If It Isn't Overwhelming is It Just Whelming?

sometimes.... sometimes blessings are in disguise, and you really have to look for them to see them. sometimes they are out there for the world to see. like the past few months. i knew it was a blessing that i got this internship, but the details just were not working out. from transportation to finding a place to live to the contract between the hospital and my school to getting a drug test and background check. things were just hard. but, do you know what they say about hard things? that they will be worth it. today i got on the train to go to the hospital. on the train i got an email from my little brother and was filled with excitement and happiness. i marched up to the hospital doors. i found who i was supposed to meet (it was a feat let me tell you. she is like 4 feet tall no exaggeration). i met a ton of new people. i think i impressed my supervisor. i loved what i learned and the meetings i went to. everyone complimented my boston terrier shoes and told me how much they loved them. i looked cute. I made it through my nine hour shift and lunch. i got back on that crazy train :). i got in my car and drove back home. as i pulled into the driveway i saw that little black and white head that i love so much pop up from the chair by the window. i went inside, put my stuff down, grabbed a leash, and took my puppy to the park after oh so many kisses and high pitched "hellos" from my end and an awful lot of butt bouncing and kisses from her end. we can do this. we are going to have to work together, but we can do this. so, today, my blessings were not in disguise. i hope things in this internship continue the way they did today. i have a lot to learn, and i am okay with that. here's to a new adventure, a new step in life, and more blessings whether they be in disguise or not.

More Fun in Utah

Have you ever done something completely stupid and had fun doing it? I have. All of the time. The other day I told Meghan I wanted to see her. So, we planned on going to a park or on a hike so Vivi could come. I should have thought through letting her pick the place. She has lived here her whole life! I am still acclimating to the elevation. She picked out what she said was an easy hike. Guys, on the first switchback I was PANTING. Was Vivi panting? Nope. Just me. She was bouncing around like this was the best thing that ever happened to her. Way to make a girl feel good, Viv. I could tell Meghan was slowing down for me, but I didn't even care. The entire hike was uphill. It was a beautiful hike though, and luckily it was all shaded. At the end of the hike there was Dog Lake. I didn't know why it was called that until we got there and about 15 dogs were all playing in the lake. Makes sense I guess. Then we got to make the glorious trek downhill. Now that I could handle. I could feel my muscles getting sore as we were hiking, but I was not prepared for how sore I was that night. I didn't think about it too much because I was just so excited that I got to spend some time with Meghan! 

The next morning I took Viv to our normal park, and she seemed satisfied even though it wasn't the hike to dog lake. Then, I swept and mopped and did some laundry. Soreness everywhere. Last night I drove to Provo and let all of the happy memories come back to me as I made it past the point of the mountain and drove toward the Y. As I drove up to the park I realized there was one key detail Becca left out when she invited me to this. It was all water stuff. So, we went down the giant blow-up slide and got soaked in ice cold water, laughing the entire time. We did jousting on that blow-up thing so no one gets hurt. We went in the bouncy castle. We got everything along the way sopping wet as we walked around in our drenched clothes. Finally, I got up the nerve to get in one of those bubble balls even with my aching muscles. Oh my so fun. But let me tell you: when I regained feeling after the adrenaline and the numbness from the cold water more muscles were sore. Worth it? Definitely! 

Update: Back in Utah!

On May 21st, my little brother got his mission call in the mail. It was his birthday. We all waited in anticipation until the next day when he would have family and friends over to open it and find out where he was going. We were busy making sure we had everything ready, but it was in the back of everyone's mind. As he opened it, I watched that little boy's face. He shakily opened that envelope to find out he would be serving the people of Fort Collins, Colorado for the next two years. He would be reporting to the MTC just a couple weeks before my internship was supposed to start. It's funny how things tend to work out when you allow Heavenly Father to guide you.
On May 29th, just a week after receiving his call, he was ordained as an elder. Suddenly that little boy looked so grown up to me. How did my little brother suddenly get so big?
On June 4th Ryan walked across the stage for graduation. He left behind his high school days and seemed ready to head out on his mission. We texted lyrics from Frozen songs the entire time. Only him...
On June 8th he went through the temple. He was a little nervous, but I he liked it. I sat and watched him the whole time.
On June 14th my sweet Vivi Beasty turned 2. My little squishy is also growing up. As we packed I wondered how she would react to moving and being in a new place with only me, but I could not bear the thought of leaving her behind.
On July 9th we went to an orchard and bought peaches. My favorite food. We also got blackberry cider. If you ever get a chance to try some, do it! It was so rich and decadent and delicious and just divine.
On July 11th we canned peaches. I wish I could have brought some to Utah, but I settled for eating an entire jar by myself while my family went to go and see the Jason Bourne movie. Totally worth missing the movie for.
On July 15th I said goodbye to my job, my coworkers, and the beautiful hospital I worked at. I walked out those doors with a smile on my face but with a strange tug on my heart trying to pull me back inside. I loved working there, and I hope I enjoy my internship and future job(s) just as much.
On July 20th we went to Magnolia Market. You know the show "Fixer Upper"? It's Chip and Joanna's place. I wish we had seen them, but I had fun with my family just the same!
On July 23rd I was in the Portland Oregon temple as Julie Anne went through. I am so sad that I will be missing her wedding, but I was beyond excited to be able to share this special day with her. Also, the look on her face when she saw me in the airport was priceless! I love that girl, and I am so happy for her and Todd.
On July 28th we went on the mini train with my grandparents, a cousin and her kids, and my aunt and her kids. It was so much fun to be with the little cheesers, but really I loved having my grandparents sit in front of me and continue reminding me of what I am holding out for. Their marriage is the ultimate in relationship goals.
July 29th Ryan was set apart as a missionary. He had that sparkle in his eyes like he knew without a doubt that he was doing the right thing no matter how nervous he was. I was so proud of him for that.
July 30th we set out for Utah. Ryan and me in my car and mom and dad in the other. Vivi switched back and forth. Ryan and I had so much fun singing to Disney songs, listening to the first Narnia book, and just talking. I loved having that time with him, and I would not trade it for anything.
July 31st we made it to Utah. After what seemed like the longest drive. And so, the adventure began.
August 2nd we went to the aquarium in Draper just for fun. That was one thing Ryan said he wanted to do. He was so funny. He loves aquariums as much as I do.
On August 3rd Ryan gave us all the sweetest blessings. Start the cryfest. We went out to lunch with him in his suit and his suitcases in the trunk of the car. Then, we had a little bit of time, so we walked around the Provo Temple before we had to drop him off. I wanted one picture. Just one. I wanted a picture of me hugging him before he left, and I got it. Continue cryfest. As we drove up to the MTC my heart was racing but somehow I felt like it wasn't beating at all. I wasn't even the one about to leave! I got out of the car for one last hug, and I was fine until a missionary said they would take good care of him. I knew they would, but I would not be there to do it. I wouldn't be there for late night talks about random books or movies, to jam out to Disney songs with him, to watch whatever movie we felt like at the time, to be squeezed almost to death by him, to be picked up by him, to be called wittle sister, to talk a little too loudly during sacrament meeting with him, to just sit by him. I wouldn't be there, and he wouldn't be with me. Initiate one last cryfest in the car.
August 4th Mom and I went to the Pioneer Village in Provo. I actually really enjoyed it and learned a lot from the lady that took us around.
August 5th, yesterday, Mom and I went to the Museum of Art on BYU campus. I wasn't so impressed with the exhibits they have right now, but I absolutely loved the string art they have in the atrium. We also went to the Provo City Center Temple, the Pioneer Museum, and to get Thai food. I just soaked up time with her. Last night I made them dinner at my house. One last dinner with them before I am again away from them for months at a time. One last chance to feel their strong, comforting hugs before they had to leave.
August 6th, today. I cleaned most of the day. I watched some of the Olympics as I cleaned thinking about the last time they were going on and I sat with Meghan each night when we were done with school and work. I thought about how much things had changed. I watched as Vivien moped around the house the entire day. She just slept. Nothing interests her. Nothing except pumpkin cake... She wouldn't play, wouldn't eat unless I hand fed her, and didn't even beg when I snacked. She makes me wonder if I made the right choice in bringing her. But still, I just can't imagine doing this journey on my own. Tonight I really miss my family. I thought about going home around Christmas time and realized Ryan wouldn't be there to torment me, and things just aren't the same. I watched videos of Vivi rolling in the grass and throwing fits and bouncing on her butt and just prayed that she would be okay once she settled. I thought about my ward that I will be introduced to tomorrow and wondered what it was going to be like and if I would like it and be able to make friends. I wondered if things for my internship were going to work out as I tried to figure out the paperwork I have to send back in. I emailed Ryan and hoped he was missing me but enjoying his short time in the MTC even though I somehow know he is. I'm so excited for this new journey, this new step, but I am so scared just as I am at any other point of change. Heavenly Father is just going to have to keep guiding me as He always does.

Even When It's Cloudy, the Sun Still Shines

Have you ever fallen into a sadness you fear you won't ever be able to shake? I have. Last Thursday. It was internship offer day. I had the day off, but I woke up early after not sleeping very much. I quickly grabbed my phone and went to doing whatever I do on my days off. I watched a movie, researched some things, made some wishlists for the apartment I was going to have while on my internship, and whatever else I could do to stay busy all while tightly gripping my phone. As time passed I got more and more anxious. No one called. No one texted. My phone didn't make a sound. A little while later I checked my emails and found out that I had not gotten the internship in Florida. The one whose interview I thought went really well. The one I was hoping for... I cried a little bit, but not much. There was still hope. I hadn't heard from Salt Lake yet. Although I felt like that interview did not go as well, there was still a chance. Time kept passing. I went to the store to drop off my charm bracelet to have the charm I got for my birthday put on. I took Vivien to Petsmart and let her shop around. I walked around the entire shopping center before getting back in my car and heading home. I watched another movie. I went with Dad to get Mom a Mother's Day gift. Radio silence. I got nothing. By the end of the day I was distraught. I had not gotten an internship. I had let myself down. I watched as all of my plans seemed to fall in slow motion to the floor and shatter as if they were made of the most delicate glass. The worst part was I was going to have to tell all of the people waiting to hear where I was going and all of the people who helped me with applications and supported me through it all that I had not gotten one. I went numb. I didn't want food or people or really anything. That night I broke. You know how when your foot falls asleep it goes numb but when you move it all of the sudden there are a million little needles poking in your foot? That's what happened. The numbness wore off, and all I could do was the I-can't-breathe-but-I-can't-stop-the-tears cry. The cry that cannot be consoled. Mom laid with me and Vivien kissed me the whole time (which only added to the not being able to breathe problem). I did not know how I was going to make it through this...

I had been praying all day, for weeks, for months that I would get an internship. Why couldn't any of my plans just work out:? Why couldn't anything just come easy? Why hadn't my prayers been answered?? I didn't know. I didn't understand. I texted my coworkers saying I didn't get an internship, but I did not want to talk about it. I spent my time at work organizing closets and avoiding people. I was in a daze, but I kept praying that something somehow would work out. On my way home from work I listened to my favorite Hank Smith CD. I don't remember what it was, but something in it made me realize that this wasn't the end of the world. I had to keep moving forward and just keep trying as I continued to believe that the Lord hears our prayers and blesses us. A little spark of hope was once again kindled within me. So, I started thinking about new jobs, reapplying for spring semesters, and changing my classes so I would graduate at a different time. I was moving forward. I prayed that everything would work out. I somehow knew it would. When I got home from work I put my phone down and left it for the first time in two days. It was liberating! I changed and spent time with Vivien. It was Friday. I was going to give myself the weekend to be sad, and then I was going to go on with my life because no one has failed until they quit trying (Gordon B. Hinckley). When it was about time for my mom to call I went to check my phone since no one had heard from her. There was a missed call from an unknown number as well as a voicemail. The message was from Salt Lake. I called back, but I had to leave a message. I knew what it meant and although I tried not to show it, I was so excited. I talked to my mom, and in the middle of our conversation I pretty much hung up on her because that same number was calling. 

I got the internship. I get to go to Primary Children's in August and be a child life intern. I get to complete my last requirement before taking my certification exam. I got to tell everyone with a smile on my face that I got an internship. I get to graduate on time. I get to celebrate. Moral of the story: just keep trying, just keep moving forward, just keep praying, just keep trusting in Heavenly Father who LOVES you and me and everyone. 

 

Interview Season

So, if you haven't heard anything from me it's because it is interview season for me. For a few weeks there, it was hard for me to get through a conversation with anyone without bursting into tears. Graduating and becoming a child life specialist is riding on whether or not I can get an internship. I only applied to eight hospitals (that is not a lot considering how competitive it is). I have only heard back from half of those eight, and I have only interviewed with two.... So, needless to say I have been a little on edge. It has been stressful, but I have also learned and grown from the entire process. I have never felt as close to my Heavenly Father or felt the guidance of the Holy Ghost as strongly as I have the past couple weeks. Before conference I prayed for guidance, patience, and peace through this time. You know what? So many talks mentioned how Christ is reaching out to you, waiting for you to reach out and take His hand. So many talks mentioned peace and remembering who you are. I learned so much. It wasn't until after conference that I really reached out for divine help, but since then I cannot describe to you the sense of peace and love I have felt. Heavenly Father answers prayers, knows each one of us, and sends angels to our side when we need them. Back to interviewing. I made up some of my own tips for making it through interview season.

1. If your interview is later in the day, do something difficult like statistics to keep your mind off of it. 
2. Wear your favorite Kate Spade earrings (this does not apply to boys). 
3. If it is a Facetime interview like mine were wear something comfortable like sweatpants on your bottom half. 
4. Have a sleeping puppy in your lap. Then you forget about how nervous you are about the interview and you become nervous that at any point she is going to wake up and the interviewers are going to see massive black ears pop up. 
5. Don't forget to smile. 
6. Reward yourself with your favorite movies, a season of Friends, and/or your favorite candy afterwards. 
7. Prepare beforehand for questions they may ask. 
8. Know your stuff as best you can. 
9. Have a background that is simple and clean but that compliments your hair and eyes. I did it in my gray bedroom and it made my green eyes and gold hair look amazing! (Tooting my own horn there *toot toot*)
10. Don't be too cocky. You don't know everything. Sometimes they want to see how you handle things you don't know. 
11. Always always always say a prayer beforehand and after. It makes all the difference. A father's blessing never hurts either and adds a sense of peace. 

So there you go! Go interview! Go make something of yourselves. If you aren't interviewing right now, count your blessings! I am doing it right now and will have to do it again after graduation in December. Cheers! 

Some of the Pics: The Rest Are Yet To Come!

A Little Everything of Bit

          Let me tell you something. Life is crazy. Not sometimes but all of the time! I finished my third semester of grad school. I have mailed in all of my internship applications. I have so many details that just need to work out. Welcome to my life. And, I have statistics next semester *enter panicked and anxious and frightened face here*.
          Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went like they were nothing. I don't know if it was because I was working full time or what, but now they simply feel like distant, happy memories. I painted, and I got to see my best friend multiple times, and I laughed until I cried at work, and old memories from freshman year of college magically popped up on my Facebook, and I helped my mom with the Children's Health Christmas parade again (and got an official jacket this time!), and Christmas!!! Then, all of the sudden it was 2016 with new stresses, new goals, new classes, new adventures, and new surprises.
          Remember how I said I needed a new single's ward to go to? I have been going to one in Dallas, and I absolutely love it! I have people to sit by and talk to and smile at and laugh with. It makes ALL the difference.
          All of my dang internship applications are in. I am not going to go in to all of the nitty gritty details, but let's just say it was a massive pain in my butt. One thing after another went wrong, but they are in. I'm just going to leave it at that. Everyone pray that I will get an internship!! But really, maybe just say a quick one right now before you continue reading.
          One more semester down. Five more to go. #MakingGradSchoolCount. How many days until graduation? Oh maybe just 285... and one hour... and thirty minutes. So yeah. School, internship, graduation. I can do anything for 9 months. Right?!
          Ryan. My little brother. The one I call wittle brudder. The one who is giant. The one who was so worried. The one who missed the priority application deadline. Yeah him. HE GOT IN TO BYU!!!! My little brother is going to be a cougar once he gets home from his mission! Guys! My little brother is a legacy! (Does that apply to siblings or only children?) I don't care! I'm so excited for him because I look back at my BYU experience with only smiles!!!
          That special little brother of mine also got to try on my grandpa's old air force uniform. Let me tell you. Grandpa is a little protective of his stuff. Okay, he may be a hoarder, but he actually got his suit out, and it fit Ryan so well. He was so handsome!
          So, all of those good and wonderful things happened, but for some reason last week I was feeling so totally worthless and like a failure and just sad. I'm not going to pretend. I think it was the combined stress of having a stats class again, filing taxes, trying to pay for school, the anxiety of waiting for someone to call me about an internship, and I don't know... everything else life throws at me. With the help of A LOT of scripture study, perfectly applicable talks and lessons at church, and the help of my mom, dad, and my little brother I feel better. Things just aren't always easy, sometimes you break down, and that is life. There is no reason to pretend everything is perfect all of the time.
          And what you have all been waiting for... Puppy update! Miss Vivien is as cute and sassy as ever, and I just wish I could hug her and squeeze her all of the time and that she would stop growing! I saw a quote the other day that said, "Yes, my dog is spoiled. I don't consider that a problem. I consider that my goal." Yay for one of my goals getting accomplished. I can check that box and keep on checking!      
          Anyways, I will add some of my favorite pictures from all of this time at some point. I promise. I would say I will try to be better about this blogging thing, but let's get real. It probably won't happen. Until next time, keep smiling everyone!