Crashing Dishes

I just want to say that I love BYU. So much. I loved getting to hear the excitement of my friends that the First Presidency of the church was there yesterday for President Worthen's inauguration. I love seeing pictures of FOL, campus, and my Student Alumni group. I also love getting to watch the football games with my family, and seeing BYU crush Texas for the second year in a row. 41-7 was the final score, and my love for BYU just grew as the game went on.

This past weekend I also got to go to Time Out for Women with some of my family. I had so much fun, loved the lessons, the music was great, I got to see Brother Smith, and Sister Dalton was there which, as you might have guessed, made the weekend for me. I will write about it later, but there were multiple little tender messages that I felt like were just for me. So, until I write that post, here are some other things I have learned lately.

All too often we go through changes in our lives. At those moments we have feelings of fear. We are leaving what we feel comfortable with for something that is unknown to us. In those times of vulnerability we let our guards down and Satan attacks. The worst thing is that he knows how to get to each and every one of us. I will admit, my weakness is feeling that I am just not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not good enough to find a good job, be a good daughter and sister, be a good mom to my beautiful and spunky puppy, make new friends, and certainly not good enough to get into grad school. 

I've said it before, and I'm saying it once again. The Atonement is real. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know exactly what I am going through and feeling at any given moment. If I have learned anything this weekend it's that it's okay to cry. If you know me you know I always try my darnedest to not cry. In Relief Society today the teacher said Heavenly Father doesn't want us not to feel it. He wants us to experience it. Part of experiencing something is going through the hard parts whether they last for a few seconds or years. Those hard parts help you experience life and they will be for your good (D&C 121:7, 122:7). Neil A. Maxwell said, "you can't have a faith filled but stress free life." As much as we wish we could, that is not part of the Plan.

Church today wasn't so great for me. I was tired. I was grumpy. I missed having friends to sit in the meetings with. All the anxiety about having to go to the singles ward next week came all at once in the middle of sacrament meeting. Sunday school wasn't much better. The whole time I just thought about all of my friends sitting in marriage prep laughing, commenting, and having fun while learning. I sat and listened to adults argue and try to be the smartest and "most spiritual" one in the room instead of trying to learn. Then, I went to Relief Society with one of my best friend's moms. I kind of sat there not wanting to talk to anyone, but everyone kept talking to me or drawing attention to me. When the teacher got up I tried to zone out, but I couldn't. She had a plate on a stand, and that plate had the smallest chip in it. I watched that plate and thought how I felt like that plate right now. She then told a story about a china factory. All of their dishes have to be perfect. The dishes go through multiple phases and then are scrutinized to see if there are any imperfections. If they find even the smallest mistake at any stage they throw the dish in a discard pile. As she finished, she picked up that dish with the small chip and compared herself to it. Then, she slammed it into the the trashcan. At the factory in the story no dish was wasted. If it was not perfect it was ground up with all of the others and given a new chance. Because of the Atonement we each have another chance. We are imperfect now, but through the Atonement we can become perfect. We may crack under pressure, get a chip here or there, or our paint may get smudged, but we always have another chance to become better. Then, the teacher did something amazing. She took out more dishes and let the women smash them. All the hurt and frustrations came out in that moment. Broken dishes everywhere!

It was after that story that my weekend all came together. Time Out for Women, the BYU win against Texas, and that lesson were all Heavenly Fathers gentle reminders of who I am and Him showing me how much he loves me, and I am so ever grateful for Him and His tender mercies.

Show Me a Sign

President Uchtdorf said to let faith replace your fears and hope replace your despair. I heard that quote this morning and thought it was perfect to open this post with.

Sometimes Heavenly Father wants me to learn or know something, and he has to beat me upside the head with it until I finally get it. I am not one of those people who consistently plead for Him to show me a sign, but I am one who constantly asks for him to lead and guide me to the right path while I am still pretty stuck on the path I want to go down. That's just how it is I guess. Yesterday was one of those times when Heavenly Father had to beat what he was trying to say into me. Lately I have felt kind of like a failure. I am leaving BYU getting married or even dating very much, I have a different degree than I ever thought I would (and I hope Heavenly Father knows what he is doing), and I don't have a job lined up for me when I get back home. Yesterday I was reading in my scriptures and came to Ether 12:27.

Heavenly Father has given us all weaknesses that we may be humble. When we are humble, He makes us strong. It was while I was reading this that I realized he gave us these weaknesses that we may be humble, not that we may look down on ourselves and doubt our abilities and our worth. We are all His sons and daughters with divine potential and infinite worth. I don't remember how I came across this scripture, but Psalms 46:5 says, "God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:God shall help her, and that right early." Heavenly Father is there to love me and help me whenever I call for his aid. Funny thing though, He isn't only there when I need Him. He is there always, and I thank Him for that. Then, this morning I woke up and found this scripture while on Pinterest. Isaiah 54:10. It's Isaiah so I may be completely off base on what this scripture means, but to me it was saying that my life may seem like swirling chaos with everything changing at times, but Heavenly Father will always be there with his kindness and a covenant of peace. That peace will come when everything (including me) is where it needs to be for His plan to progress.

Heavenly Father is teaching me slowly that even though I do not know the exact plan He has for me, He is always there for me. He knows where I am going, and He wants me to know how important I am to Him. Apparently He also wants to know that good things are coming my way because along with all of this He also gave me two quotes to stumble upon. The first is by Jawahrial Nehru. It says, "There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." The second quote is by Jeffrey R. Holland. He said, "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

And finally, I came across the new Mormon message the church released. Watch it. It is beautiful.

I have faith that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us personally, is always there to help us, and never fails to answer prayers or fulfill His promises. It may not be when we want or expect, but He answers. 

The Cold, Hard Truth

Well, maybe not the cold, hard truth. Maybe it is the burned, blistered truth. Let me tell you why. So, over the weekend I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I had a wonderful day shopping with Kaitlyn, but I just wanted more out of life. So much more. I wanted to rush through stages and catch up to all of my friends. Even after the rough and somewhat stressful weekend Kaitlyn, Julie Anne, and I made the courageous decision to leave the lush valley and go to Arches National Park in the desert. It was on my summer bucket list last year, but I didn't make it there. Trekking to southern Utah was an adventure in and of itself. When we got there we were first enthralled by the frogs. I don't think I have ever seen an actual wild frog before. It was exciting. We even decided which ones we wanted to be. We are four years old. Then, we decided to hike to the delicate arch. I wore a tank top and my running pants. Not even thinking we started the ascent. Let me tell you... Not far into the hike I thought I was going to die. It is steep, and there is simply no air. And, even though it was just under eighty degrees it was HOT. After we made it up that initial hill I was fine. We climbed all the fun things and made it to the delicate arch. It was beautiful, and the view was well worth it. I finally got to see the arch on the Utah license plate. I got to see a part of Utah I had never seen before, and I loved it. We hiked to and saw other arches as well such as Sandy arch, the broken arch, and a few other unnamed arches. Utah truly is beautiful. It was even more beautiful to be with my friends and not worry about anything. On the way home I realized my shoulders were a little burnt. I wasn't worried. It wasn't the first time I got burned, and it certainly won't be the last. Later that night I realized the severity of my burn. Ouch. Eating my lunch on a rock under the broken arch I felt like I left all of my worries and misery behind. A different kind of misery set in at this point. Blisters galore. It took a few days for me to be able to wear an actual shirt. Progress. Slow progress. I loved my long weekend, although going back to work and school was a little difficult. I can't wait for my next two long weekends. I will be going to the Narrows at Zion's National Park over the Fourth of July weekend, and I will be in California for the Pioneer Day weekend. I have a fun summer ahead of me! My visiting teachers came over on Tuesday. After their initial shock of my red glow they gave me a wonderful lesson. I love them. With Blythe in her red and white striped pajama pants and Brellis with her top knot, I always feel the spirit and can just laugh. We planned a day to go and get pie at a little restaurant that is supposed to be really good. I trust their taste. Last time we went out they took me to the Provo bakery which is divine. Anyways (I get easily distracted by food. Can you tell?), Brellis shared a talk about being grateful in your circumstances. I am not always the best at that obviously, but I am so glad she shared that. And yesterday... Yesterday Julie Anne and I had a crazy whim to go see Maleficent at 10:45. We didn't get home until one in the morning, and I regret nothing. I really liked that movie. It is hard to go wrong with Angelina Jolie, a tub of popcorn, and one of your friends. I love summer so much! Also, my blisters are all gone now!!

Our before picture. 

 This is us under the first arch we came to which was on our way to delicate arch.

And then we finally got to delicate arch!!!

 After we all climbed a cliff. 

I went up even further and felt like a beast.

So, along with all of my pictures from arches I will also share a few of my favorite quotes right now. And... maybe a song.

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This is my "some days are just hard" song.

Sorry Not Sorry

I am sorry that so many of my posts lately have been spiritual, but really, I'm not sorry at all. You see, in this time of beauty with all of the plants that seemed so dead before starting to bloom once again, it is hard to not see the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life. Everything that was so brown and lifeless has all of the sudden sprung to life with brilliant colors. It is interesting that Heavenly Father chose this time of year for the Savior to be resurrected. He too, once dead rose with new life showing himself not only to his old friends but to the people in the Americas. It is beautiful and perfect. 

Because finals are coming, life has been hectic. I did finish my last research paper though! It felt good. I wrote my last research paper of my undergrad career! And, later that night my roommates and I went to the creamery to celebrate. They had tin roof!! Tender mercies. I have also been working my tail off trying to get everything done for the three events we had this week. By Wednesday I was bumped, bruised, and my muscles cried in pain every time I moved. Stupid final survival kits. They help everyone except me survive finals. Thursday I left class a little early to go to our ward activity. It was at the Provo Recreation Center, and I will never turn down a chance to go swimming. After two hours of going down water slides, rock climbing, swimming in the lazy river, and soaking my sore muscles in the hot tub, I slowly walked away from the pool. So much fun. So worth missing part of class for. 

Friday I made the best decision I have made in a long time. I went to the BYU Easter Conference. I didn't even know that was a thing before. The theme this year was Our Savior's Love. Before it even started, the piano player played I Know that My Redeemer Lives. Before it even started I could feel the spirit all around me. Lloyd Newell, the voice of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Music and the Spoken Word, was the first speaker of the night. The first question he asked was if we could really change, and he answered it with a resounding yes. We can change and walk in newness of life. Change comes through the Atonement of Christ. It takes us to places we could never imagine without it. The plan of salvation is our ultimate adventure in life, and in times we feel we can go no further, we must remember that our testimonies helped us conquer in heaven, and they can help us conquer now. He quoted Elder Maxwell saying, "Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion--as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually." I loved that. We all have weaknesses, but sometimes seeing our weaknesses just means we are moving closer to our Father in Heaven not farther away. The next speaker was Kelly Ogden. He taught things I had absolutely never thought of before. He said without the event of the resurrection there would be no resurrection faith. Also, Christ could have easily left the tomb on his own, but angels rolled the stone away. Why? He left his burial clothes in their place to prove no mortal man could have moved the body. Again, why? He did is so others could have a testimony that the tomb was empty, and He is risen. I had also never thought where he had been when he told Mary not to touch him because he had not ascended to his Father yet. He was preaching the gospel of his resurrection in the spirit world. He was being a missionary. Wow. In some of his final remarks, Brother Ogden said that even for Christ a crown of thorns comes before the crown of glory. Even for Christ... The final speaker was Sister Dalton. We all know how much I love her. She asked a question I ask myself all of the time. Why did the Savior go through the atonement? She was kind enough to answer it. He did it because of love. He did it so he would understand every little thing we go through. In our sparkly and spectacular world we can sometimes feel broken, but we can still feel the spirit and know He is always there to help. He says, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." In reality it is MY yoke that is easy and MY burden that is light because He is on the other side. We never walk alone. When trials come we must endure it well. We must "hold on thy way..." because "God shall be with you forever and ever." She said to take the scripture John 21:16-17 and enter our names. Megan, lovest thou me? Do you love me more than all of this? In October of 2012 Elder Holland spoke of this picking up after Christ asked this of Peter for the third time. "To which Jesus responded (and here again I acknowledge my nonscriptural elaboration), perhaps saying something like: “Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me." We cannot go back to our old lives once our testimony has changed by the gospel of Christ. Our calling is to bless lives, to try to be like Him, to be loyal to Him. He will run to us, heal us, lift us up, and help us stand once again when we are on the ground feeling broken. I hope to all those feeling broken I can be like Christ and help them stand once again. Sister Dalton talked about the song I Stand All Amazed. She also spoke of the song that had brought the spirit in to me in the beginning, I Know that My Redeemer Lives. My testimony continues to grow and change, but I will always know that my Redeemer Lives because what comfort that sweet sentence gives. 

Saturday came all of the sudden. What happened to my week? I threw my first ever bridal shower for dear Kaitlyn. It wasn't too shabby! I love her. I cannot wait for her wedding! That night I also had the Traditions Ball. Oh my. Getting all dressed up in a dress I have been saving for this special night made me happy. With my hair curled and makeup done to perfection I headed off. I am sad to say my prince charming didn't come sweep me off my feet at the ball. I stayed the working Cinderella even in my ballgown. By the end, I would have happily taken a tablecloth off of a table and slept underneath it. Being the true Cinderella I am, I would have also been happy sleeping by the fireplace. The ball was beautiful though, and it seemed to go well. I am  just thankful it is over! Let's be real here. Wearing heels for that long... Bleh. More pictures of the ball will be up in the next couple of weeks. I promise.

In this Easter season, even for those of us with work or school, I hope we never forget our Savior. When we feel inadequate, He is teaching us how to allow Him to work through us. When we are full of sorrow or feeling broken I hope we always remember there is no sorrow heaven cannot heal. I hope we always remember to choose to have faith. I know that He lives, and I consistently stand all amazed at the love and grace He always offers me.

 

#LDSconf The Blessings are Real

No Longer Afraid

By: Megan Fairchild

I have bitten my fingers until they've bled, 

and I've tossed and turned in my sleep. 

I walk with the speed of a frightened girl, 

and I have not muttered a peep. 

I've gone through work and classes, 

becoming sore and tired on the way. 

All this and my brain doesn't stop worrying, 

very much to my dismay. 

You see, I've got a knack for over-thinking, 

over-analyzing every detail. 

I just wish I could think and worry 

on a much smaller kind of scale. 

Good thing the Lord is always watching 

and waiting for me to call for His aid. 

He quickly stretches out his hand. 

Then, thankfully I am no longer afraid. 

Conference was the blessing of all blessings for me. When you watch with a prayer in your heart, it is always answered even if it is not how you would expect. You would think 8 hours (10 for the men) of talks and hymns in two days seems a little extreme, but I almost wanted more. Elder Holland taught me what it takes to be a disciple of Christ, and told us to take heart because pure Christ-like love can change the world. Elder Rasband shared D&C 84:88 which is just a beautiful scripture that is one of my favorites. Elder Anderson taught me that challenges will come, but when I put my trust in my Heavenly Father those challenges will strengthen me. President Eyring made me cry. He reminded me that through the converts in my family, I am left with a priceless heritage of hope and by holding the gospel in my hands I also hold the happiness of more people than I can imagine. I hope I can leave the example of faith and hope that he mentioned. Elder Nelson told us that faith is the antidote for fear, and it is always safe to put our faith in Christ and let it show. Elder Scott simply told me that it may seem difficult to put my faith and trust in the Lord, but I must find a way. Elder Hales taught me that I want to be one in whom the Lord is well-pleased, and I want to be called a good and faithful servant. Elder Cook gave me more motivation to do temple work. President Uchtdorf taught that we can be grateful for our circumstances no matter what they are. There are no true endings only everlasting beginnings. Elder Stevens said that the gospel is not weight but wings. God accomplishes miracles one prayer at a time, one person at a time, and prayer doesn't change God. It changes me. Elder Stevenson said that if we seek His help and follow His directions, we cannot lose. We should run the race that is set before us with patience. Elder Bednar helped me realize that the Savior really does help us bear our burdens with ease because He perfectly knows and understands each one of us and what we are going through. President Monson said that opportunities to show our love may come unexpectedly, but if we act on them the recipient may remember them for a lifetime. President Packer reminded us to build our foundation on Christ, while Elder Walker told us we are standing on the shoulders of giants (those brave saints who have come before us). Elder Crowbridge taught that the heavens are not closed and we still have revelations given to us. Elder Teh told us that faith in Jesus Christ gives us hope that everything will work out eventually, and Elder Aidukaitis said that faith requires work. President Monson closed this conference by saying that Heavenly Father will come close to us, and He will go far to help us. He loves us. No matter if you are a member or not, I invite you to read or watch at least some of the conference talks. Pick one that sounds interesting. Come with one question, or a few. I know it will be answered. I am so thankful to have a prophet and apostles on the earth today, and I am thankful for all of the words that were shared this weekend. Because I am no longer afraid.

Sweet is the Peace the Gospel Brings

Sometimes people you love die before you were ready. This is a post I have been thinking about for a long time, but I have been too scared to write. I think it is time now. I feel like a lot of dear people in my life have passed away lately. I haven't experienced the death of someone close to me before, and has been harder than I ever imagined. The day before and the day Fenway died, I could not do anything but cry. Full of emotions that I did not know how to express, I just leaked. All the time. I feel like in a way that prepared me. During fall semester I got a text from one of my friends. Her mom was dying. Her mom was so strong. She did everything for her girls. And sometimes me. Multiple sleepovers, girls camps, young women activities, and Primary lessons were only a few of the dear memories I had with her. That text from my friend paralyzed me. I could not even walk the rest of the way to class. I sat down and tried to process things for a little while. She fought hard, but sometimes something bad has to happen for something better to come along. Her three girls have a stronger relationship with their dad now. Not too much longer my mom told me that Sister Lear had died. She had always lived just up the street from us. She was the sweetest little lady, and I loved getting to see her when we went back to visit the DeSoto ward. She had a brightness about her. It was in her eyes, in her smile. I loved her. I still do. On New Year's Eve we got news that my great grandma had died. I don't remember much about her before she went into the nursing home, but I remember a few things. She always had a soft voice, she joked even the last time I saw her, and she loved puzzles. I like to think I got my love of puzzles from her. Every time I do a puzzle now I smile and think of her. The sadness I saw my mom experience was difficult for me to see. A couple weeks ago I learned that another dear friend, Brother Yates had died. He was just the sweetest old man. The one who loved fried pies and my hats. He loved everyone, and everyone loved him. When his sweet wife died a few years back he hoped he wouldn't be far behind. I guess that is true love. I am so glad they can be together again. In class last week we were going over how death affects families and how they can be resilient through that type of stressor. My teacher brought tissues to class. That is a bad sign. He was evil. He had us write a family member's name on a piece of paper. I put Ryan. He was the first one I thought of. I wish I hadn't. He then told us that person had died unexpectedly, but we could write them one letter. I had to fight back the tears. It was awful. I hope with all of my heart that I die before that boy. I love him so much, and it hurts my heart to even think about having to say goodbye to him for real. Luckily, I have the gospel in my life. It doesn't make it less hard, but at least I know that when I have to say goodbye to my family I will be able to see them again one day. I am so thankful for eternal families. I am thankful that my parents are worthy members of the church and were sealed to each other when they were married. I am thankful and hopeful that one day I will be able to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity to my husband so we can have an eternal family. I am thankful for the people in my life who have showed me how to live a happy life. A few secrets to happiness I have learned from them include love, family, the gospel, compassion, humor, and friends. Those are pretty great things.

Can Someone Find Me an Adult?

Sometimes I wish I had a grown-up to talk to. Some of my favorite moments growing up were times spent with Mrs. Lisa or Sister Bergquist. When I spent the night with Ashley I was always the first one up whether there were a bunch of girls sleeping over or only me. Waking up early meant having one-on-one talks with Mrs. Lisa. I miss those. I was with Sister Bergquist a lot too. I remember being in the car with her or sticking around her at activities rather than spending time with friends. I loved our talks. I miss those too. On the playground sometimes I didn't want to go play kickball with the boys or spend time making up games with the girls. Sometimes I would sit by the teacher and talk to her. Some of the most important things I learned were learned sitting in that plastic chair next to my teacher. Coming to school freshman year I always longed for that companionship of an adult. Last year I got close to Angela. I loved being able to sit in her office and talk to her whenever I needed. Sometimes when I was at her house I felt like her daughter as we talked and laughed. When she wasn't around, Eric was. He wasn't much older than me, but he was a lot like me because he acted older than he was. We talked a lot. We had long, meaningful conversations. Not having an adult in my life again is hard. I know I am an adult, but it just isn't the same talking to someone my age.
I miss people like Mrs. Lisa, Sister Bergquist, my teachers, Angela, and Eric. I need an adult! It is easier to just be me, the real me, around them.... People my age expect me to be crazy, dance, and play games. In all honesty, I like games, but I like Uno and Sorry. I am not much of a dancer except for the occasional slow dance. I don't really get crazy either. I can have fun around people I am really comfortable with and get a little crazy (especially when a best friend and a huge bag of skittles are involved), but other than that I usually remain my calm, cool, and collected self. I am perfectly happy watching a movie, being around people while they play a game, or just sitting and watching people. I know I am weird. I love being social and get really hyped up when I am put in situations with a lot of people with a lot of people, but I also get wiped out from it all. I wish I could be like a normal person my age, but.... I just can't. I never have been able to.

Only Miss the Sun When It Starts to Snow

In Humanities we learned a phrase I had never heard before. We learned deus ex machina. It is when in a story with a seemingly unsolvable plot an unexpected divine intervention suddenly fixes everything. My deus ex machina moment came yesterday and today.
There are always things that you miss in life. Like right now... I miss certain relationships, the fun I had in BYUSA, the ease of being a freshman in college, the feeling that I was needed and someone loved me, and most of all knowing I was coming home to a puppy who couldn't see me but still knew me. I miss a lot of things, but those things are in the past. It is nice to look back at the past, but I need to look ahead more. Cars are designed with a small rear-view mirror and a large windshield. I believe Heavenly Father created us the same way. 

Yesterday I got to go see my dear friend Eric. He is actually moving to Houston next month. Driving to his house in Draper in a blizzard took a lot longer than I expected. The roads were awful. Slipping and sliding all over the place was a different experience than one I ever had. I am so thankful I had Kennedy with me. She was working on a talk she had today. She told me a story. She said to imagine that I was getting a brand new house. I could have anything I wanted in it, and it was perfect in every way. I could make it perfect. Then, all of the sudden someone came in with a jackhammer and starting breaking and ruining everything. After I sat watching them I sat and cried until someone came up behind me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I look up to see him raise his other hand to not only fix my house but make it better than I had ever imagined. Kennedy told me that is what Heavenly Father does for us. We make plans that often fall through because He has something better in mind. 

A lot of people have been telling me that lately. For some reason, that story really resonated with me. There are things that I miss dearly right now. I mean, yesterday I saw a ball made out of Christmas lights and plastic cups hanging from someone's house and I started crying. For heaven's sake! Apparently I have been straining my eyes to the max to continue to look out of the rear-view mirror more than I need to. I have started looking more out of the windshield in the past few days, but I am still not used to it. I have been living in the past, but I need to live my life in the present. 

Between spending time with Julie Anne and Meghan, watching cheesy Christmas movies, trying to stay upright when walking in the snow and on the ice, work, multiple Christmas parties, homework, and finals I am insanely busy. I guess it is good because my days and weeks fly by. I will be home before I know it. Then I will get to see my family. That always makes everything better. My family and Iceberg shakes... I ate a whole one the other day. Okay, maybe I just need my family.
This happens to me all of the time. A come to a phase in my life where I just don't know how to fix it. Good thing I have a loving Heavenly Father who watches out for me and always has a better plan for me than I have for my own. When we learned about those moments in class I thought it was dumb because that doesn't just happen in real life. Well, lucky for me, it does!!!
Philippians 4:13, Mormon 5:23, John 14:1, D&C 122:7
We are in a period of stress across the world. There are occasionally hard days for each of us. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds. Opportunities will eventually open to you. Do not let the prophets of gloom endanger your possibilities. -President Hinckley 

Invictus

There is something beautiful about this poem. Every time I hear it I think of a dear friend. There is just so much truth hidden in these short paragraphs. "And yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me, unafraid.... I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." Life was never meant to be easy. It is challenging, rewarding, and exciting but never easy. The thing is, striving and achieving are part of our genetic make-up. They are how we learn to reach our divine potentials.

I heard this poem in a talk called "Running Down Your Dreams" by Brother Hank Smith. I am so thankful I had the chance to get to know him, and I owe a lot to him. In this talk he also talks about literally running down his dream of running a marathon. Then, in church today, one of the speakers also talked about running. He said when running it is hard to stay motivated if you only know you will stop at some point. He compared it to our lives. We know the end outcome we would like (residing in the celestial kingdom), but it can be hard to endure if we only see that. We need mile markers in our lives. What can I do today or this week to move me closer to this end goal? Who can I serve to grow closer to my Savior? So many people have served me in my life, and especially these past couple of weeks I realize how truly blessed I am. It is my turn. In our lesson last week at church there was a story about a nonmember who was going through a trial. He was talking to his mother on the phone when he saw the Relief Society sisters coming. He said, "Mother, it will be all right. The Mormon women are here." I am making it my goal for the month to let it be my turn to serve and help relieve others' trials. 

All of these running analogies have also reminded me of another poem. The first time I heard this I was younger, and another dear friend had come home early from his mission and been asked to give a talk. He read this poem and broke down into tears. I remember to this day the spirit I felt in that sacrament meeting when I heard this poem and connected it to my life. It goes like this:

Whenever I start to hang my head in front of failure's face, 

my downward fall is broken by the memory of a race. 

A children's race, young boys, young men; how I remember well, 

excitement sure, but also fear, it wasn't hard to tell. 

They all lined up so full of hope, each thought to win that race

or tie for first, or if not that, at least take second place.

Their parents watched from off the side, each cheering for their son, 

and each boy hoped to show his folks that he would be the one. 

The whistle blew and off they flew, like chariots of fire, 

to win, to be the hero there, was each young boy's desire. 

One boy in particular, whose dad was in the crowd, 

was running in the lead and thought, "My dad will be so proud."

But as he speeded down the field and crossed a shallow dip,

the little boy who thought he'd win, lost his step and slipped. 

Trying hard to catch himself, his arms flew everyplace, 

and midst the laughter of the crowd he fell flat on his face.

As he fell, his hope fell too; he couldn't win it now. 

Humiliated, he just wished to disappear somehow. 

But as he fell his dad stood up and showed his anxious face, 

which to the boy so clearly said, "Get up and win that race!"

He quickly rose, no damage done, behind a bit that's all, 

and ran with all his mind and might to make up for his fall. 

So anxious to restore himself, to catch up and to win, 

his mind went faster than his legs. He slipped and fell again. 

He wished that he had quit before with only one disgrace.

"I'm hopeless as a runner now, I shouldn't try to race."

But through the laughing crowd he searched and found his father's face

with a steady look that said again, "Get up and win that race!"

So he jumped up to try again, ten yards behind the last. 

"If I'm to gain those yards," he though, "I've got to run real fast!"

Exceeding everything he had, he regained eight, then ten...

but trying hard to catch the lead, he slipped and fell again. 

Defeat! He lay there silently. A tear dropped from his eye. 

"There's no sense in running anymore! Three strikes I'm out! Why try?

I've lost, so what's the use?" he though. I'll live with my disgrace."

But then he thought about his dad, who soon he'd have to face.

"Get up," and echo sounded low, "you haven't lost at all, 

for all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall. 

Get up!" the echo urged him on, "Get up and take your place!

You were not meant for failure here! Get up and win that race!"

So, up he rose to run once more, refusing to forfeit, 

and he resolved that win or lose, at least he wouldn't quit.

So far behind the others now, the most he'd ever been, 

still he gave it all he had and ran like he could win. 

Three times he's fallen stumbling, three times he rose again. 

Too far behind to hope to win, he still ran to the end. 

They cheered another boy who crossed the line and won first place, 

head high and proud and happy -- no falling, no disgrace. 

But, when the fallen youngster crossed the line, in last place, 

the crowd gave him a greater cheer for finishing the race. 

And even though he came in last with head bowed low, unproud, 

you would have thought he'd won the race, to listen to the crowd.

And to his dad he sadly said, "I didn't do so well."

"To me, you won," his father said. "You rose each time you fell."

And now when things seem dark and bleak and difficult to face, 

the memory of that little boy helps me in my own race. 

For all of life is like that race, with ups and downs and all. 

And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.

And when depression and despair shout loudly in my face, 

another voice within me says, "Get up and win that race!

We are the masters of our fate. We are the captains of our souls. We were not meant to fail. I thank my Heavenly Father for my unconquerable soul. We each have our own divine potentials, and it is my turn to show mine. I am so excited for this week/month/year. I wrote my grandparents a few weeks ago asking for advice. I told them I didn't care what it was about as long as it was from them to me. My grandma AND grandpa wrote me back giving me many little tid bits of their wisdom. One thing my grandma told me was to not run faster than I had strength. So perfect. In running my race I need to remember that my legs can only go so fast.

Raising My Ebenezer

Yesterday I finally finished a piece of art that I started in the middle of spring semester. Honestly, it was so detailed that it was hard to find the motivation to do it, but I am so glad I did. I feel accomplished. Then, last night Dani, Tyler, and I watched the first Harry Potter. We are going to watch all of them. It would have been interesting if you could have been a fly on the wall for our conversations during the movie. We talked about everything from memories of when it came out in theaters to picking who in our ward would be which characters. It was the best.
Today I went to devotional with them. I was kind of listening and kind of not, but I learned some amazing pieces of information. For instance, in the song Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, when it says, "Here I raise my Ebenezer..." that is a real thing. Ebenezer means "stone of help." To raise your Ebenezer means to remember. It was a stone set up by the prophet Samuel in the Old Testament as a token of gratitude for deliverance from the Philistines. The people of Joshua also raised a sort of Ebenezer. They crossed the Jordan River on dry land much like when they were being led by Moses and he parted the Red Sea. When they crossed, the Lord commanded one member from each tribe of Isreal to get a stone and create a monument  to commemorate their crossing. This monument of twelve stones was their Ebenezer. It was in remembrance of what the Lord had done for them so they would not forget. The speaker said that we need to have our own Ebenezers to remind us of the hand of God working in our own lives. I have a few things, but I know that I need to start writing down spiritual experiences more thoroughly in my journal so if I ever come to doubt what I know, I will be able to look back and remember. This is going to be a new goal of mine so I will be able to raise my Ebenezer to help me, those around me, and my future family.

That Man Was a Fossil. He Was Born Ten Years After Moses!

"For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope." 

Romans 15:4

I just want everyone to know that the title of this post is a quote from my Bishop. I love that he has so much responsibility but can still have a little fun. It was another beautiful day at church. I guess before I was too caught up thinking about unimportant things, watching people, and thinking of how long I had to sit in the same room. I am so thankful I have changed my way of thinking. Sacrament is so much more meaningful, and I get so much more out of the lessons. 

Today was no exception. Our opening hymn was The Lord is My Light. Each verse was so beautiful. It was actually hard to sing because it was really taking my breath away. I would just tell you my favorite lyrics, but because all of the verses were so perfect, I have to put them all on here. 

"The Lord is my light; then why should I fear? By day and by night his presence is near. He is my salvation from sorrow and sin; This blesses assurance the Spirit doth bring. The Lord is my light; tho clouds may arise, Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies where Jesus forever in glory doth reign. Then how can I ever in darkness remain? The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength. I know in his might I'll conquer at length. My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r, and, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour. The Lord is my light, my all and in all. There is in his sight no darkness at all. He is my Redeemer, my Savior, and King. With Saints and with angels his praises I'll sing."

The choir also did an outstanding job with the ten people there. I was beyond impressed by the talent in our ward, and I am so thankful to those for sharing their talents with us. Three amazing talks on testimony really got me thinking about mine. I thought about how I just finished the Book of Mormon, how much I learned, and all that I felt in the time it took me to read it. At the end of the book, Moroni gives the reader a challenge. 

He says, "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things (Moroni 10: 3-5)."

Moroni has the faith in all of us to believe in the words written in the Book of Mormon. He said to ask if these things are not true. He knows that if we read them with sincere hearts, we will know of the truthfulness before we even get to this point in the book. I have always read that scripture but not with a sincere heart. Reading through the Book of Mormon this time, I caught on to so much more. That not still sticks in my head. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I have a testimony of the importance of reading it and learning from its words. I know of the power of prayer, and I know my Heavenly Father hears all of my prayers whether uttered or unexpressed. I have a know that my family can truly be together forever, and I wait for the day in which I will have a husband and children that I can be sealed to for time and all eternity. I know the leaders of this church are called of God, and I am so thankful for their service. I know Christ suffered in the garden and died on the cross for my sins and the sins of all others. I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior are always there to comfort me when I need it most. I know that my Redeemer lives! 

President Monson once said:

"Now, I did not sail with the brother of Jared in crossing an ocean, settling in a new world. I did not hear King Benjamin speak his angelically delivered sermon. I did not proselyte with Alma and Amulek nor witness the fiery death of innocent believers. I was not among the Nephite crowd who touched the wounds of the resurrected Lord, nor did I weep with Mormon and Moroni over the destruction of an entire civilization. But my testimony of this record and the peace it brings to the human heart is as binding and unequivocal as was theirs. Like them, I give my name unto the world, to witness unto the world that which I have seen. And like them, I lie not, God bearing witness of it."

My testimony is not that of President Monson's, but it gives me strength and the will and determination to endure well to the end. If I have nothing else, I hope to always keep my testimony. I am so thankful to have this strong foundation in my life. I am given hope through patience and comfort of the scriptures.

What E'er Thou Art

          So, in these long spring days, class only takes up two hours of my day, so I spend my time looking for jobs, watching movies, doing homework, reading scriptures, and even reading conference talks. I was going over the talks from this past conference. I loved the poem President Packer shared. I will only include part of it because it is kind of long.

          "I had a thought the other night, a thought profound and deep. It came when I was too worn down, too tired to go to sleep. I am quite content to move ahead, to yield my youth, however grand. The thing I'd lose if I went back is what I understand. I would agree I've learned some things I did not want to know, but age has brought those precious truths that make the spirit grow. I have not changed my mind one bit about regaining my youth. We're meant to age, for with it comes a knowledge of the truth. I now can say with all certainty that I know and love the Lord. I can testify with them of old as I preach His holy word. I know what He felt in Gethsemane is too much to comprehend. I know He did it all for us; We have no greater Friend. I know that He will come anew with power and in glory. I know I will see Him once again at the end of my life's story. I'll kneel before His wounded feet; I'll feel His Spirit glow. My whispering, quivering voice will say, 'My Lord, my God, I know'."

          Sister Dalton (I had to include her) talked about the quote "What e'er thou art, act well thy part." She talked about how we each have different circumstances and experiences, but our part matters because WE MATTER. Elder M. Russell Ballard said, "...as the literal spirit children of our loving Heavenly Father, we have unlimited, divine potential." That is what we are. We are all sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, and we need to act well our parts. We have been promised so much if we endure. Not everything is going to be easy. I find myself being guilty of thinking things are too hard far too often. We like things to be easy. We are comfortable with that. When things get hard, we complain. 

          The older I get (I know, I'm not that old) I realize more and more that I would not turn back time for anything. Sometimes you think what could have been if you had done something differently. But, like President Packer said, "Age has brought me those precious truths that make the spirit grow." I have spent countless moments with my mind racing and worrying about things that I cannot change. I quickly forget to trust in Him. Reading a portion of the conference talks reminded me what I need to do. I am going to keep living in a way that my Heavenly Father will hopefully smile down at, I will continue to read my scriptures every day, I will continue to say my prayers, and I will grow closer to Him. I will continue acting my part knowing that I am a choice daughter of my Heavenly Father. 

A Huge Thanks, Mormon Messages, and a New Goal

Sometimes your friends send you a link to a Mormon Message, and you end up watching a lot of them. Thank you, Emilee, for making my night better. 

When you have prayed to Heavenly Father saying, "Hope ya know, I'm having a hard time," you have to continue on with an infinite power of hope that you're never alone and that there are good things to come saying, "Come what may and love it." 

My dad told me to read a couple scriptures today. They say: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." 

Once again I am having to turn my life over to the Lord. Apparently my way is not the way I am supposed to go. I have to start trusting with ALL of my heart... 

NEW GOAL: Be like a General Authority. aka... Be like Sister Dalton: happy, glowing with the light of Christ, an inspiration to others, and able to wear bright yellow even though blonde. 

Building My Testimony

Last night was odd. I felt awful, but I went to FHE anyways. When I got home I put banana bread in the oven that I had left sitting out for two hours. By eleven I was exhausted, but the apartment smelled like banana bread so I had to have a piece  Going to bed close to midnight is a little later than I prefer, but it didn't matter. By four in the morning I thought I was going to die. I could not fall asleep and the coughing would not stop. So, at four in the morning I said a short prayer asking (but really pleading) with my Heavenly Father that I would feel better. I woke up at eight and was ready to take on the day. I don't feel 100% better still, but I don't feel like I have the plague anymore. I went to devotional where the General Primary President spoke. She was wonderful, but my favorite part was the hymn we sang at the very beginning. 

"My life is a gift. My life has a plan. My life has a purpose, in heaven it began. My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth and seek for God's light to direct me from birth."

"I will follow God's plan for me, holding fast to His word and His love. I will work, and I will pray. I will always walk in His way, and I will be happy on Earth and in my home above." 

After devotional I came home to get my car. I had a job interview today. I think it went well. I guess I just have to wait and see. On the way to the interview, a song I have never heard came on the radio. 

"Don't you worry, don't you worry child. See, heaven's got a plan for you." 

Back from the interview, I went to BYUSA and just got to have fun with some work thrown in. Think retreat and leadership ceremony planning with chocolate, water fights, and girls camp stories. Seriously best thing ever. I got home and soon had to leave once again for my ecclesiastical endorsement interview. It went well, but I asked for a priesthood blessing after. That was a big deal for me. I HATE asking for things. It was really weird though. In stake conference I went with a prayer in my heart asking Heavenly Father to tell me what I needed to do. Every talk something was said about priesthood blessings. Each time they were mentioned I could feel the Spirit telling me that is what I needed. At some point in the last week someone told me when a feeling enters my heart I can either rationalize it away or accomplish it. Again, I hate asking for things, but I did it any way and accomplished the feeling I had felt. This man that I have never talked to before and has no idea what is going on right now blessed me with everything that I needed. I am so thankful for him, my mom and wonderful friend Dani for talking me into going, priesthood power, answered prayers, and my Heavenly Father. It was perfect. Walking home I had tears in my eyes from happiness. I could feel a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders. What a wonderful feeling. I have a testimony of the power of priesthood and all of the priesthood holders in my life.