Collecting My Thoughts That Had Been Scattered Like A Dandelion Wish

     Back in November before I went to Arizona I went to see Brother Smith speak. It was beyond far away and I got so lost, but the topic was something that I needed to hear. His talk was titled "How to be Happy in an Unhappy World." He told us happiness is laughing so hard you fear for your life.
     He started off with a story about a woman who found a beautiful, smooth, rare, and precious stone in a stream. The next day she met a hungry traveler, and the woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew he stone would give him security for a lifetime. A few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. He knew how valuable the stone was, but after thinking he came back to ask the woman for something more precious. He said, "Teach me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone."
He then gave a list of ten things happy people do:
     1. Surround yourself with other happy people.
     2. Try to be happy.
     3. Devote time to giving and spend money on other people.
     4. Have deep, in person conversations.
     5. Laugh.
     6. Know the power of music.
     7. Make exercise a priority.
     8. Take time to unplug and go outside.
     9. Get enough sleep.
     10. Are spiritual.
"Carry on and things will work out. If you keep trying and praying and working, things will work out. They always do. Accentuate the positive, and you will be around for a while." -Hinckley

"Speak hopefully. Speak encouragingly, including about yourself." -Holland

"Heaven cheers you on."

"Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenges are events in life not life itself." -Scott

     My tear stained pillow shows who I am. During the day I am bright and smiley, but when I have no one to fool there is no fooling myself. This year has been a crazy one. I do not know what to do sometimes. I wonder what I am going to do with my life, whether or not love is truly out there for me, or how I could be so selfish to take spring and summer classes and not be home when my puppy needed me most. Funny thing though... My pillow wasn't the only thing that was tear stained. My cheeks were as well, and people started to notice. My silence and glazed over eyes didn't make it any better. Once again wiping away tears before I fell asleep I thought of what was going on. I didn't know. I once again had to figure out who I was like I did before. I realized I needed to be happy and take to heart what Brother Smith taught me. I knew I would love again, I would rise to be better and stronger, and I would continue to hide the sadness behind a smile until that smile was real again. 

     Well, how does one decide to be happy again? Is it actually smiling when you are around friends and starting with that? Is it picking up a good book and putting the homework aside every once in a while? Is it showing others that you are thankful for them? How does one decide whether or not they are ready to love again? Is it when they decide dating or just talking to guys isn't so bad? Or when you say you're never getting married and for the first time in a long time know it is purely a joke? Is it when a buzz of electricity goes through you when you think of a simple kiss? Or is it when you get all hyped up when reading a cheesy romance novel? I don't know when I decided on either of these, but I did. When I "never get married" Eric promised to come to my wedding. I can feel him winking at me. Heck. I should be winking at myself. One day I will find the one for me, and our love story will be my favorite!! 

     This week I have been in finals mode having already turned in two finals, one of which was a 12 page paper. Four to go. My week started with an amazing spiritual thought in my meeting and a ward holiday party. Mid week I got to go to temple square with some friends to see the lights. Concluding with a party a work, lunch with Julie Anne, and a trip to Thanksgiving Point to see reindeer and more Christmas lights with James, Kaitlyn, and Julie Anne. I am a happy girl inwardly and outwardly. I fell asleep to A Child's Prayer the other night which reminded me of when I was little and would sing it with my momma, I count down to the days I can bake with my dad, and I will be home in less than a week! I can survive four more finals if I only have to wait five more days.