No Spring Break for BYU

Forgive me for not posting in a while. I have been a little preoccupied with life. BYU does not get a spring break which is "totes cray cray" as one of my friends said. So, this week I have worked on three research papers, an academic proposal, a twenty minute oral presentation power point  numerous smaller assignments, and a ten minute oral presentation power point  They do not give us a spring break, and they rub it in our faces. Also, I have been on three (soon to be four) dates with Andrew since Saturday. He is in the Accounting Jr. Core so I am honestly really impressed and surprised that we have found the time to hang out that much over the past few days.
Monday one of my teachers asked me what was wrong last week. Out of habit I told him nothing. He responded by telling me that he knew I was not telling the truth. He then told me he was glad that I was feeling better. I asked him why he said that. He simply told me that it was good to see the light back in my eyes. I may have lost my sparkle the past couple of weeks. I am glad to have it back too, and I am so thankful to have one more teacher tell me that I light up the room. I missed the glittering feeling and the light that I know my eyes have now.

At devotional this week, I was sitting in my usual spot, right in front. The speaker kept telling jokes, and I was not laughing at any of them. ANY of them... He was talking about how he tried different majors. When he tried math they told him that 60% of people didn't get basic math.60%, that's almost half right? He then said he tried English and worked as a spellchecker at the M&M factory. I honestly did not get it. I sat there with a confused look on my face and watched as the whole BYUSA presidency started laughing at me. The lady next to me leaned over and told me it was because they had to sort out the Ws. I believed her until I thought about it a couple minutes later... Blonde moments at their finest. Anyways, the speaker said the key to happiness is to be happy today. So true.

Monday I went on a date with Andrew to the basketball game. We got dinner first, but the game was the fun part. We have been texting almost nonstop for the past three days. He sends some of the sweetest texts. They really make my day when I wake up to them. Yesterday we went to watch another basketball game with him. I just like spending time with this guy. I don't really know why he popped into my life all of the sudden, but I honestly don't mind.

Tomorrow I give my long presentation and turn in all but one of these ridiculous papers. Also, instead of hanging out with Andrew I will be going on a date with my dear old roommate Kaitlyn. I am honestly really excited about all of this. Then, Saturday comes with the Festival of Colors, a bridal shower, a date with Andrew, and maybe time to finish my last research paper. It is only twelve pages... I definitely know what I will be working on my Easter Sunday. I am exhausted, but all of this fun keeps me going. I am so tired of school it isn't even funny. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to get out of my summer classes so I can work and just have fun over the summer. 

I found a quote earlier that says, "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I am so glad I let go of the things that have been dragging me down. Things that still make me sad when I think about them no longer are wearing me down and no longer make me cry when I think about them. There is a new life waiting for me. I just had to let the old one go. 

The Cost of Living

"I'm scared. What if it doesn't work out... what if it does? That's the cost of living I guess." 

Every time I see my friend Austin, he asks me how I am doing. We are both having a hard time figuring out what next year will bring for us. We have shared a few moments that have brought us closer together because of this. Times like watching a Mormon Message titled "Come What May and Love It" and almost crying, walking around the Wilk and hugging, and talking about how we need to trust in the Lord and realize all he does for us. We have come to find that He knows what we are going through and what we are going to go through. The other day I realized that the quote for this week in my planner talked about trusting in the Lord. I wrote those quotes in there weeks ago. Heavenly Father knew exactly what was going to happen. Austin always tells me that when one door closes, another one or two will open up, and it is just our job to find them. Thank you Austin for consistently changing my perspective on things. 

In church today we learned that Satan's biggest tool is discouragement. Dear Satan, it isn't going to work. I am keeping my faith in the Lord not in the outcomes. I do not know if it was a door opened for me when Andrew asked me out on a date. It may just be a window or just me being really happy right now. Our first date was so much fun. It was a night full of firsts. It was my first time to go to a Men's Chorus concert, my first time to go to SubZero, my first time to watch Seinfeld, and most importantly, the first time to go on a first date with a guy and not feel completely scared and awkward. I loved it, and I cannot wait to go out again tomorrow. 

I have learned a lot this year. I have truly learned how to put my trust in my Heavenly Father. I can speak in public and not be nervous. I can drive with my knees. I found out if you stick your earbuds against your nostrils and open your mouth, you create a speaker. I have so much fun on dates. I eat broccoli and avocado. I do not mind my food touching. My steak does not have to be cooked all of the way through. I have learned the mom mentality that it is hard to go through a trial, but it is harder to watch someone you love go through one. I have learned that reaching out to people that need you comes with the best rewards you can imagine. I have learned that not everything works out the way you plan, but everything works out with wonderful friends and family at your side. I have grown a lot this year, but honestly, I cannot wait until these thirty-five days are over so I can go home! So, I may be scared of things working out or not. The unknown scares me, but that is just the cost of living. Come what may and love it. 

A Huge Thanks, Mormon Messages, and a New Goal

Sometimes your friends send you a link to a Mormon Message, and you end up watching a lot of them. Thank you, Emilee, for making my night better. 

When you have prayed to Heavenly Father saying, "Hope ya know, I'm having a hard time," you have to continue on with an infinite power of hope that you're never alone and that there are good things to come saying, "Come what may and love it." 

My dad told me to read a couple scriptures today. They say: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths." 

Once again I am having to turn my life over to the Lord. Apparently my way is not the way I am supposed to go. I have to start trusting with ALL of my heart... 

NEW GOAL: Be like a General Authority. aka... Be like Sister Dalton: happy, glowing with the light of Christ, an inspiration to others, and able to wear bright yellow even though blonde. 

Good Thing I Have Amazing Friends

So, I did not get my BYUSA position. I knew that when Brandon got elected and I found out Angela was no longer going to be the coordinator. Yesterday I spent a good few hours crying on and off. I was fine at first. My coordinator told me which made it easier on me, and I went to the office late. When I finally got there, my coordinator was waiting for me. Dang it. I escaped but ran into the new president who then told me the news since he didn't know that I already knew. After that I broke. I ran to the bathroom. When I got out Austin was waiting for me. He picked me up and we walked around the Wilk. Kind of awkward but it made me laugh. We ran into Kennedy at some point and she grabbed me and took me to Jamba. My friends know what I like. When we were done and went back to the office I ran into Alyssa who had a HUGE chocolate bar waiting for me. We walked around more since I did not want to have to talk to Eric about it. I left the office early to go and hang out with Meghan. That girl is not having the best time either. The Meg(h)ans are a mess. We have a weird connection. Anyways, we walked home together and decided we needed to go to Jamba Juice. We went and sat in the sun for over an hour drinking our smoothies. Then, driving with the top down and listening to music with perfect lyrics such as "Catch My Breath" and "Ridin Solo." Eric found out and called me every half hour. I texted him and told him I would be fine, but he didn't stop. He isn't having the easiest time right now either. I feel so bad for him and Meghan. I hate having a hard time, but it is harder to watch someone you love have a hard time. I have a mom mentality.  I did learn yesterday that having someone help you doesn't mean you failed; it just means you're not in it alone. One of my friends also told me that good things come to an end. We just have to remember the great times we've had and cherish those experiences. Well, my year is not over yet. We still have a few amazing events to put on. I will never forget the amazing people I have met and become friends with, the fun that I have been able to partake of, the smiles and laughs shared, the tears shed, and the relationships that have been built. My BYUSA team is my family. The rest of the year is going to be a blast, and then I will move on to something even better never forgetting all that I have learned here.

Missing Home

Sometimes.... like right now.... I wish I was little again. I want pancakes in fun shapes such as teddy bears and turtles, peanut butter and jellies in the shape of dinosaurs, chocolate milk with a straw, and I want my mom and dad to make me those special things they would make for me such as tuna and noodles or Mexican chicken casserole. I want to be able to wear jelly shoes and princess dresses in public without people judging me. I want my mom to let me stay up while we are waiting for dad to come home from work and then race to my bed and pretend I am asleep when we hear the garage door. I want to eat numerous bowls of cereal and watch movies while my mom sleeps because she works the night shift. I want to be able to have tea parties and play wheelbarrow with my dog. I want my dad to take me to work with him so I can play hide and seek with my little brother, organize the booster seats by color, eat nachos or a hotdog and a giant cookie ice cream sandwich for lunch, go from movie to movie, and play in the arcade. I want to take bubble baths and make crowns from the bubbles or wash my hair and make fun designs in it. I want to be able to go to the playground and swing with my friends in the middle of the day. I want school to be learning my ABCs, tying my shoe, and learning my address and phone number. I want to have to go searching the house every night for my favorite blanket that I left somewhere (most likely the pantry since I am always after food). I want to pick the fuzzies off my blanket until it is just a little piece of holey fabirc or my stuffed rabbit until it looks like some kind of roadkill.I want to be able to curl up in a blanket and cuddle with my puppies. I want people to give me piggy back rides. Most of all, I want to come home to my mom calling me Boo, my dad calling me Little Bit/Angel Eyes/Nutmeg, and my little brother hanging on me.
Basically, I just really miss home right now. At a time when everything seems to be going against me, I look forward to going home on my birthday. I get to see my family and my dogs. I missed my puppy's birthday. I missed my parents giving my diabetic dog a chocolate covered ice cream cone. I am sure he loved that. I am also sure he got an extra dose of insulin that night. In a month and ten days I will be home. Not only will I be home, but I will be home with my family getting to see Wicked for the first time!!! And... I will be defying gravity.

Interview and Retreat

Let me just say that Friday did not start in the best way when I was still awake at two in the morning to receive a text telling me that they forgot to call me about my BYUSA interview and it was 3:30 that day. It continued to not be the best when I was still awake at three to respond to it and then stayed awake until six to continue to stress about it. I finally fell asleep at six but had to wake up at seven... After going to my classes, I had to come home to get a cold shower. I was burning hot from being so stressed. I called my mom and prayed everything would go well. As I walked into the office so did my friend Angela. She is so cute and she helped me calm down a little, but going into my interview, I was still shaking. I answered every question they threw at me well. The only problem was both of the people interviewing me acted like they thought I sat around and did nothing all day making me unqualified for the position. By the time I got out of there I was on the brink of tears from anxiety, and I was pretty mad. I talked to Eric about it who talked to Angela who went and talked to (reprimanded) the interviewers. Apparently they already have someone in mind (a friend) for the position. I probably will not get my BYUSA position, but I did everything in my power to be the best candidate for the position. Apparently it isn't who is the most qualified who gets the job. Oh well. In my brink of tears state, Austin noticed and asked if I wanted to feel better. I did of course, so he played a few hymns on his  guitar and sang along for me. It did bring a smile to my face. Later on, another girl the interviewers were rather rude to came out flustered. Austin and I walked up to her and just stayed in a group hug for a little while. I got multiple hugs throughout the day. Apparently I just looked distraught. I did not have much time to completely worry about it. I had a retreat to carry out. It was so much fun but kind of stressful in the beginning. As the night wore on, I felt better and better. Games, wonderful trainings, a good dinner, and only the best people to be surrounded by. At one point I ran upstairs to read my scriptures for five minutes. I came across the scripture Mosiah 8:18- "Thus God has provided a means that man, through faith, might work mighty miracles, therefore he becometh a great benefit to his fellow beings." It is a miracle how involved I have become in BYUSA this year. I went from being the invisible girl to being the girl most people know. Then, right as I finished reading one of the committee members came and sat on the bed with me. She looked at me and told me that it was because of my warm smile, bright eyes, and beautiful personality that she became involved in BYUSA and felt like she belonged here at BYU. I love her. After another long hug, we went downstairs to join the party. We were about to do skits. My coordinator, Angela, and I were judges, and they were all so funny. They ranged from songs to impromptu to telling the truth and kind of making fun of all of the areas in the office. By the end Angela and I were gasping for air and were crying from laughing so hard. Then came the slideshow. We all curled up on the couches together and started at the beginning of our journey. By the end of that we once again had tears in our eyes but this time it wasn't from laughter. Our journey is coming to a close. For a few of us, that was our last retreat. To brighten the mood once again ice cream sandwiches and "Just Dance" were brought out. After watching Eric finally playing Just Dance at one in the morning I decided it was time for bed. My day had been full of mixed emotions. I decided it may have started out as badly as it possibly could but I would let it end in the best way possible. This morning I woke up early to make everyone breakfast, and we had one more training before it was time to leave. After talking to a friend from home and my mom and dad, taking a long nap, and writing my talk, I am turning in for the night. The time is far spent. I am done. Tomorrow starts a new week.

Building My Testimony

Last night was odd. I felt awful, but I went to FHE anyways. When I got home I put banana bread in the oven that I had left sitting out for two hours. By eleven I was exhausted, but the apartment smelled like banana bread so I had to have a piece  Going to bed close to midnight is a little later than I prefer, but it didn't matter. By four in the morning I thought I was going to die. I could not fall asleep and the coughing would not stop. So, at four in the morning I said a short prayer asking (but really pleading) with my Heavenly Father that I would feel better. I woke up at eight and was ready to take on the day. I don't feel 100% better still, but I don't feel like I have the plague anymore. I went to devotional where the General Primary President spoke. She was wonderful, but my favorite part was the hymn we sang at the very beginning. 

"My life is a gift. My life has a plan. My life has a purpose, in heaven it began. My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth and seek for God's light to direct me from birth."

"I will follow God's plan for me, holding fast to His word and His love. I will work, and I will pray. I will always walk in His way, and I will be happy on Earth and in my home above." 

After devotional I came home to get my car. I had a job interview today. I think it went well. I guess I just have to wait and see. On the way to the interview, a song I have never heard came on the radio. 

"Don't you worry, don't you worry child. See, heaven's got a plan for you." 

Back from the interview, I went to BYUSA and just got to have fun with some work thrown in. Think retreat and leadership ceremony planning with chocolate, water fights, and girls camp stories. Seriously best thing ever. I got home and soon had to leave once again for my ecclesiastical endorsement interview. It went well, but I asked for a priesthood blessing after. That was a big deal for me. I HATE asking for things. It was really weird though. In stake conference I went with a prayer in my heart asking Heavenly Father to tell me what I needed to do. Every talk something was said about priesthood blessings. Each time they were mentioned I could feel the Spirit telling me that is what I needed. At some point in the last week someone told me when a feeling enters my heart I can either rationalize it away or accomplish it. Again, I hate asking for things, but I did it any way and accomplished the feeling I had felt. This man that I have never talked to before and has no idea what is going on right now blessed me with everything that I needed. I am so thankful for him, my mom and wonderful friend Dani for talking me into going, priesthood power, answered prayers, and my Heavenly Father. It was perfect. Walking home I had tears in my eyes from happiness. I could feel a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders. What a wonderful feeling. I have a testimony of the power of priesthood and all of the priesthood holders in my life. 

Little Things

I have not posted in a long time. I really just cannot think of anything good to talk about right now. Tomorrow I have an interview for Old Navy, at some point this week I will hopefully have an interview for my BYUSA position that I have been basing all of my choices off of, and this weekend is my Admin retreat. At least after this week I will have some good things to talk about. For now, I made up a list of a few little things about me that you may or may not know. 

1. I have a really bad obsession with chocolate.
2. Some people don't know whether my hair is actually curly or straight.
3. I can lie down and be comfortable in any position.
4. I rub my feet together when I am trying to fall asleep.
5. I am incapable of tearing toilet paper or paper towels along the perforated line.
6. I really want to be Megan the Mormon Mom in a Minivan.
7. My nicknames include Megs, Boo, Little Bit, and Angel Eyes.
8. I have an orange dot in one of my eyes.
9. If I could do anything without fear of failing I would be in a musical.
10. I really want to be a foster mom or adopt when I am older.
11. I love the beach, but anywhere warm and sunny is wonderful.
12. I have my wedding pretty much planned. I am just missing the boy.
13. Navy, sunshine yellow, green, and royal purple are my favorite colors.
14. I always happen to be making weird faces when people take pictures of me.
15. I am really good at flirting except with the guys I like.
16. I am weird about things matching. I even like my make-up to match my outfit.
17. "Gone With the Wind" is my favorite movie.
18. I have never been kissed by, held hands with, or dated someone.
19. I REALLY want this BYUSA position...
20. I love my family more than anything. How many teenagers do you know that talk to their mom every day and see their mom, dad, and even little brother as some of the best examples? And... when I am around people enough, they become my family.

Mountains to Climb

"If you want something to happen in your life, make it happen. You are the children of a Creator-- he expects you to create."

In a time of year that comes with so much stress, I needed to hear this. This is election week which means active campaigning, booths, flyers, calls, and knocking on doors. I do not know how this is all going to turn out. This means my interview is coming. My last midterm before finals is here. I have activities and a retreat to plan for. All of this, and I am just now realizing it is already March. How did that happen? Didn't I just come back from winter break? So much is going on that I lost track of time, but I will never lose my faith that everything will work out for the best according to my Heavenly Father's plan. 

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent, can hinder, or can control the firm resolve of a determined soul."

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

A Busy Week

Over the course of the week, a lot has gone down. Monday started off on the wrong foot with my high heels puncturing the V8 can in my backpack. Do you know what that means? V8 everywhere: notes, planner, heels, etc. I also took my first test for archaeology... Bombed it. Rough Monday. It was fifteen hours on campus that day. Tuesday I got up extremely early to spend time with my cousin who was in town from Texas. We went to temple square and had a snowball fight, we went to the zoo, we went to the This is the Place Monument, and we went out to lunch. There was a ton of snow, it was freezing, I was late to the office, and it was totally worth it. Wednesday I was so sick. I had to lay on the floor or I got nauseous and dizzy. So, with a sore throat and hot/cold flashes I laid on the floor until office hours. With some TLC from my friends, my week got better from there. I went home that night already feeling better and I talked to one of my friends outside for half an hour. I still went to bed early, but the next day I felt like a new person. I had no class, but I had a ton to do. I went to lunch with a girl from the office I never get to see anymore. I studied for yet another test I had to take and finally went to take it. I did better on that one, but I still did not do as well as I would have hoped. Then came office hours and our School Spirit Pre-game activity. I then actually got to go to the game and had a wonderful time with Alyssa. I am going to miss her when she goes on her mission. Alyssa and I left our bags in the BYUSA office because we did not want to carry them to the game. We did not think about how we would get them back when the Wilk was locked when the game ended. So, I went home hoping my apartment was still unlocked. No worries. It was. Today was just wonderful. I started by making cranberry orange bread. You may think that is a ridiculous activity for six in the morning, but it was totally worth it. Then, I went to classes without any of my notes or note-taking devices. No big deal. Then, I went to the office. Let the fun begin. I studied for my marriage prep test which was my third and final test for the week. Eric was in there studying at the same time. At one point, we were both listening to music and studying for our tests when all of the sudden he flipped around and told me how thankful he was for me and how he would not have been able to get through this year without me being there to remind him of things and help him. Surprised? Yes. It was nice. We then proceeded to walk to the testing center together and sat by each other when taking our tests. He kept making faces at me. If I had done badly on that test I would have blamed it on him. We finished our tests at the same time, and turned them in. I got a 100% on that. I am totes prepared for marriage! He made fun of me for a minute, but then we walked back together and just laughed at the whole thing. I ran into Rob when we got back and he told me how beautiful I looked today. I thanked him and we sat and talked and ate chocolate for a little bit. Thanks to him I not only look beautiful, but I feel beautiful. After hiding under a desk and behind a couch to avoid a meeting, Eric finally found me so the rest of office hours were spent in meetings. They were fun meetings full of excitement. So much is happening in the next few weeks! My stomach is in knots of excitement and anxiousness. When it was all over I said goodbye to all of my friends. I was about to leave when Eric told me to wait. I did. He just wanted me to wait so we could walk out together. I have missed my big brother. I came home to the cutest post it notes and earrings on the kitchen table waiting for me. I have no idea who gave them to me, but it made my smile even wider. Basically, I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for. I do not know what I would do without all of them.