Have I Done Any Good?

Thankful Thursday...

     I just realized that I never did a thankful Tuesday post. So, in an effort to fix that, this week it is going to have to be thankful Thursday. This week has been crazy. I have gotten home past seven every night, I eat in the Wilk or at eight at night, and I have so much homework this week it is insane. With that said, here are my three things:
     1. I am thankful for flowers and green grass. Doing homework is so much more enjoyable when I can sit outside in the luscious grass with all of the beautiful colors around you. I keep thinking of the words of a song from primary... "whenever I hear the song of a bird or look at the blue, blue sky, whenever I feel the rain on my face or the wind as it rushes by, whenever I touch a velvet rose or walk by a lilac tree, I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world Heavenly Father created for me. He gave me my eyes that I might see the color or butterfly wings, he gave me my ears that I might hear the magical sound of things. He gave me my life, my mind, my heart: I thank him reverently for all his creations of which I'm a part. Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me." I love seeing the beautiful flowers because they remind me of my divine heritage.
     2. I am thankful for all of my friends. I did not feel well earlier this week, and they were all ready to jump up and help. One came to the BYUSA office because she knew I was not feeling well and wanted to make sure I was ok. Another one of them offered to bring me dinner even though he does not get back from work until late. I appreciate their love they have shown me. I am so lucky to have all of them watching out for me. I do not know what that was, but it is always good to know someone is there. 
     3. I am thankful for movies. I am one of the few that actually do better on my homework and work more efficiently when a movie is on. I love how they show all manners of life from the tender to the extremely awkward moments in life. Although some of them are rather idealistic, I love it all. I love the happily ever afters after a trial the princess needs to overcome, I love the deep conversations friends have when they are alone, and I like seeing that no one's life is perfect even after a princess's happily ever after. I saw a quote the other day that said, "Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." -G.K. Chesterton

Spiritual Sunday

Today there were a lot of things that hit me in church and got me thinking. I think the moment that hit me the hardest was when they sang "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go"

"So trusting my all to thy tender care., and knowing thou lovest me, I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be." 

That line gets to me every time I hear it. The last time I heard this song was in my freshman ward at BYU. I was going through a hard time. I was homesick, I wanted to go home, and I did not know why I was at BYU. I was tired, having a hard time with my roommate, and trying to figure out what major I was going to switch to. So, overall I was upset. I was thinking about Family Life as a major, but like everyone else I saw it as a "mommy major." I had been praying day and night for me to feel like I belonged at BYU and for help in deciding my major. I went to my ward with my roommates, and we sang this song. Tears started streaming down my cheeks, falling in my lap, and I could not sing no matter how hard I tried. Hiding my tears from my roommates, I silently read the words with each line making the wonderful feeling that was inside me grow. Then, we came to that line. I closed my eyes and knew my prayers had been heard. I knew before I came to BYU that it was the right decision. After multiple prayers about that as well, I got my confirmation. He had to reassure me at this time, and He did it through this song. It was at that point that I knew I belonged at BYU and that no matter how tired and stressed out I was, I needed to be here. When sacrament meeting was over I silently got up and walked back to my dorm. I prayed in my room, without any disturbances, about what major was the right one. I had gone to a counselor for help in picking it before, and we narrowed it down to three. At this point I prayed over those three trying to decide. The one I wanted, I did not feel right about. It turned out that I only got the "this is right" feeling with the "mommy major." I was not sure why this was, but I was not going to ignore what the Spirit was telling me. I went and changed my major that week. I was still somewhat homesick so I read my Patriarchal Blessing. Reading through it, I realized every paragraph except maybe two or three talked about my future family. Now, I do not know for sure what I am going to do with my major, but I do know that no matter what, it will benefit my future family and me in the years to come. I am living my life in accordance to the words from the song: "I'll be what you want me to be."

That Awkward Moment When...

Today has just been one of those awkward days that you have fun in, but you just want to be over. Here are a few things that happened to me today:
     1.That awkward moment when you’re just waking up from a dream and you’re not sure what’s real and what’s not. 
     2.That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing at the top of your lungs. (in my case, a roommate and her boyfriend)
     3.That awkward moment when someone is giving you a hug that lingers a bit too long.
     4.That awkward moment when you’re staring at someone and then they catch you staring.
     5.That awkward moment when you mute the phone with your cheek. (do it all of the time)
     6.That awkward moment when you feel like you’re going to fall backwards off the side of the Seven Peaks tower. (it is scary)
     7.That awkward moment when you trip in public and you attempt to gracefully recover, but you know someone probably saw you. (I have a huge welt on my foot now.)
     8.That awkward moment when you find a hair in your food. (not me, but the guy I was with. He still ate the food)
     9.That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then end up walking in the same direction.
     10. That awkward moment when you drive all over the place and get lost going to an apartment that is only a couple blocks away from your apartment. 

I am so glad today is over. I do not know if I could handle much more of this. I had so much fun at Seven Peaks with our BYUSA Seven Peaks Club and Janessa, going to Panda Express for dinner, and going to a friend's to watch a movie made the day even better, but with all of these awkward moments it needed to come to an end. 

Fourth of July

My Fourth of July was amazing! It was my first one away from home. It was different, but it was so much fun! First, I got up early to be in the Provo parade. I was in it with BYUSA, we had our own float, and I got to see a lot of my friends while I was walking. 

When the parade was over, I went to get a hot dog. I was so hungry, and everyone else went to get Jimmy John's. I am not a big fan, and you cannot celebrate the Fourth of July without a good hot dog. 

Then, Meghan and I headed off to Seven Peaks. We decided that if we get much darker we may be able to apply for scholarships. 

When we got back she headed off to work so I studied, did laundry, and skyped my family. I love and miss them. Then, when she got back, we went out to go watch the fireworks. 

Thankful Tuesday

I am going to find three things each Tuesday to be thankful for. I have a couple more today, but here are some for today.

1. I am so thankful for the beautiful summer sunshine. I love being in the sun, and when it is warm I get to swim. When I am in the water I am in my element. I am slowly turning darker day by day, and I love it. With each day and each shade darker my skin gets, the less makeup I have to wear. That means all I have to do in the morning is put on some mascara and do my hair. It saves me so much time, and I feel so much better. 
2. I am thankful for my standards. Today I walked on campus, and someone was smoking. I almost started crying. They signed the honor code just like I did, and I would only hope that they would abide by it. I love the honor code. It is what sets BYU apart from other universities. I am thankful for my family, friends, and my church for helping me maintain my high standards. 
3. I am thankful for water. There is nothing I love more than swimming. I love the smell of chlorine, the ache of my muscles after tubing, and the happiness that comes with just being in the water. Water is my element. If I could be an animal, I would be a mermaid. I do not know if that counts, but I would love it. 
4. I am thankful for the kid who cleans the gum off of the ground on campus. When I first came here I thought it was miraculous that there was seriously no gum anywhere. It took me a year to find out some poor kid wakes up early in the morning and scrapes it up every morning. I thank him for making my campus a beautiful place. 
5. I am so thankful to be a part of BYUSA. It took a lot to get me involved. At the beginning I thought all of them were crazy and loud, but as time went on I just wanted to be a part of it. Then, it took them forever to place me, but with the help of my friend (and, as much as I hate to admit it, my dad) I got a position as a committee member. Even then, I was not really involved. I helped with a few presentations but that was all. This year I am REALLY involved. As tired and stressed as I get at times I am thankful to be a part of something so spectacular and to have some of the best friends. I love seeing the BYUSA posters that say "It's you." I look at them and know. It's me. 

Genuineness, Smiling, and Remembering Names

In BYUSA today we had a meeting. Part of our meeting is always leadership training, and today we talked about three ways to "make people like you." The first thing we talked about was being genuinely interested in other people. First off, I love the word genuine. I want people to remember me as a genuine person. I want them to remember me as being genuinely happy, genuinely confident, genuinely loving, a genuinely good wife and mother, but most of all, I want them to think of me as a genuine daughter of God. We then talked about knowing someone's heart. That statement was just included in a sentence, but it sent me on a profound journey. What does it mean to truly know someone's heart? I know it will take a lot of time and work, but what does that mean? After contemplating over this for a while and missing some of the meeting, I knew. Knowing someone's heart is knowing them inside and out. It is seeing their beauty as children of God. Each one of us is created in His image, and each of us are special. As children in Primary we are always told we are children of God. We grow up knowing WE are children of God, but rarely do we realize that everyone else is as well. Knowing someone's heart is realizing that they are just as special as you, sent to this earth at this time to experience their own trials, develop their own knowledge, and hopefully make it back to live with our Father in heaven once again. I loved that. Three words that sunk deep into my heart. I hope one day I can be the genuine person I hope to be, and someone will know my heart. Next came the principle of smiling. I love smiling, but I love smiling with my eyes more. I feel like my eyes sparkle when I am truly happy. Sometimes I do not even have to smile with my mouth because my eyes say it all. Sometimes I am too serious for my own good and forget to notify my face that I am truly happy. I am going to work on that. The third thing was to remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. I can attest to that. I got an email the other day, and I did not understand why because it just did not apply to me at all... until the last line. It said, "P.S. Megan, thanks for all that you do. I really do appreciate it!" Normally I would have been like, "Oh ok. Sure you do," but with my name being acknowledged, it made all the difference. I could hear the sincerity in the short message, and it made me feel really appreciated. I am honestly just not good with names, but that is one more thing I can work on. I want people to feel just as loved and appreciated as I do when others use my name. So, three things I need to work on: genuineness, smiling, and using people's names. Ready go.