The Cold, Hard Truth

Well, maybe not the cold, hard truth. Maybe it is the burned, blistered truth. Let me tell you why. So, over the weekend I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I had a wonderful day shopping with Kaitlyn, but I just wanted more out of life. So much more. I wanted to rush through stages and catch up to all of my friends. Even after the rough and somewhat stressful weekend Kaitlyn, Julie Anne, and I made the courageous decision to leave the lush valley and go to Arches National Park in the desert. It was on my summer bucket list last year, but I didn't make it there. Trekking to southern Utah was an adventure in and of itself. When we got there we were first enthralled by the frogs. I don't think I have ever seen an actual wild frog before. It was exciting. We even decided which ones we wanted to be. We are four years old. Then, we decided to hike to the delicate arch. I wore a tank top and my running pants. Not even thinking we started the ascent. Let me tell you... Not far into the hike I thought I was going to die. It is steep, and there is simply no air. And, even though it was just under eighty degrees it was HOT. After we made it up that initial hill I was fine. We climbed all the fun things and made it to the delicate arch. It was beautiful, and the view was well worth it. I finally got to see the arch on the Utah license plate. I got to see a part of Utah I had never seen before, and I loved it. We hiked to and saw other arches as well such as Sandy arch, the broken arch, and a few other unnamed arches. Utah truly is beautiful. It was even more beautiful to be with my friends and not worry about anything. On the way home I realized my shoulders were a little burnt. I wasn't worried. It wasn't the first time I got burned, and it certainly won't be the last. Later that night I realized the severity of my burn. Ouch. Eating my lunch on a rock under the broken arch I felt like I left all of my worries and misery behind. A different kind of misery set in at this point. Blisters galore. It took a few days for me to be able to wear an actual shirt. Progress. Slow progress. I loved my long weekend, although going back to work and school was a little difficult. I can't wait for my next two long weekends. I will be going to the Narrows at Zion's National Park over the Fourth of July weekend, and I will be in California for the Pioneer Day weekend. I have a fun summer ahead of me! My visiting teachers came over on Tuesday. After their initial shock of my red glow they gave me a wonderful lesson. I love them. With Blythe in her red and white striped pajama pants and Brellis with her top knot, I always feel the spirit and can just laugh. We planned a day to go and get pie at a little restaurant that is supposed to be really good. I trust their taste. Last time we went out they took me to the Provo bakery which is divine. Anyways (I get easily distracted by food. Can you tell?), Brellis shared a talk about being grateful in your circumstances. I am not always the best at that obviously, but I am so glad she shared that. And yesterday... Yesterday Julie Anne and I had a crazy whim to go see Maleficent at 10:45. We didn't get home until one in the morning, and I regret nothing. I really liked that movie. It is hard to go wrong with Angelina Jolie, a tub of popcorn, and one of your friends. I love summer so much! Also, my blisters are all gone now!!

Our before picture. 

 This is us under the first arch we came to which was on our way to delicate arch.

And then we finally got to delicate arch!!!

 After we all climbed a cliff. 

I went up even further and felt like a beast.

So, along with all of my pictures from arches I will also share a few of my favorite quotes right now. And... maybe a song.

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This is my "some days are just hard" song.

If You Don't Live in Texas Then You're Out of Luck

I may not have the crazy amount of pride that some Texan's carry with them always, but I do love it. I love the land that is so flat. I love being able to see as far as my eyes will allow and being able to watch the sun seemingly hit the ground as it is setting. I love how the tall grass sways in the wind. I love the cows and how they roam the huge fields with all of that tall grass. I love how hot the cars are after they've been sitting in the sun. I love the tingling/burning sensation on my face when I have been out in the sun for a little while. I love how my soft freckles peek out from underneath my makeup. I love how we are the only state who really cares about their state flower and proudly have our flag the same height as the U.S. flag just because we can. I love the lightening bugs that come out in the summer and light up the dark nights. I love cheering for the Rangers. I love saying "yes ma'am and no sir" and rubbing off on my roommates even though they used to make fun of me. I love how people don't believe me when I tell them the longest part of roadtrips is making it out of the dang state. I love the memorable skylines of the big cities around me. I love that we still write thank you notes. I love the southern hospitality. I love my pearls. I love how there is only one month of winter and the rest of the time it is summer. I love macaroni and cheese, grits, Blue Bell ice cream, fried chicken, and biscuits and gravy. I love blessing people's hearts and telling them they are sweet spirits. I love having a momma and a daddy. I love the wildflowers all along the highways. I love going kayaking in the summer. I love boys opening doors for me, being treated like a princess, homecoming mums, being tough but elegant, and having those blessed kolaches. I love how everything is bigger. I love the armadillos and coyotes. I love the songs such as "Deep in the Heart of Texas" and "The Yellow Rose of Texas" whose choruses always get stuck in your head. I love how friends point out my minor accent and just smile as they try to convince me that I have it. Most of all, I love how my friends always address me as Miss Megan. So, give me a cowboy hat and let me be the Texan girl I am because all I want right now is to ride a horse and let the warm, gentle wind blow through my hair.

Welcome to the Crazy

I shakily walked up the stairs to my apartment this evening. I had to sit down three times on my way to my car after class. The pounding headache was more than my emotionally, mentally, and physically tired body could handle after a long morning at my internship and a two and a half hour class. I love my internship, but wow... Let me tell you a little bit about it. I go on home visits, to court, transfer kids, and sometimes even go on a run with the CPS workers. I work with Liz and Kobie, and my supervisor is Karen. Kobie calls me the animal/baby whisperer. Earlier this week we went to a home that had twins. The little girl has never talked to Liz who is her case worker. As I was sitting in my chair listening to the foster mom, all of the sudden she crawled into my lap and started talking to me. She was so cute! At that same house with a two year old sitting as close as she could to me, the dog jumped up on my lap, curled up, and went to sleep. The foster mom thought that was really weird since usually they have to lock her in a room because she goes crazy when Kobie and Liz come over. They also had a puppy that stayed under my chair and licked me the entire time. Yesterday, we were at another home, and all of the sudden a cat was in my lap. I am not a huge fan of cats, but I started petting him. He then proceeded to roll over so I could scratch his belly. He sat in my lap for a good half hour, and purred the entire time. Today I had to transport another set of twins from one foster home to another. After being yelled at by the current foster mom and dad saying I didn't even care about the kids (if I didn't care I wouldn't be doing any of this) and being told that the little girl was "petrified" of strangers, I put the carseats in the minivan and walked away from the house with a child on each hip. They didn't even shed a tear. The little girl even fell asleep on the way. At the new foster home I sat and played with them for a little while before leaving. They were totally fine. Later I had to drop off some of their clothes, and the little boy came running with his arms up for me to pick him up. I got this. Even though I am so dang emotionally drained, that in itself was rewarding enough to me. I love little kids! I am happy to be the animal/baby whisperer any day!!! As I mentioned, I also get to go to court. Let me tell you, that has been my favorite thing this far! Sitting in the court room with my burgundy business shirt, nice trousers, and pearls I felt like I belonged there. I love my internship, but I don't know how social workers do it. I mean, I am SO tired. I guess they are too. I have seen more coffee and meltdowns than I have ever seen over the course of just a couple of weeks. Also, I found out that both of the girls I work with are members of the church, but one has a tattoo and talks about drinking, and the other's car smelled like a smoker's car. Also, both of them have the dirtiest mouths, and they have both lost the compassion that I feel is needed to be a really good social worker. Don't get me wrong, they are hard workers, but there is something lacking. If I am going to do this job, I hope I never lose my compassion, my ability to love others. There is still a lot left for me to learn, but I am working through it. Maybe by the end of this I will know what I want to do with my life.

Save Only One

There are always those people that don't get the credit they deserve. I am sure in the life to come they are rewarded beyond measure, but I feel like I need to give one of them a little credit now. In Alma 23 it talks about those who converted unto the Lord. Many Lamanites were converted, but none of the Amalekites were converted, "save only one (v.14)." The Amalekites and Amulonites knew the gospel and fell away. Later on the scriptures talk about those two groups and how much harder their hearts were toward the gospel and how much more ferocious they were in trying to kill the righteous Nephites. My heart goes out to the one. The one who isn't even named. The one who is given no glory for his bravery. The one who has no credit for returning. I have a sincere love for this one Amalekite. I honor him for what he did. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to turn from everything he knew, his friends, his family, and his lifestyle, and be a part of this people that were given a new name, a new place to live, and a completely different way of life. I hope one day I will be able to come to know him. I want to know so much more about him. I want to know his name, what he was like, and how he did it. I guess the thing I want most is to be like him. I want to have that bravery and determination to live in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father. Until I get to meet him in heaven, I will forever admire this "save only one." 

Let Your Faith Show

"Day after day, on your path toward your eternal destiny, increase your faith. Proclaim your faith! Let your faith show!" 

-Elder Russell M. Nelson

Going to church should always be a spiritual experience, but let me be honest for a moment here. Three hours is a long time for me and my too small attention span to sit in one freezing room. Yesterday all of the fears of graduating and not knowing what I am going to do after that hit me. They hit hard. I sat alone in my apartment for the longest time wondering why none of my plans can ever just work out. I was reading Gone With the Wind, and Scarlett's cry for home made me want to be home. But, I don't really feel at home anywhere anymore. Texas is kind of home. My family is there, but it isn't the same. I always revert back to an old version of me. Utah once felt like home but really no longer does. In the moment of that realization I felt completely lost. Today I went to church with a heavy heart ready to draw on the program through the coming hours. For once I was glad that my plans didn't work out. The theme of sacrament meeting was faith. The first speaker used a quote from President Hinckley that I cannot find right now, but in looking for it just now it made me even happier. He said, " Carry on. Things will work out. If you keep trying and praying and working, things will work out." Going along with that, Elder Holland has said, "Keep trying. Be believing. Be happy. Don't get discouraged." The speaker said that Satan works to get us to exercise fear instead of faith, but when we exercise fear with faith we use courage which brings about the smile of God's approval. So, if I let my faith show things will all work out. At the end of the talk the speaker used a quote that said the question isn't if Christ was prepared but whether or not we are prepared to feel His love and receive His strength and power. 

I feel like I should be walking with my head hanging low. I should be ashamed. My Heavenly Father has once again had to remind me to use faith and just trust Him. I wish I could remember that lesson better. I once again had to be taught this lesson, but I am not ashamed. I am thankful that He loves me enough to continue to try to teach me the same lesson. I can continue on without a plan if He is there to always watch out for me, and HE IS! Elder Holland also said, "Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven who loves you more than you can comprehend." On my path toward my eternal destiny, I am so thankful to know that there is a much better plan than mine, and that when my plans fall through there is someone always there to catch me.

It's Not Unusual to Miss the Samuelsons

I meant to post this on his last day, but I was at home and forgot. So, goodbye President and Sister Samuelson. It has been a wonderful three years with you. Knowing that my graduation will be the first without you there will be a little odd but I am sure in time President and Sister Worthen will be loved as much as you two, and I get the opportunity to be a part of his legacy, even if it is only for a little while.

Beginning the Countdown

Have you ever seen the movie 27 Dresses? This girl is a bridesmaid 27 times, but on the 28th time, she wears a white dress that she got to pick for her special day. Well, I am starting my countdown of 27 dresses. I wore one at Dani's wedding and one at Kaitlyn's. Two down, 25 more to go before my day. I need to go make more friends... Anyways, at Kaitlyn's wedding I once again got to think about what it may be like on my special day. Here are some of my ideas: 

Decorations in the church gym:

 The Groom:

The ring: 

 

 The dress:

The flowers:

And if he wants to splurge and get me a puppy with the ring... Well, I wouldn't complain!

Also, he has to want a family because I want a few of these:

And maybe one or two of these:

Dear future husband, I don't know if I have never met you or if you are someone I have known for years. I don't know what you like to do, but I do hope you like to have fun, watch movies, swim, play with dogs, and maybe even kayak on occasions. I hope you have a strong testimony of the Gospel, and I hope we can keep each other strong when times are tough. I even hope when there is a really cute shirt or dress at the store that you don't let me buy it because I would have to alter my "covenants" in order to wear it without them showing. I hope you don't mind that I don't want a big, flashy wedding. An intimate sealing and a small reception at the church gym is really all I want. I hope my dress and ring reflect who you and I are: beautiful, elegant, simple, and timeless. I hope you know that I am not like other girls. I'm not a crazy dancer, and I am not a singer unless you count times in the car when I sing as loud as I can which I know sounds horrible. I am more serious, but I will love you forever. I cannot wait until the day I find you. Whether it is tomorrow or in the years to come, I cannot wait to have eternity with you. I can't wait to have kids just like us that drive us absolutely insane sometimes but are so cute and lovable. I know you will love me, from the sass to the southern charm, because I will love you, all of you. Until that one fine day where I get to meet you... I will keep waiting and smile every time I think of it.

When in Rome... or Texas

Finals came and went in a blur along with Kaitlyn's bridal shower (the first one I had ever thrown) and the days leading up to me coming home. The day before I left, I went out for a sushi lunch with Julie Anne. Oh my. I never thought I would be so full from rice and a little bit of seafood, but three rolls later I could not have eaten the second round of three that they offer you for your "all you can eat" lunch. I don't think all of the laughing we were doing was helping my very full stomach feel any better either. I love her. Then, it was time for me to go home.

I needed to go home. I love Provo but sometimes the simpleness and monotony of the lifestyle I have here get old. I get tired of my schedule of school and work. As much as I love the people here it makes me sad when they all leave whether it is because of missions, marriages, or moving on with their lives. I needed a change. Once finals were over, I was out of Provo. It felt so good to see my family again, to get those tight hugs that mean so much, to be able to eat at my favorite places, and to see people I love.

The first weekend I was at home I got to walk a 5K with my momma. Her team at work had these shirts... On the front they said, "I pooped today." I'll be the first to admit that I was a little embarrassed to be wearing that shirt. I told her if I was going to wear that shirt I was going to look dang good doing it. Armed with new running shoes and matching shorts, I walked that 5K as quickly as I could. Afterwards, mom and I went down a giant blowup slide, drew on the sidewalk with chalk, and just had fun before going out to eat with some of her friends she from work. The next day was Sunday. I missed Easter with my family, but they made me the Easter dinner that I wanted so badly. Yum. Can you work food off ahead of time? Let's go with yes so I can say I worked all of the potato salad and blackberry cobbler I ate that day at the 5K.

My time at home flew by. Even the days I was bored at home while mom worked seem to go by so quickly. I don't really understand why or how. Shopping, errands, cooking dinner, cleaning out the house, starting Gone With the Wind, seeing how bad I am at video games, and other random activities filled up my time. Over my break I also had a birthday. I am no longer a teenager! My birthday was wonderful, and I got everything I asked for including sandals, nail polish, skirts, and a couple of books. I am such a girl. For my birthday I also got a lemon meringue pie made by my dad, and I got pictures in the bluebonnets. Mom and I actually found a good patch of them on the way to a friend from our old ward's house. At her house we went through a friend that died's jewelry box. As hard and sad as that was, I am glad to have a part of her to always remember her by.

I loved every minute I got to spend with my family whether it was eating dinner, watching a movie, going on walks with the dog and looking at the peacocks that live in our neighborhood, shopping, exploring antique stores, getting smoothies, or laughing with Ryan because I really am so terrible at my Mario games now. I love them even though they drive me crazy and I am sure I drive them crazy as well. That's what families are for, right?!?

As time got closer for me to come back to Provo, I got more upset and stressed. I was so sad that I had to go back, and even more upset that my last few days would not be spent with my family as much as with others. I had fun on those days though for the most part. My week started with class drama. Things can never go the way you plan. I got it all worked out with some help.

When I'm at home I always just wish I had more time. Mom did a bridal shower for Kaitlyn. The theme was breakfast at Tiffany's. I thought it was cute. The little old ladies from the ward made it even cuter. The next day, I went shopping and then to lunch with my grandma and grandpa. My poor grandpa. First we take him shopping where he is the designated bag holder, and then we take him to a restaurant where there are no milkshakes. The more time I am at college, the more I appreciate my grandparents. They bought me a beautiful shirt, and lunch was divine.

The next day I went to lunch with my best friend and her mom. I love and miss the both of them so much. Having them in my life ever since I was in kindergarten means the world to me. By the end of lunch I was a little stressed because I had to drive somewhere I didn't know in the rain to meet with Eric and Maddie who drove from Houston to see me. I miss them so much. So, so much. I met them and then we drove to the town square at Southlake for lunch and exploring. It is beautiful there, and my lunch of a giant chicken wrap was delicious. Most of all, I loved their company. I loved laughing like we used to.

Friday came all too soon and was Kaitlyn's wedding day. I have been waiting for this day for far too long! At the temple I waited anxiously for them to come out. While I waited, I talked to friends from my ward. It was Kaitlyn's wedding day, but everyone told me how beautiful I looked in my bridesmaid dress. I even had one lady tell me my eyes were mesmerizing. That always makes a girl feel good. When they finally came out, they were so happy. Picture time soon followed!  Once I was back home and out of my heels, I was happy to scarf down some food and watch a show with my mom. I don't know what I am going to do when I get married. I may starve to death and then die from lack of sleep or hurting feet on my wedding day... Anyways, then it was reception time! The church was decorated beautifully, and the bride and groom were still glowing with happiness. The bridesmaids and groomsmen made a survival kit of sorts for Kaitlyn and James. Each went up and gave the bride or groom two items to help the new bride or groom survive with the other. When I was done with my part, I went back to sit down. My mom told me I sounded just like my Aunt Diana. That made me so happy. The reception was entertaining, but when I got home at ten I could have slept for days. Too bad (but not too bad at all) I went out with my mom and a couple cousins and an aunt to get cheese fries and fried pickles. Mom and I came home and tried to watch a movie. I knew I wasn't going to fall asleep so at two in the morning I turned it off and went to bed and got to sleep with my mom and the spotted dog.

Sadly, the next day I had to leave. Since my flight was later my family had time for one more breakfast together. After that, spending time with my mom, and walking the dog one more time, we went to the airport. I swear, airports and I do not get along. I ALWAYS have to be patted down, my hands are tested for bomb residue or whatever else they swab my hands for, or my bags are opened and searched through. This time was no different. Annoying. I got to the gate just as we were boarding, and I got to sit by a skinny person unlike on the way to Texas. Someone in heaven loves me.

Now I am back in Provo. Back to college life. Back to remembering how I wanted things to be but facing how they have turned out. Back to worrying about what job I will be able to get when I graduate and what I should master in. My mom once told me that if I wanted to make God laugh I should tell Him my plans. He probably can't even look at me without laughing now. My plans never work out. He must have something completely different in mind for me. I may one day understand that and find out what they are. Until then I have to remember that some days life is all about your dreams, hopes, and vision for the future, but in others life is just about putting one foot in front of the other.