This is Freakin' Awesome

Finals are here. I have already taken one. All my papers are finished, I have been trained for my internship, and only four tests stand in my way of going home. You would think this is a time to complain about those four tests, but let me put a spin on things. Plot twist! This week is awesome. Yesterday was my graduation luncheon. My favorite teacher, Dr. Erin Holmes was the speaker. I absolutely adore her. Yesterday was also Unforum. The name is dumb, but it was fantastic. The theme was "Explore Your Potential." Oddly perfect for my time here at BYU. Men's chorus karaoke, Vocal Point, and one last Whoosh for Cecil made me smile from ear to ear. How much fun! President Samuelson shared a line from a poem by Wadsworth. It goes, " The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained in sudden flight but, they while their companions slept, they were toiling upwards in the night." I thought that was applicable as we head into finals week. After my final class of the semester, it really hit me. College is coming to a close... It kind of makes me sad and scared, but I am so dang excited! I went home to take my first final and then... I went to a concert. Andy Grammer. Oh my. Love. That is all. Well, maybe not all. He sang one song that has a bad word in it. He stopped singing when it came to that word and let us fill it in. We are at BYU. We of course all yelled "freakin" in unison. He thought that was so great and amazingly funny. He said, "Now wait...you all just shouted 'freakin' in unison. That was awesome!" He loved it. I loved it. After the concert we may have gone to get ice cream and french fries. Today I had mixed feelings about going into work. I was tired from being up a little too late last night, but I also hate goodbyes. A lot. I said goodbye to the officers today. One I will see over the summer in the BYUSA office, and one I will have to still work with until I leave. I hope I stay in touch with the rest of them. I love them. This was the first year of my college career to not be in BYUSA. It was weird and hard at first, but the officers made it easier. I had so much fun with them. They made my job incredible, and I enjoyed it almost as much as I did BYUSA which I didn't think to be possible. Here's to a happy finals week everyone!

Let's be real. I could post all of Andy Grammer's songs on here. Fine By Me, Forever, Keep Your Head Up, Miss Me, Crazy Beautiful, and so many more!

I'll Take a Screwdriver Without the Vodka, Please

Surprising no one, BYU was named the most "stone-cold sober" school in the nation. This is the sixteenth year in a row they have won this award. Let me go drink some milk shots or orange juice on the rocks with a little umbrella to celebrate. 

In other news, I survived my first day of work. Now, not too long ago I was with my BYUSA group at Boondocks. We were having so much fun, I was walking and talking and having a great time as I headed to lunch with my friends. Then, all of the sudden I slammed into a glass window thinking it was an open door. As I stepped away I was in complete shock. I could not do anything. Everyone kept asking if I was okay and laughing at me at the same time, but all I could do was stand there with a dazed look. That is how I felt leaving the Hinckley Center after my first work shift. So much information. So many new faces. I did take comfort in the fact that I get to work with some girls from BYUSA. It is going to be good. Also, guess what I got? More free BYU shirts! I am allowed to raid the supplies and pick any BYU shirt that I take fancy to. This job is seriously like BYUSA. I am so excited. I am doing bigger events, responsible for even more than before, and will be in contact with alumni and all of the "big wigs" on campus. It sounds intimidating, I know, but I am going to love it! 

Adventures and a Summer Bucket List

Finals week always has to be packed full of adventures, mishaps, fun, and stress. They just do. I thought maybe since it is spring term it would be different. I thought wrong. Sunday was just the beginning filled with a mission farewell, Father's Day, a dessert party, running into a friend, and staying up super late. Monday was your average Monday... Nothing special there. Tuesday I took my first final... on reading day. That's just wrong. I think I did well though. I also got to go to lunch with Eric which made it all worth it! I have said it before, and I will say it again. I am really going to miss that kid. We even got to do a group text with our BYUSA group. I missed seeing that group at the top of my text message list. Then, a trip to the park with Mak from which I have sore muscles, four broken nails, yet another bruise, sore feet, and I smell like dirt. We then went on a two and a half mile walk. When I got home I read scriptures and collapsed in my bed still dirty and in my clothes but too tired to care. That brings us to today. I woke up still dirty and in my clothes. I woke up way to early. I took my last final that did not go as well as I would have hoped. I went to sell my books back and ran into Andrew's older brother. I made things awkward, blushed, and ran away. Didn't sell my books back. Finally got home and went to the temple with Mak. We were in and out in less than an hour which was nice, but I left feeling like I wanted to be there for longer. I felt a lot better afterwards though. I also spent some time getting ready for my trip. I then got to go out with my dear Kennedy. The more I spend time with her, the more I just love her. We had a ton of fun, and I got the privilege of taking her in her first car ride with the top of the car down. She laughed in excitement the whole way home. She is just the cutest. Then, on my way home I picked up Meghan who was walking our way, and we went out with all of the freshman roomies. Best. Thing. Ever. Having all of them together was nothing less than a night filled with good food, better laughs, model poses, boozy shakes, awkward hand touches, and oh so much more that you wish you could be a part of. It was a blast! Also, while I was studying for my finals and my mind was wandering, I realized there are a few things I want to do this summer. If some of them have to go into the fall, I guess that would be okay. I just know I want to do them. I want to make the most of the time I am at school. So, here is my summer bucket list. 

1. Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti

2. Utah Arches National Park

3. Yellowstone National Park

4. Salt Lake Seven Peaks

5. Mona Rope Swings

6. Olympic Park in Park City

7. Spanish Fork Hot Springs

8. Thanksgiving Point Gardens

9. Visit Las Vegas or California

10. Do baptisms for the dead in the Logan Temple
And... Here are a few pictures from the past week. Okay, maybe more than a few.

Big Brother

Honestly, there has been a lot of change in my life this past month. After my dog died, I really did not know who I was anymore. I felt like every large piece of my identity had been stripped from me leaving me feeling lost, broken, and confused. I have had friends get married and go on missions, I did not get my BYUSA position, I cannot find a job, my dog died, I dated a boy, I broke up with a boy, and classes are just so so. Now that I got my sob story out, let me tell you a good story. 

Once there was this guy named Eric. I was in BYUSA and so was he. I worked on getting presentations set up and running smoothly. He gave the presentations. At the end, he was always there to help me clean up whether other people were or not. It made me laugh every time when he would run around in his suit popping all of the balloons with his keys. I liked him a little. Then, the winter retreat happened. He sat on the floor with me for an hour while we watched everyone else play this ridiculous game. I really liked him. 

He convinced me to stay for a summer semester to do BYUSA. From that point on, we were together a lot. At first, we were more serious cleaning out the office, going out to an occasional ice cream treat, or making a key lime pie together. We had passing the torch at the end of winter semester and it was then time for me to go home for six weeks. 

We texted the whole time I was home, and I was smitten with this boy. I mean, seriously. I got back and we got to work. He would call me every day because I was acting as Vice President in his stead while he was at his internship for the summer. We started spending even more time together than before. Seven Peaks, movie nights, and just hanging out. As time wore on, we got even closer. We could have more fun together and let loose. At one of our movie nights we were watching Lord of the Rings. He got down on all fours, talked like Gollum saying "my precious" over and over again, and chased me around running like Gollum as well. 

This boy just made me laugh. He put on this business attitude for everyone else, but I knew him so much better than that. Eventually I stopped harboring this deep, adoring crush, because I realized that he was like my big brother. Giraffes became a joke between the two of us because when someone mentioned doing a giraffe handshake in the office we both thought of their long tongues and shot disgusted faces at each other (the kid talking about it was thinking wrapping your necks around each other... oops). So, over Christmas break he sent me a picture of a giraffe. I was in the clerk's office with my mom at church so I drew him one and sent it. Our relationship even escalated to donut runs. I had his credit card more than once. He paid me back for the runs I made for him by giving me a box of donuts with three dozen donuts in it. I shared. Don't worry. 

So, we were always together. Always. My big brother took care of me when I was sick, and made sure I always had something to do on the weekends. We made a good team. He was my best friend. He made me laugh even on the days when I was in the worst of moods. I mean, how do you not laugh at this guy?

 Anyways, he got married and went on his honeymoon that I helped pick out. People in the office jokingly said they were surprised that I did not go on the honeymoon with him. Was it really jokingly? Probably not. When he got back, he called and we got to hang out one more time. He wanted to compare tans. So, I went to see him, and I am definitely darker. How embarrassing. Three weeks in the Caribbean cannot beat my Utah tan. Being with him today made me realize that I know exactly who I am. I have so many amazing friends that are always there for me, I have a loving family back in Texas that loves me dearly, and I am the daughter of a Heavenly Father. Things may not be going the way I would like them to, but I am loved. There is a plan for me. I do not necessarily agree with the plan right now, but everything will work out. So, my big brother is leaving for Texas some time next week. I may or may not get to see him again before that, but I know this was not goodbye forever. He has to come to my wedding (okay, it may be goodbye forever... just kidding... well, maybe not). Goodbye for now, big brother. Thank you once again. 

Words of Wisdom and Thin Mints

Thank goodness for moms. Seriously. I do not know what I would do without my mom. Although we fight and get on each others' ever-loving last nerve, I love my momma. I have been thinking a lot lately. I have had a lot to think about. Saturday night so much was going through my mind that I went on a run. I ran until I threw up. It did not make me feel better at all.
Sunday, I felt a little better other than my crazy sore muscles. It was only my mom that could make me feel a lot better though. She is the best free psychiatrist there is.
As I sat in my car today waiting for it to be time for my interview, I was listening to the seconds ticking by on my watch. With each second passing, my heart beat a little bit faster. My mind raced right along side it, and I realized I wasn't breathing after a few seconds when I started to feel a little light headed. My brain was so busy worrying about other things it forgot to work on the supposedly involuntary actions... I went in to my interview a little early. I primped in the bathroom and came out to see Madi Thorpe standing there. Blessing. Let me take a minute to recognize the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life today. I went in to my interview calm, and I feel like I handled it well. We shall see...
After I left, I went in to the office to pick up my Administration team yearbook. Seeing Angela always makes my day. She gave me a few more words of wisdom and even made me laugh. I left her office and started flipping through the yearbook she so artistically put together. Nostalgia for the life I had just a couple months ago filled every part of my body. The tears wanted to come, but I would not let them. They were mostly from the memories of what once was, but let's face it... I was extremely sore.
I can say that I have eaten a sleeve of thin mints today. That tells you my day wasn't terrible, but it easily could have been better. The thin mints were justified. Looking on the bright side, my day consisted of blessings, words of wisdom, and time with friends. 

Motivation, Dedication, and Desire

My motivation to finish this semester is gone. My dedication to BYUSA is dwindling. Honestly, it is my love for the people in my classes, teachers, and friends I work with that are keeping me going. I am tired. It is also a nice break from my hectic life when Andrew and I go out each night even if it is only for a short walk or sitting in the park on a blanket just looking at the stars. As the days slide by, I check things off of my list of things I have to do before the semester is over. After today, I have 12 things I have to finish before classes are over on Monday. So much to do, so little desire. Yesterday was the Passing the Torch ceremony for BYUSA. I really was not happy about having to go, and it was hard to watch. I made it through... 

One of the things I had on my list for today was to go back and listen to one of the devotionals I half listened to a few weeks ago. I went back for one quote in particular, but I learned a few things. Michelle Marchant said, "One of [Heavenly Father's] greatest desires is to guide your future as he has your past." I have been learning to trust in Him lately. I made the goal to put all of my trust in Him when I was going through such a hard time, and honestly amazing things have happened since I decided to do that. One of his greatest desires is to guide my future... He is welcome to it. She then read the scripture Abraham 3:22-23. They say, "Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all there were many noble and great ones; and God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These will I make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou was born." She then proceeded to say, "I testify that your presence and purpose upon this earth are as important to God as any of the noble and great ones who have gone before." We are all the noble and great ones that Abraham talked about. We have been chosen. Our Heavenly Father loves all of us, and he does not see any one of us as better than another. We all have a divine destiny. 

Then, I came to the quote I was looking for all along. Elder Maxwell said, "The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millenia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the babe has given at least equal attention to placement of each of us in precise orbits so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives so that our light may not only lead others but warm them as well." And... my desire and motivation is back. I want my light to not only lead but to warm others. I want people to smile because class was cancelled because I was so happy. I want people to feel comfortable in the office because of my warm, inviting smile. I want to be the girl everyone may not know but can make them smile and have a better day anyways. This is the last week of classes. I can't give up now! Finals are coming!! 

Brought to You by BYUSA

Like I said, last night was our Leadership Ceremony. Before we went, Andrew and I met up to go and watch the basketball game. Baylor was a worthy opponent and Matty F. Carlino, B. Dave, and Craigory Cusick the 15th just didn't pull through. We were winning until Andrew and I stopped watching together so we could go get ready. 

Then came the ceremony. I knew I would get an award. Don't get me wrong it isn't like I expected it, but Eric and Angela have been being so suspicious. Eric wouldn't even let me help set up which is unheard of. I picked out the flowers for the floral arrangements, and that is it. He took me with him like he always does but I sat there and watched. Anyways, Andrew makes me so happy. Yesterday he asked me what my favorite color was. I told him it depended on what it was for, but I really loved sunshine yellow. So, at the event he wore a yellow tie. We had fun eating, talking, and dodging Angela with the camera. Then, the video yearbook started. I am in half the pictures! How did that even happen?!
 After that, they passed out the awards, each with an explanation as to why this person received the award. I nominated one of my School Spirit girls for Optimism. She got it! Way to go Mckenzie! Kennedy got one for inclusiveness. She by far deserved that one. I thought I was fine when they got to the last one, and then Eric got up there. Andrew just looked at me and smiled. Eric read his part, and I was almost in tears. I got the Dedication award. Then, he called my name, Andrew nudged me, and I went up to accept my award. He gave it to me and we took a picture. Once we walked off the stage we hugged. I really am going to miss my big brother when he gets married and leaves. When it was all over, everyone came to hug me, I got a letter from the new Executive Vice President whom I have never met but really like, and we took a ton of pictures. I dropped Andrew off at his apartment so he could do his homework that I am pretty sure I have been distracting him from for the past couple weeks. I am so glad he came with me. 

After getting home I was kind of in a happy daze for a little while. I went to my old roommates' to talk to them. We ended up talking about boys which didn't help me out of my daze at all. I went back to my apartment to work on homework and read scriptures. Then, Andrew and I started texting. That boy can make me grin from ear to ear within .001 seconds. Reading a couple chapters in my scriptures usually takes about five minutes. It took me 15 last night. Our conversations are really funny, and when I go back and read them I realize if it wasn't me in this situation, I would think it was kind of mushy. Right as I was going to bed I put my phone down and got comfortable. When my phone buzzed again I knew it was him. I let out a little, "He!" My roommate burst out laughing and we laughed for a good five minutes. 

Eric also texted me telling me congratulations and how honored he was to present my award. I told him I only learned from the best and I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to present it to me (which is genuinely true). This morning I woke up to a text telling me he appreciated it, but I was like that last year and that is why he wanted me to serve this year. I went into my eight o'clock class and my teacher told me I was radiating light. We were talking about happiness and families and he told everyone to turn around and look at me if they needed to see what happiness looked like. When class was over he pulled me aside and told me I was far too happy to be in an eight o'clock class. Honestly, when I woke up this morning I had to ask myself if this was real life. It is! 

I thank all of my BYUSA friends for all of the tears, hugs, smiles, and laughs we have shared. I am going to miss it, but I am excited to see the some of the changes that will come. There is one other thing I will always remember... Pinkies up!