I'm Kinda Over Gettin' Told to Throw My Hands Up In the Air... So There.

Do you ever feel like you are inadequate? That you just aren't good enough for anything or anyone? That you just can't do what everyone expects you to do all of the time? I feel like that sometimes. I think I am not the perfect size or shape. My hair is just never right. I am too quiet. I am so sassy and sarcastic. I like watching movies a little too much. I should go out and make new friends, but I have so much to do and just don't have time. It is in those times when you see the small, tender mercies in your life. Like when Kaitlyn looked at me and told me I looked way too cute to be going running. Or when I got the sweetest comment from Dani on a blog post. Or on I wandered to a park a friend and I used to go to all the time, and it brought back all of those wonderful memories. It is times like those when I have to just go for a run. Somehow the not-so-gentle pounding of my feet on the pavement is soothing. It creates a rhythm that I usually make go to the songs that I have blasting a little too loudly. But, when I turn the music down, it is my heaving breathing, an older couple saying hi to me as I run by, the sweat running down my face, and the chilly air cooling me down as I continue on that reminds me I am alive. Long runs are followed by long showers, of course. Then, as another tender mercy occurs, you get a text from a friend you haven't talked to in a while. I went on an hour and a half long walk with Meghan and we just talked. And laughed. Hard. We slowly separated promising we would do something this week. I got home to check my email. I had one from Becca, one of my cousins who is on a mission in Mexico. This wasn't the easiest week for her, and it made me cry knowing that when she was here we would always make a dessert, watch a movie, and eat the entire thing during the movie when we both had bad weeks. She doesn't even get desserts in Mexico, so as I sat and cried reading her email, I ate my share as well as hers of chocolate. As she implicitly bears her testimony in each email she sends, mine grows stronger as well. At the end of the day, you realize you don't really care what people think of you. You may as well have fun. As a joke I invited some guys over to play games. You know because I thought it was a joke they ended up coming over. I played games for hours. I never play games, but I did that night! When I don't care what other people think about me and I doubt my doubt that I will ever be good enough, I end up having the most fun. Funny how that works out.
The amount of fun I had at work with week was also kind of funny. Amanda and I sent poems back and forth to each other when we weren't at work at the same time. It is strangely easy for me to make up a poem on the spot. We also got a few emails to which we were given permission to respond at as sarcastically as possible. We all know I excelled at that. I cleaned out the files in my desk and found multiple notes to Cosmo from elementary school kids written in 1998. Cutest things ever! Thursday, I left home in a baseball tee, jeans, a ponytail, and moccasins. I was so happy and so comfortable. Sadly, just over an hour later I realized I had to be dressed up. It was all worth it though. Cosmo and I had some quality bonding time at the Networking Event. I think I may have found THE ONE. And then came today. Singing happy birthday in opera voices is the best. And spending time with friends is the best. And going to the temple with Meghan before work was even better. I just go to a great school with amazing people.