He Watches & Waits

I don't know if it was the Spirit or the overwhelming amount of mini chocolate chips I had eaten the other night, but I just got this feeling that my Heavenly Father loved me beyond compare. It felt good like a long, warm hug that someone gives you right when you need it. I don't remember how I came to find this Mormon message, but I loved it. It reminded me that sometimes all that I have planned is not what my Heavenly Father has planned. He watches and waits for me to turn to Him. Good thing he is patient because I am insanely stubborn. I was in my weekly meeting yesterday and someone asked me something. My boss turned to them and said, "She is more stubborn than you. She will win." Yes I will! And, just because I was speaking of coworkers, I want to share some pictures with you. So, I left my phone in the office by accident the other day. I came back to find 19 pictures of them having way too much fun on my phone. And, I realized that the girl I work with the most (Amanda) and I look kind of alike. I don't blame Curtis for mixing us up all of the time.

I Am Not Pretty. I Am Not Beautiful. I Am As Radiant As the Sun.

Once upon a time a sunflower grew in a garden filled with flowers. But it had lived its life at the edge of the garden and had been bruised and hurt by many winds blowing in from the sea. By degrees it found itself bent by the weight of its pain and facing in to the shadows of the garden wall. Its petals soon became limp and lost much of their loveliness. All it could see was shadow and dark, and life became sad and hard to live. It forgot about the sun in the sky and was conscious only of dullness and dreariness, the depth of the shadows.
Then one day the gardener stopped to talk to his sunflower asking why it was so sad, why only the dark was attracting it while the sun shone brightly behind its bent back. The flowers all around joined in the questioning and encouraged it to turn its face up for a while. As the sunflower took its courage in hand and slowly raised its drooping head to face the radiant light above, it felt itself filled with new life. Its petals opened widely to accept the warmth of the sun. Its seed-packed center smiled as new energy entered its heart. Joy spilled out all around it, and the flowers nearby felt the radiance affecting them too.

As the sunflower unfolded more and more, opening its heart wide, new life stirred within. It began to understand that even its past pains were precious because through these it had come to know about patience, and most of all about compassion for all who are finding life hard. Even when clouds filled the sky it could now rejoice because it knew that it needed the tears of the clouds to help it grow and become strong. So joy, love, and gentle care spread from the sunflower to every corner of the garden. Then the day came when it was ready to scatter its ripened seeds to the winds that had previously buffeted it. These were carried far and wide so that more of God's world became beautiful with the glow of fields of golden flowers. Even as it felt itself losing so much, the sunflower rejoiced and was glad because it had come to know that everything, even the wind and the storm, work together for good when God is the one it loves most.

Sunflowers always face the sun. In the morning, they face east. By evening, they have turned west. They follow the sun as it crosses each day's sky, so they can gather in as much sun as possible. We can be like sunflowers and turn to the Son, Jesus Christ, and gather spiritual light from him. Our Heavenly Father is the gardener and knows exactly what he wants us to become. Even if we are just seeds at the moment, we should not spend our time worrying. We are going to grow and change, and storms will always come. One day we will wake up and be beautiful flowers, the biggest and brightest in the garden, and everyone will look to us and smile. When we bloom we will realize that all the sun and the storms have helped make us what we have always been meant to be. It will be our moment. Life is about living, experiencing, enjoying, exploring, and becoming. We can trust our gardener to take care of us.

Bucket List: Run through a field of sunflowers.

Ars Vivendi: The Art of Living

"For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." Isaiah 55:12

"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter until the perfect day." D&C 50:24

Today I had a day off a school and work. Holidays are the best. Four day weekend holidays are hard to beat. I went to bed late after excitement filled my apartment, and I woke up at my usual time to start on homework. I didn't get much done. I still haven't... Homework and holidays shouldn't mix. I should be working on a paper, but I don't want to. 

Today I pushed the homework aside and went to the hot springs with some friends. It was so cold as I was standing in my swimsuit getting ready to get in. Then, the water was SO HOT at first! When I got in I relaxed and sat in the warm water. Close to the end we were getting snow to cool us off and having a mud fight. I love stuff like that! After a while we decided we needed to go and got lunch. I walked around in my swim shorts, tennis shoes, my swimsuit top, and a jacket. Too hot for pants! I walked around in shorts when there was snow on the ground. There is a first and a last time for everything I guess!! That was a perfect way to spend the holiday. And, can I just say that I absolutely love getting emails from Becca while she is on her mission? I'm saying it. I love her emails! I look forward to them every Monday. It makes me laugh that she is slowly forgetting English. My favorite part of the email is when she closes it with "con amor por siempre." I will love her forever too! Now for this paper I have to write...

 

Does It Almost Feel Like Nothing Changed At All

It amazes me how the Lord answers prayers. Seriously. Whether it is a simple request for the class to not read your paper any further or an earnest plea asking him to get you through the semester. In class, the worst paper I felt I had ever written was read in class. The teacher and class were astounded by the quality of the paper... They thought it was good. I just said a simple prayer asking that they not read past a certain point where all my concentration had gone out the window and the quality went rapidly spiraling downward. Luckily (when luck really has nothing to do with it) enough, they stopped reading at exactly that point. Then yesterday... I had a class until 8:30 at night. After a long week the last thing I wanted to do was to sit in class that late. I walked in to see my group from my favorite class last semester. Oddly enough (again, not really odd at all), I was assigned to be in their group for the semester. Emilee is in two of my classes and is in my group for the semester in one. In my other two classes I am left to my own devices, but if I close my eyes... It almost feels like nothing changed at all. My Heavenly Father loves me!
I got to go wedding dress shopping today. Not for me of course, but it was so much fun! Kaitlyn looked so pretty in every dress she tried on. Helping her pick her dress was fun. Helping her pick her veil was fun. Helping her pick her headband was fun. Watching her as the lady told her she got a free garter was fun. Seeing her pay was even fun. Guys, my roommate is getting married! Didn't we just meet each other? Didn't she just go with me to my first dance? Didn't she and I just jump in the biggest puddle? Didn't we just come to college together and cry in our room together when our families left? Apparently not. She's getting married! 

So, obviously I made it past hump day! Now the coaster is flying down the largest hill with the end in sight. but I don't have time to think about it because of the exhilaration. Speaking of hills and exhilaration, I just went on the best Student Alumni retreat ever! We went to Soldier Hallow. You get a tube and head up to the base of the hill, maybe swinging it and trying to knock each other down on the way. Once you get there they hook your tube to a pulley and you're pulled up the mountain so you can slide down. I'll admit I was a little nervous at first. I lost that the first time I got air on one of the hills and adrenaline took over. I love adventures! I love being with friends! Going down in a big group was even more fun. Then Mexican food which was as good as you can get in Utah, two giant cookies with creme in the middle, and a lot of loud singing and crazy dancing along the way home. Surprisingly, the only casualty of the evening was the zipper on my jacket. I can hopefully figure out how to fix it though. I had so much fun! Please note the difference in the before and after pictures of me. They are proof that sometimes I look like a mess! At the end, Amanda, Mady, Michael, and Brody had gone inside because they were too cold. My boss told me he thought I would have wimped out before anyone. Rude. My love for fun and adventure always beats how much I hate the cold. I'm a trooper.
Tomorrow is movie night with Julie Anne as soon as I get some homework out of the way since I did not get any done today. And, just to add some enjoyment to your day, you are welcome to look at some of the most beautiful pictures I have seen in a long time. Cheers to the freakin' weekend! I'll drink (chocolate milk or hot chocolate) to that!!

Because Hump Day Is A Real Thing

I always buy two kinds of cereal. I buy my serious cereal and my fun cereal. So, I have cheerios and all berries in my pantry right now. I usually eat my cheerios because they help me feel grown up and somehow ready to take on a new day because supposedly I have my life together. Today, with exhaustion pulling at my eyelids, muscles tight from stress, and my body filled to the brim with anxiety caused by a class with a fidgety guest speaker running over, I came home to work on seemingly endless amounts of homework. I broke out the fun cereal. There is something about the way my milk turns purple that just makes me happy, feel like a kid again, and think back to the days when I got to sit and eat bowl after bowl of cereal while my mom slept and I watched movies. Because hump day is a real thing I needed that happiness in a bowl for dinner tonight. My bowl of cereal and an extremely hot shower helped a little bit, but hump day is real. There is no stopping it. Tomorrow I face an even longer day. More meetings, more work, more phone calls, more classes. My friends, it is only the second week of school. What am I going to do?

Slice and Share

For Christmas I got a giant Snickers bar. It says slice and share on the package. I hadn't opened it yet so I took it to movie night for Julie Anne and I to share... and slice. So, about fifteen minutes into Runaway Bride I open it and slice a piece for me and a piece for her. She didn't want any more after that, and it was far too hard to slice. So, you end up with something like this as you sit watching the movie trying to nom on a giant candy bar.

Then, you have a queen of the couch war, Hershey kiss wrapper war that soon leads to Hershey kiss war. That then escalates rather quickly to a ninja fight and somehow cashmere glow spray comes out. Now all of my clothes smell like cashmere glow, my sides hurt from laughing so hard, my makeup is smeared from my eyes watering from laughing so hard, I have a few welts that may or may not decide to turn into bruises, and I am so happy.
I came home and didn't feel like I was walking on glass. I came home and still felt so completely happy. This is real life. I forgot I could feel like this all of the time. After laughing more with Janessa (really she was laughing at me as I told her how happy I was) I sat down to watch another movie that I will probably fall asleep to.
No matter if I have the weirdest dreams on the planet or if someone calls me at 2:30 in the morning telling me I was the last one to see some guy alive and to call them. I am so happy. No matter if your boss said he sent that picture of me eating the snickers to be made into poster size for the office. I am so completely happy. No matter that I have a crap ton (that's a lot for those of you who don't know) of homework tomorrow. I am so genuinely happy.

It Feels So Scary, Getting Old

With the lack of posts before, now I have to catch up! I have so many things to talk about... Well, my friends, all of my general required classes are done, and I am officially a senior. It feels good. And scary. Everyone keeps reminding me to apply for graduation, but I am scared. I will do it... Eventually. After this semester I have a short spring term and an internship before I walk across that stage, shake President Samuelson's hand, and waltz out like I own the place probably tripping along the way somewhere because I am me, and that's what I do. 

This is a new year, and with a new year comes new goals, dreams, and aspirations. I keep a quote above my desk in my office. It says, "Let us with faith, enthusiasm, dedication, responsibility, and love do all that is in our reach, and we will be doing all that is possible to achieve the impossible." I want to live by this quote this year to do all that is possible to achieve the impossible (or what I think to be impossible).  

Being back in Provo began with a wedding reception that I got to be a bridesmaid for. I had so much fun seeing Dearest Dani and Charming Tyler so genuinely happy. So happy. I love them. Freshman year we started yelling, "I'm coming to your wedding!" to each other. We were all at Miss Emilee's wedding reception, and we kept it going all attending Dani's. Two down. Four more to go.  

At work we also had to make personal goals for ourselves. I could only think of three things. No matter how hard I thought, those three things kept coming to mind. So, hesitantly I wrote down "faith, trust, and just a little bit of pixie dust." I don't know why they were stuck in my head, but my goals for this year have been formed off of them. Let me explain. Faith... I have a picture that says, "Faith is when you close your eyes and open your heart." I think I need to close my eyes so I will be able to open my heart. I need to have more faith in my life. More faith and hope in the unknown. Faith that things will work out. Hope that some of the most wonderful things are to come. Trust... In our meeting today we had a spiritual thought like always. The girl who shared said we need to trust in our Heavenly Father because He trusts us. Why do I always have to be reminded of this? Okay, that's my next goal. Trust in Him as much as He trusts me. And, just a little bit of pixie dust... A lot of the magic in my life disappeared. I stopped looking for it, and I kind of stopped believing. Roald Dahl once said, "Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." I am going to start believing again. I had a magical first couple of years here at BYU, and I want my last while here to be just as magical if not more so. Yes, my goals for this new year are based off of something I heard in a Disney movie. Why shouldn't they be? I learned a lot more at work today. I guess Heavenly Father knew I needed to hear it. This inspiration came from a talk by President Uchtdorf called "The Best Time to Plant a Tree." He tells a story that about a man who had a long list of resolutions, and he felt pretty good about his progress. He had stuck to his diet, hadn't lost his temple, kept to his budget, and hadn't complained. But today is January second, the alarm just went off and it is time to get out of bed. He knew it was going to take a miracle to keep his streak going. This new year has given me a new start, a clean slate. I feel like my goals are realistic. I can stick to these three things. I may not be perfect, but I can make progress. That matters and means a lot. President Uchtdorf also related an old proverb that says, "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now." He then goes on saying, "There is something wonderful and hopeful about the word now. There is something empowering about the fact that if we choose to decide now, we can move forward at this very moment. Now is the time to start becoming the person we eventually want to be not only 20 years from now but also for all eternity." It scares me that I am getting older and I will soon be going off into the real world, but when I focus on the now it isn't quite as bad. 

Create the Highest, Grandest Vision Possible For Your Life Because You Become What You Believe

It is now 2014. It is so weird to think about since a few weeks ago I accidentally wrote 2011 on one of my papers without realizing it until my teacher pointed it out. Oops... It's a new year, a time to start again, a time to stop thinking about what you are going to do and start doing it, a time to live your life and be who you are, a time to forget about what happened in 2013 and move on, and a time to take risks and make the most of life. 2013 is a year that I was happy to wave goodbye to. It has been a long one that I don't think I was prepared for but grew to understand and appreciate. It just continued to show me how nothing goes the way we plan. In 2013 I had my first kiss, first boyfriend, one of my best friends got married, I was heartbroken, I got to go sailing, I had three beautiful roommates get married, my puppy died, my bunny died, I took a risk and applied for an internship in Ghana, I developed a severe case of wanderlust, I went home twice, my great-grandma passed away, I got to go see Wicked which is just beautiful, I had so many adventures, made new friends, drove through blizzards, sat in the President's Loge with apostles for the BYU/TX game in which BYU won, decorated the Alumni Christmas tree which won a campus-wide competition and was on TV, went to California for the first time, made my first and second solo rode trips, got an amazing job with the Alumni Association and work with the best people, dropped my cousin off at the MTC, moved apartments, watched a Pioneer Day parade (oh Utah...), went on a trip to Washington with some friends, turned 19, realized I like fry sauce and a million other things I never gave a chance before, was completely covered in glitter, and so much more! It was wonderful and hard. I guess those two things are a package deal. Without one we would not have the other. 

As the semester was coming to a close my some of my roommates and I went to Temple Square to see the beautiful lights. I also went to Thanksgiving Point with Kaitlyn, James, and Julie Anne to see the lights there. I thought it sounded beautiful to be able to stay in my warm car as I drove through them after freezing in Salt Lake. But, we ended up putting the top down to see them better. It was still fun and the coco afterwards made it even better. And... There were reindeer and so many fun things to see! Also before finals we had to throw Dani a bachelorette party. Now, I live in Provo with a bunch of Mormons so don't let your mind go all crazy thinking of what we did. We went to dinner and she opened gifts. Fun but not too insane. Finals were beastly. I only did poorly on one final, and it was my last one (by that point I kind of just give up). When I looked at the test that was supposed to be dates, names, a map, and places, I saw only names. One hundred and fifty names to be exact that I had to match with what they did. Yeah right, but at least I asked for all of the right finals this time! That was a nightmare last year... I got good grades this semester.Going home was something I was excited and nervous about. When I walk in the door I usually go straight for the couch that Fenway slept on. It was odd not doing that. The house felt a little empty without his snoring or the bonks you heard when he ran into something. I just miss him so much. Being at home consisted of shopping trips, appointments, outings with Ryan, eating seafood and Tex-Mex, baking, talks with my mom and dad, being tormented by my loving little brother, musicals, and outing with my best friend, and movies! I love seeing my family. Sometimes I wish I went to college closer to home so I could see them more. Then, I go home and get sat on by Ryan who is HUGE, and I remember why BYU is the place for me. Christmas was a good one even without the "Christmas Day Fenway." Momma got sick around New Year's Eve. I felt so bad, but I was happy to make breakfast in bed for her. Going back to Utah was sadder and harder than it ever has been before. Now I am back... I don't know if I am ready for this new year. I graduate this year! I graduate in seven months and ten days. I guess I can take whatever this year throws at me. Bring it on, 2014! Bring it on....

 P.S. If you didn't know sock monkeys scare me. My best friend (pictured above) and her mom think it is hilarious so each Christmas I get something to add to my collection. I got THE socks this year. They are eating me...