Monstrous Waves and Winds that Never Cease

I have A's in both of my classes right now. I am pretty sure even an average test score that I always give out will not lower my score. I have been having fun with my roommate, I am trying to get things worked out so I am not homeless for too long, and I have been on top of things at BYUSA. I hate the person who came up with the saying that "all good things must come to an end." Why are you so pessimistic, Debbie Downer? Anyways, things are starting to come crashing down around me. I cannot find a job (they always interfere with my class schedule), my class schedule is not as perfect as I originally thought it was, a duty in BYUSA popped up unannounced, and I am tired of teachers and friends teasing me about my dating life that does not exist. I am kind of stressed out. Can you tell?

I have had a hard time in my Book of Mormon class all semester. I felt like no class could compare to the one I had last semester. It was hard for me to pay attention, and I did not enjoy it for the longest time. One day I decided I was going to try to get the most out of it. By changing my point of view from comparing it to my last one to seeing it as an opportunity to learn more about the scriptures, I have gotten a lot more out of it. For instance, I was watching the Olympics the other day, and the news came on after. They were talking about how Utah was taking cursive writing out of the cirriculum. Many are worried about the repercussions and how it will affect learning and our language as a whole. At that point, I remembered what I had just learned in my class. We were talking about keeping a written record, and how it helps a civilization. The Nephites and the Mulekites left Jerusalem at about the same point, but when they met up years later, they could not understand each other. It was because the Mulekites had not kept a written record, and they had lost the language of their fathers. Automatically, I was completely against them taking out cursive from the cirriculum and replacing it with keyboarding. I was glad to know I learned something of value that I can connect to my life. 

That was cool, but something else came up today that made me feel one hundred times better. We were talking about the Brother of Jared and his family in the barges. In our reading it says, "And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind... And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind... And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water." (Ether 6: 6, 8, 10) Making parallels to my life is another thing I have been trying to do to get more out of my class. In these scriptures I saw my life right now. There are times when I feel like I am buried in the depths of the sea, with mountains of waves crashing up against me, and winds that will never cease. It is hard to remember that just like these people, Heavenly Father is guiding me. He has given me tools so I may have light continually in my life no matter if I am going through an easy time or a rough one. 

Ether 6:12 says, " And they did land upon the shore of the promised land. And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them." We are always going to be tossed and turned in life, but those monstrous waves and tempests helped them make it to the promised land. It was not supposed to be easy. The same is for all of us. It is not meant to be easy. We have to work through our tribulations to make it to the celestial kingdom. I need to work on not complaining. If all of my trials are going to help me make it to the celestial kingdom, they are well with me. I just have to remember that in the moment. I am going to make that a goal. I am going to continue looking for the tender mercies in my life, and try not to worry about the trials that feel like monstrous waves and winds that will never cease.

A Week Full of Thankfulness

Here are the things I am thankful for this week:

1. I am thankful for my ability to write papers rather quickly. I do not know which parent I got it from or if I got it from both, but it makes my life a lot easier. I have so many papers due these last two weeks of classes, and my brain is starting to give up. I wrote a six page and a three page one this week. For next week I have a thirteen page one that I have only barely started as well as my beloved one page essay. So, I am really thankful for that gift. 

2. I am thankful for laughter. People always talk about how are bodies are so divinely designed, and I completely agree with them. There is nothing better than a warm smile, a real hug, and contagious laughter. Most people hate Mondays. I love them. Some of my team and I were sitting in the BYUSA office and we could not stop laughing. We were having so much fun! One of them pointed out it felt like one in the morning when everything became funny. It was true, but who is going to complain when you are enjoying your Monday? Not me! 

3. I am thankful for my family. Having a holiday is always weird when I am in school because I always think about all of the fun things I could be doing with my family. Also, I am beginning to realize how long six months away from home is. Yesterday, a girl tried to convince me to go home during my short break between summer and fall semesters, but I just don't see it happening. I would love to, but it is really far away. So, I guess I am just going to have to wait until Christmas and just continue skyping and talking on the phone. I am very thankful that they taught me how to make french toast the delicious way. I went to breakfast at one of my roommate's brother's apartment, and it was awful. I am thankful that they taught me how to clean. I did not realize how nasty our kitchen floor was until I got down on my hands and knees today and cleaned it. Pretty gross. It is kind of weird, but I am even beginning to miss my obnoxious little brother that never stops touching me. No big deal. I just love them all. 

The Countdown Begins

Today, sitting through my class and paying attention was harder than it ever has been before. Drawing pictures on my notes, playing with my planner, having a staring contest with the wall, and trying to see if I could tie my shirt in a knot were only a few things that I did to try to keep myself occupied. I just had to keep telling myself, "It is Thursday... you can make it." I usually love Thursdays. It means something amazing is going to happen tomorrow, or maybe even later today. I guess the break messed me up because I am having a hard time today. So, I started my countdown.
For My Book of Mormon class I have four more classes, one paper, and the final. For my strengthening marriage and family class I have two classes, two papers, and the final. Meghan gets home in half a week. One week from today is my last day of classes. In one and a half weeks I will be taking finals. In two and a half weeks I will be having dinner with my BYUSA friends. In three weeks I will be moving in to my new apartment. In three and a half weeks I will be at FOL having a wonderful time. In four and a half weeks I will be starting my fall semester (once it is over I will be a junior!). Last but not least.... in four and a half months I will be going home to see my family and friends.

My Wedding Dreams

I do not know what happened to my last wedding dream post, but it made me sad when I looked and realized it was gone. So, I am posting it again. I hope you don't mind. 

1. My dress option #1. I really like the sleek look with it ruched at the side.

2. I want the Belle hairstyle for my fairytale ending which is really only the beginning.

3. I want a generations ring picture.

4. His ring. Simple and elegant. 

5. I want the guys to wear grey suits, and the idea of little black dresses for the bridesmaids is growing on me. They really could wear it again. Who doesn't need a little black dress?

6. I love the lace and letter idea for the cake.

7. My ring. I want it in platinum. Everything else scratches too easily, and we all know I am accident prone. 

8. I want to write notes on the bottom of my bridesmaids' shoes. A personal note to each one of my special girls. 

9. The bridesmaids' bouquets. 

10. I love the cake that is not what everyone is expecting. It is more fun that way. 

11. I want a picture of my husband picking me up. I think those are the cutest!

12. I want a cool engagement story. (hopefully I won't be making a weird face like this girl)

13. I want a fun picture with the bridesmaids and groomsmen. 

14. My bouquet... I think. I just love flowers in general. 

15. I also love the idea of a lace wedding dress. Lace or sleek? I guess I will have to wait and find out what kind of guy I am going to marry because that will determine it all. 

16. I want a water fountain under my cake. Keeping it classy. 

17. I want the wedding date stitched in to the hem of my dress in blue for "something blue."

18. For the last picture of the night... 

Pioneer Day

 Today is pioneer day. After first, I thought it was funny that we got today off of school, most businesses are closed, and there is a parade, but I was not going to complain. The more I think about it though, this is a huge part of Utah's history. 

The pioneers settled this state. No one else was here. They went through countless trials and so much persecution. They had to leave multiple homes only bringing what they could carry on a handcart or a covered wagon. Losing loved ones along the way, they made their way across the plains until President Brigham Young said, "This is the place." With their determination to worship freely, they built wonderful cities, temples, and made this state a home. They deserve a day remembrance.

Forgive, Forget, and Move On

In my Strengthening Marriage and Family class we talked about forgiveness. He gave us an assignment to think about someone that has wronged us and make the effort to forgive them. I could not think of anyone at the time, but this weekend someone was brought up and that awful feeling came up. Instantly I knew what I needed to do. So, all Saturday and today I have been working on it. The steps to forgiveness we talked about in class were: recall the hurt, empathize, offer the gift of forgiveness, forgive publicly, hold on to it, and move forward. Well, the first one was easy. The rest just got  harder as I went on, but I know this was something that I have needed to do for quite some time. Tonight, I took the final step. I honestly feel so much lighter. I am thankful for my teacher for giving us that challenge for the weekend, the Spirit for helping me realize there was someone I needed to forgive, and for the person that I have forgiven. 

What Makes You Beautiful

A teacher told me my smile lights up the classroom. There are things that make each one of us beautiful. We just have to share them. :)

What Makes Me Happy

A lot of things make me happy. I mean a lot of things. Something as simple as a butterfly, something that makes a cool noise, or a warm bed and a good night's sleep are just a few from my enormous list. Anyways, there is one thing that makes me most happy. It is something people tell me, and when they do it resonates in my mind. I think about it for days and sometimes weeks after I am told this. Do you know what it is? It is when someone tells me I am going to be a good mom. I love it. Yesterday, all I was doing was sitting at my desk studying, and someone came up and told me. With a hand on each shoulder and a light sqeeze, I could hear the sincerity as it came out. I can do nothing but smile. In BYUSA or around many of my friends I am known as "Mom" because I take care of everyone, cook, clean, and tell people what to do when things need to get done. When I was studying was not the only time this week I have been told that. I had a teacher whom I have never talked to before tell me that. Earlier this semester I had multiple friends tell me that including when I drove the mini van. All I can say is, "I sure hope so." 

Another Late Thankful Tuesday Post

     Tuesdays seem to be a bad day for me. They aren't really. I just can't seem to get my post done. Yesterday I went to my classes, studied for my tests, ate multiple times, surprised a friend, went to BYUSA, left the office on time, got locked out of my apartment, talked to my mom for a little bit, went to eat one more time with my roommate, spent more time studying while watching "Rizzoli and Isles", and went to bed at 10:30. It felt so good to wake up this morning without an alarm, without having to rush to get ready, and being able to actually make a wonderful breakfast.
     Anyways, I am thankful for...
1. Shoulder rubs. Sometimes I get a little tense sitting at my desk studying for hours after office hours, and it is always nice when someone starts to rub your shoulders when they know you are tired and stressed.
2. Orajel. I have a massive mouth sore in the very back of my mouth under my tongue. It is hard for me to eat anything. Most of the time I just swallow my food whole. It hurts to swallow anything or move my tongue. I am thankful for orajel because it numbs my mouth even if it is only for a couple minutes at a time.
3. Free time. I do not have much free time, but last night I had a little bit. I got to write in my journal and just enjoy being able to sit and relax. It was honestly a perfect night.
     So, since I cannot obviously fail at doing my posts on a designated day, I am just going to say that I will make a thankful post once a week. That way, I won't feel bad if it is a little late.

Tender Mercies

I want to write a post about the tender mercies I have experienced in this last week. 

On Monday, I was sick and was just upset about certain events, but I had multiple friends take care of me and help me make it through the day. Making me dinner, talking to me, letting me just crash on my bed when I got home with shoes and everything still on, and making sure I had everything I needed were some of the best things they did for me. 

Tuesday and Wednesday were some of the longest days I have ever had to experience. I had a remarkable amount of homework to do. As I piled it up one night I almost started to cry thinking there was no way I was ever going to be able to finish all of it. Each night when I got home I was so exhausted, but I sat down to do my homework believing and constantly reminding myself that I am at BYU to learn. It was hard for me to concentrate so I said many silent prayers asking for help. I believe only the loving support of my Heavenly Father and my unwillingness to give up got me through. 

Thursday was one of the days where I just went through the motions because I had to. Getting up for my class at eight in the morning felt like the worst form of torture, but I had to do it so I got my blueberry bagel and walked to class eating it. The day wasn't bad, but I was tired after staying up so late doing my unnatural amount of homework. At 11:54 I realized it was my last day of classes and I seriously got so excited I almost screamed out of joy in the middle of my last class. 

Then came Friday. I had my stewardship at six meaning another late night in the office. I lost my phone four times. It was not like the: "Oh, I set my phone down, and now I need to find it." It was more of the: "Oh my gosh I have been all over the place today, and I do not even know where to begin looking. It could be anywhere from the bell tower to the BYUSA office to my apartment or anywhere in between." It was not fun. As I was waiting in the office for my stewardship, I went to talk to a couple of friends. They ended up "kidnapping" me, I missed my stewardship, and we went to eat. Somehow it led to making s'mores on the bell tower lights. Yeah, we did that. Then, we just got to sit and watch a movie. I night of adventures after my long, hard week. The only problem with this was the fact that at some point I left my iPad in the bathroom of a building on campus. When I remembered it, my heart dropped. That particular building is swarming with EFY kids, and I knew it would not be there anymore, but I said yet another silent prayer. As I walked into the bathroom, I was so nervous, my eye would not stop twitching. It was there. So, my night was not ruined, and I got to continue to enjoy my break.

 So, my tender mercies included friends being there to take care of me, help with my pile of homework, making it through my last day of classes, finding my phone each time I lost it, getting a break from my busy life and just being able to have fun with friends, and my iPad being in the same place I left it. Now, I am sure I always have these tender mercies in my life, but I do not always take the time to notice them. This is yet another thing I need to work on. 

Have I Done Any Good?

Thankful Thursday...

     I just realized that I never did a thankful Tuesday post. So, in an effort to fix that, this week it is going to have to be thankful Thursday. This week has been crazy. I have gotten home past seven every night, I eat in the Wilk or at eight at night, and I have so much homework this week it is insane. With that said, here are my three things:
     1. I am thankful for flowers and green grass. Doing homework is so much more enjoyable when I can sit outside in the luscious grass with all of the beautiful colors around you. I keep thinking of the words of a song from primary... "whenever I hear the song of a bird or look at the blue, blue sky, whenever I feel the rain on my face or the wind as it rushes by, whenever I touch a velvet rose or walk by a lilac tree, I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world Heavenly Father created for me. He gave me my eyes that I might see the color or butterfly wings, he gave me my ears that I might hear the magical sound of things. He gave me my life, my mind, my heart: I thank him reverently for all his creations of which I'm a part. Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me." I love seeing the beautiful flowers because they remind me of my divine heritage.
     2. I am thankful for all of my friends. I did not feel well earlier this week, and they were all ready to jump up and help. One came to the BYUSA office because she knew I was not feeling well and wanted to make sure I was ok. Another one of them offered to bring me dinner even though he does not get back from work until late. I appreciate their love they have shown me. I am so lucky to have all of them watching out for me. I do not know what that was, but it is always good to know someone is there. 
     3. I am thankful for movies. I am one of the few that actually do better on my homework and work more efficiently when a movie is on. I love how they show all manners of life from the tender to the extremely awkward moments in life. Although some of them are rather idealistic, I love it all. I love the happily ever afters after a trial the princess needs to overcome, I love the deep conversations friends have when they are alone, and I like seeing that no one's life is perfect even after a princess's happily ever after. I saw a quote the other day that said, "Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." -G.K. Chesterton

Spiritual Sunday

Today there were a lot of things that hit me in church and got me thinking. I think the moment that hit me the hardest was when they sang "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go"

"So trusting my all to thy tender care., and knowing thou lovest me, I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be." 

That line gets to me every time I hear it. The last time I heard this song was in my freshman ward at BYU. I was going through a hard time. I was homesick, I wanted to go home, and I did not know why I was at BYU. I was tired, having a hard time with my roommate, and trying to figure out what major I was going to switch to. So, overall I was upset. I was thinking about Family Life as a major, but like everyone else I saw it as a "mommy major." I had been praying day and night for me to feel like I belonged at BYU and for help in deciding my major. I went to my ward with my roommates, and we sang this song. Tears started streaming down my cheeks, falling in my lap, and I could not sing no matter how hard I tried. Hiding my tears from my roommates, I silently read the words with each line making the wonderful feeling that was inside me grow. Then, we came to that line. I closed my eyes and knew my prayers had been heard. I knew before I came to BYU that it was the right decision. After multiple prayers about that as well, I got my confirmation. He had to reassure me at this time, and He did it through this song. It was at that point that I knew I belonged at BYU and that no matter how tired and stressed out I was, I needed to be here. When sacrament meeting was over I silently got up and walked back to my dorm. I prayed in my room, without any disturbances, about what major was the right one. I had gone to a counselor for help in picking it before, and we narrowed it down to three. At this point I prayed over those three trying to decide. The one I wanted, I did not feel right about. It turned out that I only got the "this is right" feeling with the "mommy major." I was not sure why this was, but I was not going to ignore what the Spirit was telling me. I went and changed my major that week. I was still somewhat homesick so I read my Patriarchal Blessing. Reading through it, I realized every paragraph except maybe two or three talked about my future family. Now, I do not know for sure what I am going to do with my major, but I do know that no matter what, it will benefit my future family and me in the years to come. I am living my life in accordance to the words from the song: "I'll be what you want me to be."

That Awkward Moment When...

Today has just been one of those awkward days that you have fun in, but you just want to be over. Here are a few things that happened to me today:
     1.That awkward moment when you’re just waking up from a dream and you’re not sure what’s real and what’s not. 
     2.That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing at the top of your lungs. (in my case, a roommate and her boyfriend)
     3.That awkward moment when someone is giving you a hug that lingers a bit too long.
     4.That awkward moment when you’re staring at someone and then they catch you staring.
     5.That awkward moment when you mute the phone with your cheek. (do it all of the time)
     6.That awkward moment when you feel like you’re going to fall backwards off the side of the Seven Peaks tower. (it is scary)
     7.That awkward moment when you trip in public and you attempt to gracefully recover, but you know someone probably saw you. (I have a huge welt on my foot now.)
     8.That awkward moment when you find a hair in your food. (not me, but the guy I was with. He still ate the food)
     9.That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then end up walking in the same direction.
     10. That awkward moment when you drive all over the place and get lost going to an apartment that is only a couple blocks away from your apartment. 

I am so glad today is over. I do not know if I could handle much more of this. I had so much fun at Seven Peaks with our BYUSA Seven Peaks Club and Janessa, going to Panda Express for dinner, and going to a friend's to watch a movie made the day even better, but with all of these awkward moments it needed to come to an end. 

Fourth of July

My Fourth of July was amazing! It was my first one away from home. It was different, but it was so much fun! First, I got up early to be in the Provo parade. I was in it with BYUSA, we had our own float, and I got to see a lot of my friends while I was walking. 

When the parade was over, I went to get a hot dog. I was so hungry, and everyone else went to get Jimmy John's. I am not a big fan, and you cannot celebrate the Fourth of July without a good hot dog. 

Then, Meghan and I headed off to Seven Peaks. We decided that if we get much darker we may be able to apply for scholarships. 

When we got back she headed off to work so I studied, did laundry, and skyped my family. I love and miss them. Then, when she got back, we went out to go watch the fireworks. 

Thankful Tuesday

I am going to find three things each Tuesday to be thankful for. I have a couple more today, but here are some for today.

1. I am so thankful for the beautiful summer sunshine. I love being in the sun, and when it is warm I get to swim. When I am in the water I am in my element. I am slowly turning darker day by day, and I love it. With each day and each shade darker my skin gets, the less makeup I have to wear. That means all I have to do in the morning is put on some mascara and do my hair. It saves me so much time, and I feel so much better. 
2. I am thankful for my standards. Today I walked on campus, and someone was smoking. I almost started crying. They signed the honor code just like I did, and I would only hope that they would abide by it. I love the honor code. It is what sets BYU apart from other universities. I am thankful for my family, friends, and my church for helping me maintain my high standards. 
3. I am thankful for water. There is nothing I love more than swimming. I love the smell of chlorine, the ache of my muscles after tubing, and the happiness that comes with just being in the water. Water is my element. If I could be an animal, I would be a mermaid. I do not know if that counts, but I would love it. 
4. I am thankful for the kid who cleans the gum off of the ground on campus. When I first came here I thought it was miraculous that there was seriously no gum anywhere. It took me a year to find out some poor kid wakes up early in the morning and scrapes it up every morning. I thank him for making my campus a beautiful place. 
5. I am so thankful to be a part of BYUSA. It took a lot to get me involved. At the beginning I thought all of them were crazy and loud, but as time went on I just wanted to be a part of it. Then, it took them forever to place me, but with the help of my friend (and, as much as I hate to admit it, my dad) I got a position as a committee member. Even then, I was not really involved. I helped with a few presentations but that was all. This year I am REALLY involved. As tired and stressed as I get at times I am thankful to be a part of something so spectacular and to have some of the best friends. I love seeing the BYUSA posters that say "It's you." I look at them and know. It's me. 

Genuineness, Smiling, and Remembering Names

In BYUSA today we had a meeting. Part of our meeting is always leadership training, and today we talked about three ways to "make people like you." The first thing we talked about was being genuinely interested in other people. First off, I love the word genuine. I want people to remember me as a genuine person. I want them to remember me as being genuinely happy, genuinely confident, genuinely loving, a genuinely good wife and mother, but most of all, I want them to think of me as a genuine daughter of God. We then talked about knowing someone's heart. That statement was just included in a sentence, but it sent me on a profound journey. What does it mean to truly know someone's heart? I know it will take a lot of time and work, but what does that mean? After contemplating over this for a while and missing some of the meeting, I knew. Knowing someone's heart is knowing them inside and out. It is seeing their beauty as children of God. Each one of us is created in His image, and each of us are special. As children in Primary we are always told we are children of God. We grow up knowing WE are children of God, but rarely do we realize that everyone else is as well. Knowing someone's heart is realizing that they are just as special as you, sent to this earth at this time to experience their own trials, develop their own knowledge, and hopefully make it back to live with our Father in heaven once again. I loved that. Three words that sunk deep into my heart. I hope one day I can be the genuine person I hope to be, and someone will know my heart. Next came the principle of smiling. I love smiling, but I love smiling with my eyes more. I feel like my eyes sparkle when I am truly happy. Sometimes I do not even have to smile with my mouth because my eyes say it all. Sometimes I am too serious for my own good and forget to notify my face that I am truly happy. I am going to work on that. The third thing was to remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. I can attest to that. I got an email the other day, and I did not understand why because it just did not apply to me at all... until the last line. It said, "P.S. Megan, thanks for all that you do. I really do appreciate it!" Normally I would have been like, "Oh ok. Sure you do," but with my name being acknowledged, it made all the difference. I could hear the sincerity in the short message, and it made me feel really appreciated. I am honestly just not good with names, but that is one more thing I can work on. I want people to feel just as loved and appreciated as I do when others use my name. So, three things I need to work on: genuineness, smiling, and using people's names. Ready go.