No More Counting Dollars, I'll Be Counting Stars

You know when Christmas comes around and all of the sudden you are faced with an even greater demand of your time? You have to find out what people want, buy presents, follow traditions, decorate, buy a tree, find time to listen to Christmas music, bake, and so many other “Christmas-y” things. I got caught up in all of the hustle and bustle before December even began. You see, I wanted to get everything done before I started my job. I bought all of the presents for my family and had them wrapped before December 1^st. I had it down. The 1^st is when work began. On the first day of work my boss gave to me the longest day of orientation you ever did see. Sad thing is that this song isn’t quite as fun as the original because the second day was the same thing. After two days of orientation I actually started work. Thursday I felt like I spent all morning in traffic. I was thinking how a lot of my paycheck was going to go to tolls and gas. I got to work, and I did not know what to do. To be honest, I barely made it to my office. I was shown so many rooms all over the hospital the day before, and it was a little overwhelming for me. Worst of all, I had to stay late on my second day of work. Can you tell I had completely forgotten the spirit and meaning of Christmas? That night was the hospital’s tree lighting. That was exciting, but before the lighting, I got to go around the hospital with Santa Claus and pass out presents to the patients. At four we started, and the realization that I was focusing on all of the wrong things hit me. Seeing the stars in the kids’ eyes, seeing them be so genuinely happy no matter how sick they were, seeing them be so thankful for even the smallest presents, hearing a mom say, “This is the best hospital ever!” and give us all hugs as tears filled her eyes, and being able to be a part of this made my heart grow three sizes. After going around with Santa, we had the tree lighting and then we had him come out and kids could come and sit on his knee. Kids from all over came to see him. Most of them gave him a hug afterwards and said thank you multiple times. I loved the smiles that came to their faces (except those that took one look at him and burst out crying). After they saw Santa they each got a stuffed animal. I got to be an elf and pass them out. Once again I saw the stars. Even the kids that were crying smiled and hugged tight to those stuffed animals. The stars in those kiddos’ eyes were so bright it was like seeing the Christmas star in person. That is what Christmas is all about. It isn’t about the presents, Santa Claus, or shopping. Christmas is about remembering the most wonderful gift our Heavenly Father could have ever given us. It is about Christ, about His example. It is about love and service and joy. He is the gift. 

An Everlasting Beginning

You know when you have those really tough days for no reason? They happen to all of us. It could be because it was a Monday, because I realized getting back into BYU just isn't a reality for me, because the fact that I am a boomerang kid hit me, or because I stayed up too late the night before, but I had a really tough day last Monday. There isn't much else to it. I had one of those days where whenever my mom or dad looked at me I felt like a failure and tears would come to my eyes, where every little thing annoyed me, and all I wanted to do was sit and watch movies. Like I said, we all have those days. But, it is on those particularly rough days that you have to look around you and just smile because of everything and everyone you are blessed with. For instance, two of my really good friends texted me all day even though I know they are at school and already stressing with their crazy school schedules, homework, and social lives. And you know what? Both of them made me laugh. On that same day my mom and dad showed me how much they loved me. I know both of them wanted me to go back to BYU so badly, but both told me it was okay and that I am meant to go down another path. Those rough days mean tight hugs, emails from Becca, and going to the store to find the two seasons of Downton Abbey that I didn't have yet on sale and mom staying up later than usual to watch an episode with me. It is also on those particular days that you realize no matter how ugly of a crier you are that the spotted dog will always be there to lick away your tears, and the puppy is still too small to get away from your hugs no matter how badly she wants down to play. I am thankful for hard days, because although they really suck, they remind me how blessed I am to have such amazing and loving people in my life.

I am not really having a hard time right now, but sometimes I do miss school and the life I had there. It is an ending, and who likes those? President Uchtdorf said it best: 

There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny. The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings.

So, for now I am going to work through this ending because I know there are no true endings. There are only everlasting beginnings.

Time Out for Women and Beyond!

Sister Hinckley once said: The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, wishing for better ones ahead.

Far too long ago I said I was going to post about what I learned at Time Out for Women. Well, I forgot. So, today I am actually going to post the highlights of my wonderful weekend full of speakers, good music, fun, and some family. My mom always goes to TOFW. I have never gotten to go before, but this time since I was home I got to see what this was all about. The theme this year was Inevitable Light which I loved! 

The first speaker's name was Heidi Swinton. She said that light is a choice. She then summarized the story of the 10 virgins. She made the point that the oil in their lamps is the light not the lamp itself. The oil in our hearts is the light we have prepared for when we get to meet Christ once again. She then talked about difficulties and shared a quote from President Monson which says, "Difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were--better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before." John 14:27

Then, Elaine Dalton spoke! Oh my oh my! She talked about the plaque she saw that said "what e'er thou art, act well thy part" and then said that we have to use the gifts Heavenly Father has given us. We each have a part to play in preparing for the Second Coming because by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. In the premortal existence, we had such great faith in the Plan that we were sent to earth at this time when opportunities and opposition are greatest. We were warriors in heaven, and we are warriors now. Our faith and testimony of Christ are our weapons. We are elect and noble. We can illuminate and shine our lights to change the world. We are never alone. She quoted Spencer W. Kimball who said, "Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different--in happy ways--from the women of the world." She then said that although times may be tough to never quit in the middle of a hill! No matter the circumstance, don't quit until you are finished.

Two women spoke together and told us how to have more sass in our lives. I laughed, but it was an acronym. S: search for the Lord. A: Act on His Atonement. S: Savor the Gospel and the blessings you are given. S: Share your gifts. They shared the scripture Matthew 7:7-8 and said where fear exists, faith cannot. They told us what we have to offer is good enough, what we have is important and needed, and the Savior is there to help us in all things. It was a wonderful message that everyone needs to hear. 

The final speaker was Emily Freeman. She also talked about light, but she said that light illuminates the darkness bringing the reality to what we may think is real but is not. She shared the story of Philemon which I will admit, I don't think I have ever read before. She told us to ask ourselves [what I would do?] and [what is the condition of my heart?]. She also talked about the story of the Good Samaritan and said we honor what the Samaritan did not do as much as for what he did do. We have to rely on the Lord for illumination, and that illumination requires room in your heart for the Lord. She said the Lord knows who you are and he knows such a person as me. Ending her talk she told a story about an instrument that could not be tuned. Because of that, it was worthless. She said to not pray to be an instrument to the Lord but to pray that you will be in tune so you can gain illumination. She tied it together nicely. 

So, my Friday and Saturday were filled with an uplifting spiritual experience and good words for me to remember. I loved sharing it with my mom, grandma, Aunt Cheryl, Aleah, Jennifer, and Aunt Debbie. 

 That weekend sounds pretty great, but something made it even better. I went home to watch the BYU v. Texas game with my family. Last year, I was sitting in the President's Loge watching BYU kill Texas with some leaders of the Church after I got soaked by Hurrican LaVell as the storm was lovingly named in Utah. This year I watched it with my family on TV with my puppy's nails painted BYU blue, a banner hanging from our banister, a BYU flag being sported outside, and all of us in BYU attire. We killed Texas once again! Gotta love them Cougs!

Crashing Dishes

I just want to say that I love BYU. So much. I loved getting to hear the excitement of my friends that the First Presidency of the church was there yesterday for President Worthen's inauguration. I love seeing pictures of FOL, campus, and my Student Alumni group. I also love getting to watch the football games with my family, and seeing BYU crush Texas for the second year in a row. 41-7 was the final score, and my love for BYU just grew as the game went on.

This past weekend I also got to go to Time Out for Women with some of my family. I had so much fun, loved the lessons, the music was great, I got to see Brother Smith, and Sister Dalton was there which, as you might have guessed, made the weekend for me. I will write about it later, but there were multiple little tender messages that I felt like were just for me. So, until I write that post, here are some other things I have learned lately.

All too often we go through changes in our lives. At those moments we have feelings of fear. We are leaving what we feel comfortable with for something that is unknown to us. In those times of vulnerability we let our guards down and Satan attacks. The worst thing is that he knows how to get to each and every one of us. I will admit, my weakness is feeling that I am just not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not good enough to find a good job, be a good daughter and sister, be a good mom to my beautiful and spunky puppy, make new friends, and certainly not good enough to get into grad school. 

I've said it before, and I'm saying it once again. The Atonement is real. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know exactly what I am going through and feeling at any given moment. If I have learned anything this weekend it's that it's okay to cry. If you know me you know I always try my darnedest to not cry. In Relief Society today the teacher said Heavenly Father doesn't want us not to feel it. He wants us to experience it. Part of experiencing something is going through the hard parts whether they last for a few seconds or years. Those hard parts help you experience life and they will be for your good (D&C 121:7, 122:7). Neil A. Maxwell said, "you can't have a faith filled but stress free life." As much as we wish we could, that is not part of the Plan.

Church today wasn't so great for me. I was tired. I was grumpy. I missed having friends to sit in the meetings with. All the anxiety about having to go to the singles ward next week came all at once in the middle of sacrament meeting. Sunday school wasn't much better. The whole time I just thought about all of my friends sitting in marriage prep laughing, commenting, and having fun while learning. I sat and listened to adults argue and try to be the smartest and "most spiritual" one in the room instead of trying to learn. Then, I went to Relief Society with one of my best friend's moms. I kind of sat there not wanting to talk to anyone, but everyone kept talking to me or drawing attention to me. When the teacher got up I tried to zone out, but I couldn't. She had a plate on a stand, and that plate had the smallest chip in it. I watched that plate and thought how I felt like that plate right now. She then told a story about a china factory. All of their dishes have to be perfect. The dishes go through multiple phases and then are scrutinized to see if there are any imperfections. If they find even the smallest mistake at any stage they throw the dish in a discard pile. As she finished, she picked up that dish with the small chip and compared herself to it. Then, she slammed it into the the trashcan. At the factory in the story no dish was wasted. If it was not perfect it was ground up with all of the others and given a new chance. Because of the Atonement we each have another chance. We are imperfect now, but through the Atonement we can become perfect. We may crack under pressure, get a chip here or there, or our paint may get smudged, but we always have another chance to become better. Then, the teacher did something amazing. She took out more dishes and let the women smash them. All the hurt and frustrations came out in that moment. Broken dishes everywhere!

It was after that story that my weekend all came together. Time Out for Women, the BYU win against Texas, and that lesson were all Heavenly Fathers gentle reminders of who I am and Him showing me how much he loves me, and I am so ever grateful for Him and His tender mercies.

Show Me a Sign

President Uchtdorf said to let faith replace your fears and hope replace your despair. I heard that quote this morning and thought it was perfect to open this post with.

Sometimes Heavenly Father wants me to learn or know something, and he has to beat me upside the head with it until I finally get it. I am not one of those people who consistently plead for Him to show me a sign, but I am one who constantly asks for him to lead and guide me to the right path while I am still pretty stuck on the path I want to go down. That's just how it is I guess. Yesterday was one of those times when Heavenly Father had to beat what he was trying to say into me. Lately I have felt kind of like a failure. I am leaving BYU getting married or even dating very much, I have a different degree than I ever thought I would (and I hope Heavenly Father knows what he is doing), and I don't have a job lined up for me when I get back home. Yesterday I was reading in my scriptures and came to Ether 12:27.

Heavenly Father has given us all weaknesses that we may be humble. When we are humble, He makes us strong. It was while I was reading this that I realized he gave us these weaknesses that we may be humble, not that we may look down on ourselves and doubt our abilities and our worth. We are all His sons and daughters with divine potential and infinite worth. I don't remember how I came across this scripture, but Psalms 46:5 says, "God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:God shall help her, and that right early." Heavenly Father is there to love me and help me whenever I call for his aid. Funny thing though, He isn't only there when I need Him. He is there always, and I thank Him for that. Then, this morning I woke up and found this scripture while on Pinterest. Isaiah 54:10. It's Isaiah so I may be completely off base on what this scripture means, but to me it was saying that my life may seem like swirling chaos with everything changing at times, but Heavenly Father will always be there with his kindness and a covenant of peace. That peace will come when everything (including me) is where it needs to be for His plan to progress.

Heavenly Father is teaching me slowly that even though I do not know the exact plan He has for me, He is always there for me. He knows where I am going, and He wants me to know how important I am to Him. Apparently He also wants to know that good things are coming my way because along with all of this He also gave me two quotes to stumble upon. The first is by Jawahrial Nehru. It says, "There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." The second quote is by Jeffrey R. Holland. He said, "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

And finally, I came across the new Mormon message the church released. Watch it. It is beautiful.

I have faith that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us personally, is always there to help us, and never fails to answer prayers or fulfill His promises. It may not be when we want or expect, but He answers. 

Summa Summa Summertime

Summer has given me time. Time to think. Time to read. Time to worry. Time to enjoy myself. Here are a few things that have come into my mind and a few pictures from my adventures as of late. 

1. I have a horrible thought right now that I don't need friends. I am about to leave. Why should I make an effort to make new friends? I know what it is. It's my way of coping. I hate saying goodbye, and the less people I have to say goodbye to. Lately I have been spending time with new friends when I forget that I am not supposed to be getting close to more people. Then, right when I remember I pull away. As is life. I am happy but confused. I want to go out and have fun, but I am so tired of being hurt. I am tired of being there for people whenever they need me only to be left in the dust when they no longer do. I am tired of the so-called friends that never talk to me unless they are bored or need something. I have a few really good friends here, and I feel like that is all I really need. We have been told that we hate endings because we are eternal beings. I like that my fear in goodbyes is justified. I don't want to lose people I love. I don't want to be easily forgotten. I want someone to miss me when I'm gone. I want to keep some friendships alive while I let others go. Maybe this is all just a fear of change... a fear of what life will be like when I go home. It may be a loss... of friendships, my independence, and some of the things I have always hoped for. Then again, it may be a time of gain for me... a chance to gain new experiences, figure out what I really want out of life, and a chance to start again. I don't know. It could be both. Still, inside me there is always that fear of what's to come. This coming year fills me with anxiety of the unknown. In times like these I am so thankful for the friends that are always by my side and those that never fail to make me smile. 

2. Right now, it is a huge thing that the leader of the Ordain Women movement was excommunicated from the church. I felt bad for her. She just wanted to make a difference, as wrong as it was. At first I was really upset. I knew how media would take it: someone with a different opinion was kicked out. This movement has been an eye-opener for me. I don't want the priesthood and feel like acting the way some in this movement have would make me feel like I could not sustain the church leaders, but I do sustain them and love and respect them dearly. Although it makes me sad that the Young Men have a bigger budget then the Young Women organization, Relief Society activities are almost always crafty things, and you do not need any women to form a group, branch, ward, or even stake, I know that I am in the true church. It isn't perfect, but it is true. Heavenly Father knew what I was going through. He always does. So, I usually read one chapter from my scriptures a night. I was very behind but finally caught up on Sunday night. Somehow, the night I was calling into question everything that is happening I came to 3 Nephi 14: 15-20 which says, "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore, by their fruits ye shall know them." That made sense to me. I feel so much better now. 

3. Fun is coming! The fourth of July I am going to a Carrie Underwood concert with fireworks afterward. My last Fourth in Utah is going out with a bang. Literally. The next weekend I will be hiking the Narrows in Zion National Park. Camping+hiking+a river= I'm in. Let's do this! A week and a half later I will be heading to California. Family, beaches, and adventure. What more could I ask for? I have also started my final class and love it. It is in my top five favorite classes. Better yet, there is no final! The final is a party. I am so close to being done. 50 days from today I will be walking across the stage in a cap and gown. Adventures, a fun class, more work, my internship continues, and then I will be done. So exciting! Also, I have a very nice tan, and my summer is only halfway over. I cannot wait for my graduation pictures. I will actually be tan! That in and of itself is worth not walking in April for. After a long winter I would just look pasty in that navy gown. But now... :) I love summer so much. I need it to be summer all of the time! My only real summertime sadness other than the fact that I will be leaving at the end is the fact that I have to wear pants to work. It's a pretty great summer so far. 

It snowed in June. Utah... 

This is normal at BYU. :)

The Standard of Truth

Since Easter I have really been thinking about what it means to be a disciple of Christ. When reading my scriptures this week I came across Helaman 5:49-50. It says, "And there were about three hundred souls who saw and heard these things; and they were bidden to go forth and marvel not, neither should they doubt. And it came to pass that they did go forth, and minister unto the people, declaring throughout all the regions round about all the things which they had seen, insomuch that the more part of the Lamanites were convinced of them, because of the greatness of the evidences which they had received." When I first read that I wondered why these people were told not to marvel. It wasn't until I was writing in my scriptures yesterday that I realized why. When you marvel you don't progress. You remain stuck in the past. These people were told not to marvel, and because they listened what did they do? They went out and told others of what had happened. I also think that sometimes when we marvel too much we do begin to doubt things that we saw/heard/felt for ourselves. Being a disciple of Christ is going and telling others the joy that comes with the knowledge of the gospel. Last week in church someone pointed out that we are part of the Restoration. It did not end when the church was restored. It did not end with the pioneers and persecution.We are living in the Restoration. I am so thankful that I am a part of it, and I hope that when I return to my Father in Heaven when He asks me what I did to help the work along I can tell Him I did something. "The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done." -Joseph Smith Jr.

Save Only One

There are always those people that don't get the credit they deserve. I am sure in the life to come they are rewarded beyond measure, but I feel like I need to give one of them a little credit now. In Alma 23 it talks about those who converted unto the Lord. Many Lamanites were converted, but none of the Amalekites were converted, "save only one (v.14)." The Amalekites and Amulonites knew the gospel and fell away. Later on the scriptures talk about those two groups and how much harder their hearts were toward the gospel and how much more ferocious they were in trying to kill the righteous Nephites. My heart goes out to the one. The one who isn't even named. The one who is given no glory for his bravery. The one who has no credit for returning. I have a sincere love for this one Amalekite. I honor him for what he did. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to turn from everything he knew, his friends, his family, and his lifestyle, and be a part of this people that were given a new name, a new place to live, and a completely different way of life. I hope one day I will be able to come to know him. I want to know so much more about him. I want to know his name, what he was like, and how he did it. I guess the thing I want most is to be like him. I want to have that bravery and determination to live in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. Until I get to meet him in heaven, I will forever admire this "save only one." 

Let Your Faith Show

"Day after day, on your path toward your eternal destiny, increase your faith. Proclaim your faith! Let your faith show!" 

-Elder Russell M. Nelson

Going to church should always be a spiritual experience, but let me be honest for a moment here. Three hours is a long time for me and my too small attention span to sit in one freezing room. Yesterday all of the fears of graduating and not knowing what I am going to do after that hit me. They hit hard. I sat alone in my apartment for the longest time wondering why none of my plans can ever just work out. I was reading Gone With the Wind, and Scarlett's cry for home made me want to be home. But, I don't really feel at home anywhere anymore. Texas is kind of home. My family is there, but it isn't the same. I always revert back to an old version of me. Utah once felt like home but really no longer does. In the moment of that realization I felt completely lost. Today I went to church with a heavy heart ready to draw on the program through the coming hours. For once I was glad that my plans didn't work out. The theme of sacrament meeting was faith. The first speaker used a quote from President Hinckley that I cannot find right now, but in looking for it just now it made me even happier. He said, " Carry on. Things will work out. If you keep trying and praying and working, things will work out." Going along with that, Elder Holland has said, "Keep trying. Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged." The speaker said that Satan works to get us to exercise fear instead of faith, but when we exercise fear with faith we use courage which brings about the smile of God's approval. So, if I let my faith show things will all work out. At the end of the talk the speaker used a quote that said the question isn't if Christ was prepared but whether or not we are prepared to feel His love and receive His strength and power. 

I feel like I should be walking with my head hanging low. I should be ashamed. My Heavenly Father has once again had to remind me to use faith and just trust Him. I wish I could remember that lesson better. I once again had to be taught this lesson, but I am not ashamed. I am thankful that He loves me enough to continue to try to teach me the same lesson. I can continue on without a plan if He is there to always watch out for me, and HE IS! Elder Holland also said, "Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven who loves you more than you can comprehend." On my path toward my eternal destiny, I am so thankful to know that there is a much better plan than mine, and that when my plans fall through there is someone always there to catch me.

Because of Him

Everyone always says to not take Christ out of Christmas. Well, just because Easter doesn't conveniently have the word "Christ" in it, people often forget the meaning behind the holiday. Colorful eggs, baskets full of goodies, and the competitive hunt for treasures replace why we celebrate this wonderful day. Well, I don't have an Easter basket or yummy Easter candies to snack on (yet... I can't wait until I get home!), and I am thankful for that because I have been able to love and think about this remarkable day more fully. Although those colorful eggs are beautiful, there is a more beautiful meaning to today. Even though eating that candy is sweet, there is a much sweeter act to think about. Even though we hunt for those treasures, there is a much more valuable treasure Jesus Christ has given us.

Because of Him I have the best example to follow.

Because of Him I always have loving arms surrounding me. 

Because of Him I can be with my family for eternity. 

Because of Him I can be forgiven when I mess up. 

Because of Him I know I can make it through my trials. 

Because of Him I never have to walk alone. 

Because of Him I can enjoy the beauty all around me. 

Because of Him I too can live again.

Because of Him there are no true endings.
Because of Him I am truly happy.

Sorry Not Sorry

I am sorry that so many of my posts lately have been spiritual, but really, I'm not sorry at all. You see, in this time of beauty with all of the plants that seemed so dead before starting to bloom once again, it is hard to not see the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life. Everything that was so brown and lifeless has all of the sudden sprung to life with brilliant colors. It is interesting that Heavenly Father chose this time of year for the Savior to be resurrected. He too, once dead rose with new life showing himself not only to his old friends but to the people in the Americas. It is beautiful and perfect. 

Because finals are coming, life has been hectic. I did finish my last research paper though! It felt good. I wrote my last research paper of my undergrad career! And, later that night my roommates and I went to the creamery to celebrate. They had tin roof!! Tender mercies. I have also been working my tail off trying to get everything done for the three events we had this week. By Wednesday I was bumped, bruised, and my muscles cried in pain every time I moved. Stupid final survival kits. They help everyone except me survive finals. Thursday I left class a little early to go to our ward activity. It was at the Provo Recreation Center, and I will never turn down a chance to go swimming. After two hours of going down water slides, rock climbing, swimming in the lazy river, and soaking my sore muscles in the hot tub, I slowly walked away from the pool. So much fun. So worth missing part of class for. 

Friday I made the best decision I have made in a long time. I went to the BYU Easter Conference. I didn't even know that was a thing before. The theme this year was Our Savior's Love. Before it even started, the piano player played I Know that My Redeemer Lives. Before it even started I could feel the spirit all around me. Lloyd Newell, the voice of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Music and the Spoken Word, was the first speaker of the night. The first question he asked was if we could really change, and he answered it with a resounding yes. We can change and walk in newness of life. Change comes through the Atonement of Christ. It takes us to places we could never imagine without it. The plan of salvation is our ultimate adventure in life, and in times we feel we can go no further, we must remember that our testimonies helped us conquer in heaven, and they can help us conquer now. He quoted Elder Maxwell saying, "Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion--as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually." I loved that. We all have weaknesses, but sometimes seeing our weaknesses just means we are moving closer to our Father in Heaven not farther away. The next speaker was Kelly Ogden. He taught things I had absolutely never thought of before. He said without the event of the resurrection there would be no resurrection faith. Also, Christ could have easily left the tomb on his own, but angels rolled the stone away. Why? He left his burial clothes in their place to prove no mortal man could have moved the body. Again, why? He did is so others could have a testimony that the tomb was empty, and He is risen. I had also never thought where he had been when he told Mary not to touch him because he had not ascended to his Father yet. He was preaching the gospel of his resurrection in the spirit world. He was being a missionary. Wow. In some of his final remarks, Brother Ogden said that even for Christ a crown of thorns comes before the crown of glory. Even for Christ... The final speaker was Sister Dalton. We all know how much I love her. She asked a question I ask myself all of the time. Why did the Savior go through the atonement? She was kind enough to answer it. He did it because of love. He did it so he would understand every little thing we go through. In our sparkly and spectacular world we can sometimes feel broken, but we can still feel the spirit and know He is always there to help. He says, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." In reality it is MY yoke that is easy and MY burden that is light because He is on the other side. We never walk alone. When trials come we must endure it well. We must "hold on thy way..." because "God shall be with you forever and ever." She said to take the scripture John 21:16-17 and enter our names. Megan, lovest thou me? Do you love me more than all of this? In October of 2012 Elder Holland spoke of this picking up after Christ asked this of Peter for the third time. "To which Jesus responded (and here again I acknowledge my nonscriptural elaboration), perhaps saying something like: “Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me." We cannot go back to our old lives once our testimony has changed by the gospel of Christ. Our calling is to bless lives, to try to be like Him, to be loyal to Him. He will run to us, heal us, lift us up, and help us stand once again when we are on the ground feeling broken. I hope to all those feeling broken I can be like Christ and help them stand once again. Sister Dalton talked about the song I Stand All Amazed. She also spoke of the song that had brought the spirit in to me in the beginning, I Know that My Redeemer Lives. My testimony continues to grow and change, but I will always know that my Redeemer Lives because what comfort that sweet sentence gives. 

Saturday came all of the sudden. What happened to my week? I threw my first ever bridal shower for dear Kaitlyn. It wasn't too shabby! I love her. I cannot wait for her wedding! That night I also had the Traditions Ball. Oh my. Getting all dressed up in a dress I have been saving for this special night made me happy. With my hair curled and makeup done to perfection I headed off. I am sad to say my prince charming didn't come sweep me off my feet at the ball. I stayed the working Cinderella even in my ballgown. By the end, I would have happily taken a tablecloth off of a table and slept underneath it. Being the true Cinderella I am, I would have also been happy sleeping by the fireplace. The ball was beautiful though, and it seemed to go well. I am  just thankful it is over! Let's be real here. Wearing heels for that long... Bleh. More pictures of the ball will be up in the next couple of weeks. I promise.

In this Easter season, even for those of us with work or school, I hope we never forget our Savior. When we feel inadequate, He is teaching us how to allow Him to work through us. When we are full of sorrow or feeling broken I hope we always remember there is no sorrow heaven cannot heal. I hope we always remember to choose to have faith. I know that He lives, and I consistently stand all amazed at the love and grace He always offers me.

 

#LDSconf The Blessings are Real

No Longer Afraid

By: Megan Fairchild

I have bitten my fingers until they've bled, 

and I've tossed and turned in my sleep. 

I walk with the speed of a frightened girl, 

and I have not muttered a peep. 

I've gone through work and classes, 

becoming sore and tired on the way. 

All this and my brain doesn't stop worrying, 

very much to my dismay. 

You see, I've got a knack for over-thinking, 

over-analyzing every detail. 

I just wish I could think and worry 

on a much smaller kind of scale. 

Good thing the Lord is always watching 

and waiting for me to call for His aid. 

He quickly stretches out his hand. 

Then, thankfully I am no longer afraid. 

Conference was the blessing of all blessings for me. When you watch with a prayer in your heart, it is always answered even if it is not how you would expect. You would think 8 hours (10 for the men) of talks and hymns in two days seems a little extreme, but I almost wanted more. Elder Holland taught me what it takes to be a disciple of Christ, and told us to take heart because pure Christ-like love can change the world. Elder Rasband shared D&C 84:88 which is just a beautiful scripture that is one of my favorites. Elder Anderson taught me that challenges will come, but when I put my trust in my Heavenly Father those challenges will strengthen me. President Eyring made me cry. He reminded me that through the converts in my family, I am left with a priceless heritage of hope and by holding the gospel in my hands I also hold the happiness of more people than I can imagine. I hope I can leave the example of faith and hope that he mentioned. Elder Nelson told us that faith is the antidote for fear, and it is always safe to put our faith in Christ and let it show. Elder Scott simply told me that it may seem difficult to put my faith and trust in the Lord, but I must find a way. Elder Hales taught me that I want to be one in whom the Lord is well-pleased, and I want to be called a good and faithful servant. Elder Cook gave me more motivation to do temple work. President Uchtdorf taught that we can be grateful for our circumstances no matter what they are. There are no true endings only everlasting beginnings. Elder Stevens said that the gospel is not weight but wings. God accomplishes miracles one prayer at a time, one person at a time, and prayer doesn't change God. It changes me. Elder Stevenson said that if we seek His help and follow His directions, we cannot lose. We should run the race that is set before us with patience. Elder Bednar helped me realize that the Savior really does help us bear our burdens with ease because He perfectly knows and understands each one of us and what we are going through. President Monson said that opportunities to show our love may come unexpectedly, but if we act on them the recipient may remember them for a lifetime. President Packer reminded us to build our foundation on Christ, while Elder Walker told us we are standing on the shoulders of giants (those brave saints who have come before us). Elder Crowbridge taught that the heavens are not closed and we still have revelations given to us. Elder Teh told us that faith in Jesus Christ gives us hope that everything will work out eventually, and Elder Aidukaitis said that faith requires work. President Monson closed this conference by saying that Heavenly Father will come close to us, and He will go far to help us. He loves us. No matter if you are a member or not, I invite you to read or watch at least some of the conference talks. Pick one that sounds interesting. Come with one question, or a few. I know it will be answered. I am so thankful to have a prophet and apostles on the earth today, and I am thankful for all of the words that were shared this weekend. Because I am no longer afraid.

The World is Our Campus or the Campus is Our World

I have been somewhat irresponsible this week. I only have six more days of school, and even though the sun doesn't always shine my senioritis does. Sunday I spent time with friends all afternoon and evening even though I did not feel well. Monday I still wasn't feeling well but decided to drown my sorrows in a mint brownie before Janessa and I headed off to a crazy (not in a good way) FHE. Wednesday I was running around all day and instead of doing homework when I got home I went to a party for work. Sitting on a very small couch with Amanda and Brody watching a movie made me laugh. I need more moments like that. Thursday I didn't do homework again and even missed class to go on a date. Um... Yeah I did that. Yesterday I went to the temple before the work and left work just in time to go out with Janessa, come home and watch a movie, go on a failed hiking adventure, and finish our night with a few episodes of "I Dream of Jeanie." Today was full of four hours of uplifting, spiritual light from the General Authorities of the church. Somehow, even with all of the fun, I have still gotten things done. I have still gotten enough sleep, and I am not behind in any of my classes. School is important, especially in my last real semester, but having fun is important too. 

Also, my boss is really mature and hides army men all over my desk. Every day I find a new one. It has become war.

 Now, we all know that naturally I started this. He just continues on with it. So, this week while he was in a meeting I taught him a lesson and did this to all of the plants he has on his desk. He may have won the small battles, but I won the war.

With Each Word and Action We Testify

There are constant reassurances in my life that my Heavenly Father knows me. He knows what I want, and he knows what I need. I went on a date Friday night. I know all of you are laughing because I always say that I never get asked out. It is a real fear of mine that I may never get married because I never go on dates. Well, right when I get to the peak of my panic, I am asked out on a date. I should be fine for a while now, but I am going on another date this Thursday. Now I am laughing at myself. The date was so fun though. Seriously. I needed that. Then today, there was the General Women's Meeting. It was beautiful. I learned a few things. Women need women. We need the deep, satisfying, and loyal relationships with one another. We need to love one another MORE as well as to love one another BETTER. I especially liked President Eyring's talk. He said trials, tests, and opportunities are chosen just for you, and Heavenly Father's plan helps us navigate through them. With that help, we can help others through theirs. The journey through life is too hard without help, but with help we can feel the joy as we journey back home. Lastly, as we move up the pathway towards our potential we bring about God's approval. In one of the talks, we were asked what it means to us to be a disciple of Christ. I thought about that a lot for the rest of the night and into Sunday. I will tell you part of my testimony that is ever-changing and ever-growing. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I know that He lives. I know that if I put my trust in my Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost I will be able to choose the right path. I know some wrong paths will be disguised as opportunities in my life, but with a little help, I will be able to navigate through them. I do not know where life will take me, but I will find joy in the journey. I know that happiness comes from the light of Christ radiating in my life. I know that to make a difference in the world, I have to be different from the world. I am trying to do that by living the gospel of Christ. I know that my part matters because I matter to my Heavenly Father. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. I am proud to be a Mormon. I am thankful for the scriptures and how I can learn from them no matter how many times I read them. I am so thankful for a living prophet on the earth today, and I am thankful that I can consistently learn from him and his apostles. With that being said, I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be here at BYU. I get to "run into" the apostles quite often. Today, it was Elder Bednar. He taught me something, as apostles usually do. He said, "You can be prepared for life, but you're never in control of it." He went on to tell us that we are not in charge, our Heavenly Father is. We need to act, not be acted upon. When we act, we are acting on opportunities given to us by our Heavenly Father. It was a magical morning. I needed to hear exactly what he had to say. It's funny how things work out like that... 

Sweet is the Peace the Gospel Brings

Sometimes people you love die before you were ready. This is a post I have been thinking about for a long time, but I have been too scared to write. I think it is time now. I feel like a lot of dear people in my life have passed away lately. I haven't experienced the death of someone close to me before, and has been harder than I ever imagined. The day before and the day Fenway died, I could not do anything but cry. Full of emotions that I did not know how to express, I just leaked. All the time. I feel like in a way that prepared me. During fall semester I got a text from one of my friends. Her mom was dying. Her mom was so strong. She did everything for her girls. And sometimes me. Multiple sleepovers, girls camps, young women activities, and Primary lessons were only a few of the dear memories I had with her. That text from my friend paralyzed me. I could not even walk the rest of the way to class. I sat down and tried to process things for a little while. She fought hard, but sometimes something bad has to happen for something better to come along. Her three girls have a stronger relationship with their dad now. Not too much longer my mom told me that Sister Lear had died. She had always lived just up the street from us. She was the sweetest little lady, and I loved getting to see her when we went back to visit the DeSoto ward. She had a brightness about her. It was in her eyes, in her smile. I loved her. I still do. On New Year's Eve we got news that my great grandma had died. I don't remember much about her before she went into the nursing home, but I remember a few things. She always had a soft voice, she joked even the last time I saw her, and she loved puzzles. I like to think I got my love of puzzles from her. Every time I do a puzzle now I smile and think of her. The sadness I saw my mom experience was difficult for me to see. A couple weeks ago I learned that another dear friend, Brother Yates had died. He was just the sweetest old man. The one who loved fried pies and my hats. He loved everyone, and everyone loved him. When his sweet wife died a few years back he hoped he wouldn't be far behind. I guess that is true love. I am so glad they can be together again. In class last week we were going over how death affects families and how they can be resilient through that type of stressor. My teacher brought tissues to class. That is a bad sign. He was evil. He had us write a family member's name on a piece of paper. I put Ryan. He was the first one I thought of. I wish I hadn't. He then told us that person had died unexpectedly, but we could write them one letter. I had to fight back the tears. It was awful. I hope with all of my heart that I die before that boy. I love him so much, and it hurts my heart to even think about having to say goodbye to him for real. Luckily, I have the gospel in my life. It doesn't make it less hard, but at least I know that when I have to say goodbye to my family I will be able to see them again one day. I am so thankful for eternal families. I am thankful that my parents are worthy members of the church and were sealed to each other when they were married. I am thankful and hopeful that one day I will be able to be sealed in the temple for time and all eternity to my husband so we can have an eternal family. I am thankful for the people in my life who have showed me how to live a happy life. A few secrets to happiness I have learned from them include love, family, the gospel, compassion, humor, and friends. Those are pretty great things.

Brain Dead

Tuesday after classes I got to talk to Eric on the phone. It felt good to smile or laugh the entire way home. I am so thankful that even though he is married we can still talk. I am so thankful to have a friend like him in my life no matter how weird other people think our relationship is. This week was a little crazy, and I loved getting that break. Monday I spent three hours in orientation for my internship at the Division of Child and Family Services. I am so excited. Wednesday I went to the temple with Meghan and got to do family names for these two little old women there. They were so cute!
Thursday! Kaitlyn invited me to a Women in Business event. Guys, I wish I could express my excitement here. I am just so tired right now, and no matter what I said I wouldn't be able to do it justice. I met Sister Dalton. I saw her in her glorious sunshine yellow blazer, and my mouth fell open and quickly formed a gigantic smile. She made eye contact with me with my mouth still gaping open. She said hello to me, and I am pretty sure I stopped breathing for a moment. Then, she shook my hand! Ah!!!! I was so happy. Kaitlyn and I got seats on the third row, but we soon got up and took a picture with Sister Dalton. I thought I was happy before... Not even close. I couldn't stop smiling. And... I got to hug her. I am pretty sure that my love for Sister Dalton will be as close as I will ever get to idol worship, and let me tell you it's pretty close. Her words were amazing. The rest of the event couldn't even compete. The event did make me think though... If I were a little smarter, I would get my Master's in business. Too bad.
I finally applied for graduation. I also scheduled a meeting with my advisor so they can approve my application. With that application in, I was invited to an event called Senior Celebration and a luncheon for the School of Family Life graduates in which my most influential teachers are invited. I also scheduled a haircut (I've never gotten one in Utah so it was a big deal). I got tickets to see Elizabeth Smart speak in a couple weeks. I missed her when she spoke a week or so ago, and I wasn't going to miss it this time. I am excited to hear her. At work at I had to run to the BYUSA office. I ran into Angela. Boy do I miss her. It was nice to get to talk to her for a minute and awkwardly give her a side hug since I had numerous black lights in my arms at the moment. I really do need to make it a priority to go in and actually talk to her. I haven't seen her since August.
You know how Friday is supposed to be date night? Well, instead of going on a date I gave a two hour class on marriage enrichment to couples. My capstone project is mostly done. I created the program from theory and research and practiced it. All I have to do now is write up a paper on it. I survived! After working on a powerpoint for hours this morning I have given up. I am exhausted. I should get out and do something fun since it is the weekend, but I am so dang tired!
Honestly, can I be done now? 39 days until I am home. 44 days until I am twenty. 151 days until graduation. 

Whoosh, Cecil!

There is a level of admiration, dedication, and respect that goes along with being at BYU that cannot be matched. Today in devotional we had two General Authorities come to speak to us. The first, spoke lovingly about his days at BYU, the importance of his wife to him and the eternal love he had for her, and the power of the Holy Ghost in our lives. That was a beautiful talk, and I almost wished it could have gone on longer. When he sat down, President Eyring stood at the podium. With a smile, he stood and spoke of the service that President Cecil Samuelson and his wife have given for eleven years. We all knew what was coming. Quickly looking at Sister Samuelson, I saw tears welling in her eyes, and they quickly came to mine. As President Eyring released President Samuelson from duty, it was all I could do to keep the tears from dropping into my lap. President and Sister Samuelson have done an amazing job, and I am proud to say I was at BYU during their service. As President Eyring finished what he had to say (calling a new president) and sat down, the Marriott Center was completely silent. There was not a cough or a sniffle. Even the typing of reporters had stopped. The closing prayer was said, and BYU students amazed me once again. Everyone stood and with a reverence that, as I have said before, could only be witnessed at BYU gave President and Sister Samuelson a standing ovation. President Samuelson who had stayed stone-faced thus far gave in and the tears came to him as well, so I don't feel as bad about my tears. I will never forget that moment. The moment that you think would take away the spirit from the room but only expounded upon it. The moment when nothing and everything changed for BYU. I will always love, respect, and admire the Samuelsons. I am so thankful for them. I know President Worthen will do an outstanding job as well, but I am glad I could be here when the Samuelsons were. So, President and Sister Samuelson, Cecil and Sharon, thank you. Thank you for upholding the standards of this university that I love so much. Thank you for dedicating your lives to it even though you were University of Utah graduates. Thank you for looking out for the students here. Thank you for watching out for me. Thank you for the devotionals, luncheons, tickets to the President’s Box for the Texas game, and of course for letting us yell, “Whoosh, Cecil!!” at the basketball game with the players made a free throw. Thank you for all you did, and thank you for being you.