The Standard of Truth

Since Easter I have really been thinking about what it means to be a disciple of Christ. When reading my scriptures this week I came across Helaman 5:49-50. It says, "And there were about three hundred souls who saw and heard these things; and they were bidden to go forth and marvel not, neither should they doubt. And it came to pass that they did go forth, and minister unto the people, declaring throughout all the regions round about all the things which they had seen, insomuch that the more part of the Lamanites were convinced of them, because of the greatness of the evidences which they had received." When I first read that I wondered why these people were told not to marvel. It wasn't until I was writing in my scriptures yesterday that I realized why. When you marvel you don't progress. You remain stuck in the past. These people were told not to marvel, and because they listened what did they do? They went out and told others of what had happened. I also think that sometimes when we marvel too much we do begin to doubt things that we saw/heard/felt for ourselves. Being a disciple of Christ is going and telling others the joy that comes with the knowledge of the gospel. Last week in church someone pointed out that we are part of the Restoration. It did not end when the church was restored. It did not end with the pioneers and persecution.We are living in the Restoration. I am so thankful that I am a part of it, and I hope that when I return to my Father in Heaven when He asks me what I did to help the work along I can tell Him I did something. "The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done." -Joseph Smith Jr.

Sorry Not Sorry

I am sorry that so many of my posts lately have been spiritual, but really, I'm not sorry at all. You see, in this time of beauty with all of the plants that seemed so dead before starting to bloom once again, it is hard to not see the hand of my Heavenly Father in my life. Everything that was so brown and lifeless has all of the sudden sprung to life with brilliant colors. It is interesting that Heavenly Father chose this time of year for the Savior to be resurrected. He too, once dead rose with new life showing himself not only to his old friends but to the people in the Americas. It is beautiful and perfect. 

Because finals are coming, life has been hectic. I did finish my last research paper though! It felt good. I wrote my last research paper of my undergrad career! And, later that night my roommates and I went to the creamery to celebrate. They had tin roof!! Tender mercies. I have also been working my tail off trying to get everything done for the three events we had this week. By Wednesday I was bumped, bruised, and my muscles cried in pain every time I moved. Stupid final survival kits. They help everyone except me survive finals. Thursday I left class a little early to go to our ward activity. It was at the Provo Recreation Center, and I will never turn down a chance to go swimming. After two hours of going down water slides, rock climbing, swimming in the lazy river, and soaking my sore muscles in the hot tub, I slowly walked away from the pool. So much fun. So worth missing part of class for. 

Friday I made the best decision I have made in a long time. I went to the BYU Easter Conference. I didn't even know that was a thing before. The theme this year was Our Savior's Love. Before it even started, the piano player played I Know that My Redeemer Lives. Before it even started I could feel the spirit all around me. Lloyd Newell, the voice of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Music and the Spoken Word, was the first speaker of the night. The first question he asked was if we could really change, and he answered it with a resounding yes. We can change and walk in newness of life. Change comes through the Atonement of Christ. It takes us to places we could never imagine without it. The plan of salvation is our ultimate adventure in life, and in times we feel we can go no further, we must remember that our testimonies helped us conquer in heaven, and they can help us conquer now. He quoted Elder Maxwell saying, "Our perfect Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only one such child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly but smilingly we present God with a dandelion--as if it were an orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually." I loved that. We all have weaknesses, but sometimes seeing our weaknesses just means we are moving closer to our Father in Heaven not farther away. The next speaker was Kelly Ogden. He taught things I had absolutely never thought of before. He said without the event of the resurrection there would be no resurrection faith. Also, Christ could have easily left the tomb on his own, but angels rolled the stone away. Why? He left his burial clothes in their place to prove no mortal man could have moved the body. Again, why? He did is so others could have a testimony that the tomb was empty, and He is risen. I had also never thought where he had been when he told Mary not to touch him because he had not ascended to his Father yet. He was preaching the gospel of his resurrection in the spirit world. He was being a missionary. Wow. In some of his final remarks, Brother Ogden said that even for Christ a crown of thorns comes before the crown of glory. Even for Christ... The final speaker was Sister Dalton. We all know how much I love her. She asked a question I ask myself all of the time. Why did the Savior go through the atonement? She was kind enough to answer it. He did it because of love. He did it so he would understand every little thing we go through. In our sparkly and spectacular world we can sometimes feel broken, but we can still feel the spirit and know He is always there to help. He says, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." In reality it is MY yoke that is easy and MY burden that is light because He is on the other side. We never walk alone. When trials come we must endure it well. We must "hold on thy way..." because "God shall be with you forever and ever." She said to take the scripture John 21:16-17 and enter our names. Megan, lovest thou me? Do you love me more than all of this? In October of 2012 Elder Holland spoke of this picking up after Christ asked this of Peter for the third time. "To which Jesus responded (and here again I acknowledge my nonscriptural elaboration), perhaps saying something like: “Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do. Ours is not a feeble message. It is not a fleeting task. It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history. It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world. So, Peter, for the second and presumably the last time, I am asking you to leave all this and to go teach and testify, labor and serve loyally until the day in which they will do to you exactly what they did to me." We cannot go back to our old lives once our testimony has changed by the gospel of Christ. Our calling is to bless lives, to try to be like Him, to be loyal to Him. He will run to us, heal us, lift us up, and help us stand once again when we are on the ground feeling broken. I hope to all those feeling broken I can be like Christ and help them stand once again. Sister Dalton talked about the song I Stand All Amazed. She also spoke of the song that had brought the spirit in to me in the beginning, I Know that My Redeemer Lives. My testimony continues to grow and change, but I will always know that my Redeemer Lives because what comfort that sweet sentence gives. 

Saturday came all of the sudden. What happened to my week? I threw my first ever bridal shower for dear Kaitlyn. It wasn't too shabby! I love her. I cannot wait for her wedding! That night I also had the Traditions Ball. Oh my. Getting all dressed up in a dress I have been saving for this special night made me happy. With my hair curled and makeup done to perfection I headed off. I am sad to say my prince charming didn't come sweep me off my feet at the ball. I stayed the working Cinderella even in my ballgown. By the end, I would have happily taken a tablecloth off of a table and slept underneath it. Being the true Cinderella I am, I would have also been happy sleeping by the fireplace. The ball was beautiful though, and it seemed to go well. I am  just thankful it is over! Let's be real here. Wearing heels for that long... Bleh. More pictures of the ball will be up in the next couple of weeks. I promise.

In this Easter season, even for those of us with work or school, I hope we never forget our Savior. When we feel inadequate, He is teaching us how to allow Him to work through us. When we are full of sorrow or feeling broken I hope we always remember there is no sorrow heaven cannot heal. I hope we always remember to choose to have faith. I know that He lives, and I consistently stand all amazed at the love and grace He always offers me.

 

#LDSconf The Blessings are Real

No Longer Afraid

By: Megan Fairchild

I have bitten my fingers until they've bled, 

and I've tossed and turned in my sleep. 

I walk with the speed of a frightened girl, 

and I have not muttered a peep. 

I've gone through work and classes, 

becoming sore and tired on the way. 

All this and my brain doesn't stop worrying, 

very much to my dismay. 

You see, I've got a knack for over-thinking, 

over-analyzing every detail. 

I just wish I could think and worry 

on a much smaller kind of scale. 

Good thing the Lord is always watching 

and waiting for me to call for His aid. 

He quickly stretches out his hand. 

Then, thankfully I am no longer afraid. 

Conference was the blessing of all blessings for me. When you watch with a prayer in your heart, it is always answered even if it is not how you would expect. You would think 8 hours (10 for the men) of talks and hymns in two days seems a little extreme, but I almost wanted more. Elder Holland taught me what it takes to be a disciple of Christ, and told us to take heart because pure Christ-like love can change the world. Elder Rasband shared D&C 84:88 which is just a beautiful scripture that is one of my favorites. Elder Anderson taught me that challenges will come, but when I put my trust in my Heavenly Father those challenges will strengthen me. President Eyring made me cry. He reminded me that through the converts in my family, I am left with a priceless heritage of hope and by holding the gospel in my hands I also hold the happiness of more people than I can imagine. I hope I can leave the example of faith and hope that he mentioned. Elder Nelson told us that faith is the antidote for fear, and it is always safe to put our faith in Christ and let it show. Elder Scott simply told me that it may seem difficult to put my faith and trust in the Lord, but I must find a way. Elder Hales taught me that I want to be one in whom the Lord is well-pleased, and I want to be called a good and faithful servant. Elder Cook gave me more motivation to do temple work. President Uchtdorf taught that we can be grateful for our circumstances no matter what they are. There are no true endings only everlasting beginnings. Elder Stevens said that the gospel is not weight but wings. God accomplishes miracles one prayer at a time, one person at a time, and prayer doesn't change God. It changes me. Elder Stevenson said that if we seek His help and follow His directions, we cannot lose. We should run the race that is set before us with patience. Elder Bednar helped me realize that the Savior really does help us bear our burdens with ease because He perfectly knows and understands each one of us and what we are going through. President Monson said that opportunities to show our love may come unexpectedly, but if we act on them the recipient may remember them for a lifetime. President Packer reminded us to build our foundation on Christ, while Elder Walker told us we are standing on the shoulders of giants (those brave saints who have come before us). Elder Crowbridge taught that the heavens are not closed and we still have revelations given to us. Elder Teh told us that faith in Jesus Christ gives us hope that everything will work out eventually, and Elder Aidukaitis said that faith requires work. President Monson closed this conference by saying that Heavenly Father will come close to us, and He will go far to help us. He loves us. No matter if you are a member or not, I invite you to read or watch at least some of the conference talks. Pick one that sounds interesting. Come with one question, or a few. I know it will be answered. I am so thankful to have a prophet and apostles on the earth today, and I am thankful for all of the words that were shared this weekend. Because I am no longer afraid.

With Each Word and Action We Testify

There are constant reassurances in my life that my Heavenly Father knows me. He knows what I want, and he knows what I need. I went on a date Friday night. I know all of you are laughing because I always say that I never get asked out. It is a real fear of mine that I may never get married because I never go on dates. Well, right when I get to the peak of my panic, I am asked out on a date. I should be fine for a while now, but I am going on another date this Thursday. Now I am laughing at myself. The date was so fun though. Seriously. I needed that. Then today, there was the General Women's Meeting. It was beautiful. I learned a few things. Women need women. We need the deep, satisfying, and loyal relationships with one another. We need to love one another MORE as well as to love one another BETTER. I especially liked President Eyring's talk. He said trials, tests, and opportunities are chosen just for you, and Heavenly Father's plan helps us navigate through them. With that help, we can help others through theirs. The journey through life is too hard without help, but with help we can feel the joy as we journey back home. Lastly, as we move up the pathway towards our potential we bring about God's approval. In one of the talks, we were asked what it means to us to be a disciple of Christ. I thought about that a lot for the rest of the night and into Sunday. I will tell you part of my testimony that is ever-changing and ever-growing. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. I know that He lives. I know that if I put my trust in my Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost I will be able to choose the right path. I know some wrong paths will be disguised as opportunities in my life, but with a little help, I will be able to navigate through them. I do not know where life will take me, but I will find joy in the journey. I know that happiness comes from the light of Christ radiating in my life. I know that to make a difference in the world, I have to be different from the world. I am trying to do that by living the gospel of Christ. I know that my part matters because I matter to my Heavenly Father. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true. I am proud to be a Mormon. I am thankful for the scriptures and how I can learn from them no matter how many times I read them. I am so thankful for a living prophet on the earth today, and I am thankful that I can consistently learn from him and his apostles. With that being said, I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to be here at BYU. I get to "run into" the apostles quite often. Today, it was Elder Bednar. He taught me something, as apostles usually do. He said, "You can be prepared for life, but you're never in control of it." He went on to tell us that we are not in charge, our Heavenly Father is. We need to act, not be acted upon. When we act, we are acting on opportunities given to us by our Heavenly Father. It was a magical morning. I needed to hear exactly what he had to say. It's funny how things work out like that... 

Brain Dead

Tuesday after classes I got to talk to Eric on the phone. It felt good to smile or laugh the entire way home. I am so thankful that even though he is married we can still talk. I am so thankful to have a friend like him in my life no matter how weird other people think our relationship is. This week was a little crazy, and I loved getting that break. Monday I spent three hours in orientation for my internship at the Division of Child and Family Services. I am so excited. Wednesday I went to the temple with Meghan and got to do family names for these two little old women there. They were so cute!
Thursday! Kaitlyn invited me to a Women in Business event. Guys, I wish I could express my excitement here. I am just so tired right now, and no matter what I said I wouldn't be able to do it justice. I met Sister Dalton. I saw her in her glorious sunshine yellow blazer, and my mouth fell open and quickly formed a gigantic smile. She made eye contact with me with my mouth still gaping open. She said hello to me, and I am pretty sure I stopped breathing for a moment. Then, she shook my hand! Ah!!!! I was so happy. Kaitlyn and I got seats on the third row, but we soon got up and took a picture with Sister Dalton. I thought I was happy before... Not even close. I couldn't stop smiling. And... I got to hug her. I am pretty sure that my love for Sister Dalton will be as close as I will ever get to idol worship, and let me tell you it's pretty close. Her words were amazing. The rest of the event couldn't even compete. The event did make me think though... If I were a little smarter, I would get my Master's in business. Too bad.
I finally applied for graduation. I also scheduled a meeting with my advisor so they can approve my application. With that application in, I was invited to an event called Senior Celebration and a luncheon for the School of Family Life graduates in which my most influential teachers are invited. I also scheduled a haircut (I've never gotten one in Utah so it was a big deal). I got tickets to see Elizabeth Smart speak in a couple weeks. I missed her when she spoke a week or so ago, and I wasn't going to miss it this time. I am excited to hear her. At work at I had to run to the BYUSA office. I ran into Angela. Boy do I miss her. It was nice to get to talk to her for a minute and awkwardly give her a side hug since I had numerous black lights in my arms at the moment. I really do need to make it a priority to go in and actually talk to her. I haven't seen her since August.
You know how Friday is supposed to be date night? Well, instead of going on a date I gave a two hour class on marriage enrichment to couples. My capstone project is mostly done. I created the program from theory and research and practiced it. All I have to do now is write up a paper on it. I survived! After working on a powerpoint for hours this morning I have given up. I am exhausted. I should get out and do something fun since it is the weekend, but I am so dang tired!
Honestly, can I be done now? 39 days until I am home. 44 days until I am twenty. 151 days until graduation. 

Hello Sunshine

Yesterday I went to go get jewelry for Kaitlyn's wedding. Going to the mall with Julie Anne was so much fun. I got the necklace I needed! On the way home we stopped at a place called the cocoa bean. One grasshopper cupcake and Irish cream carmanilla frappe later I was on a sugar high for sure. I regret nothing.
Last night was the last home basketball game of my college career. Weird, I know. I don't think I have ever had that much fun at a basketball game. I was laughing the whole time. I did actually yell a couple of times, but it was just for fun. I went with Meghan, her boyfriend, and a bunch of their friends. We quoted movies and hash-tagged the whole time. We were being ridiculous, but it was so much fun.  BYU won! They wouldn't let me down for my last home game! Walking home we did the Wizard of Oz skip and were even more ridiculous. We ended up going to the dollar movies. I love that theater. We were out really late, but sitting in Saving Mr. Banks made me remember some of my favorite moments. Favorite moments such as sitting in the sun with Meghan and a blanket looking at the changing leaves, going to see Wicked and watching with glittering eyes and an open mouth while they sing Defying Gravity on my birthday, watching Saving Mr. Banks with my entire family and seeing them all laugh at a good, quality movie, helping my grandma make a pattern for the quilt she made out of the smallest squares and seeing her amazement as I laid them out in ways she hadn't thought of, watching Parental Guidance with my mom and grandma, going to Fossil Rim with my grandparents from Ohio that I don't see very often, moving our mattresses and having sleepovers in the living room with  my roommates, having a scary movie night with a couple of the roomies and some friends from across the hall and scaring ourselves, going to Park City and having way too much fun with the friends I went with, and so on. I love those moments. They make me smile. Getting back so late made for an interesting day today, but it was so worth it. At church my old roommate came up to me and said, "Why hello, Sister Dalton, how are you today?" I was wearing my favorite sunshine yellow, and that absolutely made my day. Spring weather is here! Hello, Sunshine!!!!

Faith Isn't a Step into the Dark

Can we talk about those weird conversation hearts for a minute? I found one the other day that said, "Hi Dad." Kind of weird... Now, I could say that Valentine's Day was a sad day. It is Single Awareness Day after all. Funny thing is, it was hard for sure, but I was fine. I got to spend a couple hours with Kaitlyn watching James and his roommates sing at a little restaurant. I also got to watch You've Got Mail which is just a really good movie. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks... Seriously best couple in movies. Meg Ryan with the dream of someone else. Tom Hanks saying, "Don't cry, Shopgirl." I loved it. I also have the most amazing family who sent me a package complete with chocolate, a card, and the cutest and softest giraffe. I named him Georgio. I am so thankful that they love me so much. I love them a ton! 

Yesterday I had only the best Saturday. I didn't wake up in the best mood because I had to get up early to do an interview with a social worker in Spanish Grove. "What is a weekend?" is becoming a real question in my life. Once the interview started and I was fully awake, I was in a much better mood and learned a ton. For everyone worried about me because of the profession I have decided to go into, don't. I know that I am going into a profession with one of the highest rates of burnout, I know people think it is hard because each day is completely different, and I know that social workers do not get paid very much. Sitting in this interview I got an overwhelming feeling that I was doing exactly what I needed to be doing. It is what is right for me and my future family. It took a lot of prayer and worry to decide on a major. This is what I need to do. I will be taken care of. 

On the way home a song I haven't heard in a while came on. Some of the lyrics said, "It's written in the stars a million miles away, a message to the main. Seasons come and go. But I will never change, and I'm on my way." I'm on my way to a new life. Changes are coming. Changes for the good I hope. The rest of my day only got better. I got to go see The Book Thief with Janessa, Ashley, and Julie Anne. Oh my, such a good movie. I loved it. It was really sad and may make you cry (I teared up many times), but it was a wonderful and beautiful movie. It reminds you to actually see what you are looking at. I would certainly watch it again. I also watched the new Hobbit movie. I really like The Lord of the Rings, but the Hobbit movies aren't my favorite. I will say the dragon was fabulous. 

I got out of bed at 11 today. It felt so good to have clean sheets and catch up on the sleep I missed out on over the week. Today I also sang with the ward choir in church. I don't know if it sounded good or not, but I sang! Janessa and I kept laughing all during practice. It was a huge feat that we kept it together during the actual thing. We laughed through most of church, actually. I don't know what was going on, but I did learn that faith isn't a step into the dark. Faith is a step into the light. I am taking a step into the light with my job and my life in general. 

I Am Not Pretty. I Am Not Beautiful. I Am As Radiant As the Sun.

Once upon a time a sunflower grew in a garden filled with flowers. But it had lived its life at the edge of the garden and had been bruised and hurt by many winds blowing in from the sea. By degrees it found itself bent by the weight of its pain and facing in to the shadows of the garden wall. Its petals soon became limp and lost much of their loveliness. All it could see was shadow and dark, and life became sad and hard to live. It forgot about the sun in the sky and was conscious only of dullness and dreariness, the depth of the shadows.
Then one day the gardener stopped to talk to his sunflower asking why it was so sad, why only the dark was attracting it while the sun shone brightly behind its bent back. The flowers all around joined in the questioning and encouraged it to turn its face up for a while. As the sunflower took its courage in hand and slowly raised its drooping head to face the radiant light above, it felt itself filled with new life. Its petals opened widely to accept the warmth of the sun. Its seed-packed center smiled as new energy entered its heart. Joy spilled out all around it, and the flowers nearby felt the radiance affecting them too.

As the sunflower unfolded more and more, opening its heart wide, new life stirred within. It began to understand that even its past pains were precious because through these it had come to know about patience, and most of all about compassion for all who are finding life hard. Even when clouds filled the sky it could now rejoice because it knew that it needed the tears of the clouds to help it grow and become strong. So joy, love, and gentle care spread from the sunflower to every corner of the garden. Then the day came when it was ready to scatter its ripened seeds to the winds that had previously buffeted it. These were carried far and wide so that more of God's world became beautiful with the glow of fields of golden flowers. Even as it felt itself losing so much, the sunflower rejoiced and was glad because it had come to know that everything, even the wind and the storm, work together for good when God is the one it loves most.

Sunflowers always face the sun. In the morning, they face east. By evening, they have turned west. They follow the sun as it crosses each day's sky, so they can gather in as much sun as possible. We can be like sunflowers and turn to the Son, Jesus Christ, and gather spiritual light from him. Our Heavenly Father is the gardener and knows exactly what he wants us to become. Even if we are just seeds at the moment, we should not spend our time worrying. We are going to grow and change, and storms will always come. One day we will wake up and be beautiful flowers, the biggest and brightest in the garden, and everyone will look to us and smile. When we bloom we will realize that all the sun and the storms have helped make us what we have always been meant to be. It will be our moment. Life is about living, experiencing, enjoying, exploring, and becoming. We can trust our gardener to take care of us.

Bucket List: Run through a field of sunflowers.

The Stereotypical Thankful Post Before Thanksgiving

I figured it is November and instead of jumping into Christmas like everyone else on campus (seriously there are Christmas trees up and decorated and Christmas music playing in the Wilk), I would do one of those thankful posts that I have not done in a really long time.... But first, here are some BYU Senior Problems. I just thought it was really funny because all of them are true. 

Now for what I am thankful for. It was hard to limit it to only thirty things, but here it goes! 

1. I am a cougar today and will be a cougar forever!

2. Cheesecake is a thing. 

3. I have so much fun and can talk to the people I work with. 

4. I know I always have someone looking out for me. 

5. I live so close to a temple. 

6. I have an awesome cousin that is going to let me crash her home for Thanksgiving this year.  

7. I have the power of the priesthood in my home. 

8. I have some pretty amazing friends. 

9. My family loves me, and I love them more than anything. 

10. The gospel is a huge part of my life, and I have a testimony of it. 

11. I know laughing, smiling, and the sparkle in my eyes from true happiness. 

12. We have a living prophet on the earth today. 

13. I have a warm, soft bed to sleep in. 

14. I know there is hope and happiness ahead. 

15. I can just relax and have fun with Dani. 

16. I have awesome pets full of personality. 

17. I have a loving Savior and Heavenly Father. 

18. I have music in my life. It is so beautiful, and I love listening to it. 

19. Sunshine. I am so obsessed. The warmth, my golden hair that makes me feel like I take it with me wherever I go, the brightness, the light it radiates, and of course sunshine yellow. 

20. I have the ability to see. The world is truly a beautiful place. 

21. Chocolate. Chocolate understands... 

22. Inspirational quotes. We can always use a little inspiration. 

23. My little brother. I love when I get, "Megan, come home. I'm going through sister withdrawals." 

24. Good teachers. For the most part I have the best teachers this semester. 

25. The fact that I know I am more than a test score and the number on the scale. 

26. My TV shows. One of them is a guilty pleasure, but I love all of them. 

27. I have had some pretty great roommates over the years. 

28. I learn from all of my experiences and hopefully become better. 

29. I have a car. I love Jemma and the freedom she gives me. 

30. Movies. I love movies. They are perfect for listening or completely distracting you from homework.

I Went from Zero to My Own Hero

I had the opportunity this Friday to go and do temple work for my great-great grandma. I go to the temple every week. What made this so special? Well, she is my relative, and not only that but I was born exactly one hundred years after her. That is pretty dang exciting. I almost didn't go to the temple after another long work and school week. Friday alone I had to go take rent, take a test, and then had to go to work and frantically prepare for Homecoming. As always, I am so thankful I went. This was truly a beautiful experience for me. 

After I went to the temple I wanted to go and celebrate Kennedy's birthday. When you get thirteen very different girls (Kennedy has the widest array of friends I have ever seen) together, you go to a Thai restaurant. I was really nervous, but I got to try a little of everything. Thai food is really good if you know what to get. I got Massaman curry which is a sweet and a little spicy curry with chicken, potatoes, carrots, and cashews. It looks like a stew and you eat it over rice. The more I ate the more I liked it. First Thai food experience was a success, and I came home beyond full. 

Now cue conference weekend. I really tried to pay attention to the speakers today, and I got a few tidbits of wisdom, but I kept thinking about one experience that I have had. So, a little over halfway through summer I got called in for a job interview. When I hung up, I was overwhelmed with the Spirit and just cried. I knew this interview was an answer to prayers. Everything was going to be okay. I went to the interview full of confidence, but the next day I got the call telling me that I did not get the job. I didn't understand and was deeply hurt by this news. A week later, Linda (the one who interviewed me) emailed and asked if she could pass on my resume. I told her she could, but I had little hope. I got called in, but was still not confident in getting the job. I had been let down so many times. After the interview I walked home with my head held low. Later that day, I halfheartedly answered the phone when Curtis called me. He told me I got the job. Then I realized that the first interview was an answer to prayers, just not the way I thought it would be. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways, and sometimes I get upset because I do not understand or fully see the steps in His process. In this instance I was shortsighted and prideful. That is why I was so hurt and felt like all hope was lost after I did not get the job I was sure would be the answer to prayers. I had to be humbled before blessings could be granted. In one of the talks today (sorry, I can't remember which one) the speaker said, faith should always be pointed toward the future. I am going to try that. Because, as the same speaker said, significant but subtle blessings can easily be overlooked. 

Yesterday was also really hard for me. A dear friend, Donna Lear, returned to live with Heavenly Father. Sister Lear was always there to welcome you with a warm smile and happy, bright eyes. I grew up with her living right up the street. She was always the first one to respond when there was a need for service. I will truly miss her and her friendship not only for me, but my mom and all of the others she shared her warm heart with. I went into the temple fighting back tears and asking myself why. It was while I was there that I realized although it is sad and these wonderful women will be missed, Sister Lear and Sister Monzingo are now with Heavenly Father sharing their beauty and amazing personalities and strength with those in heaven. Today President Uchtdorf said the acorn of inquiry has often sprouted and grown into a great oak of understanding and knowledge. My simple acorn of why has at least sprouted. I am thankful for the knowledge the gospel gives me.

And just a little side note, President Monson waving a little boy over so he could lean over the stand to hold his hand absolutely made my day. That is the highlight of my conference weekend. He leads by example. Christ said, "Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not: for such is the kingdom of God." (Mark 10:14)

I Tried Carrying the Weight of the World, but I Only Have Two Hands

Work, class, devotional, class, work, homework. Yep. My day was full. Funny thing though. Somewhere along the line of the time I have been in college with my crazy schedule I made some friends.

I got a letter from a sister missionary. I love and miss her. Getting to write my two girls, Aubryann and Alyssa, makes my day each and every time. They were beautiful inside and out before they left, but now I can feel the glow of Christ radiate from each word they write. Then, while trying to decide whether or not to get ahead on my homework, my friend Christina showed up with dinner. I ate cheddar broccoli soup in a bread bowl tonight. About halfway through I thought to myself, "This is heaven." Then I looked and realized what I was eating. Broccoli. Who would have thought?!? I had a friend make me dinner. Tomorrow I get to take a break from homework and I am spending some time with Janessa when I get off work. In class yesterday, one of my teachers used one of my answers on an assignment in her powerpoint. Someone asked where it was from and she told them it was from my paper. I now have a study group for the test in that class. At work I was invited to go to a scary movie night on Friday. Saturday I get to go and celebrate Kennedy's birthday. Sunday I get to drive up in the canyon to see the beautiful fall colors. And... Last but not least, Dani asked me to be a bridesmaid. Wait. I have friends?

Devotional today was about going out and getting involved on campus. I did something right freshman year. I got involved in BYUSA and did a couple of things with Student Alumni. Sophomore year I had BYUSA all day every day. This year I have Student Alumni, SFLSA, and Y-Serve. I have friends from all of them, and I am so thankful for that. The speaker, Brother Cox, said if we don't extend our hand out to others, there will be no one to miss us when we're gone. I am thankful to know I would be missed. The most powerful memories of college come from incidents and experiences outside of classes. He also referenced President Monson's talk that he gave at BYU in 2007. I loved a quote from this talk, and I did not even know where it came from. I am so thankful for the experiences I have had in my journey through BYU. The fun, the hard laughs, the late nights, the amazing friends, the heartaches, the adventures, and even the trials. Odysseus said, "And if a god will wreck me yet again on the wine dark sea, I can bear that too, with a spirit tempered to endure. Much have I suffered, labored long and hard by now in the waves and wars. Add this to the total--bring the trial on!" This just reminded me of the poem Invictus which made me smile.

A little old lady came to speak in one of my classes yesterday. As the bell was ringing she began a story. No one got up to leave. She said to compare yourself to a carrot, an egg, or hot chocolate. When you put each one in boiling water, they all go through the same adversity, but they each have different outcomes. The carrot goes in strong but comes out softened and easily hurt. The egg goes in fragile but comes out hardened by the trial. The hot chocolate on the other hand, changes the very state of the water making something new and delicious. She asked us, "Which one are you?" I sure hope I'm the hot chocolate! First off, we all know it's the best one, but most importantly, I want to be able to come out stronger and better after trials. 

This little old lady also taught me a valuable lesson. Her husband died in his sixties after she watched him literally lose his mind to Alzheimer's throughout nine years. After he died, she decided to make the most of her life. She has a doughnut for breakfast every morning. One day she went to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well. He told her she needed to start eating better. She needed more colors on her plate. So, when she got home she poured a bowl of M&Ms and enjoyed. She said she did feel better after that. She passed out M&Ms, and I enjoyed life all throughout the day. 

So, after only a couple of days I feel like I have been through a journey. I have learned so much, and I am going to follow Boyd K. Packer's advice and never make the same mistake once. I am going to stay close to my friends. They mean the world to me. Cheers to my crazy beautiful life. Never forget my dear friends, that happiness isn't smiling but believing. 

What the Hail?!

So this one time, I had a Relief Society breakfast, a pie night, and a dessert night all on Sunday. I also got to hang out with Kennedy. I seriously love her. We laughed and let everything that was stressing us out school-wise behind. I smiled which doesn't sound like a big deal, but when I am at home, it hasn't been coming out quite as much as it usually does. Monday I woke up so tired, and it proved to be the stereotypical Monday. Tuesday was like a Monday too though. I ran all over the place and went to devotional where the speaker gave us "the talk." He compared sexual sin to a warm, moist cookie. Why moist?! He said holding hands was like being in the same room as fresh cookies, kissing was holding it up to your nose to sniff it, and making out was nibbling the cookie. I agree with Michael (the officer I was sitting by for the whole thing) when he said, "Dang! Just give me a big chewy brownie! I'm so done with cookies!" It was just a weird hour of my life. Hump day was amazing though. I started talking to Justin more an more throughout the week which means the smile is back, eyes glitter, and I radiate sunshine whether it is out or not. I love on Wednesdays when my teachers tell me to have a great weekend. That makes the crazy week even more worth it. Thursday is the true Hump Day for me. I am already in the weekend mindset, and I am so tired from the insane week that I go through. I think this was the day it rained/hailed. I missed it by a matter of minutes, but my coworker came in drenched. I went home later that night for Kaitlyn to say, "What the hail!" I laughed so hard. So, next Friday is Parents Weekend. Ah!!!! Not ready! So many things to do that we didn't know we had to do. Not enough time... That night, I got a software update on my phone. After playing with my phone, learning to work everything again on it, and talking to Justin all night, I was so ready for Friday. My phone told me I had an early start and my alarm was set for seven in the morning. Okay great. At 7:57, I was woken up by a text from my friend asking if we were still going out to breakfast at 8. I responded and was at the restaurant by 8:05 dressed, hair in a ponytail, and ready to go. We had a wonderful breakfast and a good talk. I always love my dates with Christina. I am glad I get to work with her again so we can still have them. I went home to look a little more put together, and went off to work. Work was wonderful, and even my boss commented on how productive I was with absolutely no direction since he was gone the whole time. I got this. Having an interview with my teacher right after work threw off my groove a little. I was flustered from the crazy day at work, and then she sat so close to me that her knees were touching mine and she leaned in even closer to my face. I like her but not that much. I came home to talk to my momma, and then finally decided to go to the temple since I made the goal to do so once a week and hadn't gone yet. Driving somewhere the other day, I saw a sign that said how many lives were lost each day because of smoking. When I was in the temple, I thought, "One life saved. Two lives saved." and so on until I got to five which is how many people I did temple work for. It was an amazing feeling. Later that night I went to our stake ice cream social, tried a new kind of ice cream, talked to friends, and ran into Kennedy again. We planned a date to go drive the alpine loop when the leaves have changed a little more. It is always beautiful in the fall. Then I got to spend some time with Kaitlyn, James, and Mak. I did a color personality test. Justin guessed what color I was when we went on our first date, and I wanted to see if he was right. I am mostly white with blue and yellow tied closely behind. He was... Reading the book it came from was really interesting. I loved it. I stayed up late again and watched "Sleepless in Seattle." Saturday morning a boy outside was singing a little too loudly and all too obnoxiously and woke me up. Oh well. After spending some time waking up more, I went out with my roommates. I love going out with them We always have so much fun. When we came home I rushed off to go to Julie Anne's. It amazes me that we were in freshman ward together and never said a word to each other, but now, two years later, we are such good friends. Anyways, we made a dessert called everything right and wrong with America and watched "The Emperor's New Groove." Good laughs, so much chocolate, and long talks filled our time together. Okay, a water fight and a rolled up towel war may have also been involved. Then I rushed home to go to the BYU/Utah game. It was a rough loss, but I got my first cougar tail! I will probably never get another one, but it was a good experience. I believe every BYU student should get a cougar tail at a football game. It is just part of being a Cougar. Like I said, it was hard to lose, as it usually is when we play Utah, but football isn't life... It was fun just being there with my friends.
Bragging moment: I pointed out a ring to Dani in a magazine and told her it looked like her. She had others picked out, but she got that one! Called it. I know my girly!! And.... a shout out just for Tyler. This kid is amazing. I am so glad that he and Dani are together. They are perfect. I know I always tease them about being all cutesy, but I love it. Tyler is hardworking, caring, patient, and just a great guy.So, here is the spotlight of the day. There you go,Ty.

Green Megz and Ham

Every year I am so scared to go to FOL. Last year I was afraid I would not measure up to the expectations I was putting on myself for what a peer mentor should be. This year I knew I would miss Eric, and I was afraid of what was going to happen between Andrew and me. Those were some of the reasons, but the real reason is because it is so far out of my comfort zone. You spend three days in charge of a group of freshmen teaching lessons, dancing, going crazy, singing, and putting your whole self out there. Funny thing though, every year I end up going, and I end up loving it, come home on a spiritual high, and feel like I can conquer the world.

This year I taught four lessons. The first one was on a talk by Sister Dew called You Were Born to Lead, You Were Born for Glory. Sister Dew talks about how we are here right now because we were elected to be. We are here to run the last leg of the relay because our "pre-mortal spiritual valor indicated [we] would have the courage and the determination to face the world at its worst, to do combat with the evil one during his heyday, and, in spite of it all, to be fearless in building the kingdom of God."She talked about how there would be days when we are beat up by life's whiplash, people will disappoint us, and we will disappoint others, and the veil between us and heaven will feel reinforced by concrete.President Hinckley once said, "The responsibility I carry frightens me... Sometimes I could weep with concern. But there comes the assurance that the Lord put me here for His purpose, and if I will be humble and seek the direction of the Holy Spirit, He will use me... to accomplish His purposes." We may feel inadequate and like everything is working against us, but we aren't running alone. We can do all things through Christ because we were born to lead. We were born for glory. There is no limit to what the Lord will teach and give us. We must choose how much power we want to have and what we are willing to do to obtain it. Our Heavenly Father is always there for us. We just have the task of understanding what he has to say. But, as she said earlier in her talk, challenges that tax our faith are usually opportunities to stretch and strengthen our faith by finding out if we really believe the the Lord will help us. Sister Dew asks, "Do you know what we believe? Do you know there is power in the doctrine of Christ to change and overcome weakness? Do you realize that the scriptures contain the answer to every life dilemma?" My answer to all of those is YES! I was born to lead. I was born for glory!!!

The next talk I taught a lesson on was by President Eyring called Education in Real Life. I was taught by this talk to never let my knees hit the ground before my feet. Sometimes I pray for things to happen before I try and make them happen. That is not how it is supposed to work. I just want everything to work out perfectly all of the time, and I feel lost and confused when they don't. Good thing the Lord knows what he needs me to do and what I will need to know. He is kind and all-knowing meaning I can expect that He has prepared opportunities for me to learn in preparation for the service I will give. I also learned through this talk that our education must never stop. We must never put secular learning before spiritual learning because when we put God's purposes first, He will give us miracles. President Eyring closes his talk by saying. "I cannot promise academic success... Nor can I tell you the way in which He will honor His promise of adding blessings upon you. But I can promise you that if you will go to Him in prayer and ask what He would have you do next, promising that you will put His kingdom first, He will answer your prayer and He will keep His promise to add upon your head blessings, enough and to spare. Those apparent prison walls of not enough time will begin to recede, even as you are called to do more." This was perfect for me since school starts in FIVE DAYS!

The next lesson was on a talk by Elder Holland called Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence. He talks about how before great moments, especially spiritual ones, there can be adversity, opposition, and darkness. He reminds us to not forget that it isn't over until it is over. All too often we have spiritual breakthroughs and then let our guard down and are overcome with trials we were not ready for. Satan will always come again, but he will always be defeated by the God of Glory. When we sign on for a moment of eternal significance it will be a fight, a good winning fight, but a fight. He says that in these instances, fear almost always plays a destructive, sometimes paralyzing role. Adversity can also be worry and fear, and only faith, hope, and charity can help overcome it. (Good thing I chose to go to FOL, right?!) He shared the story of the people crossing the Red Sea. Their faith was tested as they fought through self-doubts and second thoughts just as ours is today. They were seemingly free and on their way to the promised land until they saw the water in front of them. They could have panicked and given up. But as D&C 103:20 says, "Mine angels shall go up before you, and also my presence, and in time ye shall possess the goodly land." He says this goodly land applies to us as well. It is our promised land, Jerusalem, our own acre flowing with milk and honey, our future, our dreams, our destiny. "Cast not therefore away your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise (Hebrews 10:35-36)."

The last talk I will bore you with (I'm sorry. I just really enjoyed them!) was The Challenge to Become by Elder Oaks. He tells the parable of a wealthy father telling his son who had not yet developed the needed wisdom and stature to use his inheritance wisely that he could give what he had to his son, but what he was had to be obtained for himself. He would have to do this by living the way his father had, following his example, mastering what he had mastered, and becoming what he was. He compared this to us becoming like our Heavenly Father and being truly converted by the gospel. We must never stop striving because we are children of God, and it is possible for us to become what He would have us become. I learned that charity is something we become. It is a state of being. I know that is part of being a child of God. I need to work on that.

Now, FOL wasn't all lessons I taught. Tuesday, we followed the BYU tradition of having a devotional. A couple spoke, and asked the simple question, How will you lead? The sign outside of campus says, "Enter to Learn Go Forth to Serve." How will I lead? Will I be like the gold prospector who wanted a chunk of gold so discarded the small flakes that could have accumulated over time, or will I be like the three eighteen year old boys who carried the pioneers across the freezing Sweetwater River? Those that came before me did many great things giving me a noble birthright. I will lead with a legacy with small and simple acts of service that will lead to lifelong devotion, peace, and joy.

If you haven't stopped reading by now, I will get to the fun stuff. I had three boys in my group. Two crushed on me, and one crushed on me hardcore. He told me I was his COW or crush of the week. In reality, I was his COTD or crush of three days. Sorry friend, but you are a little young for me. This is the first year that I can say that! One of my participants from last year was a peer mentor this year and he teased me the whole time about being seventeen and so on... What a bum. Anyways, I'm still searching for #MrRight.

When going through the games and low ropes course, we did something called a trust fall. They wanted me to do it because I was the peer mentor. I couldn't let my fear stop me since I just taught a lesson on that, so I did it. You stand on something where your feet are level with everyone else's heads. They stand a certain way to catch you. The guy who worked at Aspen Grove was trying to teach me how to hold my arms, and they ended up just being a tangled mess. Dang my monkey arms. He looked at me and said, "Girl, you've got issues." He then looked at my group and said, "You guys follow this girl?!" Yep they do, and yep I have issues! Don't judge me. We ended Monday with the dance in which I was on passion patrol, I danced a little, and Mark (my co-peer mentor) walked around wearing a fish head.

Tuesday started off weird. We had waffles for breakfast. I'm not a huge fan. I don't mind the taste or texture. I hate the pattern. I don't know why. My day went on and got better even though it rained all day and my lion hair appeared. After a fun day and the musical program which was a little rough this year, we did the night adventure. We changed it this year since it was raining. We were inside and put our participants in a circle blindfolded and holding hands. We connected it to one of the lessons and said they were facing the Red Sea and being chased by the pharaoh's army. They could cross or let fear get the best of them and give up, but we asked if they were motivated to cross by fear of the army or faith in the Lord. We separated them and told them they let their fears get the best of them and now they were alone because everyone else had crossed. Mark and I sang I Am a Child of God, and after a minute or two we had them hold hands again and told them they were never alone. Christ had always been with them, and because of their faith the Red Sea had been opened again so they could cross. We took off their blindfolds and sat down. Every one of my chitlens bore their testimony. In thinking about my testimony, I thought of the Atonement. Christ would have gone through it if I were the only person on the earth. I thought about that more. That would mean I would have had to be the one to crucify him. My Savior would have forgiven me and suffered just for me. That amazed me.  There were some tears, and I could feel the Spirit like never before. I honestly felt like angles were sitting all around us.

Wednesday we got to break wood boards by karate chopping them. I love doing that. We write our goals for the year on one side and the fears that could keep us from accomplishing them on the other. Then, we face our fears and break through them. So much fun. After that, Vice President Scharman spoke at the closing session. She was super sassy. I have never seen her like that. At one point she said, "Haha I was right! Again..." She was cracking me up! She spoke about how our brain doesn't process don'ts. When we tell ourselves to not do something we practice it in our minds until we are really good at it, and then it happens. Like when we tell ourselves not to trip and we think of all the ways we could possibly trip, and then we end up tripping. She told us to focus on our strengths and what we know and to go from there. I thought that was a perfect end to the conference, but dancing and singing on the bus ride home was the best! I am so thankful I went. I feel better and stronger than I did before. I faced my fears, and it was totally worth it. I loved getting to see and talk to Angela, already miss my group, and cannot wait to see what I can do this year to apply some of what I learned!

The One About Being a Grown-up

There are days when you feel so grown-up. Like yesterday... I went to work, I spent time with a co-worker afterward just having fun. I picked up my textbooks for my classes this semester, I ran errands, and I got a new ID. Walking through the bookstore an older lady here for education week told me she loved my long hair absolutely loved the color. So cute. I love BYU because random people come to complement you all of the time. It makes you feel good when people do it to you and when you do it for others. It is times like these when you realize how much you really have changed since your freshman year. My short hair and baby face are things of the past. My fears of doing things alone, getting lost on campus, and not having my parents around are also long gone. I have learned how to live with people I don't know. I have actually gone on a few dates. I got involved on campus. I have a job. I can talk to random people without a second thought. My friends are getting married. My textbooks are more expensive. Friends from home are planning trips to come and see me at some point. I am so glad I have had the chance to grow up, and I love all of the fun times I have had on the way.

Two years ago, I came to BYU with my friend, Kaitlyn. Thank goodness I had her because that first year of being away from home was terrifying. When my parents told me to go into the room where they print your ID, I was scared because they would not be with me. They stood right outside, but I was still a nervous wreck going in there alone. This time I waltzed in like I owned the place. Getting to know my roommates was an adventure in and of itself. It turns out, I ended up loving them more than I ever thought I would when I stalked them on Facebook and drew my own conclusions from what I found. I mean look at us now! I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to live with them once again! Now, we are missing one... Do you know why? She is married! Yesterday she was the luckiest and is now living her happily ever after. Before the wedding I was super ornery, but when I saw how happy they were (even Emilee was amazingly happy with all of the stress of the wedding), I realized that it may have happened way too fast for my liking, but it was meant to be, and why waste time when you know you want to spend eternity with someone? Her and Ryan sure didn't! The reception was beautiful complete with doves, paper lanterns, crepes, and twinkle lights. Getting to see her in her princess gown and getting to take a picture with her and all of the roommates from freshman year (except Mak who came a little later), I just felt like this was right. I believe a congratulations is in order for Mrs. Emilee Draper! 

Getting home and having some girl talk with Meghan and Mak was the best. I miss my girls whether they are gone for a day or a whole semester. I really do love them. Going to work, I felt like it was so right. Nametag and BYU Alumni polo on, I looked official. I had better since I was the only one in the office today. Kind of scary and rough but I made through and felt empowered after. Last night during our girl talk, I decided I did need to be a real adult and go and talk with Andrew. We planned on going for frozen yogurt tonight. After work I stressed for a little bit about it, but I tried to not think about it too much. 5:15, the scheduled time, came and went, and he didn't tell me he was coming like he said he would. 5:30... 5:45... 6:00... 6:15. Then, I got the phone call. He had been held up at work. Again, I thought I needed to be an adult and forgive. We went and got some frozen yogurt. It was so awkward at first. Neither of us really knew what to say, but I realized both of us had changed, and after that we talked and laughed and everything seemed normal. I don't really know how I feel about all of it. It is so odd. At least now I can say that I talked to him and I won't feel weird when I run into him on campus or on one of the million trips to the BYUSA office I will have to make throughout the year. I am growing up. If you didn't notice by the ID picture, I hope when you talk to me you will recognize it. 

My summer is officially coming to a close. I bought my books, the sun is starting to disappear already, my tan lines are starting to fade, all of the roommates are back, and things are once again changing. FOL and NSO are next week. Am I ready? I don't know, but I am starting to get excited even though the freshmen participants have taken to comparing it to the Hunger Games. I'm a little worried, but I know it will be so much fun and the perfect spiritual lift.

 And, here is a little something for everyone's enjoyment. Here's to being a grown-up going into my junior/senior year of college.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..."

Galatians 5: 22-23