Lessons Learned in the Mountains

My boss hiked Y mountain the other day. That is a mountain that holds so many fond memories for me. It is where my cousin and I hiked the first week we got to Utah. It is where I would go to think on rough days. It is how I would gauge how low the clouds were. It is where I found peace. It was a beacon for me that let me know I was in the right place. It was where homecoming and parent weekend festivities took place. It is the place that when you get to the top you just marvel at how beautiful everything is, especially at night when the temple is shining from below. It is where you shine your light for those down at the base of the mountain to look up at and smile.

I choose to remember all of those wonderful things about it, but I can also say it is a strenuous hike. When Becca and I hiked it for the first time I thought I was going to die. There is no air and I felt like it was pretty much going straight up and somehow zigzagging at the same time. It is where I always feel like I need more water but the thought of having more weight to carry up the mountain makes me cringe. It is where the rocks slide from underneath you as you walk. It is where you sometimes feel bad about yourself because so many people are passing you. And, when it was time to go back down you were fighting to keep your footing as the rocks slide from beneath your feet, you had nothing to hold on to, and you were often going back down in the dark. 

I tell you this because the hike is really only 1.11 miles. That is nothing. At home, I can pretty much do that in my sleep. But, when my boss hiked it, his Fitbit told him it was 98 flights of stairs. 98, people! So basically, it does go straight up and zigzag at the same time. 

My life is still so uncertain right now and I absolutely hate it. I am figuratively hiking up that insanely steep mountain on a trail that is really only 1.11 miles but feels like 98 flights of stairs. I hope one day I can look back at this part of my life and think how short these past few months have been like I always felt once I got to the top of Y mountain. "It wasn't so bad. I was just being dramatic. I could do that again. And look how beautiful that view is!" As I climbed that mountain each time I felt so exhausted and worn down. I was thirsty and I wondered why I ever thought hiking to the Y was a good idea. But, once I got to the top I was exhilarated and easily found the energy to make the equally treacherous hike back down those slick rocks and that steep trail. I really really hope this is like that... 

Too Old for Snapchat, Too Young for Life Alert

Another birthday came and went. I feel like 23 will be the year that I will listen to oldies music more than the "now" music. It will hopefully be the year that I will be able to find a job that I really enjoy and can thrive in. It might even be the year where I realize my potential and feel my individual worth shining through. Maybe. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. 

This wasn't one of those BIG birthdays like 16 or 21 or 25 (a quarter of a century old = Yikes!!), so I just had two neighbors and my grandparents over to have pineapple upside down cake and key lime pie. :) Nothing big, nothing fancy, but it was nice to just be able to sit and relax and talk. After everyone left I opened presents. I got my wishlist canisters and a matching casserole dish from my parents, and I got a surprise gift from my little brother. He got me a Beauty and the Beast poster! I was SO EXCITED! Now I have the new Cinderella poster and the new Beauty and the Beast poster. I might have to keep this going with any other amazing princess movies Disney decides to remake. 

Turning 23 has also had its hard parts, I'm not going to lie. It brought on those feelings of failure and worthlessness even stronger than before. I am 23 years old. I should be able to find a job. I have a Master's degree for heaven's sake. Someone please hire me... But they haven't yet, so I am helpless with an upcoming payment on my student loan looming in the future, and now... a traffic ticket. I got my first speeding ticket. Talk about traumatic. 23 has not been kind to me thus far. 

So, with my old soul (as many of my old roommates called me), I sometimes still feel like a child. I feel much too old for Snapchat, but at least I know that I am also much to young for life alert. I am stuck somewhere in the middle of those two things. I am stuck in the middle of a lot of things right now. Sanity and insanity. Family ward and singles ward. Internship and job. 

So, as I wait ever so impatiently, I will keep applying for jobs, keep trying to find my place, keep working on staying busy, keep trying to keep the faith, and keep trying to do the right thing. It will all work out, so I'm told. It just has to...