sometimes feel inadequate to the things that are sometimes asked of us? But, we were worthy enough to be asked. Again, there are great rewards if we continue on in faith.
JOSEPH: Are we not all like Joseph? We sometimes feel like we are knocking on every door we see asking for a place to stay or just a little bit of relief only to find ourselves somewhere we did not expect to be but happier than we could have ever imagined.
INNKEEPER: Are we not all like the innkeeper? When Christ comes knocking do we not all have to find a place in our busy lives to give him? It may not be our best room. At the time, it may be nothing but a lowly stable. The important thing to remember is that we gave Him all we had at that moment, and hopefully as time goes on we can find an even better place for Him.
ANGELS: Are we not all like the angels? Don't we want to share what we know from the rooftops? We have missionaries leave their families for 18 months-2 years to go and spread what we know, but we are each missionaries whether we leave home or not. People are curious about what we know, and we should be ready, willing, and excited to share it!
SHEPHERDS: Are we not all like the shepherds? Do we not sit and marvel at the light of Christ when we see it? It may come a little at a time or all at once, but once we see it we have a deep desire to follow it to the source.
WISEMEN: Are we not all like the wisemen? We study about Christ and watch for the signs of His coming. We want to give gifts to others to taste of the joy He feels as He blesses us. But, more importantly, we want to give Him gifts to show we love Him.

Butterfly

We all love butterflies. They are absolutely beautiful. Their colors, their patterns, their strong wings, the way they so carelessly flutter from one beautiful flower to another... But, we don't always think about all they went through to become a butterfly. We don't think how they started as a tiny egg on the bottom of a leaf. Or how they had to crawl as a caterpillar and eat all the things! What if that caterpillar had been happy to stay as a caterpillar and just eat? He would never know how beautiful he could become. We don't think about the time he spends building the cocoon and sitting all snug in there. We don't even think about the effort it takes to break out of that cramped space and flourish to become the butterfly!

The gospel has an amazing transformative power. We are and always will be children of our Heavenly Father, but it is with the gospel that we can work to become more like Him. It is through the power of the Atonement that we can truly become perfect and live with Him again. 

During conference I was listening to all of the things the prophet, apostles, and other leaders of the church invited us to do. It was exciting but a bit overwhelming. There are so many things I want to do and so much more I want to become. I want so badly to be that beautiful butterfly but sometimes feel like that chunky caterpillar. I want to fly, but all I can do is scoot around an inch at a time. I became so overwhelmed with all I wanted to do with what I learned at conference, personal commitments, work, and church activities. I wanted to be involved, but I got stretched so thin with everything I wanted to do that I ended up not doing much of anything.

This week I have been trying to refocus on what is important and what I really want to do. I went to linger longer at church even though big, loud crowds scare me. I have been being more personal at work with my volunteers working on not only remembering but commenting on things they have shared with me instead of just saying hello and asking them how they are. Today, I even had an evening volunteer come in, and we started chatting. At one point he just stopped and looked at me and then looked at Dylan before he said, "You know, Dylan, when I walk in Megan's smile just lights up the room. You just don't compare." He was kind of kidding but kind of not. I laughed, but it made me feel so good. I went to institute today and stayed after to talk to people. And, best of all, I have time with friends and family scheduled in for later in the week.

I am going to continue to find the things that matter most to me and continue to work on becoming a butterfly in my own right while working to remember that I have been one all along. 

Give Him Something to Grow

In the society we live in today, we want things and we want them now. With a couple touches to a screen you can have anything delivered to you within a day or two. You don't even have to get up off of the couch. This can be wonderful, but it can also give us the mentality that we can do that in all aspects of our lives which can leave us feeling frustrated and distant from our Heavenly Father. Why isn't He answering? Why is He so silent when I tell him what I need? He created the world which includes Amazon. Why can't He be more like them and give me what I want when I want it?

Through all of these questions I sometimes feel that I have been abandoned and left to my own devices. I may be upset with Him for not helping me. I am not the only one who feels this way. Week after week I hear of stories from people in my ward about this struggle. But today, a story from the scriptures came to my mind. I kept thinking about the brother of Jared during our lesson today. The Lord told him to make boats. He knew he was supposed to make boats and went and did so. We all have this moment in our lives when we are given a prompting and just say okay and go about doing it. But, just like with the Brother of Jared, problems soon come. The Brother of Jared soon realized that there would be no way to get air if their boats were "tight like unto a dish." How could they breathe? Surely, Heavenly Father had thought of this... If He could show a people how to make a boat that was completely different than they had ever seen He knew they would have to get air. I'm sure the Brother of Jared thought about this and may have even questioned why Heavenly Father had asked him to make a boat without giving him all of the answers. Then, as they continued building and following the Lord's instructions the Brother of Jared realized they would not have light. We are taught that the Brother of Jared then went to Heavenly Father again to ask what they should do. If it were me I probably would have rolled my eyes and sighed as I had to once again ask what we should do. But, with this question the Brother of Jared is not given a direct answer.

There are times we ask and ask for something and get no reply. We ask for a new job, for a spouse, for more friends, for things to just work out! We want those quick answers like the Brother of Jared got with his first question. We don't want the silence we get more often than not that leaves us to think through things and work them out on our own. Did the Brother of Jared get upset and ask why Heavenly Father couldn't just answer Him?? I don't know... But, I know in my own life I do. And apparently everyone else does as well. So, how do we become like the Brother of Jared and find answers for ourselves? We have to follow the little promptings of the spirit and just believe. I saw a quote today that said, "God can't bless us unless we're giving Him something to grow." We cannot just give him a list of things we would like and sit and wait for Him to give them to us. We must give Him something He can work with.

As the Brother of Jared searched for something that could give light I'm sure he paced and threw thoughts at others to see if they thought it would work. He may have even kicked a few stones as he walked and tried to figure it out. Maybe one day as he was pacing he kicked a stone and the spirit whispered that it might work. He had to act on that prompting and believe in Heavenly Father enough to bring stones to Him and ask Him to touch them to bring them light on their journey. With that action, and that belief he was able to supply light on their long journey to the promised land.

With that faith, he was able to see the finger of God. I may not see the finger of God literally, but I know that I see the hand of God spiritually in my life. I get little nudges, promptings, and assurances as I go. Things are not perfect. Things are not easy. But, I have Him in my life. Even after the Brother of Jared saw the finger of God, his journey was not easy. They were tossed and turned through the seas, and those times when they opened the air hole only for water to come rushing in would have terrified me. Did he and his people question if this was what they were really supposed to be doing or if they made the right decision to go? Maybe. Again, I would have!

So, after heaven has opened and Heavenly Father has spoken to you, when things get tricky in the middle of the journey the trick is continuing to give him something to grow. We cannot order what we want out of life like we order our groceries and expect them to be here the next day. As hard as this is for me, I do find comfort in the words of others as well as the stories in the scriptures. I have a testimony of our Heavenly Father's love for us and His guidance in each and every one of our lives as we work through the beginning, MIDDLE, and end of our mortal journeys here on earth.

The Purpose in Gethsemane

There are good times and bad times for each and every one of us. There are times in which we feel our spirits shine through our sparkling eyes and there are times when the darkness around us seems to take over and we feel our spirits begin to dim. In all of this we may feel utterly and completely alone or that no one understands what we are going through.  The loneliness, the hopelessness is what Satan is desperately trying to make us feel. He wants to isolate us. 

One of my favorite hymns is 'How Firm a Foundation'. My favorite verse is one that is rarely if ever sung, but the words are just as powerful. 

1.         4. When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
   The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow,
   For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
   And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee,
   And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
2. 5. When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
   My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
   The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
   Thy dross to consume, thy dross to consume,
   Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

I truly believe in these words, but in the midst of a fiery trial do I always feel it?? Absolutely not. 

During His life, Christ went through the ultimate trial. He suffered for each and every one of our sins and infirmities, was ridiculed, bled from every single pore, and was killed in the most public and humiliating way. But, He was resurrected. That is what can give us all hope. He suffered for each of us individually so that we are never alone and there is always someone who knows exactly what we are going through. Our pains, our fears, our doubts. He knows them all. Most importantly, He has given us the ultimate hope that even in our darkest days, there will be light. 

After Christ was resurrected, He showed himself to a couple of his disciples. He walked and talked with Him. He shared scriptures with them. When He asked them why they were so sad, they rebuked him and asked (with some literary freedoms), "Have you been living under a rock?? The man that performed miracles, healing the sick and raising people from the dead, the man who taught us, the man who loved us... The man that we most looked up to was killed a few days ago. He said that he would rise from the dead after three days, but it is the third day. We have lost our teacher and our friend, and after all of that we are losing hope." It wasn't until later that their eyes were opened and they realized He had returned and He had been with them the whole time. Are there times that I am blinded by my own grief as the answers to prayers don't come when or in the way I would like them to that I miss Him in my life when he comes? When my spirit grows dim do I miss him walking beside me? Probably. 

I know his promises are sure and eternal. I know that I was told there would be trials in this life before I came to earth. I know I probably rejoiced at that fact. But, how could I know what trials even were when I was with my Heavenly Father in a perfect place? How could I know what it that meant or how it would feel? I didn't. I didn't know how scared I would feel or how frustrating things could be or how much some things would hurt. I was once told that the degree of difficulty in a trial is equivalent to the degree of trust Heavenly Father has in us. There are times when I feel broken and dim and I just don't understand why Heavenly Father trusts me so dang much. That is when I remember the beautiful words Christ spoke as he was suffering. He said not my will but thine be done. He let The Father's plan unfold. He continued through suffering that I cannot even begin to understand because there was something greater at the end. He did not understand the amount of pain He would have to suffer. He did not understand all that it would entail. He did understand that our Heavenly Father's plan is greater than any of us know. Brian K Ashton once said, "We can trust in and rely upon the Father because He has an eternal perspective. Heavenly Father can see things we cannot." So, even though we may feel like our spirits have been dimmed and we feel like He doesn't hear our prayers, HE DOES. HE IS ALWAYS THERE. Those dark days allow us to feel a small portion of what the Savior went through for us which draws us closer to Him. As we reach out and ask for His help and His guidance and His peace we come to know Him more intimately. He knows us, and He loves us perfectly. No matter how hard things may seem or how dark the day, there is light at the end. That is his promise to each of us. 

God Bless America

I have a lot of rough days at work. A lot. But every once in a while there are days that are so bright. Those days are the times when I know why I am in this job right now. Those days, even though they are few, are what carry me through those tougher weeks when I feel unappreciated and unneeded. 

Last week a volunteer came in that volunteers during the day as well as in the evenings. Other coordinators find her difficult to work with, but I have really worked to get to know her. I love her. She came in and started talking about her father and her grandfather neither of whom she knew well. She said they both died young and she wished she knew more about them. So, I used my family history skills and found her father, grandfather, pictures, gravestones, and a world of new information to her. She hugged me and cried as she said thank you. Five minutes. That all took five minutes of my time, but that five minutes meant everything to me in that moment. 

Today I am so excited about the Fourth of July. I love being able to celebrate the country that I LOVE. I had a volunteer come in and shake my hand when he saw me sitting at the desk even though it was the evening before one of my favorite holidays. He started telling me a story. He said there was a young man in the military in the 1940s that was the highest level of non-commissioned officer there was. His job was to train men and then go with them over to areas of Japan where the survival rate was dismal. Their company had a motto that basically meant loyalty forever. As he cried, my volunteer told me this man came home completely changed, but he took this motto and made it his lifestyle. He told me this story and fought through his tears because he was happy to see me and he was happy to come and volunteer with the patients even though tomorrow is a holiday. 

I am proud to be an American. I am proud to live in this "promised land" and work on my own American dream. My life isn't perfect. My job isn't perfect. My country and it's leaders aren't perfect. But, with that being said, it has the potential to be if we only remember all it took for us to have our liberties. We must look at those around us with love and try to understand them because we each have a story to tell. Without getting to know and listening to my volunteers I wouldn't know their stories, and they would not have been able to change mine. 

Clark Gable Fairchild

I have never written a sappy post about my Clark Gable. I don't know if that was because he truly hasn't stopped moving since I brought him home, if it is because my circumstances are a little different from when I got Vivien, or if it is because he is the stereotypical second child that doesn't get as many pictures taken of them, has to learn to entertain themselves, etc. I am just going to say it is a mixture of all of the above and move on with this overdue post. 

Moral of this story: never "just look to see what's out there" unless you are ready for a puppy.

Clark is a red Boston. He was born on May 5th, 2017 (which may attribute to his love for salsa, but let's get real, his just has a love for food in general). He has eyebrows, bullseye eyes like his Uncle Ryan and his Great Grandpa. Some people have even told me that he kind of weirds them out because he looks like a Fairchild. It makes me laugh every time. He obviously looks and acts a lot like his Uncle Ryan even though he doesn't even know who that is. He has freckles on his nose. He is the sweetest pup even though he is SO HYPER and SO NAUGHTY sometimes.

It took a little bit for me to be won over by Clark. I was excited to have him, but he wore me down. Sometimes he still wears me down. I was so used to Vivien and how easy she was to train. I am used to her having regular nap times and snuggle sessions. Not Clark! He is his own kind of beast, and he quickly adopted the nickname of Monster. With all of that being said, he has won me over. His loving eyes, the way he hops when he goes to get toys, his long legs, his wagging tail, and his love for football.

I can't believe I have another fur baby in my life, but he has won the hearts of everyone in the family. He has especially won over his Pops. And you know what?! He LOVES his Pops. I am still a little wary of how he is going to be in an apartment, but we will make it work. Things always seem to work out. And, although Ryan isn't home to meet him and give me a hard time I feel like a part of him is here with me.