Yesterday I had a really good day. Aside from being a little tired, I was productive at work, I ate well, I got to work on special projects, and I had no reason to complain. But, when I got home, I felt heavy. Not hopeless or sad even but heavy. I am not always the best at saying my prayers, but last night as I was praying and just thinking of my day and why I felt this way I realized it was because of what has been the focus of my life for the past few weeks. My focus has been on all of my unanswered questions, my insecurities, and the negative events going on in the world that media is relentlessly covering. Then, one simple image came to my mind. It was of a little girl holding some pebbles.
When I was reading about faith in my weekly scripture study last week, I kept thinking about my testimony and how it has changed over the years. Instead of comparing it to seeds (I tend to kill plants so that isn't always the best analogy for me) I compared it to rocks. When I was little we had gravel in a small section of our yard, and I would collect little pebbles that became my "treasures." They were simple little pebbles, but they were special to me. I compared this to faith and testimony. At that age our faith is based on foundational principles of the gospel. We know about our Savior, we are children of God, prayer, scripture study, prophets, etc. And we hold tight to the gospel in its simplest form and treasure it.
As I got older, my rocks got cleaned, and maybe even polished a little as I tumbled my way through life's challenges and blessings. I was able to build off of my foundation and make what I had and what I treasured even more dear. I read a quote last week in my study that said you're either growing your faith, or it is diminishing. There is no middle ground. I think that goes with my rocks. You have to constantly work to keep them polished or the wear and tear from daily life (being hit up against others, being dropped, or rubbing up against something) will bring them back to their rough, pebble state.
I hope one day my testimony will be like diamonds, but I am certainly not there yet. Some days I even still feel like the little girl holding pebbles. Maybe instead of diamonds, my small rocks will take on a more important role and start the foundation to my mansion in heaven. I don't know what they will become, but I do know as I look at all of the things I am grateful for instead of all of the heaviness, I hold fast to my treasured rocks because it is our Savior, Jesus Christ who brings light into our lives and takes our rocks, no matter what form they're in, and makes them something even better.
Always remember, "the future is as bright as your faith." -Thomas S. Monson
