Sometimes

Sometimes I feel so lost and confused like I will never really belong or fit in anywhere.
Sometimes I think I will never be able to get the job I want.
Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode from holding it all inside.
Sometimes I wonder if things will ever go the way I plan.
And sometimes I question if there even is a plan for me.
But...
Sometimes I remember I am a daughter of God.
Sometimes I get this feeling that everything is going to be okay.
Sometimes I just have to let it all out.
Sometimes I realize His plan is better than my dreams.
And sometimes I just have to look up and smile.

Oh My Heart... It Just Exploded

Having a fur baby is a lot like having a real baby. She just has fur. I love every moment I get to spend with her learning about and from her, and I love watching her personality develop over time. Having Vivien has made me think a lot about when I am really a mom. I cannot wait to possibly have a baby who looks like me, but I also cannot wait to possibly have one that looks like my husband. Either way it is going to be an adventure. Last night, I made a few promises to my future kids. Here it goes.

I promise: 

To not name you something ridiculous.

To read to you and tell you stories.

To sing to you and dance with you.

To cherish every moment I have with you even if you're driving me crazy because those moments won't last forever.

To show you how to fly.

To teach you to love life and love each other.

To help you build your testimony.

To always make you smile.

To buy you cute clothes. 

To laugh with you.

To memorize everything about you and love you more than I can express.

To take fun pictures.

To let your daddy show you how much he loves you.

To let you know that although I am not perfect (as you will one day learn), I'm doing the best I can.

To teach you that you are a child of God.

To let you go on adventures.

To let you have a puppy. Because that's important.

To let you make messes.

To show you how special you are.

To let you dress up but teach you that even superheros and princesses do their chores.

And finally, to tell you that you are my happily ever after over and over again. 

A Fun Weekend and a Tired Adult

Today is hump day, and I am feeling it! Being an adult is hard. I don't think I have recovered from my weekend. Friday night we went to a bonfire. Aside from a few guys in our FHE group my roommates and I were the only ones there. It was way fun though, and needless to say I ate more than my fair share of s'mores and roasted Starbursts. By the time Saturday morning came I felt hungover. Are sugar hangovers a thing? Apparently. Saturday morning I went to the stake service activity. After cleaning out someone's flower beds I was SO ITCHY. I left a little early just to get away from all of the stuff. After a lunch of fried chicken, potato salad, and watermelon I almost felt like I was back home. Almost. If only the chicken and potato salad were homemade... I sat and talked with a couple of the same guys from the bonfire for a while afterwards. When we finally left the park Julie Anne came over for a while. She even stayed for our ward BBQ. Let's be honest. I love hamburgers and hotdogs when they're made on the grill and I am in a summer mood. Yeah so I ate my fill of those too... and more watermelon and some BBQ chips. We sat outside after the BBQ for forever! We laughed so much. My abs just hurt. They hurt so much from laughing. After two hours of sitting outside we decided we needed Sonic shakes since they are half-price after eight. We then sat down there for a while and enjoyed our shakes. We then went home to play SpotIt! I even won a round! There were going to be fireworks later that night, and after a couple too many rounds of SpotIt! someone came up with the bright idea to climb a mountain to see them. 1. I hate hiking. 2. It was getting dark. 3. I really hate hiking. We were booking it up the mountain for fear of missing the fireworks, and I swear if I have asthma you saw it as I wheezed my way up the mountain in the dark. We did make it, and it was worth it. But, oh my I thought I was going to die. Seeing the fireworks and the bustling city beneath us was truly spectacular. The stars afterwards were even BETTER. Going down the mountain was scary, but I felt much better going down than going up. Thank my lucky stars! We got down the mountain and decided to go and watch a movie. We watched World War Z. Edge of your seat movie? For sure. Edge of the footstool holding your friend's feet movie? Yep, that too. Jump when you see the crouching Jimmer poster in the corner movie? That too. Scream when you see someone creepy in the car beside you when you're driving home at two in the morning movie? You betcha. Sunday morning came too soon. Way too soon. With the help of Marriage and Family Prep class (which I oddly really enjoy) I somehow made it through church without falling asleep. I didn't get a nap. And, then I went to Ward Prayer. Oddly social for me, I know. I had so much fun though. I didn't go out to watch a movie with those guys again because I really needed sleep. And, I had a final coming up. So, this week hasn't been all that exciting, but I am done with my Women's Studies class. Seriously thank heavens. Now I get to start my last class!!! I'm so close... 

Kisses for Daddy

Becoming a father is one step closer to becoming more like Heavenly Father. I think my dad is pretty darn close. After all, "what does the Father ask of us?"

Have faith... Dad always helps me have faith in things to come. He always tells me that you have to kiss a few frogs before finding a prince, and a special boy is out there for me. Dad shows me his faith through his example, and I have always wanted to be like my daddy. 

Have hope... Dad has taught me to have hope. His life isn't easy, but he always has hope for better things to come as Elder Holland puts it. I see the hope he has for me each time we talk about what I am going to do with my life or my dreams. He has taught me not only to hope for dreams to come true but to go out and chase them. 

Live like his Son... It is a joke here that dads give "Come to Jesus talks." I was never sat down and given one of those talks as I can recall, but after some of my conversations with my dad I have wanted to become more like Christ because I can see the light of Christ in him. Once again, I want to be like dad! 

Help others on their way... He also helps me have faith through my trials. Being at college away from my family has been a journey I would not trade for anything, but it has had its rough patches. Good thing my dad was always there to help me make it back to the sunshine. I love him for that. So, so much. 

By being close to my dad, I can feel myself grow closer to my Heavenly Father. My dad is a wonderful example to me through being a worthy priesthood holder, loving his family, and always doing the best he can for those around him. Dad makes the best desserts, he can't help but smile when I am happy about something, he gives the best, most comforting hugs of anyone I know, and he has a daughter that loves him beyond compare. So, Happy Father's Day to the most wonderful dad around. I am so thankful I have you! 

20 Things to Know When You're 20

I found this online the other day. I feel like it is appropriate right now. You know, since I'm 20.

1. Find your passion, and stick to it. Even when you feel like it’s time to give it up. 

2. Don’t push yourself in creative arts, unless you want to become a socially anxious insomniac. 

3. You will not be any happier 5 kilos lighter, if anything you will be really really sad that you can’t eat that piece of cake.

4. Realize there is a difference between being in love, and being in love with the idea of love.

5. Don’t let one person become who you live for- especially if it’s a romantic partner. You will find out your great friendships will be worth 26 romantic relationships.

6. Studying hard is not the be all and end all. Don’t let society and school trick you into believing you must study for your career *unless you want to be a teacher, but remember all teachers are insane.

7. Don’t over analyze what others say. Actions really are worth 1000 words.

8. You are not defined by your job title, relationship status or stereotype. You are your experiences.

9. Travel.

10. Never assume, always ask questions even if you feel uncomfortable.

11. Write your feelings down, especially if you feel overwhelmed- it all makes sense on paper.

12. You can go to mom with any of your problems and she will never judge- do the same for others.

13. Be grateful for at least one thing every morning- you’ll be surprised how much this can set you up to have a beautiful day.

14. Hold on to people that bring you love & joy, and once these people no longer do, know it is okay to let go.

15. Remember that life is temporary- one day you will be gone so use this time wisely.

16. Money should be used for freedom- try to enjoy a healthy relationship with it.

17. Only at the lowest of lows, then are you worthy of the highest of highs.

18. Don’t feel like you are waiting for life to happen, your life is the journey, not the destination.

19. Your instinct is always correct- learn how to abide by it, even when you don’t particularly want to.

20. And most importantly, even when you can’t understand how or why- Life always goes on…