Welcome to the Crazy

I shakily walked up the stairs to my apartment this evening. I had to sit down three times on my way to my car after class. The pounding headache was more than my emotionally, mentally, and physically tired body could handle after a long morning at my internship and a two and a half hour class. I love my internship, but wow... Let me tell you a little bit about it. I go on home visits, to court, transfer kids, and sometimes even go on a run with the CPS workers. I work with Liz and Kobie, and my supervisor is Karen. Kobie calls me the animal/baby whisperer. Earlier this week we went to a home that had twins. The little girl has never talked to Liz who is her case worker. As I was sitting in my chair listening to the foster mom, all of the sudden she crawled into my lap and started talking to me. She was so cute! At that same house with a two year old sitting as close as she could to me, the dog jumped up on my lap, curled up, and went to sleep. The foster mom thought that was really weird since usually they have to lock her in a room because she goes crazy when Kobie and Liz come over. They also had a puppy that stayed under my chair and licked me the entire time. Yesterday, we were at another home, and all of the sudden a cat was in my lap. I am not a huge fan of cats, but I started petting him. He then proceeded to roll over so I could scratch his belly. He sat in my lap for a good half hour, and purred the entire time. Today I had to transport another set of twins from one foster home to another. After being yelled at by the current foster mom and dad saying I didn't even care about the kids (if I didn't care I wouldn't be doing any of this) and being told that the little girl was "petrified" of strangers, I put the carseats in the minivan and walked away from the house with a child on each hip. They didn't even shed a tear. The little girl even fell asleep on the way. At the new foster home I sat and played with them for a little while before leaving. They were totally fine. Later I had to drop off some of their clothes, and the little boy came running with his arms up for me to pick him up. I got this. Even though I am so dang emotionally drained, that in itself was rewarding enough to me. I love little kids! I am happy to be the animal/baby whisperer any day!!! As I mentioned, I also get to go to court. Let me tell you, that has been my favorite thing this far! Sitting in the court room with my burgundy business shirt, nice trousers, and pearls I felt like I belonged there. I love my internship, but I don't know how social workers do it. I mean, I am SO tired. I guess they are too. I have seen more coffee and meltdowns than I have ever seen over the course of just a couple of weeks. Also, I found out that both of the girls I work with are members of the church, but one has a tattoo and talks about drinking, and the other's car smelled like a smoker's car. Also, both of them have the dirtiest mouths, and they have both lost the compassion that I feel is needed to be a really good social worker. Don't get me wrong, they are hard workers, but there is something lacking. If I am going to do this job, I hope I never lose my compassion, my ability to love others. There is still a lot left for me to learn, but I am working through it. Maybe by the end of this I will know what I want to do with my life.