Sweet is the Peace the Gospel Brings

Sometimes people you love die before you were ready. This is a post I have been thinking about for a long time, but I have been too scared to write. I think it is time now. I feel like a lot of dear people in my life have passed away lately. I haven't experienced the death of someone close to me before, and has been harder than I ever imagined. The day before and the day Fenway died, I could not do anything but cry. Full of emotions that I did not know how to express, I just leaked. All the time. I feel like in a way that prepared me. During fall semester I got a text from one of my friends. Her mom was dying. Her mom was so strong. She did everything for her girls. And sometimes me. Multiple sleepovers, girls camps, young women activities, and Primary lessons were only a few of the dear memories I had with her. That text from my friend paralyzed me. I could not even walk the rest of the way to class. I sat down and tried to process things for a little while. She fought hard, but sometimes something bad has to happen for something better to come along. Her three girls have a stronger relationship with their dad now. Not too much longer my mom told me that Sister Lear had died. She had always lived just up the street from us. She was the sweetest little lady, and I loved getting to see her when we went back to visit the DeSoto ward. She had a brightness about her. It was in her eyes, in her smile. I loved her. I still do. On New Year's Eve we got news that my great grandma had died. I don't remember much about her before she went into the nursing home, but I remember a few things. She always had a soft voice, she joked even the last time I saw her, and she loved puzzles. I like to think I got my love of puzzles from her. Every time I do a puzzle now I smile and think of her. The sadness I saw my mom experience was difficult for me to see. A couple weeks ago I learned that another dear friend, Brother Yates had died. He was just the sweetest old man. The one who loved fried pies and my hats. He loved everyone, and everyone loved him. When his sweet wife died a few years back he hoped he wouldn't be far behind. I guess that is true love. I am so glad they can be together again. In class last week we were going over how death affects families and how they can be resilient through that type of stressor. My teacher brought tissues to class. That is a bad sign. He was evil. He had us write a family member's name on a piece of paper. I put Ryan. He was the first one I thought of. I wish I hadn't. He then told us that person had died unexpectedly, but we could write them one letter. I had to fight back the tears. It was awful. I hope with all of my heart that I die before that boy. I love him so much, and it hurts my heart to even think about having to say goodbye to him for real. Luckily, I have the gospel in my life. It doesn't make it less hard, but at least I know that when I have to say goodbye to my family I will be able to see them again one day. I am so thankful for eternal families. I am thankful that my parents are worthy members of the church and were sealed to each other when they were married. I am thankful and hopeful that one day I will be able to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity to my husband so we can have an eternal family. I am thankful for the people in my life who have showed me how to live a happy life. A few secrets to happiness I have learned from them include love, family, the gospel, compassion, humor, and friends. Those are pretty great things.