Hello Sunshine

Yesterday I went to go get jewelry for Kaitlyn's wedding. Going to the mall with Julie Anne was so much fun. I got the necklace I needed! On the way home we stopped at a place called the cocoa bean. One grasshopper cupcake and Irish cream carmanilla frappe later I was on a sugar high for sure. I regret nothing.
Last night was the last home basketball game of my college career. Weird, I know. I don't think I have ever had that much fun at a basketball game. I was laughing the whole time. I did actually yell a couple of times, but it was just for fun. I went with Meghan, her boyfriend, and a bunch of their friends. We quoted movies and hash-tagged the whole time. We were being ridiculous, but it was so much fun.  BYU won! They wouldn't let me down for my last home game! Walking home we did the Wizard of Oz skip and were even more ridiculous. We ended up going to the dollar movies. I love that theater. We were out really late, but sitting in Saving Mr. Banks made me remember some of my favorite moments. Favorite moments such as sitting in the sun with Meghan and a blanket looking at the changing leaves, going to see Wicked and watching with glittering eyes and an open mouth while they sing Defying Gravity on my birthday, watching Saving Mr. Banks with my entire family and seeing them all laugh at a good, quality movie, helping my grandma make a pattern for the quilt she made out of the smallest squares and seeing her amazement as I laid them out in ways she hadn't thought of, watching Parental Guidance with my mom and grandma, going to Fossil Rim with my grandparents from Ohio that I don't see very often, moving our mattresses and having sleepovers in the living room with  my roommates, having a scary movie night with a couple of the roomies and some friends from across the hall and scaring ourselves, going to Park City and having way too much fun with the friends I went with, and so on. I love those moments. They make me smile. Getting back so late made for an interesting day today, but it was so worth it. At church my old roommate came up to me and said, "Why hello, Sister Dalton, how are you today?" I was wearing my favorite sunshine yellow, and that absolutely made my day. Spring weather is here! Hello, Sunshine!!!!

I'm Kinda Over Gettin' Told to Throw My Hands Up In the Air... So There.

Do you ever feel like you are inadequate? That you just aren't good enough for anything or anyone? That you just can't do what everyone expects you to do all of the time? I feel like that sometimes. I think I am not the perfect size or shape. My hair is just never right. I am too quiet. I am so sassy and sarcastic. I like watching movies a little too much. I should go out and make new friends, but I have so much to do and just don't have time. It is in those times when you see the small, tender mercies in your life. Like when Kaitlyn looked at me and told me I looked way too cute to be going running. Or when I got the sweetest comment from Dani on a blog post. Or on I wandered to a park a friend and I used to go to all the time, and it brought back all of those wonderful memories. It is times like those when I have to just go for a run. Somehow the not-so-gentle pounding of my feet on the pavement is soothing. It creates a rhythm that I usually make go to the songs that I have blasting a little too loudly. But, when I turn the music down, it is my heaving breathing, an older couple saying hi to me as I run by, the sweat running down my face, and the chilly air cooling me down as I continue on that reminds me I am alive. Long runs are followed by long showers, of course. Then, as another tender mercy occurs, you get a text from a friend you haven't talked to in a while. I went on an hour and a half long walk with Meghan and we just talked. And laughed. Hard. We slowly separated promising we would do something this week. I got home to check my email. I had one from Becca, one of my cousins who is on a mission in Mexico. This wasn't the easiest week for her, and it made me cry knowing that when she was here we would always make a dessert, watch a movie, and eat the entire thing during the movie when we both had bad weeks. She doesn't even get desserts in Mexico, so as I sat and cried reading her email, I ate my share as well as hers of chocolate. As she implicitly bears her testimony in each email she sends, mine grows stronger as well. At the end of the day, you realize you don't really care what people think of you. You may as well have fun. As a joke I invited some guys over to play games. You know because I thought it was a joke they ended up coming over. I played games for hours. I never play games, but I did that night! When I don't care what other people think about me and I doubt my doubt that I will ever be good enough, I end up having the most fun. Funny how that works out.
The amount of fun I had at work with week was also kind of funny. Amanda and I sent poems back and forth to each other when we weren't at work at the same time. It is strangely easy for me to make up a poem on the spot. We also got a few emails to which we were given permission to respond at as sarcastically as possible. We all know I excelled at that. I cleaned out the files in my desk and found multiple notes to Cosmo from elementary school kids written in 1998. Cutest things ever! Thursday, I left home in a baseball tee, jeans, a ponytail, and moccasins. I was so happy and so comfortable. Sadly, just over an hour later I realized I had to be dressed up. It was all worth it though. Cosmo and I had some quality bonding time at the Networking Event. I think I may have found THE ONE. And then came today. Singing happy birthday in opera voices is the best. And spending time with friends is the best. And going to the temple with Meghan before work was even better. I just go to a great school with amazing people.

Can Someone Find Me an Adult?

Sometimes I wish I had a grown-up to talk to. Some of my favorite moments growing up were times spent with Mrs. Lisa or Sister Bergquist. When I spent the night with Ashley I was always the first one up whether there were a bunch of girls sleeping over or only me. Waking up early meant having one-on-one talks with Mrs. Lisa. I miss those. I was with Sister Bergquist a lot too. I remember being in the car with her or sticking around her at activities rather than spending time with friends. I loved our talks. I miss those too. On the playground sometimes I didn't want to go play kickball with the boys or spend time making up games with the girls. Sometimes I would sit by the teacher and talk to her. Some of the most important things I learned were learned sitting in that plastic chair next to my teacher. Coming to school freshman year I always longed for that companionship of an adult. Last year I got close to Angela. I loved being able to sit in her office and talk to her whenever I needed. Sometimes when I was at her house I felt like her daughter as we talked and laughed. When she wasn't around, Eric was. He wasn't much older than me, but he was a lot like me because he acted older than he was. We talked a lot. We had long, meaningful conversations. Not having an adult in my life again is hard. I know I am an adult, but it just isn't the same talking to someone my age.
I miss people like Mrs. Lisa, Sister Bergquist, my teachers, Angela, and Eric. I need an adult! It is easier to just be me, the real me, around them.... People my age expect me to be crazy, dance, and play games. In all honesty, I like games, but I like Uno and Sorry. I am not much of a dancer except for the occasional slow dance. I don't really get crazy either. I can have fun around people I am really comfortable with and get a little crazy (especially when a best friend and a huge bag of skittles are involved), but other than that I usually remain my calm, cool, and collected self. I am perfectly happy watching a movie, being around people while they play a game, or just sitting and watching people. I know I am weird. I love being social and get really hyped up when I am put in situations with a lot of people with a lot of people, but I also get wiped out from it all. I wish I could be like a normal person my age, but.... I just can't. I never have been able to.

Faith Isn't a Step into the Dark

Can we talk about those weird conversation hearts for a minute? I found one the other day that said, "Hi Dad." Kind of weird... Now, I could say that Valentine's Day was a sad day. It is Single Awareness Day after all. Funny thing is, it was hard for sure, but I was fine. I got to spend a couple hours with Kaitlyn watching James and his roommates sing at a little restaurant. I also got to watch You've Got Mail which is just a really good movie. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks... Seriously best couple in movies. Meg Ryan with the dream of someone else. Tom Hanks saying, "Don't cry, Shopgirl." I loved it. I also have the most amazing family who sent me a package complete with chocolate, a card, and the cutest and softest giraffe. I named him Georgio. I am so thankful that they love me so much. I love them a ton! 

Yesterday I had only the best Saturday. I didn't wake up in the best mood because I had to get up early to do an interview with a social worker in Spanish Grove. "What is a weekend?" is becoming a real question in my life. Once the interview started and I was fully awake, I was in a much better mood and learned a ton. For everyone worried about me because of the profession I have decided to go into, don't. I know that I am going into a profession with one of the highest rates of burnout, I know people think it is hard because each day is completely different, and I know that social workers do not get paid very much. Sitting in this interview I got an overwhelming feeling that I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing. It is what is right for me and my future family. It took a lot of prayer and worry to decide on a major. This is what I need to do. I will be taken care of. 

On the way home a song I haven't heard in a while came on. Some of the lyrics said, "It's written in the stars a million miles away, a message to the main. Seasons come and go. But I will never change, and I'm on my way." I'm on my way to a new life. Changes are coming. Changes for the good I hope. The rest of my day only got better. I got to go see The Book Thief with Janessa, Ashley, and Julie Anne. Oh my, such a good movie. I loved it. It was really sad and may make you cry (I teared up many times), but it was a wonderful and beautiful movie. It reminds you to actually see what you are looking at. I would certainly watch it again. I also watched the new Hobbit movie. I really like The Lord of the Rings, but the Hobbit movies aren't my favorite. I will say the dragon was fabulous. 

I got out of bed at 11 today. It felt so good to have clean sheets and catch up on the sleep I missed out on over the week. Today I also sang with the ward choir in church. I don't know if it sounded good or not, but I sang! Janessa and I kept laughing all during practice. It was a huge feat that we kept it together during the actual thing. We laughed through most of church, actually. I don't know what was going on, but I did learn that faith isn't a step into the dark. Faith is a step into the light. I am taking a step into the light with my job and my life in general. 

About My Childhood Role Model

Shirley Temple died on Monday. In celebration of her life this blog is dedicated to her. She was a star in many people's lives including mine. When I was little I loved watching movies with her in them. I wanted to be like her with those perfect little bouncy curls. Who wouldn't? Movies such as A Little Princess, Heidi, Curly Top, Baby Take a Bow, Dimples, and Bright Eyes were watched numerous times at my house. She retired when she was 22, and I was part of the reason she could continue on living without a job. Remember how I told you I liked Gone with the Wind? Well, the southern charm, historical context, and sassy Miss Scarlet aren't the only reasons I watch it. Clark Gable... Oh how I love him! Well, the cute little girl who was America's darling of the Depression years was the most popular movie star in America. My dear Clark Gable was a far off second. How do you like them apples? This little girl with her sunny optimism and personality and sparkly eyes got more mail than Greta Garbo and had more pictures taken of her than President Roosevelt. She was that cool. Without further adieu... Shirley Temple, my childhood role model.

Taking Myself Out On a Date

So, I know this sounds lame, but yesterday I went on a date with myself. I went to see the Saratov Approach. I went to the dollar movie theater, bought popcorn and a cookie ice cream sandwich that I always used to get when I was a kid, sat myself close to the back of the theater, and enjoyed myself. Let me tell you, the movie was AMAZING!! If you want an uplifting movie where you get a spiritual message and have some of the action that everyone loves then this is your movie. I stress ate through an entire tub of popcorn before the movie was over. My mom mentality kicked in. I cried. I listened to the message the movie gave. I left spiritually uplifted. The movie is about two LDS missionaries that were kidnapped in Russia. Spoiler alert to those who haven't seen it yet... They had a chance to get away. They unlocked their handcuffs, put on their boots and coats, and devised a plan. When they were about to do it they looked at each other and said that God had a plan for them. The took off their boots and coats and locked themselves back to the chain. That took a lot of faith. They went from praying for themselves to their families to the people who captured and beat them. A tattoo saved their lives. All through this journey they took together they never forgot the love Heavenly Father had for them and that they were His children. When they got away they fulfilled the remaining year of their missions. Guys! This was a true story! These two twenty year old young men followed the promptings of the Lord, were kept safe, and finished their missions before going home. I am about to be twenty, and I am amazed at their faith. After I got out of the movie it was only fitting to sit outside of the temple to ponder. It was a beautiful night. I came home to watch Gone With the Wind. Sometimes you need to take yourself out on a date. It is a beautiful thing to be able to take time for yourself.

Today I was still thinking about the Saratov Approach when I woke up. I took what I was thinking about to church today. Sorry, I am going to rave about the movie more. The missionaries were talking about Christ one day while they were chained up. One made the point that Christ loved us so much he died for us. He didn't want to, but He loved us and His father. During sacrament meeting one girl shared a story that I absolutely loved. It is kind of long, but it is beautiful.

Many years ago there was a school where the pupils behaved so badly that no teacher could make them listen. The boys were so rough that one teacher after another left the school. Then, one day, a young man came for the job. The head teacher looked at him. "Young man," he said, "Do you know what will happen to you? You will be beaten up many times by the pupils. For years, every teacher has suffered like this." The young man replied, "I am willing to take that risk." When the new teacher started work, Tom, one of the biggest boys, whispered, "I won't need any help. I can beat this one up myself." The teacher stood up in front of the class and said, "Good morning. I have come to teach you, but I will need your help. We can't have school without making some rules. You tell me what the rules should be and I will write them for all of you to see." One pupil said, "No stealing." Another said, "Don't be late for class." At last they had ten rules. "Now," said the teacher, "A rule is no good unless we agree what the punishment should be. What shall we do with someone who breaks one of the rules?" "Beat him across the back ten times without his coat on," shouted one of the boys. "That is a very hard punishment, boys. Will you let me do that if someone breaks a rule?" "Yes," said all of the class. A few days later, Tom's lunch was stolen. The thief was found to be Jim, a hungry little boy aged ten. The next morning the teacher said to the class, "We found the thief and he must be punished. Jim, come up here." Trembling, Jim came slowly to the front of the class. He was wearing a big coat buttoned up to his neck. He said, "Teacher, you can beat me as hard as you like, but please don't make me take my coat off." "Take that coat off. You helped make the rules." "Oh, teacher, don't make me!" He began to undo the buttons on his coat. As he did so the teacher and the class saw the boy had not shirt on, and only a string to keep up his trousers. His body was thin and bony. "How can I beat this boy?" the teacher thought, "But I must do something if I am to keep order." Everything was quiet in the room. "Why don't you have a shirt, Jim?" said the teacher. Jim replied, "My father died and my mother is very poor. I have only one shirt, and my mother is washing it today. I wore my brother's coat to keep warm." The teacher, with stick in hand, hesitated. Just then, Tom jumped to his feet and said, "Teacher, if you agree to this, I will take Jim's beating for him." "Yes, there is a rule that one person can take the punishment for another; they can become a substitute. Do you all agree?" the teacher asked. Tom took off his coat. After five strong hits the stick broke. The teacher hid his head in his hands and thought, "How can I finish this terrible job?" Then he heard the whole class crying. Little Jim reached up and put his arms around Tom's neck. "Tom, I am sorry I stole your lunch, but I was so hungry. Tom, I'll love you until the day I die because you took my punishment for me. I will love you forever.

Christ did the same thing for us. He did not necessarily want to, but he did it because of his love and grace. I am glad I took myself out on a date last night. It was a wonderful night that carried on through church today.

This One's for Africa

"Faith is not something to grasp. It is a state to grow into." -Mohandas Gandhi

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." -Harriet Tubman

Not too long ago I applied for an internship to Ghana. Ghana? Yeah. You know, Africa. I dreamed of helping kids in the orphanages, falling in love with them and wanting to bring them all home, doing valuable research, riding elephants on the weekends, being terrified of the shots I would have to get, always smelling like bug spray, getting to be where it is way to warm for six weeks, not having to be in Provo all summer, bringing home some souvenir that would always remind me of the adventure I went on, and becoming the storyteller rather than the listener. I wanted to tell stories like the one that an anthropologist told after her Africa visit. She put a basket of fruit near a tree and told the children whoever got there first won them. When he told them to run, they held hands and ran together and then sat and enjoyed the fruits. When he asked them why when one could have had all of the fruits for themselves one boy said, "Ubuntu, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?" Ubuntu means "I am because we are." I was so excited to learn from the people and experience a new culture. I also really wanted to see one of these guys...

I mean, I look like them every day when I wake up... I just really want to see a real one. Like one that hasn't lived its entire life in a cage with people looking at it all of the time. Not going to lie though. I also wanted to see these. 

Well, sometimes our plans are not the Lord's plans. I will not be checking "go to Africa" off of my bucket list. Yet... One day I will. This is a good thing though. Now I only have to pay tuition for one term instead of two, I will be able to focus more on finding a job over the summer, I will be able to keep the commitment I made with the job I have now and stay for a year as well as be able to train the next girl, and I will be able to finish my Utah bucket list before I leave. Blessings in disguise. One day I will go to Africa, hold baby wild cats (which is also on my bucket list), and maybe even ride an elephant. That just won't be this summer. 

 Oh, and always remember... 

So Much On My Mind

I love it when I have weeks where I feel like I learn in and out of the classroom. Quality education I tell you. I have refused to accept that it is winter, and I have been wearing little dresses with cowboy boots or capris with boat shoes. Texas girl for sure. I refused to accept it was winter until Thursday when it snowed. Right when you think it is almost spring and get a little too confident Utah puts you back in your place. Back to the sweaters and boots for me! Don't worry though. I was back in Sperry's by Friday. 

Tuesday's devotional was amazing! It was about making a difference in the world. It is hard to beat that. The speaker gave us four things we could do: we could make our world bigger, not think or talk but act, have passion and courage, and bringing our best effort every single day. She shared a quote by Calvin Coolidge that said, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." She talked about how balance was found in meaning not time. I love that. Balance is found in what I find meaningful rather than the amount of time I have. Lastly, she mentioned that measuring progress is like keeping score, but we need to beware of the illusion of progress v. true impact. I loved it all. 

I also got to read a few articles in BYU Magazine. One article was about the Sacred Gifts exhibit that is in the Museum of Art right now. It is a beautiful exhibit. If I could live there I would. Most of these paintings have never left their homes before and probably never will again. One painting I love in particular. It is an angel leaning over Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. BYU gave the permanent homes of all of these paintings filler pieces so their halls wouldn't be empty while we borrowed them. All spaces have been filled except the one of this picture with the angel and Christ. The museum that owns it said to leave it empty because it meant the angel was out protecting someone else right now. That angel is protecting BYU. Beautiful. The other article just made me happy. It is definitely worth a read. Click here if you have some time and want to make your day a little brighter.

This week I answered over 900 emails. I went into work and typed the entire time I was there each day. By the time I went to my classes my fingers and sometimes hands were sore. Each day I woke up dreading having to go to work. One morning when I woke up looking like a lion even when wearing a ponytail I knew I was in for a long day. I am sure I will have more emails when I go into work tomorrow, but I think I'm ready. I had a good week. I finished it off with movies with Julie Anne and Janessa and a party with Meghan. I love spending time with these girls. Tonight I am watching the Super Bowl solely for the commercials. The Cheerios, Coca Cola, Heinz ketchup, Audi, Doritos, and Budweiser commercials are my favorite. And, I broke out the Toblerone I got for Christmas. Yum! 

 Oh! And my mom sent me pictures from over Christmas break. So, one picture is me at almost 20 years old. The other... 1 year old. Nothing has changed. At all...