Red, White, Blue, and Blonde

You probably thought this was going to be a Fourth of July post. If that is what you wanted stop reading now. This post is about puppies. I want a puppy so badly. I know it is going to be hard for me to go home after graduation. I also know a puppy will help. Honestly, I am going to need a friend more than anything when I get home, and something about having to carry a giant Dalmatian dog down the stairs multiple times a day just doesn't do it for me. I need someone who is mine. Someone who will love me unconditionally. I always told Fenway he couldn't die until after I graduated college. But, it was my best boy's time before that. I can never replace that sweet boy, but I am in need of another friend. I do not care if it is blonde, chocolate, lilac, champagne, black, red, or blue, but I hope my momma and dad will let me get a Boston puppy when I get home. 

  Just in case my mom needs a few more cute faces to convince her... 

 

 If the answer is now yes then... 

And, if the answer is still no...

Summa Summa Summertime

Summer has given me time. Time to think. Time to read. Time to worry. Time to enjoy myself. Here are a few things that have come into my mind and a few pictures from my adventures as of late. 

1. I have a horrible thought right now that I don't need friends. I am about to leave. Why should I make an effort to make new friends? I know what it is. It's my way of coping. I hate saying goodbye, and the less people I have to say goodbye to. Lately I have been spending time with new friends when I forget that I am not supposed to be getting close to more people. Then, right when I remember I pull away. As is life. I am happy but confused. I want to go out and have fun, but I am so tired of being hurt. I am tired of being there for people whenever they need me only to be left in the dust when they no longer do. I am tired of the so-called friends that never talk to me unless they are bored or need something. I have a few really good friends here, and I feel like that is all I really need. We have been told that we hate endings because we are eternal beings. I like that my fear in goodbyes is justified. I don't want to lose people I love. I don't want to be easily forgotten. I want someone to miss me when I'm gone. I want to keep some friendships alive while I let others go. Maybe this is all just a fear of change... a fear of what life will be like when I go home. It may be a loss... of friendships, my independence, and some of the things I have always hoped for. Then again, it may be a time of gain for me... a chance to gain new experiences, figure out what I really want out of life, and a chance to start again. I don't know. It could be both. Still, inside me there is always that fear of what's to come. This coming year fills me with anxiety of the unknown. In times like these I am so thankful for the friends that are always by my side and those that never fail to make me smile. 

2. Right now, it is a huge thing that the leader of the Ordain Women movement was excommunicated from the church. I felt bad for her. She just wanted to make a difference, as wrong as it was. At first I was really upset. I knew how media would take it: someone with a different opinion was kicked out. This movement has been an eye-opener for me. I don't want the priesthood and feel like acting the way some in this movement have would make me feel like I could not sustain the church leaders, but I do sustain them and love and respect them dearly. Although it makes me sad that the Young Men have a bigger budget then the Young Women organization, Relief Society activities are almost always crafty things, and you do not need any women to form a group, branch, ward, or even stake, I know that I am in the true church. It isn't perfect, but it is true. Heavenly Father knew what I was going through. He always does. So, I usually read one chapter from my scriptures a night. I was very behind but finally caught up on Sunday night. Somehow, the night I was calling into question everything that is happening I came to 3 Nephi 14: 15-20 which says, "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore, by their fruits ye shall know them." That made sense to me. I feel so much better now. 

3. Fun is coming! The fourth of July I am going to a Carrie Underwood concert with fireworks afterward. My last Fourth in Utah is going out with a bang. Literally. The next weekend I will be hiking the Narrows in Zion National Park. Camping+hiking+a river= I'm in. Let's do this! A week and a half later I will be heading to California. Family, beaches, and adventure. What more could I ask for? I have also started my final class and love it. It is in my top five favorite classes. Better yet, there is no final! The final is a party. I am so close to being done. 50 days from today I will be walking across the stage in a cap and gown. Adventures, a fun class, more work, my internship continues, and then I will be done. So exciting! Also, I have a very nice tan, and my summer is only halfway over. I cannot wait for my graduation pictures. I will actually be tan! That in and of itself is worth not walking in April for. After a long winter I would just look pasty in that navy gown. But now... :) I love summer so much. I need it to be summer all of the time! My only real summertime sadness other than the fact that I will be leaving at the end is the fact that I have to wear pants to work. It's a pretty great summer so far. 

It snowed in June. Utah... 

This is normal at BYU. :)

A Pressed Flower Between Pages

As I read a brand new or a book weathered by time I love the smell of the pages. There is something special about the smell of a book. There is also something much more special about how the book gets thicker each time you read it. It almost seems that you leave something in the pages. Memories or dreams, maybe. You leave something in between those precious pages just as the words from the pages leave something in you. As you read you spill out your thoughts. You are reminded of things you have forgotten or have not thought about. Sometimes it is even things you have wished to forget that once again come to the surface of your mind. You think of your dreams and aspirations in life as the glorious words of a good book flash across your eyes. The book may be left with a crease in the spine, a few wrinkled pages, or is simply left thicker than it was before. You learn something. You love the characters. The words of the books bring only the most vivid images to your mind. You are once again allowed to imagine. Now that I am no longer a child it is harder and harder for me to use my imagination. Books help. They always help. In reading, the book changes you, but you also change the book. This is similar for movies, but it is not quite the same. You watch and a story is brought to life. In watching, time folds upon itself and flies by or is drawn out. In both situations, I take in as much as I can. The colors. The sounds. The life. So far this summer I have watched many movies and read a few books. Gone with the Wind, The Fault in Our Stars and The Book Thief have left their impressions, and I have left mine. Years later when I see these books I will also see myself there, a younger and slightly different self that the books have preserved like a pressed flower between the pages, and I hope I remember this strange yet familiar version of myself. 

--Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

• “Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. "I'm okay" we say. "I'm alright". But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can't get it off. That's when you realize that sometimes it isn't even an answer--it's a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.” 
• “People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy yellows, cloud-spot blues. Murky darkness. In my line of work, I make it a point to notice them.” 

--John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

• “My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.” 
• “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.” 
• “You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.” 
• “Without pain, how could we know joy?' This is an old argument in the field of thinking about suffering and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not, in any way, affect the taste of chocolate.” 

--Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Wind

• “Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them.” 
• “After all, tomorrow is another day!” 
• “Never pass up new experiences. They enrich the mind." 

A Fun Weekend and a Tired Adult

Today is hump day, and I am feeling it! Being an adult is hard. I don't think I have recovered from my weekend. Friday night we went to a bonfire. Aside from a few guys in our FHE group my roommates and I were the only ones there. It was way fun though, and needless to say I ate more than my fair share of s'mores and roasted Starbursts. By the time Saturday morning came I felt hungover. Are sugar hangovers a thing? Apparently. Saturday morning I went to the stake service activity. After cleaning out someone's flower beds I was SO ITCHY. I left a little early just to get away from all of the stuff. After a lunch of fried chicken, potato salad, and watermelon I almost felt like I was back home. Almost. If only the chicken and potato salad were homemade... I sat and talked with a couple of the same guys from the bonfire for a while afterwards. When we finally left the park Julie Anne came over for a while. She even stayed for our ward BBQ. Let's be honest. I love hamburgers and hotdogs when they're made on the grill and I am in a summer mood. Yeah so I ate my fill of those too... and more watermelon and some BBQ chips. We sat outside after the BBQ for forever! We laughed so much. My abs just hurt. They hurt so much from laughing. After two hours of sitting outside we decided we needed Sonic shakes since they are half-price after eight. We then sat down there for a while and enjoyed our shakes. We then went home to play SpotIt! I even won a round! There were going to be fireworks later that night, and after a couple too many rounds of SpotIt! someone came up with the bright idea to climb a mountain to see them. 1. I hate hiking. 2. It was getting dark. 3. I really hate hiking. We were booking it up the mountain for fear of missing the fireworks, and I swear if I have asthma you saw it as I wheezed my way up the mountain in the dark. We did make it, and it was worth it. But, oh my I thought I was going to die. Seeing the fireworks and the bustling city beneath us was truly spectacular. The stars afterwards were even BETTER. Going down the mountain was scary, but I felt much better going down than going up. Thank my lucky stars! We got down the mountain and decided to go and watch a movie. We watched World War Z. Edge of your seat movie? For sure. Edge of the footstool holding your friend's feet movie? Yep, that too. Jump when you see the crouching Jimmer poster in the corner movie? That too. Scream when you see someone creepy in the car beside you when you're driving home at two in the morning movie? You betcha. Sunday morning came too soon. Way too soon. With the help of Marriage and Family Prep class (which I oddly really enjoy) I somehow made it through church without falling asleep. I didn't get a nap. And, then I went to Ward Prayer. Oddly social for me, I know. I had so much fun though. I didn't go out to watch a movie with those guys again because I really needed sleep. And, I had a final coming up. So, this week hasn't been all that exciting, but I am done with my Women's Studies class. Seriously thank heavens. Now I get to start my last class!!! I'm so close... 

Just In Case You Wanted MORE Pictures

When I got back from Texas our dryer was broken... Bad news.

 My favorite trees on campus are the ones with leaves shaped like hearts. 

 

 I got two letters from sister missionaries in one day!

 My boss is 100% evil...

 

 A few more pics from Arches.

 And the after effects of Arches.

 When my little brother went on his first date. 

Some time with friends is always worthwhile. 

 Also, I KNEW he was my favorite teacher!!!