Every year I am so scared to go to FOL. Last year I was afraid I would not measure up to the expectations I was putting on myself for what a peer mentor should be. This year I knew I would miss Eric, and I was afraid of what was going to happen between Andrew and me. Those were some of the reasons, but the real reason is because it is so far out of my comfort zone. You spend three days in charge of a group of freshmen teaching lessons, dancing, going crazy, singing, and putting your whole self out there. Funny thing though, every year I end up going, and I end up loving it, come home on a spiritual high, and feel like I can conquer the world.
This year I taught four lessons. The first one was on a talk by Sister Dew called You Were Born to Lead, You Were Born for Glory. Sister Dew talks about how we are here right now because we were elected to be. We are here to run the last leg of the relay because our "pre-mortal spiritual valor indicated [we] would have the courage and the determination to face the world at its worst, to do combat with the evil one during his heyday, and, in spite of it all, to be fearless in building the kingdom of God."She talked about how there would be days when we are beat up by life's whiplash, people will disappoint us, and we will disappoint others, and the veil between us and heaven will feel reinforced by concrete.President Hinckley once said, "The responsibility I carry frightens me... Sometimes I could weep with concern. But there comes the assurance that the Lord put me here for His purpose, and if I will be humble and seek the direction of the Holy Spirit, He will use me... to accomplish His purposes." We may feel inadequate and like everything is working against us, but we aren't running alone. We can do all things through Christ because we were born to lead. We were born for glory. There is no limit to what the Lord will teach and give us. We must choose how much power we want to have and what we are willing to do to obtain it. Our Heavenly Father is always there for us. We just have the task of understanding what he has to say. But, as she said earlier in her talk, challenges that tax our faith are usually opportunities to stretch and strengthen our faith by finding out if we really believe the the Lord will help us. Sister Dew asks, "Do you know what we believe? Do you know there is power in the doctrine of Christ to change and overcome weakness? Do you realize that the scriptures contain the answer to every life dilemma?" My answer to all of those is YES! I was born to lead. I was born for glory!!!
The next talk I taught a lesson on was by President Eyring called Education in Real Life. I was taught by this talk to never let my knees hit the ground before my feet. Sometimes I pray for things to happen before I try and make them happen. That is not how it is supposed to work. I just want everything to work out perfectly all of the time, and I feel lost and confused when they don't. Good thing the Lord knows what he needs me to do and what I will need to know. He is kind and all-knowing meaning I can expect that He has prepared opportunities for me to learn in preparation for the service I will give. I also learned through this talk that our education must never stop. We must never put secular learning before spiritual learning because when we put God's purposes first, He will give us miracles. President Eyring closes his talk by saying. "I cannot promise academic success... Nor can I tell you the way in which He will honor His promise of adding blessings upon you. But I can promise you that if you will go to Him in prayer and ask what He would have you do next, promising that you will put His kingdom first, He will answer your prayer and He will keep His promise to add upon your head blessings, enough and to spare. Those apparent prison walls of not enough time will begin to recede, even as you are called to do more." This was perfect for me since school starts in FIVE DAYS!
The next lesson was on a talk by Elder Holland called Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence. He talks about how before great moments, especially spiritual ones, there can be adversity, opposition, and darkness. He reminds us to not forget that it isn't over until it is over. All too often we have spiritual breakthroughs and then let our guard down and are overcome with trials we were not ready for. Satan will always come again, but he will always be defeated by the God of Glory. When we sign on for a moment of eternal significance it will be a fight, a good winning fight, but a fight. He says that in these instances, fear almost always plays a destructive, sometimes paralyzing role. Adversity can also be worry and fear, and only faith, hope, and charity can help overcome it. (Good thing I chose to go to FOL, right?!) He shared the story of the people crossing the Red Sea. Their faith was tested as they fought through self-doubts and second thoughts just as ours is today. They were seemingly free and on their way to the promised land until they saw the water in front of them. They could have panicked and given up. But as D&C 103:20 says, "Mine angels shall go up before you, and also my presence, and in time ye shall possess the goodly land." He says this goodly land applies to us as well. It is our promised land, Jerusalem, our own acre flowing with milk and honey, our future, our dreams, our destiny. "Cast not therefore away your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise (Hebrews 10:35-36)."
The last talk I will bore you with (I'm sorry. I just really enjoyed them!) was The Challenge to Become by Elder Oaks. He tells the parable of a wealthy father telling his son who had not yet developed the needed wisdom and stature to use his inheritance wisely that he could give what he had to his son, but what he was had to be obtained for himself. He would have to do this by living the way his father had, following his example, mastering what he had mastered, and becoming what he was. He compared this to us becoming like our Heavenly Father and being truly converted by the gospel. We must never stop striving because we are children of God, and it is possible for us to become what He would have us become. I learned that charity is something we become. It is a state of being. I know that is part of being a child of God. I need to work on that.
Now, FOL wasn't all lessons I taught. Tuesday, we followed the BYU tradition of having a devotional. A couple spoke, and asked the simple question, How will you lead? The sign outside of campus says, "Enter to Learn Go Forth to Serve." How will I lead? Will I be like the gold prospector who wanted a chunk of gold so discarded the small flakes that could have accumulated over time, or will I be like the three eighteen year old boys who carried the pioneers across the freezing Sweetwater River? Those that came before me did many great things giving me a noble birthright. I will lead with a legacy with small and simple acts of service that will lead to lifelong devotion, peace, and joy.
If you haven't stopped reading by now, I will get to the fun stuff. I had three boys in my group. Two crushed on me, and one crushed on me hardcore. He told me I was his COW or crush of the week. In reality, I was his COTD or crush of three days. Sorry friend, but you are a little young for me. This is the first year that I can say that! One of my participants from last year was a peer mentor this year and he teased me the whole time about being seventeen and so on... What a bum. Anyways, I'm still searching for #MrRight.
When going through the games and low ropes course, we did something called a trust fall. They wanted me to do it because I was the peer mentor. I couldn't let my fear stop me since I just taught a lesson on that, so I did it. You stand on something where your feet are level with everyone else's heads. They stand a certain way to catch you. The guy who worked at Aspen Grove was trying to teach me how to hold my arms, and they ended up just being a tangled mess. Dang my monkey arms. He looked at me and said, "Girl, you've got issues." He then looked at my group and said, "You guys follow this girl?!" Yep they do, and yep I have issues! Don't judge me. We ended Monday with the dance in which I was on passion patrol, I danced a little, and Mark (my co-peer mentor) walked around wearing a fish head.
Tuesday started off weird. We had waffles for breakfast. I'm not a huge fan. I don't mind the taste or texture. I hate the pattern. I don't know why. My day went on and got better even though it rained all day and my lion hair appeared. After a fun day and the musical program which was a little rough this year, we did the night adventure. We changed it this year since it was raining. We were inside and put our participants in a circle blindfolded and holding hands. We connected it to one of the lessons and said they were facing the Red Sea and being chased by the pharaoh's army. They could cross or let fear get the best of them and give up, but we asked if they were motivated to cross by fear of the army or faith in the Lord. We separated them and told them they let their fears get the best of them and now they were alone because everyone else had crossed. Mark and I sang I Am a Child of God, and after a minute or two we had them hold hands again and told them they were never alone. Christ had always been with them, and because of their faith the Red Sea had been opened again so they could cross. We took off their blindfolds and sat down. Every one of my chitlens bore their testimony. In thinking about my testimony, I thought of the Atonement. Christ would have gone through it if I were the only person on the earth. I thought about that more. That would mean I would have had to be the one to crucify him. My Savior would have forgiven me and suffered just for me. That amazed me. There were some tears, and I could feel the Spirit like never before. I honestly felt like angles were sitting all around us.
Wednesday we got to break wood boards by karate chopping them. I love doing that. We write our goals for the year on one side and the fears that could keep us from accomplishing them on the other. Then, we face our fears and break through them. So much fun. After that, Vice President Scharman spoke at the closing session. She was super sassy. I have never seen her like that. At one point she said, "Haha I was right! Again..." She was cracking me up! She spoke about how our brain doesn't process don'ts. When we tell ourselves to not do something we practice it in our minds until we are really good at it, and then it happens. Like when we tell ourselves not to trip and we think of all the ways we could possibly trip, and then we end up tripping. She told us to focus on our strengths and what we know and to go from there. I thought that was a perfect end to the conference, but dancing and singing on the bus ride home was the best! I am so thankful I went. I feel better and stronger than I did before. I faced my fears, and it was totally worth it. I loved getting to see and talk to Angela, already miss my group, and cannot wait to see what I can do this year to apply some of what I learned!
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