Summa Summa Summertime

Summer has given me time. Time to think. Time to read. Time to worry. Time to enjoy myself. Here are a few things that have come into my mind and a few pictures from my adventures as of late. 

1. I have a horrible thought right now that I don't need friends. I am about to leave. Why should I make an effort to make new friends? I know what it is. It's my way of coping. I hate saying goodbye, and the less people I have to say goodbye to. Lately I have been spending time with new friends when I forget that I am not supposed to be getting close to more people. Then, right when I remember I pull away. As is life. I am happy but confused. I want to go out and have fun, but I am so tired of being hurt. I am tired of being there for people whenever they need me only to be left in the dust when they no longer do. I am tired of the so-called friends that never talk to me unless they are bored or need something. I have a few really good friends here, and I feel like that is all I really need. We have been told that we hate endings because we are eternal beings. I like that my fear in goodbyes is justified. I don't want to lose people I love. I don't want to be easily forgotten. I want someone to miss me when I'm gone. I want to keep some friendships alive while I let others go. Maybe this is all just a fear of change... a fear of what life will be like when I go home. It may be a loss... of friendships, my independence, and some of the things I have always hoped for. Then again, it may be a time of gain for me... a chance to gain new experiences, figure out what I really want out of life, and a chance to start again. I don't know. It could be both. Still, inside me there is always that fear of what's to come. This coming year fills me with anxiety of the unknown. In times like these I am so thankful for the friends that are always by my side and those that never fail to make me smile. 

2. Right now, it is a huge thing that the leader of the Ordain Women movement was excommunicated from the church. I felt bad for her. She just wanted to make a difference, as wrong as it was. At first I was really upset. I knew how media would take it: someone with a different opinion was kicked out. This movement has been an eye-opener for me. I don't want the priesthood and feel like acting the way some in this movement have would make me feel like I could not sustain the church leaders, but I do sustain them and love and respect them dearly. Although it makes me sad that the Young Men have a bigger budget then the Young Women organization, Relief Society activities are almost always crafty things, and you do not need any women to form a group, branch, ward, or even stake, I know that I am in the true church. It isn't perfect, but it is true. Heavenly Father knew what I was going through. He always does. So, I usually read one chapter from my scriptures a night. I was very behind but finally caught up on Sunday night. Somehow, the night I was calling into question everything that is happening I came to 3 Nephi 14: 15-20 which says, "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore, by their fruits ye shall know them." That made sense to me. I feel so much better now. 

3. Fun is coming! The fourth of July I am going to a Carrie Underwood concert with fireworks afterward. My last Fourth in Utah is going out with a bang. Literally. The next weekend I will be hiking the Narrows in Zion National Park. Camping+hiking+a river= I'm in. Let's do this! A week and a half later I will be heading to California. Family, beaches, and adventure. What more could I ask for? I have also started my final class and love it. It is in my top five favorite classes. Better yet, there is no final! The final is a party. I am so close to being done. 50 days from today I will be walking across the stage in a cap and gown. Adventures, a fun class, more work, my internship continues, and then I will be done. So exciting! Also, I have a very nice tan, and my summer is only halfway over. I cannot wait for my graduation pictures. I will actually be tan! That in and of itself is worth not walking in April for. After a long winter I would just look pasty in that navy gown. But now... :) I love summer so much. I need it to be summer all of the time! My only real summertime sadness other than the fact that I will be leaving at the end is the fact that I have to wear pants to work. It's a pretty great summer so far. 

It snowed in June. Utah... 

This is normal at BYU. :)

Enlightened and Excited Me

     I always thought that staying home to be a full time mom sounded like an awful idea. I did not like the idea of going to school and wasting my time in getting an education to just be a mom. Why pay to go to school to be something that has been proven to not need any schooling at all? After picking my major at BYU and changing from political science to family life, this thought really resonated with me. I hear, "Oh, I just want to be a mom" all of the time. My major is in the top ten of chosen majors at BYU. I would be proud, but I know why. Girls who had previous plans to be something great got married and then just wanted to choose a major that could get them out as soon as possible. Yes, my major is shorter than some, and I guess it would be useful in family life. It still bothered me. They were the ones who were giving my major the bad name of a "mommy major." 
     Everything changed today. We had a feminism panel in my favorite class. I am a feminist. I know that word has a fairly negative connotation. It shouldn't. Yes, there are different typologies, but all of them are not what you think of when visualizing the stereotypical feminist. I learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with staying home with your family even though you are educated and could go and have a huge name in society. When you have an education there is nothing that can stop your children from being great. You can teach them in the home, show them the importance of getting an education, show them how to serve, and show them how to work hard. Then, when they are grown they will be able to go out and make a difference in the world, and they will attribute it to you. You will realize that because they made a difference, you made a difference. Every person your children affect can be tied to you. How rewarding would that be?
     I know there is a way to find a balance in my life with school, work, and family. I want to go out and work with Family Services working with adoptions, children who have come from broken homes, or teenagers transitioning from the foster home life to the real world. I want to make a difference, but if the difference I make comes from the differences my children make I am now okay with that. Men and women are different. We should celebrate those differences. I do not believe society should go back to the 1950s family structure. There is a reason that has changed. I do believe that whether a woman goes out to work or stays home with the children they should be treated as equals. Feminine traits should not be undervalued.There is a divinity in womanhood and a responsibility in grace and respect. Women are armed with spiritual power and with an enlightened source for good no matter which life path we choose. I guess I am more open to something mentioned in my Patriarchal Blessing now. If I teach my children in my home, I will be okay with that.
     Today was full of exciting and enlightening moments such as this one. I fell twice yesterday on the slick snow and ice. With a sore body I did everything in my power to remain upright today. The tree I decorated for Student Alumni got entered in a BYU Magazine contest on who had the best Christmas tree. As of right now we are winning! Then, I applied for a social work internship in GHANA! I probably won't get it, but it is still exciting that I did it. That is one of the craziest things I have ever even considered doing. A dream is a wish your heart makes... I have always wanted to go to Africa to work with the kids there. This may be my chance. Maybe.