A Texas girl. A BYU graduate. An ASU graduate. A Certified Child Life Specialist. A movie enthusiast. An artist. A dreamer. A hopeful romantic. As classy and sassy as ever. Still smiling, still laughing, and still sporting those Angel Eyes.
This is perfect for me right now. Elevator goes up, elevator come down, and you just go with the flow until your feet are back on the ground. Things are hard. I am not going to say everything in my life is perfect right now. I am tired. Spring is not on its way like the groundhog said it was. Election week is coming, and although I feel like it should be avoided like the plague, I am helping. After election week comes my interview. After that comes our retreat. I just keep going with the flow.
Yesterday was the stake activity. I was not going to go, but I did for some reason. We went ice skating. It brought back memories from when I was younger. I loved getting to get back out on the ice even though it was all I could do to stay up most of the time. Alanna and I got there kind of early so we started by just watching people and drinking hot chocolate. When we got on the ice, I got to see friends that I had not seen all week, and helping Mak skate since it was her first time was really fun. They had homemade scones and they were delicious. I honestly just had fun. I need to take more time for myself. Seriously.
Today we got a new bishopric which was so sad, and we had a lesson on service. Again, the wearing your busy-ness as a badge of honor came up. I feel fingers pointed toward me, but I guess those fingers are my own. Anyways, they said that sometimes you really do have to let other people serve you. That is fine for other people, but I don't like people doing things for me. I like doing things for myself. I do not like people knowing when I am sick or extremely stressed out. I am so bad. I really am going to be better. There is so much craziness and I am just trying to keep my feet from being swept out from under me. Maybe just maybe the next time someone offers to serve me I will let them.
That is my day in a nutshell. I went to class, and at 11 the fun began. From 11 to 2 I was playing laser tag with a guy that asked me to go with him. I did not do as well as he did (1300 pts), but I did not get negative (447 pts). Running around in the black light with glowing shoelaces and everything else black made me smile. From 2-3:30 I set up for an activity blowing up palm trees and of course "testing" out the nerf guns we would be using later. Blowing up those palm trees was a pain. Our cheeks hurt after, but hitting each other with them and using them as shields was so funny. While we were blowing them up we asked Eric to help. He said there was no way he was putting his mouth on one of them because multiple people had already done so. He said it was like kissing someone because people's spit were all over them. He then asked if this could count as my first kiss. Ew. No. Also, when I was getting the guns out of their package I cut myself. No, not with the scissors, with the cardboard. I have a huge scratch reaching across two fingers. When we were cleaning up everyone was told by Eric to not let his dear Executive Assistant touch any of the cardboard. Geez. From 3:30-5:20 I was in a nerf war. Basically, I ran around BYU with a gun all day and shot people. They were people I knew of course including my coordinator (who got me back), Eric (who never got me back but I shot over and over again *evil smile*) and the guy I like (who chased me around the office). I love playing games with all of my friends. I love them so much. We need more days like today at BYU. Now that I am home I am sore but super happy which makes me super sassy. Good things my roommates love me.
So... I do not feel all that great. My throat feels like I shoved nails down it. I went to the grocery store to buy all soft food. In the check out line, there was a gay couple in front of me. I was thinking about what I could eat that maybe wouldn't hurt my throat too badly, when all of the sudden one turned around and asked me if I was single. I was kind of caught off guard, but I told him yes. He then looked to his partner and back at me. Afterwards he said, "I don't understand... I would go straight for you!" It was all I could do to not burst out laughing when his partner backhanded him. Those are not things you see or hear every day in Provo, but it made me laugh. Weird things like that keep happening to me. Like yesterday when I was going to a review covered in hot chocolate that spilled at a BYUSA event and I went to the wrong room. Everyone stared at me. I do not know if it was because I was covered in hot chocolate or because they knew I was in the wrong room, but it was awkward. It was especially awkward when I left five minutes later when I realized I was in the wrong room and collided with a guy I had a crush on in high school, and I was still covered in hot chocolate. Or, when the guy I work with told me he teases me because I remind him of his little sister. Or, how I sat on a couch in the office and talked to a guy for an hour and a half about what we want in our spouses and what kind of mother I want to be. Or, when the guy I like now gave me a hug and pushed me away so he could see my face but was still holding my hands... What is going on? Maybe I should get a sore throat more often. All of these things make me laugh which makes my throat hurt more, but it is worth it.
I do not know where it came from, but I found the sweetest little note in my scriptures the other day.
One side displays this picture...
The other side is a simple handwritten message. It says:
Megan <3
"And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught her, and said unto her, 'O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?' " Always remember that you are God's daughter, and He loves you.
I have never seen this before. Like I said, I just found it in my scriptures the other day. A huge thanks goes out to anyone who put this sweet reminder in there for me. I am so grateful for the wonderful examples I have in my life. This makes me smile every time I see it. It is perfect.
Now, I will be the first to admit that I can be a little cynical when it comes to Valentine's Day. I rate it at a close third to Halloween and April Fools on the ridiculous scale. Well, that is how I used to see it anyways... Yesterday changed things.
My morning started in a usual way. I wore purple for the occasion, and headed off to Honor Choir. As I opened the door, there was a gift for me from my visiting teacher. Chocolate and conversation hearts started the day off right. I then went to have my car inspected since it was a week overdue. I may get Utah license plates. That is kind of exciting. While I was waiting, they brought me fresh baked cookies. They said since I was alone at the car dealer on Valentine's Day I must not have a valentine so the cookies were to make me feel better. They did make me feel all warm inside. Over an hour later when I went to the office, and was greeted by everyone in the area. One of the girls had brought in homemade cookies, and she would not let them have any until I got one. Smiles were all around as I walked in and ate a cookie. On my desk, a valentine, chocolate, and a rose awaited me. The valentine and chocolate was from my coordinator. Who the rose was from is yet to be determined, but I think it was from a guy I kind of like. Somehow one of the Executive Directors found out I like him and told me they were going to be my wing man in trying to get us together. He started by getting the guy I like to come over to our area. We talked/flirted for a little bit. A huge grin spread across my face. Having that much fun gave me enough courage to go and talk to my coordinator. The last thing I needed was her signature for my application to be Vice President. I talked to her for a little bit and asked her if she would sign my paper. She asked what it was and I told her my application. She asked if it was for her area. They are changing things in the office so when she told me she was staying in Administration and I told her that is was I was applying for, we both smiled. She squealed she was so happy. I gave her a hug and went to tell Eric. My application is done! When office hours were over, I went home and talked to my momma. So wonderful. I got to talk to my dad a couple times throughout the day. I loved getting to talk to both of my parents. I then had dinner with my old roommates and FHE brothers. Yum! We were laughing remarkably hard on more than one occasion. I had to leave after an hour and a half. I promised my roommate a movie night. Ending the night with popcorn and watching "Ever After" made the day complete. Between finishing my application, seeing Greenburg, making my coordinator squeal, tons of sweets, and spending time with friends, I was the happiest girl around.
I may not be a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but it is because I have never had a valentine. Good thing I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for to help her realize that you do not need a single valentine. Sometimes it is best to spread love to all those around you. Today seemed like an extension of yesterday. I was so amazingly happy, it was sunny, and I turned in my application.
"And... we all know you are nobody's valentine."
In the fireside I went to Sunday night, this is one of the things the speaker talked about when she was listing things that made girls depressed. The whole auditorium burst out laughing. I am pretty sure it was in amazement that she actually said that and to stop the tears.
"Let's face it. Kissing yourself in the mirror is better than kissing no one at all."
That was a statement made by one of my teachers. Thank you for reminding me that I am still single. I may not have someone to celebrate the day with, I may be alone in Provo of all places, and I may turn out to be a crazy dog lady. Bring it on.
Dear Future Valentine,
I cannot wait to meet you. When the time finally comes I hope you just act like you are ripping off a band-aid and just ask me out. It will make me smile. A lot. I know you probably have tons of admirers, but I am so glad you chose me. I will love the way you laugh at me. I will love how you will be able to sneak up behind me and just hug me so I cannot be mad at you. I love how your eyes will sparkle when you look at me. I am going to love the way you let me fall asleep on your shoulder, and you won't move even if you have a list of things to do because you don't want to wake me up. I will love how you can connect with my little brother. It will be kind of weird how alike the two of you are. I will smile every time I think of what you will have to go through when you ask my dad for his permission to marry me. I will love how you can easily beat me in any game we play, but you will let me win anyway. I will love it when you curl up in a blanket with me and just watch a movie, even if it is a chick flick. Most of all, I will love the way you make me laugh. I will continue waiting patiently for you to come along. Just move a little faster.
"The evening star is shining bright, so make a wish and hold on tight. There's magic in the air tonight, and anything can happen."
I need every wish on 11:11, an eyelash that has fallen out and I have blown, a snowflake that lands on my finger, a backwards necklace chain, the brightest star, a dandelion, coins tossed in a fountain, birthday candles, wishbones, tears running down my cheeks, yellow lights I pass under, railroad tracks I have crossed, my lucky number, shooting stars, and raindrops that land on my nose to do their job. I have only ever wised for one thing. I need that wish to be granted. Hopefully soon.
There is this huge hill that I have to go up almost every day that leads to campus. By the top your calves are burning, and you are practically panting. Yesterday, something occurred to me. That hill describes college life perfectly. When you are in the early stages of your college life, you have to fight to get up the hill. This is something you are unaccustomed to and somewhat unprepared for. You just have to remind yourself that you will be able to get to the top if you keep working. When you get to the top you are tired. This is the point I am at right now. The end is in sight, but I feel like I have been in college forever. The continuous lack of sunshine is not helping either. Then, you get into the next stage of college. You start making your way down the hill. You still have to work to not fall because a)that would hurt, and b)you are too close to fall now. You take each step deliberately. It comes down hard because the hill is so steep, but you could run if you wanted.
When I noticed this I just laughed. We are all at different points in our college careers and lives in general. I am so happy to be at BYU. I love the College of Family Life, and I know it is the right place for me. Our college building has the perfect amount of beauty and artistic qualities, feeling of home, and school atmosphere. It makes me smile every time I pass by and see the reflection of the mountains on the front of it. Gosh. I just love it here.
In area meeting on Monday, Eric read a section from the BYU magazine just as a good thought to keep in mind because we had extra time. It was by Mitt Romney. Someone told him in order to figure out what his core values were he needed to list five people he most admired and respected and then write five attributes we thought of when we thought of these people. Here are mine:
1. My mom and dad- family, devotion, loving, honest, Christlike
4. Sister Dalton- family, devotion, Christlike, happy, service
5. Jesus- service, loving, integrity, devotion, pure
The top four things I listed were family, devotion, loving, and service. Those four things I listed the most are my core values. In the article it says if we continue to live in a way that is consistent with these core values we will be happy and fulfilled. I was very surprised when the next quote was read. "... with these at our center, chance does not come into play in determining our success or failure. The ability to live with integrity with the core of our values of love, family, service, and devotion is entirely up to us. Fundamentally, this is the business of successful living."
While waiting for devotional to start yesterday, someone was singing a song about Friday It made me laugh. I only know a little bit of it, but here it is: Monday's a bummer, Tuesday's only fair, Wednesday's getting better, Thursday's almost there, but Friday... Friday is my favorite day.
Every week I go to devotional not because I have to but because I love it. I am spiritually uplifted every week I make the effort to listen to what is being said. Yesterday's devotional was on living your life with a purpose. The speaker hit several points that I needed to hear.
-Sometimes we get distracted from the aspirations our Heavenly Father has in mind for us, but it is our job to work back up to them.
-Sometimes we need to let go of something good for something better.
-We should not be deterred from challenges big or small and enjoy the beauty all around us.
-All we have to do is keep trusting in our Heavenly Father and his plans/timing.
-All answers to prayers do not come when we ask for them, but we are always heard and never alone.
-True friends treat you like a campsite and leave you better than they found you.
-Challenges of each day do not always fade with the sunset.
She also talked about Survival Mode. She said this was the time she just told herself she had to keep going. At the BYU/SA retreat they talked about how sometimes you have to just say to yourself "I can do anything for [insert amount of time here]." In an eternal perspective, whatever is going on at the time is but a small moment. The speaker talked about survival mode and how sometimes when you are in it opportunities pass you by and relationships wane. You miss out on things because you are so focused on how much you have to do. We all get in that mode, but we need to remember that our Heavenly Father is always there for us. Psalms 27:14 says, "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart..." I just have to continue to trust in the Lord and His timing.
I want to start off by saying Heavenly Father does hear and answer our prayers. It snowed all week, and it was icy. On Thursday night, I said a prayer and asked that I would be able to make it safely to the canyon for our BYUSA retreat. I do not know why, but it always just happens to be snowing like crazy the week I have to drive up Hobble Creek canyon on my own. So, Friday morning, I woke up and there was sunshine. What is this beautiful brightness? I missed the sun, and not only did it make me feel better physically, but it made me feel better about driving since the snow and ice was melting.
Friday morning I woke up at 7:46. I have class at 8. I ran to class and made it, but I did not look all that great. Oh well. I went to classes until 12:30 when my last class got out early. I went to pick up my rental car, went shopping with Eric at Costco for the retreat, and got back around 2. By that point my feet hurt, and I was worn out. I followed Eric to his apartment and then drove him back up to campus so his car was not sitting out all night. Then everything got even more hectic. We set up for all of the games for the opening activity, once they started I left to go pick up the food and start my trek up the mountain. I made it safely, and unloaded my car. I have bruises on both hips from balancing the heavy boxes on them. Thank goodness I have mom hips. I do not think I could have gotten those boxes inside otherwise.
We ate, had trainings that really were outstanding (insert OUTSTANDING cheer here), played a couple team-building but meaningful games, and then had free time. Our first game was about the legacy we are going to leave behind and how it isn't how you start that people remember but how you finish. We had three trainings. One was about finishing strong and thinking about what we want to do next semester, one about living up to your potential, and one about being the kind of leader that motivates. I needed all three of them and took something away from all of them. After one of them I even connected with a girl I have not been able to talk to before. I was so happy. We watched "The Ultimate Gift", with homemade popcorn that Eric made, and then we sat in one of the big family rooms and talked forever. We bought a box of 100 bags of cookies. When we woke up the next morning, after only an hour of sleep, it was hard to remember what happened that night, but there were 100 empty bags of cookies on the floor. Sugar hangover. Breakfast was delicious, but the trainings after were my favorite. They asked us five questions and told us to answer.
Why do you serve? Because I love it and the feeling it gives me and others, it is giving me important life skills, and it is making me a better person which will benefit my future family.
How has your view of leadership changed over the year? I used to think the best leaders were the outgoing and outspoken ones. When Eric texted me to ask if I was going to serve this year and he told me I should come into the office and talk to me because they needed people just like me, I laughed. Now, I realize it takes all kinds or people working together to bring the best outcomes.
Who has inspired you to be a leader? My mom and dad as well as my grandparents have definitely inspired me as well as Brother Smith, Sister Bergquist, Julie Salhus, Suzanne Dilday, Summer Elmazi, my old roommates, other extremely influential people in my life, and my BYUSA friends that I have worked and grown with the past couple semesters. I love them all.
What have you accomplished? I have grown to meet some of my potential. I know how to do so many more things, I have hopefully influenced the life of others, and I hope to keep growing and achieving my dreams.
What do you hope to do next year? I hope to be the Vice President of Administration, a student body officer. This is something I have chosen to try to achieve even though it terrifies me beyond belief. It scares me, but I know I can do it.
What could keep you from accomplishing that goal, and how can you overcome it? Fear could keep me from doing this, but all I have to do is realize that this fear does not come from my Heavenly Father. It comes from the adversary who is trying to keep me from becoming who my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
When we got back, I had a million things to do. When I finally finished it was a little after noon. I got home and went straight to sleep. Even after I got up from my nap it was hard to get going. Around six I had an energy boost and went to the basketball game with all five of my old roommates. The whole time Meghan and I were singing "Scream and Shout." If you change the lyrics to "rise and shout. The cougars are out." it is perfect for BYU basketball games. Just so you know. When I got back the energy was gone and I went back to bed. I now feel better, but I am still tired, I still have bruises, and my arms are so sore. If I didn't love retreats so much I do not know what I would do.
