Show Me a Sign

President Uchtdorf said to let faith replace your fears and hope replace your despair. I heard that quote this morning and thought it was perfect to open this post with.

Sometimes Heavenly Father wants me to learn or know something, and he has to beat me upside the head with it until I finally get it. I am not one of those people who consistently plead for Him to show me a sign, but I am one who constantly asks for him to lead and guide me to the right path while I am still pretty stuck on the path I want to go down. That's just how it is I guess. Yesterday was one of those times when Heavenly Father had to beat what he was trying to say into me. Lately I have felt kind of like a failure. I am leaving BYU getting married or even dating very much, I have a different degree than I ever thought I would (and I hope Heavenly Father knows what he is doing), and I don't have a job lined up for me when I get back home. Yesterday I was reading in my scriptures and came to Ether 12:27.

Heavenly Father has given us all weaknesses that we may be humble. When we are humble, He makes us strong. It was while I was reading this that I realized he gave us these weaknesses that we may be humble, not that we may look down on ourselves and doubt our abilities and our worth. We are all His sons and daughters with divine potential and infinite worth. I don't remember how I came across this scripture, but Psalms 46:5 says, "God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:God shall help her, and that right early." Heavenly Father is there to love me and help me whenever I call for his aid. Funny thing though, He isn't only there when I need Him. He is there always, and I thank Him for that. Then, this morning I woke up and found this scripture while on Pinterest. Isaiah 54:10. It's Isaiah so I may be completely off base on what this scripture means, but to me it was saying that my life may seem like swirling chaos with everything changing at times, but Heavenly Father will always be there with his kindness and a covenant of peace. That peace will come when everything (including me) is where it needs to be for His plan to progress.

Heavenly Father is teaching me slowly that even though I do not know the exact plan He has for me, He is always there for me. He knows where I am going, and He wants me to know how important I am to Him. Apparently He also wants to know that good things are coming my way because along with all of this He also gave me two quotes to stumble upon. The first is by Jawahrial Nehru. It says, "There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." The second quote is by Jeffrey R. Holland. He said, "We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."

And finally, I came across the new Mormon message the church released. Watch it. It is beautiful.

I have faith that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us personally, is always there to help us, and never fails to answer prayers or fulfill His promises. It may not be when we want or expect, but He answers. 

Does It Almost Feel Like Nothing Changed At All

It amazes me how the Lord answers prayers. Seriously. Whether it is a simple request for the class to not read your paper any further or an earnest plea asking him to get you through the semester. In class, the worst paper I felt I had ever written was read in class. The teacher and class were astounded by the quality of the paper... They thought it was good. I just said a simple prayer asking that they not read past a certain point where all my concentration had gone out the window and the quality went rapidly spiraling downward. Luckily (when luck really has nothing to do with it) enough, they stopped reading at exactly that point. Then yesterday... I had a class until 8:30 at night. After a long week the last thing I wanted to do was to sit in class that late. I walked in to see my group from my favorite class last semester. Oddly enough (again, not really odd at all), I was assigned to be in their group for the semester. Emilee is in two of my classes and is in my group for the semester in one. In my other two classes I am left to my own devices, but if I close my eyes... It almost feels like nothing changed at all. My Heavenly Father loves me!
I got to go wedding dress shopping today. Not for me of course, but it was so much fun! Kaitlyn looked so pretty in every dress she tried on. Helping her pick her dress was fun. Helping her pick her veil was fun. Helping her pick her headband was fun. Watching her as the lady told her she got a free garter was fun. Seeing her pay was even fun. Guys, my roommate is getting married! Didn't we just meet each other? Didn't she just go with me to my first dance? Didn't she and I just jump in the biggest puddle? Didn't we just come to college together and cry in our room together when our families left? Apparently not. She's getting married! 

So, obviously I made it past hump day! Now the coaster is flying down the largest hill with the end in sight. but I don't have time to think about it because of the exhilaration. Speaking of hills and exhilaration, I just went on the best Student Alumni retreat ever! We went to Soldier Hallow. You get a tube and head up to the base of the hill, maybe swinging it and trying to knock each other down on the way. Once you get there they hook your tube to a pulley and you're pulled up the mountain so you can slide down. I'll admit I was a little nervous at first. I lost that the first time I got air on one of the hills and adrenaline took over. I love adventures! I love being with friends! Going down in a big group was even more fun. Then Mexican food which was as good as you can get in Utah, two giant cookies with creme in the middle, and a lot of loud singing and crazy dancing along the way home. Surprisingly, the only casualty of the evening was the zipper on my jacket. I can hopefully figure out how to fix it though. I had so much fun! Please note the difference in the before and after pictures of me. They are proof that sometimes I look like a mess! At the end, Amanda, Mady, Michael, and Brody had gone inside because they were too cold. My boss told me he thought I would have wimped out before anyone. Rude. My love for fun and adventure always beats how much I hate the cold. I'm a trooper.
Tomorrow is movie night with Julie Anne as soon as I get some homework out of the way since I did not get any done today. And, just to add some enjoyment to your day, you are welcome to look at some of the most beautiful pictures I have seen in a long time. Cheers to the freakin' weekend! I'll drink (chocolate milk or hot chocolate) to that!!

I Went from Zero to My Own Hero

I had the opportunity this Friday to go and do temple work for my great-great grandma. I go to the temple every week. What made this so special? Well, she is my relative, and not only that but I was born exactly one hundred years after her. That is pretty dang exciting. I almost didn't go to the temple after another long work and school week. Friday alone I had to go take rent, take a test, and then had to go to work and frantically prepare for Homecoming. As always, I am so thankful I went. This was truly a beautiful experience for me. 

After I went to the temple I wanted to go and celebrate Kennedy's birthday. When you get thirteen very different girls (Kennedy has the widest array of friends I have ever seen) together, you go to a Thai restaurant. I was really nervous, but I got to try a little of everything. Thai food is really good if you know what to get. I got Massaman curry which is a sweet and a little spicy curry with chicken, potatoes, carrots, and cashews. It looks like a stew and you eat it over rice. The more I ate the more I liked it. First Thai food experience was a success, and I came home beyond full. 

Now cue conference weekend. I really tried to pay attention to the speakers today, and I got a few tidbits of wisdom, but I kept thinking about one experience that I have had. So, a little over halfway through summer I got called in for a job interview. When I hung up, I was overwhelmed with the Spirit and just cried. I knew this interview was an answer to prayers. Everything was going to be okay. I went to the interview full of confidence, but the next day I got the call telling me that I did not get the job. I didn't understand and was deeply hurt by this news. A week later, Linda (the one who interviewed me) emailed and asked if she could pass on my resume. I told her she could, but I had little hope. I got called in, but was still not confident in getting the job. I had been let down so many times. After the interview I walked home with my head held low. Later that day, I halfheartedly answered the phone when Curtis called me. He told me I got the job. Then I realized that the first interview was an answer to prayers, just not the way I thought it would be. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways, and sometimes I get upset because I do not understand or fully see the steps in His process. In this instance I was shortsighted and prideful. That is why I was so hurt and felt like all hope was lost after I did not get the job I was sure would be the answer to prayers. I had to be humbled before blessings could be granted. In one of the talks today (sorry, I can't remember which one) the speaker said, faith should always be pointed toward the future. I am going to try that. Because, as the same speaker said, significant but subtle blessings can easily be overlooked. 

Yesterday was also really hard for me. A dear friend, Donna Lear, returned to live with Heavenly Father. Sister Lear was always there to welcome you with a warm smile and happy, bright eyes. I grew up with her living right up the street. She was always the first one to respond when there was a need for service. I will truly miss her and her friendship not only for me, but my mom and all of the others she shared her warm heart with. I went into the temple fighting back tears and asking myself why. It was while I was there that I realized although it is sad and these wonderful women will be missed, Sister Lear and Sister Monzingo are now with Heavenly Father sharing their beauty and amazing personalities and strength with those in heaven. Today President Uchtdorf said the acorn of inquiry has often sprouted and grown into a great oak of understanding and knowledge. My simple acorn of why has at least sprouted. I am thankful for the knowledge the gospel gives me.

And just a little side note, President Monson waving a little boy over so he could lean over the stand to hold his hand absolutely made my day. That is the highlight of my conference weekend. He leads by example. Christ said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not: for such is the kingdom of God." (Mark 10:14)

No More Bitterness

Sometimes you get upset with someone because things seem to go so perfectly for them all of the blessed time. Sometimes you get upset with someone because they are living the life you want. You hold this bitter grudge against them even though they did absolutely nothing to you. They are not in the wrong. You are. I am sad to say that I have been holding these types of grudges. If I saw certain people, my teeth were set on edge, and I did all I could to avoid them. No more. In holding these grudges, you forget to look at the beauty in your own life. You focus only on what is bringing you down. It makes your life seem like such a hard task, and you wish everything could be different. Funny thing though... We all have trials. Someone who got the BYUSA position I wanted may get yelled at all of the time because they have no clue what they are doing. Someone who's life seems perfect may never learn the value of doing something for themselves. Or, things could continue to seem great for them while they fight internal battles we know nothing about. Last month, I started this thing where each month until Christmas I am going to make a goal to keep the Christmas spirit with me throughout the year. Last month, I figured it out at the last minute. Like I said in the previous post, I am going to raise my Ebenezer and remember all of the things my Heavenly Father has done for me and better record these spiritual experiences in my journal. This month I am not going to focus on how wonderful others' lives seem. I will continue to provide service to others and greet everyone with a smile (even those I once held a grudge against). 

Today prayers were answered, and I got a job. It is a job that will last until I graduate. I am doing what I did in the BYUSA office, but I get paid for it. I will be able to go into work and enjoy it. The funny thing, this is not one of the million jobs I applied for. This was someone passing along my resume. Here I am recognizing the hand of God working in my life. My life isn't perfect. Neither is anyone else's. But my life is pretty darn great when I recognize all my Heavenly Father does for me. Also, today has just been wonderful. Aside from all of this, I am wearing basketball shorts and a tshirt with my hair in a ponytail. People still whistle at me as I go by, and EFY kids have yet again earned my love through buying me ice cream. BYU students complain about them, but I enjoy them being here. 

That Man Was a Fossil. He Was Born Ten Years After Moses!

"For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope." 

Romans 15:4

I just want everyone to know that the title of this post is a quote from my Bishop. I love that he has so much responsibility but can still have a little fun. It was another beautiful day at church. I guess before I was too caught up thinking about unimportant things, watching people, and thinking of how long I had to sit in the same room. I am so thankful I have changed my way of thinking. Sacrament is so much more meaningful, and I get so much more out of the lessons. 

Today was no exception. Our opening hymn was The Lord is My Light. Each verse was so beautiful. It was actually hard to sing because it was really taking my breath away. I would just tell you my favorite lyrics, but because all of the verses were so perfect, I have to put them all on here. 

"The Lord is my light; then why should I fear? By day and by night his presence is near. He is my salvation from sorrow and sin; This blesses assurance the Spirit doth bring. The Lord is my light; tho clouds may arise, Faith, stronger than sight, looks up thru the skies where Jesus forever in glory doth reign. Then how can I ever in darkness remain? The Lord is my light; the Lord is my strength. I know in his might I'll conquer at length. My weakness in mercy he covers with pow'r, and, walking by faith, I am blest ev'ry hour. The Lord is my light, my all and in all. There is in his sight no darkness at all. He is my Redeemer, my Savior, and King. With Saints and with angels his praises I'll sing."

The choir also did an outstanding job with the ten people there. I was beyond impressed by the talent in our ward, and I am so thankful to those for sharing their talents with us. Three amazing talks on testimony really got me thinking about mine. I thought about how I just finished the Book of Mormon, how much I learned, and all that I felt in the time it took me to read it. At the end of the book, Moroni gives the reader a challenge. 

He says, "Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things (Moroni 10: 3-5)."

Moroni has the faith in all of us to believe in the words written in the Book of Mormon. He said to ask if these things are not true. He knows that if we read them with sincere hearts, we will know of the truthfulness before we even get to this point in the book. I have always read that scripture but not with a sincere heart. Reading through the Book of Mormon this time, I caught on to so much more. That not still sticks in my head. I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I have a testimony of the importance of reading it and learning from its words. I know of the power of prayer, and I know my Heavenly Father hears all of my prayers whether uttered or unexpressed. I have a know that my family can truly be together forever, and I wait for the day in which I will have a husband and children that I can be sealed to for time and all eternity. I know the leaders of this church are called of God, and I am so thankful for their service. I know Christ suffered in the garden and died on the cross for my sins and the sins of all others. I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior are always there to comfort me when I need it most. I know that my Redeemer lives! 

President Monson once said:

"Now, I did not sail with the brother of Jared in crossing an ocean, settling in a new world. I did not hear King Benjamin speak his angelically delivered sermon. I did not proselyte with Alma and Amulek nor witness the fiery death of innocent believers. I was not among the Nephite crowd who touched the wounds of the resurrected Lord, nor did I weep with Mormon and Moroni over the destruction of an entire civilization. But my testimony of this record and the peace it brings to the human heart is as binding and unequivocal as was theirs. Like them, I give my name unto the world, to witness unto the world that which I have seen. And like them, I lie not, God bearing witness of it."

My testimony is not that of President Monson's, but it gives me strength and the will and determination to endure well to the end. If I have nothing else, I hope to always keep my testimony. I am so thankful to have this strong foundation in my life. I am given hope through patience and comfort of the scriptures.

What E'er Thou Art

          So, in these long spring days, class only takes up two hours of my day, so I spend my time looking for jobs, watching movies, doing homework, reading scriptures, and even reading conference talks. I was going over the talks from this past conference. I loved the poem President Packer shared. I will only include part of it because it is kind of long.

          "I had a thought the other night, a thought profound and deep. It came when I was too worn down, too tired to go to sleep. I am quite content to move ahead, to yield my youth, however grand. The thing I'd lose if I went back is what I understand. I would agree I've learned some things I did not want to know, but age has brought those precious truths that make the spirit grow. I have not changed my mind one bit about regaining my youth. We're meant to age, for with it comes a knowledge of the truth. I now can say with all certainty that I know and love the Lord. I can testify with them of old as I preach His holy word. I know what He felt in Gethsemane is too much to comprehend. I know He did it all for us; We have no greater Friend. I know that He will come anew with power and in glory. I know I will see Him once again at the end of my life's story. I'll kneel before His wounded feet; I'll feel His Spirit glow. My whispering, quivering voice will say, 'My Lord, my God, I know'."

          Sister Dalton (I had to include her) talked about the quote "What e'er thou art, act well thy part." She talked about how we each have different circumstances and experiences, but our part matters because WE MATTER. Elder M. Russell Ballard said, "...as the literal spirit children of our loving Heavenly Father, we have unlimited, divine potential." That is what we are. We are all sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, and we need to act well our parts. We have been promised so much if we endure. Not everything is going to be easy. I find myself being guilty of thinking things are too hard far too often. We like things to be easy. We are comfortable with that. When things get hard, we complain. 

          The older I get (I know, I'm not that old) I realize more and more that I would not turn back time for anything. Sometimes you think what could have been if you had done something differently. But, like President Packer said, "Age has brought me those precious truths that make the spirit grow." I have spent countless moments with my mind racing and worrying about things that I cannot change. I quickly forget to trust in Him. Reading a portion of the conference talks reminded me what I need to do. I am going to keep living in a way that my Heavenly Father will hopefully smile down at, I will continue to read my scriptures every day, I will continue to say my prayers, and I will grow closer to Him. I will continue acting my part knowing that I am a choice daughter of my Heavenly Father. 

Words of Wisdom and Thin Mints

Thank goodness for moms. Seriously. I do not know what I would do without my mom. Although we fight and get on each others' ever-loving last nerve, I love my momma. I have been thinking a lot lately. I have had a lot to think about. Saturday night so much was going through my mind that I went on a run. I ran until I threw up. It did not make me feel better at all.
Sunday, I felt a little better other than my crazy sore muscles. It was only my mom that could make me feel a lot better though. She is the best free psychiatrist there is.
As I sat in my car today waiting for it to be time for my interview, I was listening to the seconds ticking by on my watch. With each second passing, my heart beat a little bit faster. My mind raced right along side it, and I realized I wasn't breathing after a few seconds when I started to feel a little light headed. My brain was so busy worrying about other things it forgot to work on the supposedly involuntary actions... I went in to my interview a little early. I primped in the bathroom and came out to see Madi Thorpe standing there. Blessing. Let me take a minute to recognize the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life today. I went in to my interview calm, and I feel like I handled it well. We shall see...
After I left, I went in to the office to pick up my Administration team yearbook. Seeing Angela always makes my day. She gave me a few more words of wisdom and even made me laugh. I left her office and started flipping through the yearbook she so artistically put together. Nostalgia for the life I had just a couple months ago filled every part of my body. The tears wanted to come, but I would not let them. They were mostly from the memories of what once was, but let's face it... I was extremely sore.
I can say that I have eaten a sleeve of thin mints today. That tells you my day wasn't terrible, but it easily could have been better. The thin mints were justified. Looking on the bright side, my day consisted of blessings, words of wisdom, and time with friends. 

Building My Testimony

Last night was odd. I felt awful, but I went to FHE anyways. When I got home I put banana bread in the oven that I had left sitting out for two hours. By eleven I was exhausted, but the apartment smelled like banana bread so I had to have a piece  Going to bed close to midnight is a little later than I prefer, but it didn't matter. By four in the morning I thought I was going to die. I could not fall asleep and the coughing would not stop. So, at four in the morning I said a short prayer asking (but really pleading) with my Heavenly Father that I would feel better. I woke up at eight and was ready to take on the day. I don't feel 100% better still, but I don't feel like I have the plague anymore. I went to devotional where the General Primary President spoke. She was wonderful, but my favorite part was the hymn we sang at the very beginning. 

"My life is a gift. My life has a plan. My life has a purpose, in heaven it began. My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth and seek for God's light to direct me from birth."

"I will follow God's plan for me, holding fast to His word and His love. I will work, and I will pray. I will always walk in His way, and I will be happy on Earth and in my home above." 

After devotional I came home to get my car. I had a job interview today. I think it went well. I guess I just have to wait and see. On the way to the interview, a song I have never heard came on the radio. 

"Don't you worry, don't you worry child. See, heaven's got a plan for you." 

Back from the interview, I went to BYUSA and just got to have fun with some work thrown in. Think retreat and leadership ceremony planning with chocolate, water fights, and girls camp stories. Seriously best thing ever. I got home and soon had to leave once again for my ecclesiastical endorsement interview. It went well, but I asked for a priesthood blessing after. That was a big deal for me. I HATE asking for things. It was really weird though. In stake conference I went with a prayer in my heart asking Heavenly Father to tell me what I needed to do. Every talk something was said about priesthood blessings. Each time they were mentioned I could feel the Spirit telling me that is what I needed. At some point in the last week someone told me when a feeling enters my heart I can either rationalize it away or accomplish it. Again, I hate asking for things, but I did it any way and accomplished the feeling I had felt. This man that I have never talked to before and has no idea what is going on right now blessed me with everything that I needed. I am so thankful for him, my mom and wonderful friend Dani for talking me into going, priesthood power, answered prayers, and my Heavenly Father. It was perfect. Walking home I had tears in my eyes from happiness. I could feel a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders. What a wonderful feeling. I have a testimony of the power of priesthood and all of the priesthood holders in my life. 

Wishes

"The evening star is shining bright, so make a wish and hold on tight. There's magic in the air tonight, and anything can happen." 

I need every wish on 11:11, an eyelash that has fallen out and I have blown, a snowflake that lands on my finger, a backwards necklace chain, the brightest star, a dandelion, coins tossed in a fountain, birthday candles, wishbones, tears running down my cheeks, yellow lights I pass under, railroad tracks I have crossed, my lucky number, shooting stars, and raindrops that land on my nose to do their job. I have only ever wised for one thing. I need that wish to be granted. Hopefully soon. 

Starting with the Girl in the Mirror

I want to start off by saying Heavenly Father does hear and answer our prayers. It snowed all week, and it was icy. On Thursday night, I said a prayer and asked that I would be able to make it safely to the canyon for our BYUSA retreat. I do not know why, but it always just happens to be snowing like crazy the week I have to drive up Hobble Creek canyon on my own. So, Friday morning, I woke up and there was sunshine. What is this beautiful brightness? I missed the sun, and not only did it make me feel better physically, but it made me feel better about driving since the snow and ice was melting.

Friday morning I woke up at 7:46. I have class at 8. I ran to class and made it, but I did not look all that great. Oh well. I went to classes until 12:30 when my last class got out early. I went to pick up my rental car, went shopping with Eric at Costco for the retreat, and got back around 2. By that point  my feet hurt, and I was worn out. I followed Eric to his apartment and then drove him back up to campus so his car was not sitting out all night. Then everything got even more hectic. We set up for all of the games for the opening activity, once they started I left to go pick up the food and start my trek up the mountain. I made it safely, and unloaded my car. I have bruises on both hips from balancing the heavy boxes on them. Thank goodness I have mom hips. I do not think I could have gotten those boxes inside otherwise.
We ate, had trainings that really were outstanding (insert OUTSTANDING cheer here), played a couple team-building but meaningful games, and then had free time. Our first game was about the legacy we are going to leave behind and how it isn't how you start that people remember but how you finish. We had three trainings. One was about finishing strong and thinking about what we want to do next semester, one about living up to your potential, and one about being the kind of leader that motivates. I needed all three of them and took something away from all of them. After one of them I even connected with a girl I have not been able to talk to before. I was so happy.
We watched "The Ultimate Gift", with homemade popcorn that Eric made, and then we sat in one of the big family rooms and talked forever. We bought a box of 100 bags of cookies. When we woke up the next morning, after only an hour of sleep, it was hard to remember what happened that night, but there were 100 empty bags of cookies on the floor. Sugar hangover. Breakfast was delicious, but the trainings after were my favorite. They asked us five questions and told us to answer.
Why do you serve? Because I love it and the feeling it gives me and others, it is giving me important life skills, and it is making me a better person which will benefit my future family.
How has your view of leadership changed over the year? I used to think the best leaders were the outgoing and outspoken ones. When Eric texted me to ask if I was going to serve this year and he told me I should come into the office and talk to me because they needed people just like me, I laughed. Now, I realize it takes all kinds or people working together to bring the best outcomes.
Who has inspired you to be a leader? My mom and dad as well as my grandparents have definitely inspired me as well as Brother Smith, Sister Bergquist, Julie Salhus, Suzanne Dilday, Summer Elmazi, my old roommates, other extremely influential people in my life, and my BYUSA friends that I have worked and grown with the past couple semesters. I love them all.

What have you accomplished? I have grown to meet some of my potential. I know how to do so many more things, I have hopefully influenced the life of others, and I hope to keep growing and achieving my dreams.
What do you hope to do next year? I hope to be the Vice President of Administration, a student body officer. This is something I have chosen to try to achieve even though it terrifies me beyond belief. It scares me, but I know I can do it.
What could keep you from accomplishing that goal, and how can you overcome it? Fear could keep me from doing this, but all I have to do is realize that this fear does not come from my Heavenly Father. It comes from the adversary who is trying to keep me from becoming who my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
When we got back, I had a million things to do. When I finally finished it was a little after noon. I got home and went straight to sleep. Even after I got up from my nap it was hard to get going. Around six I had an energy boost and went to the basketball game with all five of my old roommates. The whole time Meghan and I were singing "Scream and Shout." If you change the lyrics to "rise and shout. The cougars are out." it is perfect for BYU basketball games. Just so you know. When I got back the energy was gone and I went back to bed. I now feel better, but I am still tired, I still have bruises, and my arms are so sore. If I didn't love retreats so much I do not know what I would do.

Never a Dull Moment

I never have a dull moment in my life. I would like to say that I went on my date. I do not know if I will ever ask a boy out again, but I did it. I was brave enough to do it, we went, we had fun, and now it is in the past. I will still never understand why he asked me why Eric and I are not dating. That was awkward, but like I said, it is in the past. I looked cute in my mom's dress with curled hair and pretty makeup. That is all that matters. 

I also found a minivan that has a license plate that says swagger mom. Dear swagger mom, I hope one day I can be as cool as you. Love a future swagger mom.

Now, finals are coming. There is so much to do. There are almost a dozen reviews I should go to, and I can already feel the pressure mounting. I have a week until I go home. It is going to be tough, but the devotional today was on prayer. I found that very fitting. Elder Bruce D. Porter of the First Quorum of the Seventy was the speaker. I loved the first story he told. He said there was once a little boy who was asked to give prayer in Primary. He started off by saying, "Heavenly Father, I am thankful for the letter A. I am thankful for the letter B..." He continued on until he had finished every letter in the alphabet.  He then started saying, "I am thankful for the number one..." His primary teacher at this point began to worry. She had no idea how far this boy could count, and she realized this could be a very long prayer. She thought about stopping him, but she chose not to. This little boy continued on to twenty, and finished his prayer by saying how thankful he was for his Primary teacher because she was the only grown-up who had ever let him finish his prayer. I loved this story. It reminded me that I not only need to be thankful for the big things but for the mediocre things as well. It also reminded me that I need to pray always for every little thing. Finals are coming. Don't be afraid to ask for some help. Like I said, there is never a dull moment for me. I am having a sleepover with my old roommates Saturday, I have a talk on Sunday, I have five finals in three days, and then I am going home! 

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

I first want to acknowledge the hand of God in my life this weekend. I did not have to drive up in the canyon. I went, but I drove up with my coordinator. I prayed all yesterday that I would be safe driving up there, and driving in a car that wasn't mine was just making me feel uncomfortable. Good thing I have a wonderful coordinator watching out for me. I was safe. I also realized she is one of the coolest people I will ever meet. We talked about almost everything on our drive up, and it put my racing mind at ease. I seriously love her. I also want to point out that the song Diamonds came on three times on the drive up there. Needless to say, it was stuck in everyone's heads by the time we arrived. We all sang it all night. When we got to Springhaven, I was amazed. First off, it is HUGE. I got lost more than once in that "house." There is a jungle gym and a treehouse inside. Second off, it is so nice. It has heated floors. I was happy. With the blizzard going on outside, there is nothing better than a place with heated floors. Trainings and games and food... Oh my! It was a lot. I went in to this retreat like one often does conference. I went in with a prayer in my heart. It was answered, and everything was perfect. Everything went well. I did get thrown in the snow a couple of times, we had a snowball fight that was rather intense (I am a pro at dodging and aiming so I think I won), and we just had fun. I shone bright like a diamond the whole time, and I got closer to people I already love. Also, it is a huge feat that my crush did not resurface. Proof that I am so done. The theme was dedication. Spiritual, BYUSA, school, and self dedication. I learned a lot and had fun. There isn't much better!

Thanksgiving Time

     Please forgive this amazingly long blog post, but I have learned a lot over the past couple of days. Much has changed, and I feel so much lighter than I did even Saturday morning. I learned a lot about others, but I learned the most about myself. Some of this is just for fun, some will make you feel good all over like nothing else, and some I just felt like I needed to share.
     I was doing some scripture study the other day... Mosiah 4:15 says: But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve on another. So, I have been working to serve and love others. Between BYUSA, friends, and school work, my schedule and just life in general has been insane. Then, I came to Mosiah 4:27 which says: And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. I was running too fast for my own good, and that is going to change. I am putting my life in Christ's hands which is hard for me considering my level of independence. This is a very literal "Jesus take the wheel" moment.
     I have heard a lot of funny and just memorable quotes lately...
-You're only as close to your answer as your knees are close to the floor.
-As sovereigns  choosing to yield to the Highest Sovereign is our highest act of choice. It is the only surrender which is also a victory! The putting off of the natural man makes possible the putting on of the whole armour of God, which would not fully fit before.
- If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.
     Everyone is doing the one-a-day thankful posts. Well, I do not have time for that so I am just going to do a really long one with thirty things on it right now.
1. I am thankful for my testimony. I do not know where I would be today without it.
2. I am thankful for the power of prayer. I am constantly reminded of it, and it amazes me each and every time.
3. I am thankful for crunchy leaves. There is no day so bad that crunchy leaves cannot make it better.
4. I am thankful for sunshine. I love the feeling of the sun on my face and how it reflects off my hair. Being blonde, I feel like a have a little sunshine with me wherever I go.
5. I am thankful for the best friends I could ever ask for. They are awesome, and I love having fun with them.
6. I am thankful for the most wonderful family ever. Their love and support get me through.
7. I am thankful for teachers with a sense of humor. They make my day so much better.
8. I am thankful for seasons. We do not have them at home, but I love the changing colors and weather.
9. I am thankful for uplifting music. I love music. It just makes me happy.
10. I am thankful for dogs. This applies mainly to my dog and the spotted dog I love so much, but dogs are great in general.
11. I am thankful for the majestic mountains all around me. They make me feel safe and secure. They are also just beautiful, and remind me there is so much more out there than the small area BYU takes up. Heavenly Father created some of the most amazing things, and they are out there for me to explore.
12. I am thankful for movies. There is something comforting about curling up in a blanket and watching a movie.
13. I am thankful for tests. I know that sounds crazy, but I learn more from the tests I take than I do from the multiple hours I spend in class.
14. I am thankful for sweaters, jackets, and coats. I hate being cold, and I love to layer so it all works out.
15. I am thankful for nicknames. I love the sense of belonging I get when someone uses one of my nicknames, and I love hearing the meaning behind some of them.
16. I am thankful for convertible cars. I love my car, and I love the sense of freedom it gives me when the wind blows through my hair. I love just laughing when my hair is attacking my face, and I love getting to blast my music without a care in the world.
17. I am thankful for minivans. Enough said.
18. I am thankful for mail. I love getting the mail out of the mailbox and getting letters from friends and family. I always know someone out there loves me.
19. I am thankful for the opportunity I have to be at BYU and be a part of BYUSA. I am learning and growing so much.
20. I am thankful for my planner. I don't necessarily like every moment of my life planned out, but there is something about being able to cross things off the list of things I have to do that just makes me happy.
21. I am thankful for the fact that I have my cousin Becca here. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, she is always there, and frankly I just love having fun with her.
22. I am thankful for my patriarchal blessing. Sometimes everything around you in in an uproar of how bad things are and how much worse they are going to be, but my patriarchal blessing gives me hope in the future.
23. I am thankful for eyes. You can see the true emotion and intent behind what people are saying through their eyes. You can see what kind of person they are. Also, some eyes are just gorgeous.
24. I am thankful for food. Good, tasty food is just wonderful... Oh, and so is chocolate.
25. I am thankful for smiles. When someone smiles at me, even if it is a stranger, it kind of makes my day.
26. I am thankful for art. I love not only looking at beautiful art people have created, but I love creating it.
27. I am thankful for the fact that I actually know people on campus. Seeing a friend in the masses of each passing period is just amazing, and I love it.
28. I am thankful for disasters. All of these things will be for my good and give me experience.
29.  I am thankful for dreams. Sometimes dreaming of things to come is one of the few things that make me think everything will be all right in the end.
30.  I am thankful for Christmas. I am so excited to not only celebrate the season, but see the lights, eat the treats, and be with my family.

I Am a Mormon. I Know It. I Live It. I Love It.

Conference weekend is always so much fun. Some of the talks were exact answers to prayers. I know a lot of people had prayers answered when the new age for missionaries was announced, but that one did not phase me. I have never really wanted to go on a mission. I have thought about it, but I have never felt like I was meant to. Anyways, my prayers came from talks today. President Eyring was the first speaker. He talked about how we cannot insist on our own timetable because God has his own. We have to say, "Thy will be done and in thine own time." I am just not a patient person, and I feel this was one of Heavenly Father's ways of telling me to calm down. President Monson spoke later, but he said that joy comes as we recognize we can communicate with our Heavenly Father, he hears us, and he WILL answer us. There you go. I know he hears and will answer my prayers. I just have to be patient. Elder Hales called trials refining challenges. I thank him for that. I often forget they are anything but annoying. Elder Nash brought up trials once again and said that He will fulfill His promises and will work with us to help us get past our challenges. Brother Gonzalez said when everything else seems to fail He will not fail you. Our conversion to Him is rewarded with our healing. When Elder Holland got up, I knew it was going to be good. He kept bringing up the question, "Do YOU love me?" I am LDS. I know it. I live it. I love it. Elder Holland then said that we cannot quit and we cannot go back. Our call is to come, stay true, and serve. In the his closing remarks, President Monson said as painful as the lessons learned may be, we learn the most when going through trials. Were the talks in conference meant for me? Absolutely not. Did almost every talk apply to me? Yep. So, I just need to work on my patience, keep praying, and become a better disciple of Christ. 

Tirelessly, Lovingly, and Effectively

     I just got back from a remarkable leadership conference BYU puts on called Foundations of Leadership. Last year I went as a participant, and this year I was able to go as a peer mentor. Now, I would like to start off by truthfully saying that beforehand I was NOT looking forward to this at all. I had an amazing peer mentor last year, and I made myself feel like I could never stand up to my own expectations of what a peer mentor should be like, and in turn, would not be able to relax, enjoy myself, and be able to be spiritually enlightening for my participants. Here's the thing though. In reading through the talks that I had to teach lessons on, I came across a couple quotes that hit me hard. First: "You have great expectations... as the result of a known benefactor, even our Heavenly Father, and great things are expected of you." Wow. Ok. I knew I had great expectations. People always tell me that. Way to put the pressure on. Then came the next quote. "The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be." I knew the real thing that was holding me back was fear. No big deal. I just had to step it up. Then, came the last one. "If we lose our vision of our potential we might fall short of our possibilities." I had lost sight of what I could do by comparing myself to someone else. I am not that person. I am me. This is when I realized I could do this, and I was going to have fun.
     Last week, I got an awful sinus infection. I seriously thought it was the worst one I have ever had. It hurt to move. I can honestly say I believe in miracles. I have never been able to get over a sinus infection in a week, even with antibiotics. This time I only had some advil and cough medicine. I knew I would not be going to FOL if I did not get better. I did not really give myself any rest because I always had things to do. I prayed that I would be able to get over it and be able to go to FOL. I know that with the power of prayer I was able to get over it. I needed to be at FOL not only for the group that I was over, but I needed to be there for me. I know of the power of prayer. Like I said, I was really nervous about going to this conference. It is so far beyond my comfort zone, thinking about it now scares me still. I prayed every day that my Heavenly Father would grant me the courage to be able to teach by the spirit and help these incoming freshmen know they will never be alone. College is a scary place sometimes, and I hope I got my point that not only will I be there if they call but there Heavenly Father is always there. Teaching lessons, I was not nervous. I was a leader.
     Going through activities, speakers, a ropes course, outdoor and water activities, dances, and so much more made my experience a great one. My group thought I was dating the guy I work with in BYUSA because he was always with me, they said he and I were a cute couple before they found out we aren't dating, they thought I should marry my co-counselor, and they had no idea that I was younger than every single one of them. They all thought I was twenty or twenty-one. So funny.
     Last night, we had the night adventure. We blindfold all of the participants in our group and make them hold hands. We lead them through obstacles that got progressively harder (in one group, a couple of kids fell off a cliff. No one was hurt, and it is a funny story to tell, but I think it made a better effect). At the end, we split them all up, leaving them alone in the darkness. My co-counselor and I started singing (yes, I actually sang), and one by one they all worked their way towards us. We then compared it to the scripture story of the shepard and the sheep knowing his voice. They were in the dark, but they knew our voices so they made their way toward us. I know that if we listen, we will hear the voice of the Spirit telling us what we need to hear. We are all sons and daughters of God, and he will not leave us alone and helpless. He is always there for each and every one of us. By listening to the promptings of the spirit today, I was able to listen to one of the best speakers with a talk I felt was just for me. It was about discovering your own hidden potential. He gave us a quote that said, "I am not looking for the BEST players, I am looking for the RIGHT players." I want to be ready to serve when someone needs me not because I am the best one for the job but because I am the right one for it.
     Today we were each given a wood board. On one side we wrote our goals for the year on it. On the other side, we wrote fears or obstacles of us reaching those goals. We were then told to break our boards with only our hands. Last year, I was not able to do it. I had to use my foot. This year I was not going to let my fear of inadequacy keep me from breaking my board. My co-counselor held it, we took our stances, and in one HARD blow I broke my wood board into three clean cut pieces. No, not just two. Three. Way to be.  I have to admit, I am kind of proud.
     I believe leadership is something we grow into. I believe by going to this conference and stepping out of my comfort zone, I grew into a leader more the past three days than I have ever before. President Spencer W. Kimball once said, "Greatness is not always a matter of size or scale, but of the quality of one's life. If we do well with our talents and with the opportunities given them, even more will be given." I know that by sharing my talents over the course of this conference, I was given even more talents and blessings as well. Here is one more quote. This is my favorite one I heard at the conference. "Every person radiates what he or she is." -Bruce C. Hafen
   If every person radiates what they are, I hope I can always radiate happiness and light. Even if it is just with a simple smile, I want to brighten someone's day. I want to be the kind of leader that is in the middle of the group helping people along the way rather than the one that is in front only hoping people will follow or the one behind that pushes people until they stand against it. I want to be the leader that leads tirelessly, lovingly, and effectively.
     I have a testimony of the power of prayer. I know Heavenly Father is always there for us wanting to help us if we are but willing to ask. I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel. I know my church is true and that there is a prophet on the earth today, President Monson. I have a testimony of the power of friendship and how important it is in the grand scheme of things. I also have a testimony of the power of courage. President Monson said, "Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny." We have to have courage to make the right decisions to bless the lives of others as well as our own. I am so thankful for the ordinances that allow me to live with my family forever. I know they are there along with my friends to help me make the right decisions that will help lead me back to my Heavenly Father. I am thankful that I was able to go to this conference. I truly believe it helped me grasp how divine my potential is more firmly than ever before, and I have faith that one day I will be able to fulfill those expectations that have been put on me by my friends, family, and most of all, my Father in Heaven.

Thankful Once Again

It is finals week. You would think it would be hard to think of something to be thankful for, but it really isn't. I am loving this week!

1. Two little girls came up to Meghan and me at Seven Peaks and told us we were pretty. It is nice to know other people besides my parents think that. It made me so happy. Here we are with absolutely no makeup on, our hair is braided, and I am wearing a navy swimsuit with black shorts. We are pretty. I am thankful for those two little girls for making my day. They are the sweetest. 

2. I am thankful for answered prayers. Everyone knows that the testing center is the building where the most prayers are said. I said one today, and it was answered. Thank you for that. I have one more final and I can guarantee two more prayers will be said in my behalf (one asking for help and one saying thank you no matter what happens). Then I will be done with summer semester!

3. I am thankful for textbook sell-back in the bookstore. Not only do they give you cash for your books, but they give you candy as well. Most of the time I get more money back for my books than I payed, so candy is just a bonus that made my smile even wider. 

4. I am thankful I have people from home to run in to on campus unexpectedly. After my test this morning I was tired and really hungry. Who did I run in to? Heidi Starr. She, just like her mom and dad, is always so happy and smiley, and I loved seeing her on my way home. I have also seen a few others this week, and my cousin, Becca, comes back in a week and a half! 

So, here are a few things I found to be thankful for on this finals week. There is always something no matter how dreary your week may seem!