This Is What it Feels Like

Edmund Lee once said, "Surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself."

BYU was that place for me. It was a place in which everyone was trying to not only do better but to be better. We learned and then we went out and did. Most importantly, you always had people to believe in you even when you did not believe in yourself. I learned more than I could ever have asked for. I learned in the classroom, from others, and I learned about myself. I loved every minute at BYU, but the time eventually came for me to graduate. 

The day before graduation my mom took me out to take pictures so we would not have to fight for the more popular spots on campus. They turned out lovely, and I think we both had some fun doing it.

Graduation day... Well, part of it. Convocations. Cute outfit, curled hair, cap, gown, dang it... I forgot my stole. Oh well, there is always tomorrow. I have no one to stand with. Everyone is lining up with their groups of friends. This is awkward. Some girl keeps looking at me, and I feel like I recognize her from somewhere. Aren't we Facebook friends? How do I know her? She's coming over. It's Melissa. I know her from BYUSA. I had someone to talk to and sit with through the ceremony. Thank goodness for BYUSA. They are getting us into single file lines, and we are starting to walk. Good. It's so hot outside. All of the faculty are out waving to us. I don't see anyone I know. I'm too excited to try to focus. We are filing in through the tunnel. How many times have I been through here this year? So many. This is my last time... 

Get out of the ceremony. Practically run to the exit. I was so excited for Elder Russel M. Nelson to speak, but marriage? Was that a necessary topic? At graduation, BYU?! Come on! Where is my family? Okay, I'll just wait at the meeting spot. Oh! I see them coming! Picture time! 

The next day is commencement. Ryan went up with me to the line. He laughs when someone thinks he is a graduate. He is bored, and I don't know where the rest of the family is. Here they come. Dad is hiding something under his jacket. Aw! They bought me a lei! They leave to find a seat. Again, I have no one to sit with, and I don't see Melissa. Oh my gosh. That annoying guy from one of my classes is here. Why me? Wow. He's actually kind of funny! He wants to be my "line buddy." Whatever. We're about to move. My feet are killing me. Heels were probably a bad idea. I will survive. Why are they taking us down stairs? They are trying to kill me. The tunnel! I guess this is my last time! I get to sit on the floor this time. I feel like the speakers are taking forever today. Why am I so anxious? My row is getting up. Here we go! They are going to take our photos. Wow. This lady is kind of forceful. They are taking my card. Dr. Roper reads my name and I walk across the stage shaking hands with people, some of whom I have never seen. I didn't trip!! All of the sudden I am done. I am a BYU graduate. Commencement doesn't last much longer. I go back out to meet my family. This time they are looking for me. 

I am a BYU graduate... This is what it feels like. 

When Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

"Happiness can be found in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light." -Dumbledore

I'm not saying these are dark times. In fact, although I am a little worried about what I am going to do with my life after I graduate, I have been having so much fun the last few weeks. So, even when things are going well it is always fun to look at the light and smile.

First,last Friday my friends threw me a surprise party. I wasn't in the best mood that day and told Janessa I did not want to go to the "movie night" we were having. She grounded me, and I went anyway. When we got there and they all jumped out I simply thought they were trying to scare Jan. I didn't even think that it was her house and she knew they were there. So, I kept walking. I didn't realize what was happening until I saw the balloons that spelled Megan and realized Meghan was there. She lied to me! Jan lied to me too! Haha I love them. They even had Cafe Rio catered. Yum. So, after eating all the Cafe Rio and homemade Oreos, or homeos as we called them, our hearts desired we went outside to watch a movie with the projector. After Disturbia and The Proposal we all came back. What a fun night! 

Sunday I went over to Julie Anne's, and we had a movie night as well. We watched Grease. It's a classic and hard to beat. When it was over, Julie Anne grabbed my ankle and wouldn't let me go for the longest time. I am going to miss her and all of her shenanigans.

This Monday Jan and I decided we wanted to go on a bike ride after FHE. Right when we got the bikes unlocked it started pouring. We went anyways. Why not? We weren't really afraid because we couldn't see or even that the cars probably couldn't see us. We were afraid of the lightening. We went around the block and just laughed. We were soaked afterwards, but it was worth it. 

Tuesday Meghan and I went to Seven Peaks. It never gets old. It really doesn't. 

Wednesday I finished my internship, and then I went out to dinner with Dani and Tyler. We went to Guru's which is always a winner, and oh my yum. So many sweet potato fries. So much flavor in my cilantro lime quesadillas. I enjoyed getting to talk and laugh with Dani and Ty like old times. I love them both, and I am going to miss them. 

Thursday I finished my last assignment. Thirty-one pages I fought to finish. Now I have my final and I have to grade someone else's project on Monday. Then I am free!!Meghan and I went to the temple last night. We haven't been in a while, and there was so much peace in my heart. I finished the Book of Mormon while inside (it was a goal of mine to finish it before I graduated when I started it in January). When I came out I checked my phone. I had been looking at puppies at work earlier that day, and I found a couple I was interested in. I had sent one to my dad to look at, and my mom and dad said yes to her. I did not sleep last night. 

Today my dad put a deposit down on the puppy. I am a proud owner of a little girl Boston Terrier whom I have named Vivien Leigh Fairchild. She is the little runt, but all three pounds of her have stolen my heart. I can hardly wait to meet her in person when I get back! Today I also finished work. I am no longer an employee of BYU. My boss brought four different flavors of sweet rolls today (cinnamon, orange, raspberry, and blueberry) and the two people we are training brought me ice cream bars and red velvet cupcakes for a graduation/going away party. I feel that today was pretty successful, and tonight we are having another outdoor movie night in which we will be watching Divergent and possibly When a Stranger Calls. I think my favorite thing is that part of my family will be here tomorrow, and the other part will be here Monday! Then, I graduate and move on to the next adventure. Every little thing really is going to be alright. 

Show Me a Sign

President Uchtdorf said to let faith replace your fears and hope replace your despair. I heard that quote this morning and thought it was perfect to open this post with.

Sometimes Heavenly Father wants me to learn or know something, and he has to beat me upside the head with it until I finally get it. I am not one of those people who consistently plead for Him to show me a sign, but I am one who constantly asks for him to lead and guide me to the right path while I am still pretty stuck on the path I want to go down. That's just how it is I guess. Yesterday was one of those times when Heavenly Father had to beat what he was trying to say into me. Lately I have felt kind of like a failure. I am leaving BYU getting married or even dating very much, I have a different degree than I ever thought I would (and I hope Heavenly Father knows what he is doing), and I don't have a job lined up for me when I get back home. Yesterday I was reading in my scriptures and came to Ether 12:27.

Heavenly Father has given us all weaknesses that we may be humble. When we are humble, He makes us strong. It was while I was reading this that I realized he gave us these weaknesses that we may be humble, not that we may look down on ourselves and doubt our abilities and our worth. We are all His sons and daughters with divine potential and infinite worth. I don't remember how I came across this scripture, but Psalms 46:5 says, "God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:God shall help her, and that right early." Heavenly Father is there to love me and help me whenever I call for his aid. Funny thing though, He isn't only there when I need Him. He is there always, and I thank Him for that. Then, this morning I woke up and found this scripture while on Pinterest. Isaiah 54:10. It's Isaiah so I may be completely off base on what this scripture means, but to me it was saying that my life may seem like swirling chaos with everything changing at times, but Heavenly Father will always be there with his kindness and a covenant of peace. That peace will come when everything (including me) is where it needs to be for His plan to progress.

Heavenly Father is teaching me slowly that even though I do not know the exact plan He has for me, He is always there for me. He knows where I am going, and He wants me to know how important I am to Him. Apparently He also wants to know that good things are coming my way because along with all of this He also gave me two quotes to stumble upon. The first is by Jawahrial Nehru. It says, "There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." The second quote is by Jeffrey R. Holland. He said, "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

And finally, I came across the new Mormon message the church released. Watch it. It is beautiful.

I have faith that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us personally, is always there to help us, and never fails to answer prayers or fulfill His promises. It may not be when we want or expect, but He answers. 

Cali Lovin'

I have been going through Utah withdrawals. Already. I have not even left yet, but the thought of leaving makes me sad. So, I went to San Diego to get away and have time to not have to think about anything. Sunshine is my favorite accessory, and I am pretty sure that heaven is an endless beach with lots of chocolate. So many beach days. From Mission Beach to Ocean Beach to Pacific Beach. I love them all. I could spend all day there and just forget about eating and sleeping and everything. Also, we swam so much! After the beach we just had to go swimming to get all of the sand off. There was no other way. One day we went to Seaport Village. There are lots of little stores, statues, and and a carousel! We of course went and saw all of the above, and there was a hat store. Add that to the list of what heaven has. One day we went to Sunset Cliffs to hunt for crabs. It was fun to climb around on the cliffs even though Ami told me we were going later that night so I was wearing a dress. Another night we watched the sunset on the beach. So many colors. So peaceful and absolutely beautiful. The last day I was there we were swimming and the cutest boy was swimming too. All we said to each other the entire time was hi, but boy oh boy was he attractive. Perfect tan, perfect teeth, and blue eyes. We probably didn't say anything else to each other because he scared me to death when he dove in right after I did and came up right in front of me at the same time I did. Bummer. So, back to my love for the beach. I am a beach bum. I didn't choose the beach life. The beach life chose me. I love the soft warm sand (even when I have to walk in it carrying a sleeping almost 2 year old and thought my legs were going to fall off), the beach curl the salty air gives my hair, the blue water against the light brown shore, the sound of the waves, the seashells, the sound of kids playing, the colorful umbrellas lining the beach, and the surfers. Oh my! One more thing to add to the heaven list. So tan. So attractive. Someone please get one of them to teach me!!! I learned how to boogie board. That's one step closer to surfing, right?! It was so fun. I have been doing it wrong all these years. I think one of my favorite things at the beach was when I was going out to the deeper waters to boogie board and I would turn my back before a big wave hit me. As it crashed against my back if I opened my eyes there was a rainbow right there seemingly just for me. There was just so much beauty in one place! My drive back was a long one. There was an insane amount of traffic. But although there was a lot of traffic, I did finally get to see the Las Vegas strip! I do not think my eyes could get any bigger. I just wanted to see and experience it all. So many things to see and do! So much shopping, so many people, so many amazing buildings, and Hershey and M&M World?! Also, Treasure Island... Love. I have wanted to see it since Miss Congeniality 2. Mission accomplished. Although I miss sunny San Diego, seeing the Y on the mountain in stormy Provo was a welcome sight. Now I just have to wait a week and a half for my family to be here! Graduation is well on its way. Also, my mom and dad said I could get a puppy, and I get to redecorate my room when I get home. I am just so excited!!