Rejuvenation and Some Homesickness

     Taking this week just for me has made a huge difference, and it is not even halfway over yet. I have had time to do the things I love. I have had time to sit and just laugh with people I love. I have had time to watch some of my favorite shows that I have put off the past couple weeks. I have had time to spend time with friends. I feel so much better. Last night I made dinner with a BYUSA friend, we watched Studio C which was so funny, and he helped me study for my Stats test. Yesterday I also took a nap on the couch in the office. I did not mean to, but I was sitting there curled up in a ball with a pillow. Gotta love naps. You have to love them more when people say you looked cute when you wake up. Today I primped before and after class and even when I came home for the day. Why not? I watched the presidential debate (I got really worked up), and let the ex-political science major in me come out. I watched the latest episodes of my three favorite shows (Castle, Revenge, and Once Upon a Time). I walked home with a couple of BYUSA friends, and one of them was a cute guy. For some reason dating came up. It came up that I do not date very often, and he said we are going to have to fix that. Well, if you insist. I also did all of my homework, I learned how to work my BYU email and got an official BYUSA signature, and I have enjoyed every minute of my time. Even the time in classes is more fun. I am actually learning rather than looking at the clock every couple minutes. I even feel refreshed when I wake up each morning. I love it.
     I really miss my family right now. I miss being able to talk to my dad, hugs from him and my mom, getting to talk to them and see their faces, and so much more. Phone calls and Skyping just does not cut it. I miss my puppy even though all he does is sleep all day. I love his snoring. It is so cute, and it helps me sleep. Oddly enough I even miss the smell of his insulin. I miss that ridiculous spotted dog and her hyper self. I miss being hurt by her tail because it is wagging at 100 mph. I miss my rabbit and how she acts like she is starving every time she sees you in hopes that you will give her a treat. This may be weird, but I miss my little brother the most. Sunday I watched the first half of the extended version of the third Lord of the Rings. I cannot wait to finish it. I think watching these movies makes me more homesick than anything else. The guy I watch them with is so much like my little brother. He scares me in the intense parts, he likes all the same things Ryan does, and he acts the same way. He just reminds me of Ryan. A lot. I do not know why I miss that kid. All he does is torture me and hang on me when I am home, but I miss our wrestles, our water fights, laughing at Glozell until tears come out of our eyes, watching movies that I would never watch voluntarily without him watching them first, and eating innumerable Oreos in one sitting. I will admit it. I miss him. I just love my family and all of the craziness that comes with them.

Sweet Silver Lining

People say I am too quiet, too serious, too reserved, too private, ungrateful for not wanting to go on a mission, lazy, sassy, my major is a mommy major and will get me nowhere in life, they cannot take me seriously because of my blonde hair and my sweet voice. Well, in ward prayer, for the spiritual thought they said a quote that I may talked about how if we listen to other people's opinions, eventually we will hold their opinions in higher esteem than our own. Well, I am not going to let that happen to me. Yes, I am going to be sassy. I will give them that one. :) My coordinator says, "Watch out world. Megan's got her sassy pants on today!" I may be quiet. I like to watch things happen around me. I am not shy. I analyze every little thing before I do something so I am usually not the first person to go out and introduce myself. I think things through and I am really logical (thank you, Devon, for pointing that out). I am not ungrateful. Not going on a mission is between me, my family, and Heavenly Father. My major is not a mommy major. It is teaching me valuable skills that I will surely use in my future family (they are just jealous my family will be better than theirs), but it is also giving me valuable information for the career I want to go in to. I am not lazy. I am running all of the time so when I have time to sit that is what I do.  I am blonde and have a sweet voice. If you don't take me seriously... your loss. I do not care. I used to try to make everyone happy, but I am devoting this week to me. I am holding my opinion of myself over everyone else's, and I am going to do what is best for me. I had a hard week last week, "but so many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight but I'm just surviving and I may be weak but I'm never defeated and I'll keep believing in clouds with that sweet silver lining."

Forget Me Not

By Thursday each week I am exhausted. I get irritated about everything that is going on around me, and I just want to be done. There is so much on my plate right now. I have less credit hours than last year, but my classes are so much harder now that I am in my major. I put in numerous hours a week in BYUSA, I try to make everyone happy, and I sometimes forget to take care of myself. Sleeping and eating are put on the backburner for when I have more time (which is never). When Friday finally comes around it's like, "Oh hey there Friday. It took you a long time to get here, but I am so glad you are back." Yesterday... well, let's just say it's a good thing they have make-up in the office. I put myself back together and went back to work with no one knowing that happened. When I got home, I went out with some of my friends hoping for some relief, but it provided none. I went to a meeting I had to go to, ate chocolate, and came back home again with no relief. I went to Walmart for some food that would maybe make me feel better and just talked to a really good friend. Sometimes I try to be so independent I don't talk to people, and everything builds up inside me making things worse. She did not necessarily know what to say, but her being there made me feel a million times better and I am thankful for her. When we got home I felt a little better, and after finishing an obnoxious project, I went to get fro-yo with my old roommates. They gave me the book "Forget Me Not" by President Uchtdorf with a note inside. As I sat and read that last night relief flooded through me. Each page made me feel lighter. Close to the end it says, "My dear sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine." I just loved that. A smile broke out on my face, a real smile, not one of the ones that I put there so no one notices something is wrong. Today I woke up feeling refreshed. I am wearing a neon yellow shirt that makes me so happy, especially when the lady at Hobby Lobby asked if it could be any brighter. On a rainy day, I stand out. Singing in the car on the way home from my BYUSA errands, I feel genuinely happy. I miss my family and want to see them desperately right now, but I am happy. So, here's to a wonderful Friday. Who knows what adventures I will have tonight. So, this rough and extremely busy Homecoming week, I am thankful for the forget-me-not flower, those near and dear to me, and neon yellow shirts. 

True Blue

Sometimes amidst the hectic days in Homecoming week, you have to spend a few hours volunteering and playing at a giant slip and slide made of blue foam. You just have to forget your homework and all of the stress of the week and not care that you are dyed blue. Then, when it is all over, you just have to go to Costco and get pizza. You ignore people staring at you because you are still blue and laugh when adults and children alike ask you why. When you finally get home after volunteering for six hours, you let all of your stress, sadness, and anxiety that has been building up all week wash down the drain along with all of the blue. As it runs down, you feel lighter. You realize how wonderful your day was, and you feel ready to take on the rest of your crazy week. By nine o'clock you feel like it is eleven. It feels like you have been awake forever, but you are refreshed and could care less what time it is. You quickly get your homework done and have to smile. A wonderful day this has been.

 

I Am a Mormon. I Know It. I Live It. I Love It.

Conference weekend is always so much fun. Some of the talks were exact answers to prayers. I know a lot of people had prayers answered when the new age for missionaries was announced, but that one did not phase me. I have never really wanted to go on a mission. I have thought about it, but I have never felt like I was meant to. Anyways, my prayers came from talks today. President Eyring was the first speaker. He talked about how we cannot insist on our own timetable because God has his own. We have to say, "Thy will be done and in thine own time." I am just not a patient person, and I feel this was one of Heavenly Father's ways of telling me to calm down. President Monson spoke later, but he said that joy comes as we recognize we can communicate with our Heavenly Father, he hears us, and he WILL answer us. There you go. I know he hears and will answer my prayers. I just have to be patient. Elder Hales called trials refining challenges. I thank him for that. I often forget they are anything but annoying. Elder Nash brought up trials once again and said that He will fulfill His promises and will work with us to help us get past our challenges. Brother Gonzalez said when everything else seems to fail He will not fail you. Our conversion to Him is rewarded with our healing. When Elder Holland got up, I knew it was going to be good. He kept bringing up the question, "Do YOU love me?" I am LDS. I know it. I live it. I love it. Elder Holland then said that we cannot quit and we cannot go back. Our call is to come, stay true, and serve. In the his closing remarks, President Monson said as painful as the lessons learned may be, we learn the most when going through trials. Were the talks in conference meant for me? Absolutely not. Did almost every talk apply to me? Yep. So, I just need to work on my patience, keep praying, and become a better disciple of Christ. 

Complete Honesty

     I am going to be completely honest in this post. First off, I think boys are dumb. They do not make sense to me at all. When my coordinator constantly smiles at me like she knows something I don't, people have bets going on when (not if) I will get married to a specific person, I hang out with this person all of the time, and he even brings you hand warmers to the football game, I feel the ultimate in confusion because he has a girlfriend. If one more person tells me we make a cute couple I might freak out on them. I know we do. There is a problem though. He has a girlfriend. I just happen to be with him a lot. Our relationship has changed over the past couple weeks. We tease each other more, we have a lot more fun together, and he even hugs me and opens doors for me. Way to go Megan. You re-developed this crush you worked so hard to get rid of, and now he has a girlfriend.
     So, on to the next item of business. I finally had to tell myself that I am a workaholic and I like it that way. If I am not busy, I do not get anything done. Seriously I had a day to do nothing, and I literally got nothing done. No homework, no cleaning, no nothing. Also, I am extremely independent. I hate people doing things for me. I like to do things myself. So, now that my wrist is messed up, it is hard for me to take a step back and every once in a while let someone help me do something.
     I would also like to point out that I had a wonderful time at the Relief Society activity I went to this week. I was there from 7 to about 10:30, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I needed time to get away from everything school related and have fun eating, doing nails, sitting in the hot tub, doing spotlights, and getting to know some of the girls in my ward. It was so nice.
     Also, I have found out that as my life has seemingly come crashing down around me, it is giving me a chance to redefine my priorities and build myself up stronger. I hate taking tests and I always will. I am just not good at it. The Testing Center stresses me out to the max. I do not know why, but I cannot do well on a test this semester. I do not do terribly like last year when I got a 40 on one of my tests, but it irritates me that I cannot do well. Then, I have the boy problem. How can my life be so complicated when I am not even dating someone? Then, I have homework that I have no desire to do, eating is a bore, and when I wake up every morning I feel more tired than I did when I went to bed. What is going on? But, like I said I am slowly building myself up stronger.
     I am getting to be really good friends with all of my new roommates. I got to take time to spend with my old roommates on Tuesday, but that is the extent of it. I have been trying to not be with them as much as sad as that may be. I want my new roommates to like me, and they will never know how cool I am if I am never home. Then, I am working even harder in BYUSA without putting in as many hours. I am also working on homework and trying to focus on it more. As for the boy... well, I may never figure that out. My mom said he was just testing me, but I know he will never go out on a date with me as long as we work together since he is such a stickler for keeping relationships professional since we work together. Gosh darn it. I am working on it.
     As for tonight... Well, I went to the football game. We beat Utah State six to three. I love karma. The past two years of us winning is karma coming back for all of the crap I put up with in seminary. Gotta love it. Like I said, this boy brought me hand warmers and made sure my wrist was okay. When I left the game, I came back and spent more time with my roommates. They found me a new theme song. I love them. Seriously. We all piled on the love sac, listened to music, talked, laughed, and had a dance party. Well, that is my life right now. Fun, kind of chaotic, annoying at times, lovely, full of laughter, and the ultimate in confusion. In devotional we were told to look for blessings from the mundane to the magnificent. Mundane: I made it through this week. Magnificent: I made it through with new friends, new goals, and a new me. 

Fall in the Mountains

People ask me why I love Utah. Well, I love the fact that there is an autumn here. I love the changing colors on the mountain, and I am so thankful I got to go have fun with Emilee driving up into the mountains with the top of my car down and heat blasting enjoying the beauty that was all around us. Between that, Eric doing the Gangnam style dance, Once Upon a Time, pizza, and a wonderful devotional on gratitude, my day was made. I loved it all.