Big Brother

Honestly, there has been a lot of change in my life this past month. After my dog died, I really did not know who I was anymore. I felt like every large piece of my identity had been stripped from me leaving me feeling lost, broken, and confused. I have had friends get married and go on missions, I did not get my BYUSA position, I cannot find a job, my dog died, I dated a boy, I broke up with a boy, and classes are just so so. Now that I got my sob story out, let me tell you a good story. 

Once there was this guy named Eric. I was in BYUSA and so was he. I worked on getting presentations set up and running smoothly. He gave the presentations. At the end, he was always there to help me clean up whether other people were or not. It made me laugh every time when he would run around in his suit popping all of the balloons with his keys. I liked him a little. Then, the winter retreat happened. He sat on the floor with me for an hour while we watched everyone else play this ridiculous game. I really liked him. 

He convinced me to stay for a summer semester to do BYUSA. From that point on, we were together a lot. At first, we were more serious cleaning out the office, going out to an occasional ice cream treat, or making a key lime pie together. We had passing the torch at the end of winter semester and it was then time for me to go home for six weeks. 

We texted the whole time I was home, and I was smitten with this boy. I mean, seriously. I got back and we got to work. He would call me every day because I was acting as Vice President in his stead while he was at his internship for the summer. We started spending even more time together than before. Seven Peaks, movie nights, and just hanging out. As time wore on, we got even closer. We could have more fun together and let loose. At one of our movie nights we were watching Lord of the Rings. He got down on all fours, talked like Gollum saying "my precious" over and over again, and chased me around running like Gollum as well. 

This boy just made me laugh. He put on this business attitude for everyone else, but I knew him so much better than that. Eventually I stopped harboring this deep, adoring crush, because I realized that he was like my big brother. Giraffes became a joke between the two of us because when someone mentioned doing a giraffe handshake in the office we both thought of their long tongues and shot disgusted faces at each other (the kid talking about it was thinking wrapping your necks around each other... oops). So, over Christmas break he sent me a picture of a giraffe. I was in the clerk's office with my mom at church so I drew him one and sent it. Our relationship even escalated to donut runs. I had his credit card more than once. He paid me back for the runs I made for him by giving me a box of donuts with three dozen donuts in it. I shared. Don't worry. 

So, we were always together. Always. My big brother took care of me when I was sick, and made sure I always had something to do on the weekends. We made a good team. He was my best friend. He made me laugh even on the days when I was in the worst of moods. I mean, how do you not laugh at this guy?

 Anyways, he got married and went on his honeymoon that I helped pick out. People in the office jokingly said they were surprised that I did not go on the honeymoon with him. Was it really jokingly? Probably not. When he got back, he called and we got to hang out one more time. He wanted to compare tans. So, I went to see him, and I am definitely darker. How embarrassing. Three weeks in the Caribbean cannot beat my Utah tan. Being with him today made me realize that I know exactly who I am. I have so many amazing friends that are always there for me, I have a loving family back in Texas that loves me dearly, and I am the daughter of a Heavenly Father. Things may not be going the way I would like them to, but I am loved. There is a plan for me. I do not necessarily agree with the plan right now, but everything will work out. So, my big brother is leaving for Texas some time next week. I may or may not get to see him again before that, but I know this was not goodbye forever. He has to come to my wedding (okay, it may be goodbye forever... just kidding... well, maybe not). Goodbye for now, big brother. Thank you once again.