Homecoming, Hammocks, and the Beasty

A little while ago I went to my high school homecoming game. At the gate the lady taking tickets didn't believe that I was an adult and not a student. She gave me a weird look when I told her I had graduated in 2011. Good grief, woman, I am a college grad! I loved getting to see my little brother march with the band. I also loved being at a football game with the stands full of blue. It almost felt like I was back at BYU. The only difference was the lack of mountains in the background of my pictures. 

 I have taken to reading outside in my little brother's hammock. I am safe from the merciless mosquitoes, and my puppy can have some outside time so she isn't cooped up all of the time. And speaking of the wee beasty. She is so funny. She went swinging for the first time a little over a week ago. Also, when we go on walks she will start running and doing a somersault. I tried to take pictures of her doing it. It just kind of looks like she is laying in the grass, but the one where she is looking at me is where she stops because I am laughing so hard. And one last thing, I can leave Vivien sleeping on my bed. The next thing I know something is missing. When I go look for it, I find it on the floor with bite marks and Vivien is under the bed. I have yet to figure out how she does it. 

An Everlasting Beginning

You know when you have those really tough days for no reason? They happen to all of us. It could be because it was a Monday, because I realized getting back into BYU just isn't a reality for me, because the fact that I am a boomerang kid hit me, or because I stayed up too late the night before, but I had a really tough day last Monday. There isn't much else to it. I had one of those days where whenever my mom or dad looked at me I felt like a failure and tears would come to my eyes, where every little thing annoyed me, and all I wanted to do was sit and watch movies. Like I said, we all have those days. But, it is on those particularly rough days that you have to look around you and just smile because of everything and everyone you are blessed with. For instance, two of my really good friends texted me all day even though I know they are at school and already stressing with their crazy school schedules, homework, and social lives. And you know what? Both of them made me laugh. On that same day my mom and dad showed me how much they loved me. I know both of them wanted me to go back to BYU so badly, but both told me it was okay and that I am meant to go down another path. Those rough days mean tight hugs, emails from Becca, and going to the store to find the two seasons of Downton Abbey that I didn't have yet on sale and mom staying up later than usual to watch an episode with me. It is also on those particular days that you realize no matter how ugly of a crier you are that the spotted dog will always be there to lick away your tears, and the puppy is still too small to get away from your hugs no matter how badly she wants down to play. I am thankful for hard days, because although they really suck, they remind me how blessed I am to have such amazing and loving people in my life.

I am not really having a hard time right now, but sometimes I do miss school and the life I had there. It is an ending, and who likes those? President Uchtdorf said it best: 

There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny. The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful. How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings.

So, for now I am going to work through this ending because I know there are no true endings. There are only everlasting beginnings.

Time Out for Women and Beyond!

Sister Hinckley once said: The trick is to enjoy life. Don't wish away your days, wishing for better ones ahead.

Far too long ago I said I was going to post about what I learned at Time Out for Women. Well, I forgot. So, today I am actually going to post the highlights of my wonderful weekend full of speakers, good music, fun, and some family. My mom always goes to TOFW. I have never gotten to go before, but this time since I was home I got to see what this was all about. The theme this year was Inevitable Light which I loved! 

The first speaker's name was Heidi Swinton. She said that light is a choice. She then summarized the story of the 10 virgins. She made the point that the oil in their lamps is the light not the lamp itself. The oil in our hearts is the light we have prepared for when we get to meet Christ once again. She then talked about difficulties and shared a quote from President Monson which says, "Difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were--better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before." John 14:27

Then, Elaine Dalton spoke! Oh my oh my! She talked about the plaque she saw that said "what e'er thou art, act well thy part" and then said that we have to use the gifts Heavenly Father has given us. We each have a part to play in preparing for the Second Coming because by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. In the premortal existence, we had such great faith in the Plan that we were sent to earth at this time when opportunities and opposition are greatest. We were warriors in heaven, and we are warriors now. Our faith and testimony of Christ are our weapons. We are elect and noble. We can illuminate and shine our lights to change the world. We are never alone. She quoted Spencer W. Kimball who said, "Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different--in happy ways--from the women of the world." She then said that although times may be tough to never quit in the middle of a hill! No matter the circumstance, don't quit until you are finished.

Two women spoke together and told us how to have more sass in our lives. I laughed, but it was an acronym. S: search for the Lord. A: Act on His Atonement. S: Savor the Gospel and the blessings you are given. S: Share your gifts. They shared the scripture Matthew 7:7-8 and said where fear exists, faith cannot. They told us what we have to offer is good enough, what we have is important and needed, and the Savior is there to help us in all things. It was a wonderful message that everyone needs to hear. 

The final speaker was Emily Freeman. She also talked about light, but she said that light illuminates the darkness bringing the reality to what we may think is real but is not. She shared the story of Philemon which I will admit, I don't think I have ever read before. She told us to ask ourselves [what I would do?] and [what is the condition of my heart?]. She also talked about the story of the Good Samaritan and said we honor what the Samaritan did not do as much as for what he did do. We have to rely on the Lord for illumination, and that illumination requires room in your heart for the Lord. She said the Lord knows who you are and he knows such a person as me. Ending her talk she told a story about an instrument that could not be tuned. Because of that, it was worthless. She said to not pray to be an instrument to the Lord but to pray that you will be in tune so you can gain illumination. She tied it together nicely. 

So, my Friday and Saturday were filled with an uplifting spiritual experience and good words for me to remember. I loved sharing it with my mom, grandma, Aunt Cheryl, Aleah, Jennifer, and Aunt Debbie. 

 That weekend sounds pretty great, but something made it even better. I went home to watch the BYU v. Texas game with my family. Last year, I was sitting in the President's Loge watching BYU kill Texas with some leaders of the Church after I got soaked by Hurrican LaVell as the storm was lovingly named in Utah. This year I watched it with my family on TV with my puppy's nails painted BYU blue, a banner hanging from our banister, a BYU flag being sported outside, and all of us in BYU attire. We killed Texas once again! Gotta love them Cougs!

Crashing Dishes

I just want to say that I love BYU. So much. I loved getting to hear the excitement of my friends that the First Presidency of the church was there yesterday for President Worthen's inauguration. I love seeing pictures of FOL, campus, and my Student Alumni group. I also love getting to watch the football games with my family, and seeing BYU crush Texas for the second year in a row. 41-7 was the final score, and my love for BYU just grew as the game went on.

This past weekend I also got to go to Time Out for Women with some of my family. I had so much fun, loved the lessons, the music was great, I got to see Brother Smith, and Sister Dalton was there which, as you might have guessed, made the weekend for me. I will write about it later, but there were multiple little tender messages that I felt like were just for me. So, until I write that post, here are some other things I have learned lately.

All too often we go through changes in our lives. At those moments we have feelings of fear. We are leaving what we feel comfortable with for something that is unknown to us. In those times of vulnerability we let our guards down and Satan attacks. The worst thing is that he knows how to get to each and every one of us. I will admit, my weakness is feeling that I am just not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not good enough to find a good job, be a good daughter and sister, be a good mom to my beautiful and spunky puppy, make new friends, and certainly not good enough to get into grad school. 

I've said it before, and I'm saying it once again. The Atonement is real. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know exactly what I am going through and feeling at any given moment. If I have learned anything this weekend it's that it's okay to cry. If you know me you know I always try my darnedest to not cry. In Relief Society today the teacher said Heavenly Father doesn't want us not to feel it. He wants us to experience it. Part of experiencing something is going through the hard parts whether they last for a few seconds or years. Those hard parts help you experience life and they will be for your good (D&C 121:7, 122:7). Neil A. Maxwell said, "you can't have a faith filled but stress free life." As much as we wish we could, that is not part of the Plan.

Church today wasn't so great for me. I was tired. I was grumpy. I missed having friends to sit in the meetings with. All the anxiety about having to go to the singles ward next week came all at once in the middle of sacrament meeting. Sunday school wasn't much better. The whole time I just thought about all of my friends sitting in marriage prep laughing, commenting, and having fun while learning. I sat and listened to adults argue and try to be the smartest and "most spiritual" one in the room instead of trying to learn. Then, I went to Relief Society with one of my best friend's moms. I kind of sat there not wanting to talk to anyone, but everyone kept talking to me or drawing attention to me. When the teacher got up I tried to zone out, but I couldn't. She had a plate on a stand, and that plate had the smallest chip in it. I watched that plate and thought how I felt like that plate right now. She then told a story about a china factory. All of their dishes have to be perfect. The dishes go through multiple phases and then are scrutinized to see if there are any imperfections. If they find even the smallest mistake at any stage they throw the dish in a discard pile. As she finished, she picked up that dish with the small chip and compared herself to it. Then, she slammed it into the the trashcan. At the factory in the story no dish was wasted. If it was not perfect it was ground up with all of the others and given a new chance. Because of the Atonement we each have another chance. We are imperfect now, but through the Atonement we can become perfect. We may crack under pressure, get a chip here or there, or our paint may get smudged, but we always have another chance to become better. Then, the teacher did something amazing. She took out more dishes and let the women smash them. All the hurt and frustrations came out in that moment. Broken dishes everywhere!

It was after that story that my weekend all came together. Time Out for Women, the BYU win against Texas, and that lesson were all Heavenly Fathers gentle reminders of who I am and Him showing me how much he loves me, and I am so ever grateful for Him and His tender mercies.

The Best of the Best BYU Experiences

I know everyone thinks I raced through school. I know. I've heard it. Over and over and over again. I've heard it from my mom, my dad, my aunt, my grandparents, my friends, people from my ward, people from my old ward, and people from school. I. Have. Heard. It. It makes me upset not because I think they are right but because they don't understand. I do not feel like I raced through. I feel like I went at a good speed and I happened to finish early. I am sad that it is over now, but sadness often comes with change. I, however, do not feel like I missed out on anything. Not long before graduation, I went to dinner with Dani and her husband Tyler. One of the questions Dani asked was whether or not I felt like I got the full BYU experience. I smiled and felt my eyes sparkle as I answered with a resounding yes. Yes. I feel like I got everything I wanted out of BYU, and I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to go there. Let's start at the very beginning because as we all know it's a very good place to start.

Leading Up to College

First, the year before going to BYU, I went up to Utah with my family and Kaitlyn's family. We did the BYU tour on the golf cart, and our tour guide had an English accent. So, it started well. Fast forward to the application process. So stressful. I would have been able to get into any university in Texas automatically, but we all know I did not want to go to one of those. All of the girls in my seminary class and I anxiously awaited that acceptance email. The day finally came and I was screaming at 5:00 in the morning. It had been a hard choice deciding between BYU and TCU since I got a hefty scholarship from TCU, but I feel like once my decision was made no one was going to change my mind. I went to seminary that day, and Kaitlyn and I got out of our cars, looked at each other for a minute, and we both smiled because we knew we both got in. We were going to be Cougars. I will admit I creeped on my roommates once they were assigned. I couldn't decide if I was going to like them or not. Meghan was a track star and looked fun but a little crazy. Was she going to be loud and always have weird friends over? Makenna had only just gotten a Facebook and there was nothing on it. That was a little weird to me... Emilee I seemed to like when I talked to her as I anxiously awaited the time for me to be able to sign up for my first classes. And then there was Dani. Cute, beautiful, and pictures of Europe on her Facebook. I was jealous and wondered if she was going to be amazing or one of "those girls." I was just going to have to wait and see how two Utah, two Washington, and two Texas girls were going to get along.Senior year of high school flew by along with my summer, and all of the sudden I was in the car with all of my stuff on the way to Utah. I threw everything in my room as quickly as I could and kind of introduced myself to my roommates before I had to go. My mom signed me up for Foundations of Leadership. I did not want to go. I was already nervous enough about school without having to go to a leadership conference beforehand. I went and loved it more than any HOBY conference I had been to. Not only did I love it so much, but I met Rachel there and was introduced to BYUSA. Little did I know how great an impact this would have on me, but more about that later.

Fall 2011

I got back from FOL and hiked the Y with my cousin Becca since we went up to BYU the same year. How we managed to get up there without acclimating ourselves first I will never know, but we did it! Going back to the dorm I slowly got to know the roommates better. I loved all of them! I still spent plenty of time with Kaitlyn going to football games, tracing our faces on the mirror with an expo marker, hiking and lighting the Y for homecoming, being part of the homecoming parade, going to conference at the Conference Center, doing the blue foam slip and slide down a hill at Helaman Fields which is a homecoming tradition, laughing at the plastic wrapped statues on campus when the Utah game came, and took walks in our cowboy boots, but spending time with roommies was always fun. We played spoons in the elevator, ate cookies from our FHE brothers, got candy when someone (Dani was first) went on a date, watched a crane collapse, went to devotionals (especially the one with President Monson), went to the football opening party at which I won a sweatshirt, going out to play in the snow that had the biggest flakes I had ever seen, and having sleepovers in our living room.

Winter 2012

I didn't go home for Thanksgiving, but I got to go to Washington to spend some time with my favorite aunt (don't tell the others) and her cute family which may have been the best thing I could have done. I loved going home for Christmas, but it was even harder to go back to that winter semester. I think I lived off of tortillas with butter, hot chocolate, and Jamba Juice. I am not a winter fan, but when I came back I had fun roommates to look forward to and a class by Hank Smith. Winter was filled with time with FHE brothers that included shoving 13 people into a car and having the cops show up at the park we were at, walking to the temple with Kaitlyn, planking in the elevator and down the stairs, more sleepovers, spending time with a friend from FOL and heart-attacking our peer mentor's door, roommate shirts with individual quotes from our song "Party Rock Anthem", blanket forts, room decorations, snow, snow, and more snow, and of course the festival of colors. Yes, all this time I was in classes and doing presentations for BYUSA. Those presentations are where I met one of my best friends. Eric. That boy always made me laugh. I eventually made a point to go to devotionals early so I could sit in the front row because he was on the stands. Apparently he noticed because one day he texted me and asked if I could come meet him in the office. He offered me a position on his team the coming school year. I didn't really think about it before I said yes because I loved BYUSA and he was pretty great too. My mom did take some convincing though since I would be coming back to BYU for summer. I won her over. At the end of the year we had a BYUSA retreat and a BYUSA party where I beat Eric on a blow-up obstacle course, and I was in heaven!

Spring/Summer 2012

Mom came to pick me up after winter semester, but I had to go to my first friend's wedding reception first. One down! When I came back to school for summer the fun really started. Friend dates with Eric were like once a week whether we went for crepes, J Dawgs, or frozen yogurt. I lived with Meghan this summer which was easily the best choice. We went to Seven Peaks almost every day, started a Fourth of July tradition that continued every year, and became even better friends with Janessa who had lived across the hall from us freshman year. Janessa, her roommate Leah, Dani, Meghan and I had watched "When a Stranger Calls" together during the school year. After that we slept on the living room floor falling asleep to church music because we were so scared. Anyways, Jan, Meghan and I watched scary movies all summer at Jan's house. :) That summer I also was in the Fourth of July parade and made s'mores on the belltower lights with Meghan and Mallory and Jessica from BYUSA. That summer I was also a peer mentor for FOL and had a blast with my BYUSA team every single day.

Fall 2012/ Winter 2013

Fall came around which lifted some responsibility off my shoulders since I was acting as VP in BYUSA. Eric was done with his internship and took over. I had new roommates but lived in the same building as most of my old roommies so we still did stuff together all of the time. We went to the stadium party and got pics with Van Noy and Brandon Davies. #winning. We also played in the park at night and went to the Brigham City temple open house. For football games this year I had 50 yard line seats on the front row with BYUSA. Best thing ever. Seriously. BYUSA took up most of my time, but I had fun with my roommies too. I even dressed up with them for Halloween (which I NEVER do). I spent Thanksgiving in my apartment this year with Becca. We made a delicious dinner and even had a meringue war when we were making the pie. The trees with red and yellow leaves somehow changes to bare branches with snow overnight. Christmas came and went. With the snow we made giant sculptures on the patio of our apartment. Michael came to visit and Becca and I took him to Temple Square, Hogle Zoo, and the This is the Place monument with about a foot of snow on the ground. My roommates and I also went to the Festival of Colors again this year. Why miss the chance to become a rainbow? This year of BYUSA included even more adventures such as a day at Boondocks with go-carts, bumper boats, an arcade, a batting cage, and laser tag, a luncheon in the brand new convention center, a leadership ceremony where I won the BYUSA dedication award, our final winter retreat, and multiple fun, random days, events, and activities.

Spring/Summer 2013

This was the year I also dated a boy for the first time. Andrew. It lasted for one month which makes me laugh, but it obviously just wasn't meant to be. That spring I got to see Wicked for the first time for my birthday, and I spent my last birthday taking pictures with my best boy. That summer he died which took me what felt like forever to stop crying about. Needless to say I didn't get the best grades in my classes that summer. Oh! And the first of my roommates got married. Emilee got married!!! I made some of the best friends at BYUSA, and I applied to be the VP like Eric was. I didn't get the position, but I realized why later. That summer my best friend, Eric, got married, I made my first solo road trip, spent more time with Meghan (we enhanced our 4th of July tradition by going to the fireworks and concert at Thanksgiving Point on the 3rd as well as the Stadium of Fire fireworks on the 4th), made a trip to Washington with the roommates, got to see the Manti temple pageant, fell head over heels for a boy that moved away and suddenly stopped talking to me, went to a hot air balloon festival, went to the rope swings in Mona, saw a Pioneer Day parade, went to another wedding reception, got showered in glitter on a rough day, got a job, made a new friend (Julie Anne), and did the ropes course at the Olympic park. And, at the end of the summer, I was once again a peer mentor at FOL (I loved it even more this year) and was roped into being a peer mentor for New Student Orientation. 

Fall 2013/Winter 2014

This semester I roomed with Dani, Kaitlyn, and Makenna again, and we went back to our fun shenanigans and adventures which included wedding ring shopping one night. My new job was with the Alumni Association planning events. I mostly worked with the Student Alumni. It was a lot like BYUSA, but I got paid for it and worked in the Hinckley Center! This job had its perks. I got to watch the BYU v. Texas game in the President's Loge with the First Presidency of the church and the head honchos of the school. I drove the Alpine Loop in the fall, had picnics in the park with Meghan, drove in the convertible with Kennedy to the pumpkin patch, went to football games with Dani and her boyfriend/fiance Tyler, and was Becca's companion for a day before I dropped her off at the MTC. Jan, Julie Anne, and I made a trip to Park City in a blizzard, my roommates and I saw the Catching Fire midnight premier since we had seen Hunger Games together the year before. I made a trip to Arizona where I got sick for the first time since going to college, but Ami, her family, and I still ended up going to Cali anyways (my first time!). Dani and Ty got married and I got to be a bridesmaid! I survived winter once again and saw the lights on Temple Square and drove through the Thanksgiving Point lights with the top of the car down. I went on a retreat with my Student Alumni group and got to go tubing at Soldier Hollow. I went to the hot springs, planned and attended Traditions Ball, got to see Andy Grammar in concert, met and hugged Sister Dalton, and just had fun! 

Spring/Summer 2014

All of the sudden my final terms at BYU came. James and Kaitlyn got married, and I was the Maid of Honor! I finally went to Arches National Park, I hiked the Narrows at Zion National Park, Meghan, Janessa, and I went to the actual Stadium of Fire concert where Carrie Underwood performed, I spent most of my time with friends, I made a 4.0 for spring and summer, I had an internship with the Department of Child and Family Sservices, and I had almost a week long vacation where I missed class and went to California. 

So, I had good and bad roommates, I was in love and heartbroken, I had good and bad wards, I had fun and worked hard. I was involved. I made friends. I had adventures. I went to football, basketball, and even some volleyball games. I had experiences that most students don't get to have. So, thank you to everyone who made my BYU experience a FULL BYU experience. Roommates: Kaitlyn, Dani, Emilee, Makenna, Meghan, Jenn, Alanna, Melissa, Mallory, Alexis, Maren, and Ashley, their husbands, my BYUSA team: Bryon, Angela, Kennedy, Austin, and Devon, Eric Cecil, Angela Blomquist, Amanda Nuttall, my favorite teachers: Anne Hodge, Erin Holmes, Justin Dyer, Hank Smith, and Katie Isaak, my bishopric members, the Bishop's wives, the Student Alumni team: Flint, Michael, Mady, Christina, Brett, and Brody, Curtis Isaak, Julie Hatchett, my internship mentors: Liz and Kobie, Janessa, Julie Anne, Justin, Andrew, the best visiting teachers ever: Brooke Ellis and Blythe Beecroft, Alyssa Harkness, Becca, and Aubryann McClune. Thank you for allowing me to say that I had the best of the best experiences I could have ever asked for at Brigham Young University. I am thankful that I could leave my mark at BYU, but I am even more thankful that it left its mark on me.