As Promised

Top 2014 Highlights:

1. Movie nights with Julie Anne.
2. Tubing at Soldier Hollow. 
3. Hot Springs. 
4. Going to the last home basketball game with Meghan. 
5. Traditions Ball. 
6. Trying Thai food.
7. Andy Grammar concert. 
8. BYU Easter Conference.
9. Internship at DCFS.
10. Meeting/Hugging Sister Dalton.
11. Going to the temple more than 10 weeks in a row with Meghan. 
12. So You Think You Can Dance and numerous other adventures with Jan. 
13. 5K with my mom while wearing a "I Pooped Today" shirt. 
14. Kaitlyn got married!
15. I turned 20 and got pictures in the bluebonnets. 
16. Hiking the Utah arches. 
17. Seeing Cinderella at the outdoor theater with Dani. 
18. Hiking the Narrows and camping with Julie Anne. 
19. Carrie Underwood concert and fireworks for the 4th of July.
20. So many Seven Peaks days with Meghan. 
21. California. Need I say more? 
22. Getting to be there when President and Sister Samuelson got released.
23. Bike ride during a thunderstorm with Jan.
24. Kayaking and paddleboarding in a duck pond with Jan and the stake. 
25. Graduation. 2014!!!
26. Vivien Leigh. 
27. Texas State Fair.
28. Time Out for Women. 
29. My high school homecoming game.
30. My job at Children's Medical Center. 

Highlight of 2015: Someone said I could be in the show "Downton Abbey." My year has already been made!

An Everlasting Beginning

You know when you have those really tough days for no reason? They happen to all of us. It could be because it was a Monday, because I realized getting back into BYU just isn't a reality for me, because the fact that I am a boomerang kid hit me, or because I stayed up too late the night before, but I had a really tough day last Monday. There isn't much else to it. I had one of those days where whenever my mom or dad looked at me I felt like a failure and tears would come to my eyes, where every little thing annoyed me, and all I wanted to do was sit and watch movies. Like I said, we all have those days. But, it is on those particularly rough days that you have to look around you and just smile because of everything and everyone you are blessed with. For instance, two of my really good friends texted me all day even though I know they are at school and already stressing with their crazy school schedules, homework, and social lives. And you know what? Both of them made me laugh. On that same day my mom and dad showed me how much they loved me. I know both of them wanted me to go back to BYU so badly, but both told me it was okay and that I am meant to go down another path. Those rough days mean tight hugs, emails from Becca, and going to the store to find the two seasons of Downton Abbey that I didn't have yet on sale and mom staying up later than usual to watch an episode with me. It is also on those particular days that you realize no matter how ugly of a crier you are that the spotted dog will always be there to lick away your tears, and the puppy is still too small to get away from your hugs no matter how badly she wants down to play. I am thankful for hard days, because although they really suck, they remind me how blessed I am to have such amazing and loving people in my life.

I am not really having a hard time right now, but sometimes I do miss school and the life I had there. It is an ending, and who likes those? President Uchtdorf said it best: 

There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny. The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings.

So, for now I am going to work through this ending because I know there are no true endings. There are only everlasting beginnings.

Boston Terror

Vivien Leigh Fairchild. Born on June 14, 2014. The runt of the litter. Two pink spots on her nose, and the white markings on her neck come to a V in the back (Coincidence? Probably, but I like to think not.). Big ears that were somewhat floppy at the tops when we got her but have since straightened out. And most importantly, the cutest little thing you ever did see. 

Before I really start this, let me set one thing straight. Nothing and no one will ever replace my best boy, Fenway. He was an American Gentleman that will never be forgotten. But, I do feel like Vivien has been the best thing for me since leaving Utah and all of my friends behind. Fenway was my American Gentleman, but Vivien is quickly becoming my Southern Belle. She isn't here to replace but just to love and be a companion for me in my new adventure.

Once cleaning for my last cleaning check, graduation ceremonies, and that dreadfully long car ride home were over, it was time to get my puppy. I was a little disappointed that we could not get her right away, but I kept busy and started to unpack. Little did I know this would be one of the last times I would have to actually get things done. In the car on the way back from Utah, dad asked me what the last word of the breed was. I said terrier. He said, "No. Terror." I blew it off as a joke, but it was just foreshadowing for what was about to happen in my life. So, our story begins back in the car an hour or two after I got home from Utah... 

I was trying my best to stay calm, but how do you do that when you're on your way to get your long awaited puppy? Longest. Drive. Of. My. Life. We pulled into the driveway of the little house, walked up to the door, and dad knocked. No one came. It felt like forever before someone came to the door. A little old man opened it, and his wife was a few steps behind him holding a tired looking puppy. She raised her up a little and, looking at me, asked if she was mine. I violently shook my head, and my arms went out before I even realized it. My little Vivien. Mine. She was so sleepy on the way home. Either that or she was acting shy with the camera being pointed at her. Hesitantly I let my mom and brother hold her in the car. I just wanted her all of the time. 

I thank heaven that the next two days she slept a lot. Who would have thought my little sleepy puppy would turn into something that we ever so lovingly refer to as "Beasty." My little snuggly baby quickly turned into a wiggly, rambunctious, hyper, and sassy puppy. She bites anything she can get to whether it is you or something of yours ranging from your nose to the knobs on the kitchen cabinets. The little one that didn't need a leash has turned into the one that wants to play so badly that sometimes she runs out in the street without knowing what she is doing. The little one that would sleep on her bed has already become the one that would much rather be on the couch with a blanket or on the bed with you. Best yet, the little one that Savannah paid no mind to at first is the one that always instigates play time when she is awake. My little puppy is growing all too fast. 

The day after we got her she had a vet appointment. How could something weighing in just under five pounds steal my heart so quickly? I may never understand. Being a mom has its challenges. Waking up at all hours of the night, being thrown up and peed on, cleaning up more poop than I like to admit, having to put her down when she doesn't want to be held and wants to do things on her own and in her own way, paying for vet bills, and having scrapes and scratches from little puppy teeth and claws make me wonder what I am doing sometimes. But, on the other hand, at night when she comes and lays her head on my neck and falls asleep beside me, the kisses she gives when I have been gone and come back, and the sweet looks she gives me make it all worth it. My little Beasty may have a little devil in her Angel Eyes, but I guess she just takes after me. I love my little Vivien Leigh more than I can explain. 

P.S. I will have her a BYU Cougars fan in no time. Don't worry. 

P.S.S. No matter how much mom and dad say they don't like her, don't let them fool you. Both have asked to play or snuggle with her, and they light up when she gives them kisses or does something funny. 

P.S.S.S. I have to hurry and finish this because my computer is currently being eaten by mentioned Beasty. 

When Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

"Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light." -Dumbledore

I'm not saying these are dark times. In fact, although I am a little worried about what I am going to do with my life after I graduate, I have been having so much fun the last few weeks. So, even when things are going well it is always fun to look at the light and smile.

First,last Friday my friends threw me a surprise party. I wasn't in the best mood that day and told Janessa I did not want to go to the "movie night" we were having. She grounded me, and I went anyway. When we got there and they all jumped out I simply thought they were trying to scare Jan. I didn't even think that it was her house and she knew they were there. So, I kept walking. I didn't realize what was happening until I saw the balloons that spelled Megan and realized Meghan was there. She lied to me! Jan lied to me too! Haha I love them. They even had Cafe Rio catered. Yum. So, after eating all the Cafe Rio and homemade Oreos, or homeos as we called them, our hearts desired we went outside to watch a movie with the projector. After Disturbia and The Proposal we all came back. What a fun night! 

Sunday I went over to Julie Anne's, and we had a movie night as well. We watched Grease. It's a classic and hard to beat. When it was over, Julie Anne grabbed my ankle and wouldn't let me go for the longest time. I am going to miss her and all of her shenanigans.

This Monday Jan and I decided we wanted to go on a bike ride after FHE. Right when we got the bikes unlocked it started pouring. We went anyways. Why not? We weren't really afraid because we couldn't see or even that the cars probably couldn't see us. We were afraid of the lightening. We went around the block and just laughed. We were soaked afterwards, but it was worth it. 

Tuesday Meghan and I went to Seven Peaks. It never gets old. It really doesn't. 

Wednesday I finished my internship, and then I went out to dinner with Dani and Tyler. We went to Guru's which is always a winner, and oh my yum. So many sweet potato fries. So much flavor in my cilantro lime quesadillas. I enjoyed getting to talk and laugh with Dani and Ty like old times. I love them both, and I am going to miss them. 

Thursday I finished my last assignment. Thirty-one pages I fought to finish. Now I have my final and I have to grade someone else's project on Monday. Then I am free!!Meghan and I went to the temple last night. We haven't been in a while, and there was so much peace in my heart. I finished the Book of Mormon while inside (it was a goal of mine to finish it before I graduated when I started it in January). When I came out I checked my phone. I had been looking at puppies at work earlier that day, and I found a couple I was interested in. I had sent one to my dad to look at, and my mom and dad said yes to her. I did not sleep last night. 

Today my dad put a deposit down on the puppy. I am a proud owner of a little girl Boston Terrier whom I have named Vivien Leigh Fairchild. She is the little runt, but all three pounds of her have stolen my heart. I can hardly wait to meet her in person when I get back! Today I also finished work. I am no longer an employee of BYU. My boss brought four different flavors of sweet rolls today (cinnamon, orange, raspberry, and blueberry) and the two people we are training brought me ice cream bars and red velvet cupcakes for a graduation/going away party. I feel that today was pretty successful, and tonight we are having another outdoor movie night in which we will be watching Divergent and possibly When a Stranger Calls. I think my favorite thing is that part of my family will be here tomorrow, and the other part will be here Monday! Then, I graduate and move on to the next adventure. Every little thing really is going to be alright. 

Summa Summa Summertime

Summer has given me time. Time to think. Time to read. Time to worry. Time to enjoy myself. Here are a few things that have come into my mind and a few pictures from my adventures as of late. 

1. I have a horrible thought right now that I don't need friends. I am about to leave. Why should I make an effort to make new friends? I know what it is. It's my way of coping. I hate saying goodbye, and the less people I have to say goodbye to. Lately I have been spending time with new friends when I forget that I am not supposed to be getting close to more people. Then, right when I remember I pull away. As is life. I am happy but confused. I want to go out and have fun, but I am so tired of being hurt. I am tired of being there for people whenever they need me only to be left in the dust when they no longer do. I am tired of the so-called friends that never talk to me unless they are bored or need something. I have a few really good friends here, and I feel like that is all I really need. We have been told that we hate endings because we are eternal beings. I like that my fear in goodbyes is justified. I don't want to lose people I love. I don't want to be easily forgotten. I want someone to miss me when I'm gone. I want to keep some friendships alive while I let others go. Maybe this is all just a fear of change... a fear of what life will be like when I go home. It may be a loss... of friendships, my independence, and some of the things I have always hoped for. Then again, it may be a time of gain for me... a chance to gain new experiences, figure out what I really want out of life, and a chance to start again. I don't know. It could be both. Still, inside me there is always that fear of what's to come. This coming year fills me with anxiety of the unknown. In times like these I am so thankful for the friends that are always by my side and those that never fail to make me smile. 

2. Right now, it is a huge thing that the leader of the Ordain Women movement was excommunicated from the church. I felt bad for her. She just wanted to make a difference, as wrong as it was. At first I was really upset. I knew how media would take it: someone with a different opinion was kicked out. This movement has been an eye-opener for me. I don't want the priesthood and feel like acting the way some in this movement have would make me feel like I could not sustain the church leaders, but I do sustain them and love and respect them dearly. Although it makes me sad that the Young Men have a bigger budget then the Young Women organization, Relief Society activities are almost always crafty things, and you do not need any women to form a group, branch, ward, or even stake, I know that I am in the true church. It isn't perfect, but it is true. Heavenly Father knew what I was going through. He always does. So, I usually read one chapter from my scriptures a night. I was very behind but finally caught up on Sunday night. Somehow, the night I was calling into question everything that is happening I came to 3 Nephi 14: 15-20 which says, "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore, by their fruits ye shall know them." That made sense to me. I feel so much better now. 

3. Fun is coming! The fourth of July I am going to a Carrie Underwood concert with fireworks afterward. My last Fourth in Utah is going out with a bang. Literally. The next weekend I will be hiking the Narrows in Zion National Park. Camping+hiking+a river= I'm in. Let's do this! A week and a half later I will be heading to California. Family, beaches, and adventure. What more could I ask for? I have also started my final class and love it. It is in my top five favorite classes. Better yet, there is no final! The final is a party. I am so close to being done. 50 days from today I will be walking across the stage in a cap and gown. Adventures, a fun class, more work, my internship continues, and then I will be done. So exciting! Also, I have a very nice tan, and my summer is only halfway over. I cannot wait for my graduation pictures. I will actually be tan! That in and of itself is worth not walking in April for. After a long winter I would just look pasty in that navy gown. But now... :) I love summer so much. I need it to be summer all of the time! My only real summertime sadness other than the fact that I will be leaving at the end is the fact that I have to wear pants to work. It's a pretty great summer so far. 

It snowed in June. Utah... 

This is normal at BYU. :)

A Pressed Flower Between Pages

As I read a brand new or a book weathered by time I love the smell of the pages. There is something special about the smell of a book. There is also something much more special about how the book gets thicker each time you read it. It almost seems that you leave something in the pages. Memories or dreams, maybe. You leave something in between those precious pages just as the words from the pages leave something in you. As you read you spill out your thoughts. You are reminded of things you have forgotten or have not thought about. Sometimes it is even things you have wished to forget that once again come to the surface of your mind. You think of your dreams and aspirations in life as the glorious words of a good book flash across your eyes. The book may be left with a crease in the spine, a few wrinkled pages, or is simply left thicker than it was before. You learn something. You love the characters. The words of the books bring only the most vivid images to your mind. You are once again allowed to imagine. Now that I am no longer a child it is harder and harder for me to use my imagination. Books help. They always help. In reading, the book changes you, but you also change the book. This is similar for movies, but it is not quite the same. You watch and a story is brought to life. In watching, time folds upon itself and flies by or is drawn out. In both situations, I take in as much as I can. The colors. The sounds. The life. So far this summer I have watched many movies and read a few books. Gone with the Wind, The Fault in Our Stars and The Book Thief have left their impressions, and I have left mine. Years later when I see these books I will also see myself there, a younger and slightly different self that the books have preserved like a pressed flower between the pages, and I hope I remember this strange yet familiar version of myself. 

--Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

• “Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. "I'm okay" we say. "I'm alright". But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can't get it off. That's when you realize that sometimes it isn't even an answer--it's a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.” 
• “People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness. In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them.” 

--John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

• “My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” 
• “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.” 
• “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” 
• “Without pain, how could we know joy?' This is an old argument in the field of thinking about suffering and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not, in any way, affect the taste of chocolate.” 

--Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

• “Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them.” 
• “After all, tomorrow is another day!” 
• “Never pass up new experiences. They enrich the mind." 

The One About Fire Girl

When I was in Girl Scouts, my nickname became "Fire Girl." It fit me. I was always the first one at the fire and the last one to leave. I would build it and help put it out. Last night I went to a bonfire with my roommates and a few guys from our ward. The name still stands. I love the way the colors bounce in the ever-changing flames. I love the crackle it makes as the wood burns. I enjoy the heat it puts off, even when it is hot outside. When I come home smelling like campfire I don't want to instantly peel off my clothes and shower. It makes me remember all of the wonderful times I have spent around a campfire: Girl Scouts with my best friend and her mom and the other girls in the troop, girls' camp meals and testimony meetings, trek after long days of walking and walking and walking, and even making s'mores with my family in our little fire-pit. Campfires make me smile and miss all of those laughs with my friends or being surrounded by my family with my shivering dog in my lap. This post is dedicated to those wonderful times and memories that I will forever cherish and of course to Fire Girl who has changed so much yet is somehow the same.  

Let Your Faith Show

"Day after day, on your path toward your eternal destiny, increase your faith. Proclaim your faith! Let your faith show!" 

-Elder Russell M. Nelson

Going to church should always be a spiritual experience, but let me be honest for a moment here. Three hours is a long time for me and my too small attention span to sit in one freezing room. Yesterday all of the fears of graduating and not knowing what I am going to do after that hit me. They hit hard. I sat alone in my apartment for the longest time wondering why none of my plans can ever just work out. I was reading Gone With the Wind, and Scarlett's cry for home made me want to be home. But, I don't really feel at home anywhere anymore. Texas is kind of home. My family is there, but it isn't the same. I always revert back to an old version of me. Utah once felt like home but really no longer does. In the moment of that realization I felt completely lost. Today I went to church with a heavy heart ready to draw on the program through the coming hours. For once I was glad that my plans didn't work out. The theme of sacrament meeting was faith. The first speaker used a quote from President Hinckley that I cannot find right now, but in looking for it just now it made me even happier. He said, " Carry on. Things will work out. If you keep trying and praying and working, things will work out." Going along with that, Elder Holland has said, "Keep trying. Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged." The speaker said that Satan works to get us to exercise fear instead of faith, but when we exercise fear with faith we use courage which brings about the smile of God's approval. So, if I let my faith show things will all work out. At the end of the talk the speaker used a quote that said the question isn't if Christ was prepared but whether or not we are prepared to feel His love and receive His strength and power. 

I feel like I should be walking with my head hanging low. I should be ashamed. My Heavenly Father has once again had to remind me to use faith and just trust Him. I wish I could remember that lesson better. I once again had to be taught this lesson, but I am not ashamed. I am thankful that He loves me enough to continue to try to teach me the same lesson. I can continue on without a plan if He is there to always watch out for me, and HE IS! Elder Holland also said, "Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven who loves you more than you can comprehend." On my path toward my eternal destiny, I am so thankful to know that there is a much better plan than mine, and that when my plans fall through there is someone always there to catch me.

It's Not Unusual to Miss the Samuelsons

I meant to post this on his last day, but I was at home and forgot. So, goodbye President and Sister Samuelson. It has been a wonderful three years with you. Knowing that my graduation will be the first without you there will be a little odd but I am sure in time President and Sister Worthen will be loved as much as you two, and I get the opportunity to be a part of his legacy, even if it is only for a little while.

Whoosh, Cecil!

There is a level of admiration, dedication, and respect that goes along with being at BYU that cannot be matched. Today in devotional we had two General Authorities come to speak to us. The first, spoke lovingly about his days at BYU, the importance of his wife to him and the eternal love he had for her, and the power of the Holy Ghost in our lives. That was a beautiful talk, and I almost wished it could have gone on longer. When he sat down, President Eyring stood at the podium. With a smile, he stood and spoke of the service that President Cecil Samuelson and his wife have given for eleven years. We all knew what was coming. Quickly looking at Sister Samuelson, I saw tears welling in her eyes, and they quickly came to mine. As President Eyring released President Samuelson from duty, it was all I could do to keep the tears from dropping into my lap. President and Sister Samuelson have done an amazing job, and I am proud to say I was at BYU during their service. As President Eyring finished what he had to say (calling a new president) and sat down, the Marriott Center was completely silent. There was not a cough or a sniffle. Even the typing of reporters had stopped. The closing prayer was said, and BYU students amazed me once again. Everyone stood and with a reverence that, as I have said before, could only be witnessed at BYU gave President and Sister Samuelson a standing ovation. President Samuelson who had stayed stone-faced thus far gave in and the tears came to him as well, so I don't feel as bad about my tears. I will never forget that moment. The moment that you think would take away the spirit from the room but only expounded upon it. The moment when nothing and everything changed for BYU. I will always love, respect, and admire the Samuelsons. I am so thankful for them. I know President Worthen will do an outstanding job as well, but I am glad I could be here when the Samuelsons were. So, President and Sister Samuelson, Cecil and Sharon, thank you. Thank you for upholding the standards of this university that I love so much. Thank you for dedicating your lives to it even though you were University of Utah graduates. Thank you for looking out for the students here. Thank you for watching out for me. Thank you for the devotionals, luncheons, tickets to the President’s Box for the Texas game, and of course for letting us yell, “Whoosh, Cecil!!” at the basketball game with the players made a free throw. Thank you for all you did, and thank you for being you.

Can Someone Find Me an Adult?

Sometimes I wish I had a grown-up to talk to. Some of my favorite moments growing up were times spent with Mrs. Lisa or Sister Bergquist. When I spent the night with Ashley I was always the first one up whether there were a bunch of girls sleeping over or only me. Waking up early meant having one-on-one talks with Mrs. Lisa. I miss those. I was with Sister Bergquist a lot too. I remember being in the car with her or sticking around her at activities rather than spending time with friends. I loved our talks. I miss those too. On the playground sometimes I didn't want to go play kickball with the boys or spend time making up games with the girls. Sometimes I would sit by the teacher and talk to her. Some of the most important things I learned were learned sitting in that plastic chair next to my teacher. Coming to school freshman year I always longed for that companionship of an adult. Last year I got close to Angela. I loved being able to sit in her office and talk to her whenever I needed. Sometimes when I was at her house I felt like her daughter as we talked and laughed. When she wasn't around, Eric was. He wasn't much older than me, but he was a lot like me because he acted older than he was. We talked a lot. We had long, meaningful conversations. Not having an adult in my life again is hard. I know I am an adult, but it just isn't the same talking to someone my age.
I miss people like Mrs. Lisa, Sister Bergquist, my teachers, Angela, and Eric. I need an adult! It is easier to just be me, the real me, around them.... People my age expect me to be crazy, dance, and play games. In all honesty, I like games, but I like Uno and Sorry. I am not much of a dancer except for the occasional slow dance. I don't really get crazy either. I can have fun around people I am really comfortable with and get a little crazy (especially when a best friend and a huge bag of skittles are involved), but other than that I usually remain my calm, cool, and collected self. I am perfectly happy watching a movie, being around people while they play a game, or just sitting and watching people. I know I am weird. I love being social and get really hyped up when I am put in situations with a lot of people with a lot of people, but I also get wiped out from it all. I wish I could be like a normal person my age, but.... I just can't. I never have been able to.

Faith Isn't a Step into the Dark

Can we talk about those weird conversation hearts for a minute? I found one the other day that said, "Hi Dad." Kind of weird... Now, I could say that Valentine's Day was a sad day. It is Single Awareness Day after all. Funny thing is, it was hard for sure, but I was fine. I got to spend a couple hours with Kaitlyn watching James and his roommates sing at a little restaurant. I also got to watch You've Got Mail which is just a really good movie. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks... Seriously best couple in movies. Meg Ryan with the dream of someone else. Tom Hanks saying, "Don't cry, Shopgirl." I loved it. I also have the most amazing family who sent me a package complete with chocolate, a card, and the cutest and softest giraffe. I named him Georgio. I am so thankful that they love me so much. I love them a ton! 

Yesterday I had only the best Saturday. I didn't wake up in the best mood because I had to get up early to do an interview with a social worker in Spanish Grove. "What is a weekend?" is becoming a real question in my life. Once the interview started and I was fully awake, I was in a much better mood and learned a ton. For everyone worried about me because of the profession I have decided to go into, don't. I know that I am going into a profession with one of the highest rates of burnout, I know people think it is hard because each day is completely different, and I know that social workers do not get paid very much. Sitting in this interview I got an overwhelming feeling that I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing. It is what is right for me and my future family. It took a lot of prayer and worry to decide on a major. This is what I need to do. I will be taken care of. 

On the way home a song I haven't heard in a while came on. Some of the lyrics said, "It's written in the stars a million miles away, a message to the main. Seasons come and go. But I will never change, and I'm on my way." I'm on my way to a new life. Changes are coming. Changes for the good I hope. The rest of my day only got better. I got to go see The Book Thief with Janessa, Ashley, and Julie Anne. Oh my, such a good movie. I loved it. It was really sad and may make you cry (I teared up many times), but it was a wonderful and beautiful movie. It reminds you to actually see what you are looking at. I would certainly watch it again. I also watched the new Hobbit movie. I really like The Lord of the Rings, but the Hobbit movies aren't my favorite. I will say the dragon was fabulous. 

I got out of bed at 11 today. It felt so good to have clean sheets and catch up on the sleep I missed out on over the week. Today I also sang with the ward choir in church. I don't know if it sounded good or not, but I sang! Janessa and I kept laughing all during practice. It was a huge feat that we kept it together during the actual thing. We laughed through most of church, actually. I don't know what was going on, but I did learn that faith isn't a step into the dark. Faith is a step into the light. I am taking a step into the light with my job and my life in general. 

Create the Highest, Grandest Vision Possible For Your Life Because You Become What You Believe

It is now 2014. It is so weird to think about since a few weeks ago I accidentally wrote 2011 on one of my papers without realizing it until my teacher pointed it out. Oops... It's a new year, a time to start again, a time to stop thinking about what you are going to do and start doing it, a time to live your life and be who you are, a time to forget about what happened in 2013 and move on, and a time to take risks and make the most of life. 2013 is a year that I was happy to wave goodbye to. It has been a long one that I don't think I was prepared for but grew to understand and appreciate. It just continued to show me how nothing goes the way we plan. In 2013 I had my first kiss, first boyfriend, one of my best friends got married, I was heartbroken, I got to go sailing, I had three beautiful roommates get married, my puppy died, my bunny died, I took a risk and applied for an internship in Ghana, I developed a severe case of wanderlust, I went home twice, my great-grandma passed away, I got to go see Wicked which is just beautiful, I had so many adventures, made new friends, drove through blizzards, sat in the President's Loge with apostles for the BYU/TX game in which BYU won, decorated the Alumni Christmas tree which won a campus-wide competition and was on TV, went to California for the first time, made my first and second solo rode trips, got an amazing job with the Alumni Association and work with the best people, dropped my cousin off at the MTC, moved apartments, watched a Pioneer Day parade (oh Utah...), went on a trip to Washington with some friends, turned 19, realized I like fry sauce and a million other things I never gave a chance before, was completely covered in glitter, and so much more! It was wonderful and hard. I guess those two things are a package deal. Without one we would not have the other. 

As the semester was coming to a close my some of my roommates and I went to Temple Square to see the beautiful lights. I also went to Thanksgiving Point with Kaitlyn, James, and Julie Anne to see the lights there. I thought it sounded beautiful to be able to stay in my warm car as I drove through them after freezing in Salt Lake. But, we ended up putting the top down to see them better. It was still fun and the coco afterwards made it even better. And... There were reindeer and so many fun things to see! Also before finals we had to throw Dani a bachelorette party. Now, I live in Provo with a bunch of Mormons so don't let your mind go all crazy thinking of what we did. We went to dinner and she opened gifts. Fun but not too insane. Finals were beastly. I only did poorly on one final, and it was my last one (by that point I kind of just give up). When I looked at the test that was supposed to be dates, names, a map, and places, I saw only names. One hundred and fifty names to be exact that I had to match with what they did. Yeah right, but at least I asked for all of the right finals this time! That was a nightmare last year... I got good grades this semester.Going home was something I was excited and nervous about. When I walk in the door I usually go straight for the couch that Fenway slept on. It was odd not doing that. The house felt a little empty without his snoring or the bonks you heard when he ran into something. I just miss him so much. Being at home consisted of shopping trips, appointments, outings with Ryan, eating seafood and Tex-Mex, baking, talks with my mom and dad, being tormented by my loving little brother, musicals, and outing with my best friend, and movies! I love seeing my family. Sometimes I wish I went to college closer to home so I could see them more. Then, I go home and get sat on by Ryan who is HUGE, and I remember why BYU is the place for me. Christmas was a good one even without the "Christmas Day Fenway." Momma got sick around New Year's Eve. I felt so bad, but I was happy to make breakfast in bed for her. Going back to Utah was sadder and harder than it ever has been before. Now I am back... I don't know if I am ready for this new year. I graduate this year! I graduate in seven months and ten days. I guess I can take whatever this year throws at me. Bring it on, 2014! Bring it on....

 P.S. If you didn't know sock monkeys scare me. My best friend (pictured above) and her mom think it is hilarious so each Christmas I get something to add to my collection. I got THE socks this year. They are eating me...